The Big L

Love. noun, verb [luhv].

• a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person
• a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child or friend
• sexual passion or desire

How do you know when it's the big L?
Reading the many different meanings of love, it's easy to become confused! I love chocolate donuts, sunsets, a walk in the park, and I love my kids, my family, my friends.

But I mean the really Big L. Does it happen all at once? Grow slowly over time? or does Love happen by slowly adding layer after layer until there's no escaping it? People sing about it, preach about it, dream about it. We embrace it, we revere it, we're in awe of it, and sometimes we even fear it. It's no secret that I've been married three times already. And at each of those stages of my life, I thought for sure I was 'in love'. Don't get me wrong, in my own way, I loved each of them, the best way I knew how. But -- as its apparent -- none of them were lasting loves. Can love last when you love someone who doesn't love you back equally as strong? It's a thought that's passed through my brain a few times.

The Beatles said : All You Need is Love
The Bee Gees asked: How Deep is Your Love
Carole King sang: Only Love is Real
Dolly Parton sang: Love is Like a Butterfly
Foreigner wailed: I Want to Know What Love Is
Gatlin Brothers think: Love is Just a Game
Linda Ronstadt says: Love is a Rose
Pat Benetar declares: Love is a Battlefield
Whitesnake asks: Is This Love

and my so very recent fav, form a song called "You":
Evanescence sings: Now that you love me, I love myself.

Of course, there are many more songs about love, finding love, lost loves, unrequited love. Lately, I've come to the conclusion that for me, love is finding that bestest friend, someone you can tell everything to; someone who doesn't think less of you for dumb thoughts; someone who will tease you out of a bad mood; someone who will hug you because you need one; someone who encourages you to grow in all directions; someone who will still love you after all that. Impossible to find? I don't think so. Sometimes I think its right under our noses and we just don't know it, can't see it.

Three years ago, out of the blue, and somewhat out of character, someone told me I mean a lot to them. I think that was the moment I started the layers, adding little things every day into this mountain of feelings that can be overwhelming, even intimidating. And yet so powerfully wonderful at the same time! As much as I've equally embraced and fought against these feelings, January was a turning point for me. (Do I send out a thank you for that???) After seeing True Grit, I found this quote:

You have to fight for what you want.
So when you know exactly what it is that you want,
Decide if it's worth it.
When you know it's worth it,
Fight until you've got nothing left.

Does that apply to Love as well? I think so. When something is worth the price, then go for it, with gusto, whole heartedly, and grab that brass ring! Those who know me well, know I'm doing just that! Is it working? It's too early to tell ..... but it has terrific possibilities!!!

Loving HUGS to everyone!!

10 days into it....

10 days into my gym membership, and I'm still going :) I think that's pretty good, considering how bad I hurt after my last session with Amy, my personal trainer. Tuesday's session was quite the workout. After reviewing different moves on different gym machines, most of the workout was focused on two things: things I could do at home when I don't go to the gym, and to see just how far she could push me! haha Tons of leg work, squats with weights or the stretchy bands.

Try this one. Sit on the edge of a chair (not a rolling one!) and holding your arms straight out in front of you, one hand crossed over the top of the other, stand up, keeping your core tight, not bending at the waist. And sit back down the same way. 10 times. Ouchies! ok, take a break, then come back to it, only this time, do it 5 times. Then the next 5, do in slow motion down and up. Feel that? I sure did! After that, we went and worked on step aerobics. She put the step about twice as high as I do at home (nice of her, huh?) After all the chair work, my quads were complaining; when we got done with the step stuff, they were screaming. They screamed through the night, and all the next day even!! wowsa. For the most part, the rest of the week, I worked on cardio. hehehe

I've also definitely decided on a mini vacation for myself. I'm going to southern california for a couple days on/near the beach. I'm pretty excited, because I haven't been on a vacation in a while that didn't involve my kids, or my family. The last time I traveled anywhere, sans family, was .... when I lived in Ohio? and took a drive to Lexington, KY? anything before that would have to be assigned the category "in a previous life". lol

Doing something different and daring shakes up your world! Who knows what this will do in mine (those who know me will know what this means!) ............ Cross your fingers for me!!

HUGGSSS to everyone!

PT another day

It's Saturday morning, and the alarm goes off at 7am. ugh. Do I have to get up?? *slams the snooze button for another 9 minutes* But yes, eventually, I have to get up. I paid good money for this PT named Amy, and I'm not cancelling. Up. Dressed. Semi human by 7:45. Grab a bottle of water, goodness knows a can of Diet Coke isn't a good thing before a workout. Slap some peanut butter on a slice of bread, for the carbs I'm going to need for this.

Don't you just hate bouncy cheerful blondes at 8:30am on your day off?? And off we go. Its upper body workout day, and an intimidating looking cable machine. So many arms to set, weights to set, things to pull, push and torture my way through. Actually, its not bad, but darn if I'm going to make a comment about how it's not feeling very heavy! The usual 10 or 15 reps in about six different torturous positions (ok, it wasn't that bad, really!)

Then we get to some floor work. OK, on my back, I lifted the 10 lb weights from the floor, pushing up in a shoulder press. And I didn't mind lifting the same weight while on all fours (lot of things are done on all fours... hmmmm). Then comes the pushups. uh, say what?? Yep, from the knees in a pushup position, brace your toes, then lift your butt into the air into the starting position of a pushup. ::blink::blink:: I don't think so. "Oh yes, you can do it" Amy says. Grunt. Groan. OOooo, up once! Twice! and even a third. Pause. Try again, twice. Nope. Can't do 10 of those. "Take a break" she tells me, and puts me back on all fours for more 10lb presses. Then she's convinced I have more of these pushup things in me ... "Ok, let's go, give me two more." With one of those ::yeah, right:: looks, I say "I couldn't do these in high school, why do you think I can do them at 51?" Groan. Grunt. Yep, two more. Ok, one for good luck even. Amy chuckles and says "I'll take it."

Another day of torture.... errr.... exercise is complete ...
after a 7 minute cool down on the treadmill.
My muscles are all a-quiver.
Which is a nice feeling!
I think.
I'll go back for more.
I think!

HUGS to everyone!!

Norwegian Wood

Norwegian Wood is a book about life, and death, about learning lessons, and living through the changes within us when things beyond ourselves happen. The story is full of well developed characters; we follow the life of Watanabe and the relationships he has with Naoko and Midori, the two main female characters. Naoko was the girlfriend of his best friend. When his best friend commits suicide, he falls in love with Naoko. But the suicide affects Naoko profoundly, and she checks in to a sanitorium. In the meantime, Watanabe finds himself going through the motions of living, and growing up, and meeting Midori -- a girl who falls in love with him, even when she knows he's in love with Naoko, and that things are complicated.

While startling, his approach to sex in general is refreshing. No strange combination of words to tell you "in code" what they're talking about. Convo's regarding sex are open and forthright, unlike some of the books these days that mask body parts with cutesy phrases. I also wrote down "Interesting ideals about how sex seems to work for me, contrasting with how it works for women." His insights are good about women, considering the author is a man.

Some of the passages that seem to speak volumes:

• "Death exists, not as the opposite but as a part of life."
• "When you're surrounded by endless possibilities, one of the hardest things you can do is pass them up."
• "That's why you need to grab whatever chance you have for happiness where you can find it, and not worry too much about other people. My experience tells me we get no more than two or three such chances in a lifetime, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives."
  

When you love someone so deeply, so profoundly, their memory never fades away. Images and memories of Naoko came rushing back at Watanabe often as he learned to struggle through life with the living. "No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. No truth, no sincerity, no strength, no kindness can cure that sorrow. All we can do is see it through to the end and learn something from it, but what we learn will be no help in facing the next sorrow that comes to us without warning."

Murakami pulls you in from the first pages, and its hard to put the book down. I read this with my best friend, and we compared notes all along the way. Thought provoking, and moving.

Quadrupeds & Gym Rat, Day 3

How's your balance? If you're like me, its not as good as I think it is!?! When I met with Amy on Weds, she wanted to test my balance, and shows me how to do this rather simple test. Here it is: down on all fours, hands and knees shoulder width apart. Lift and extend your left arm and right leg at the same time, and return both to the floor at the same time, then repeat with opposite arm and leg combination. Sounds simple enough, and watching her I thought "hmm, this outta be OK".

Following her instructions, and giving her a look that said "yeah, right, I'm too old for this", I was down on all fours, and started with my right arm, left leg. Easy enough (famous last words!) and I did OK bringing them back into position at the same time. Obviously something to improve on, but I was able to do it. Now its the other side's turn. Left arm up, right leg up, and whoooaaa, I'm leaning like a drunken sailor. What's up with that? of course, this feels awkward as hell, ... and then .... the giggling starts. In a pleasant but dont-give-me-any-grief voice, Amy reminds me I have four more reps on each side. Dutifully, I follow her instructions, but the giggles keep bubbling up, and by the time I'm getting to the last set, I'm ready to quit. It's quite obvious that my balance is.... off. Of course, she reassures me, this will improve with time as my core gets stronger. I'm sure she's right, but in the meantime, I'm going to have to do these every week til then?? *shakes her head, laughing*

It's day 3 for the gym, and I'm not pushing myself too hard. I want to get into a lifestyle, a habit, not burn myself out in three months. Yesterday, it was 1.2 miles on the elliptical machine, and today it was .75 on the elliptical and .8 on a treadmill. I definitely enjoy walking the most. Probably because its what my body is most familiar with, so it seems "natural". I also did one of the arm press machines, an easy 10 reps, 30 second rest, another 10 reps. Just enough to know I've done something, not enough to hurt for the weekend. hehehe

A few hours' rest and I'll be back working with Amy in the morning... why, oh why did I schedule an early Saturday morning session???

HUGS to everyone!

Gym Rats ... in general

How many of you belong to a gym? and how many of you who do, go on a regular basis? Many years ago, I was a member at the Y, and went three days a week, if not more, and considered myself a gym rat. I couldn't wait to get there, spend an hour working the weight machines, getting a few miles in on the treadmill, then finishing out the day with a water aerobics class. Because the class ended at 8:30pm, the last 15 mins were more relaxing stretches and soothing jazz. What a way to end a stressful day! Looking back, I realize that I was doing all this as a way of reducing a lot of stress back then, as joining the Y was a last ditch effort to save a relationship that turned out wasn't worth saving.

On Tuesday, after work, I joined the 24Hour Fitness that's next door to my store. Convenient, leaves no room for excuses to not go. Along with joining, I also hired a personal trainer; figured if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it right. Her name is Amy. And I think I'm in trouble. On the wall I noticed a poster: "JOIN OUR BOOT CAMP with trainer Amy!!" eeeks!

On Wednesday, I met with Amy, she's really sweet, helpful, talkative. She started me on some kind of arm machine, lifting 10 lbs. As most of you know, I'm a Walmartian, and my work entails a lot of lifting, bending, stooping; I'm accustomed to lifting boxes that are 40lbs or more. I did my 15 reps as she asked, breezed right through it with a smile. "Ok, 30 seconds rest and we'll do it again", she tells me. Heh, no problem. Til she upped the weight to 25lbs. Hmm, not bad, but feeling a little burn I tell her with a little chuckle. And she laughed back, saying "Most of my clients learn real quick not to say how easy something is, because it doesn't stay that way." (me, being a novice thought ok, I expect it to get tougher over the weeks....) "Ok, 30 seconds rest and we'll do it again", she tells me as she adds another 10lbs. Breathe. Concentrate. Lift. Lift. Lift again. Oh boy, now its burning. The rest of the 50 minute session went the same way, from machine to machine. I refrained from making any more comments. hahaha

Needless to say, this is going to be interesting. For those of you who think going to the gym is a breeze, think again. Or better yet, hire your own Amy...... {smiles}

I'd better close this now and get some rest as I've got another session with Amy in two more days......

Gentle HUGS to everyone!

PS: Its Thursday, and today was "elliptical" 1.2 miles,
minimum 20 mins. My quads are ... aching! haha

With Your Best Friend??

"What do you do when you fall in love with your best friend?"

Have you ever been asked that question?
Or worse, had it happen to you??

I tried researching it on the web, but so much of what I found has to do with teenagers and their crushes -- which are cute in and of themselves -- but what about later in life? When we're all grown up and finally, FINALLY, come to realize that the best relationships are those we have with the ones with whom we share the most.

When I was little, I was taught the 'fairy tale of romance' .... Cinderella, if you will. That the Prince always finds his way to the Princess. That there's always a happy ending. That he will ride up on his ____ (white horse, motorcycle, Rolls Royce, your choice, its your fantasy :P) and whisk us off our feet, taking care of us forever. Sure, logically speaking, grown people don't always believe in that. But our heart and secret wishes have a way of creeping in and running amok in the logical part of our brain. What then?

I asked my oldest friend (not that she's OLD! (or are you?) but that we've been friends since we were 12 ... ok, that makes us BOTH old!! haha) She had this to say: Falling in love with your best friend is a sticky situation. You don't want to say anything because it might wreck your friendship ... but then again, how long do you hold on ... waiting for him to wake up and realize you're the best thing since chocolate? Do you resign yourself to the unattainable love ... or do you go out and search for a new love ... one that you know will never match what you have with your best friend??

What started more than six years ago now, has blossomed into a wonderful friendship. I cannot imagine a day going by without talking, sharing, all the things bestest friends do. I don't know exactly when it happened, but it did. As I look back, I think the moment it began to turn from friendship to love was when he sent me a song called Hold On, by Tom Waits.

No matter what the future holds, I hope we will always be bestest friends.
And if it were to take a romantic turn? I still hope we're always bestest friends

You've got to hold on, hold on,
Take my hand,
I'm standing right here
You gotta hold on.

Sentimental HUGS for everyone
(especially my bestest friend!)

Time, and Time Again

Time is a funny thing. The work day goes so slow, and the evenings go so very quickly. And we always wonder "Why?" It's not like kthere isn't plenty to do at work - enough to keep a person (me!) busy all day, or more. Part of the problem, I think, is that I'd rather be somewhere else (the beach, perhaps?) and mentally, maybe I'm not as focused as I ought to be... at least not the full 8 hours of it.

Evenings, of course, go very very quickly. I sit down at my command center (that's my computer, if you don't already know that! hehe) check emails, check the stats on my radio station, line up a DJ if I can. And all the while, I'm (mostly) patiently waiting for my special someone to finish up his day and get online as well. Once that happens, my evenings tend to fly by in a blink.

Does time have a way of being almost fluid? Changing within ourselves depending on where our mind is at? How many of us get lost in our favorite hobby an dwonder later where the time went? I'm certain that our sense of time changes with our surroundings, what we're doing an dhow much we're enjoying ourselves. Of course, there's the whole age part of it as well. Time goes by faster as we get older. And yet, with less responsibilities in raising our families, we have more time for us. Perhaps its just learning to quit watching the clock, and live in the moment!

Timeless, and timely, HUGS to everyone!

Time is a brisk wind,
for each hour it brings something new...
but who can understand and measure
its sharp breath, its mystery and its design?
~Paracelsus

The Power of a Wish

Have you ever wished upon a star?
Ever tossed a coin into a fountain to make a wish?
(When I asked a good friend of mine this question, I got back
"lol linda, im so poor, if u tossed in a coin, i'd jump in after it." {{hugs D!}} )

Remember being a kid, when the world was full of possibilities?
Before we became adults, we believed we could change our world
just by making a simple wish.

Without basing it on any facts that I could find anywhere... I'm going to guess that all of us have made a wish at one time in our lives, and that a good portion of us have actually wished on a star, or tossed a coin in a fountain. But... how many of those wishes come true? What does it take to make a wish come true?? Some may chalk it up to luck, others chalk it up to hard work. I personally like to believe that its a both, with a dash of faery dust thrown in for good measure.

When I was up in Sedona seeing the Red Rock area, there's a church that's built right into the side of the mountain. Many people tossed coins from the walkway onto the ledge of the side of the mountain. And I'm no exception; I tossed my own coins, two in fact! Did my wish come true? Well... that remains to be seen. However, it's lookin' good so far! (hehehe)

Some say that in order to make your wishes/dreams come true, you should plan it out. Make a list of your wishes, and then list what you need to achieve it. Wish you could play guitar? Your list to make that wish come true might include buy a guitar, and take lessons.

Jiminy Cricket sings:

When you wish upon a star,
makes no difference who you are.
Anything your heart desires
will come to you.

So the next time you see the first star in the evening sky, or perhaps the next time you pass by a fountain and toss in a coin, Make a Wish! It just might come true!

Wishful HUGS to everyone!

Wise Words

Every now and then, something worth passing on crosses our email:

We're conditioned to think
that our lives revolve
around great moments.

But great moments
often catch us unaware-
beautifully wrapped in what others
may consider a small one.

People may not remember
exactly what you did,
or what you said,
but they will always remember
how you made them feel.

If you love someone, tell them! (I did!)

HUGGS to everyone!

Got ICE ???

As you all know, I live in the Valley of the Sun. Winters are mild, pleasantly warm most days. But today was not one of those kind of days. When I left for work, it was 44 degrees, colder than we like it, but not terribly bad. I had to travel to another store today, and completed my audit there. It was 9:30am and my car had been sitting in the sun the entire time I was in the store. I started her up, and the dash lights flicked on, then flashed off. I'm looking at a blank dash for about ten seconds, and thinking.... "what went wrong now?" Then it lights up, with a message:

Ice Possible---
Please Drive Carefully!

It stayed there for about 15 seconds, then reverted back to my regular dash display ... where the temperature read 32 degrees!!! I think I left my winter coat, gloves and scarf in the box marked Ohio Winter Stuff -- I might need to rethink leaving it boxed up!! haha

HUGS to everyone!

February Reflections

February 2011 brings many thoughts. Today, at lunch with the girls, I realized that in just 18 days, I will have been here in Arizona for three years now. Some days, I feel like a newbie here, because I haven't traveled all over the state ... yet. And other days, if feels as if I've always lived here. This place has begun to feel like home to me. At first, I have to admit, it was very different living here -- nothing green (like in Ohio), very few cloudy days (unlike Ohio), and everything so dry. Often, I felt as if I'd just shrivel up and blow away like a leaf from a tree. But it didn't happen. And I've learned to love living here in the desert. Two weeks ago, I took a friend hiking up around the Superstition Mountains, specifically the Lost Dutchman State Park. There's a quiet to the desert that can be pretty awe inspiring, if you take the time to notice it.

As we hiked along, I was able to snap a few
pix of some riders on horseback ...
talk about feeling like we'd stepped
back in time!

I love the magic of the desert,
the quiet beauty,
the many layers of color
that are subtle at first glance,
but deserve a second look.

As you move through your days this week,
make sure you take notice of the small beautiful things that most of us tend to overlook on a day to day basis as we hurry from task to task. You may be quietly surprised as well at the things around you!

HUGS to everyone!!