One of Those Days

Had one of those days where I can't seem to get started on anything, and once started, can't seem to finish it either. Ugh

Food cravings are all out of whack, nothing seems to satisfy.  Guess I will try a modified fast and get this our of my system.

Internet is splotchy tonight, Netflix doesn't make it through an episode, must be CenturyLink's issue. Grrrrr

Got some sun while reading a bit. Loved that.  Didn't dare venture out for photos fearing my IBS would kick in.

Time for sleep another workday tomorrow,,,,
Think happy thoughts - the day will pass quickly!

Sleepless

Can't sleep
Happens when you get sucked back in a life that wasn't good for you.
But there has always been one person who talks, listens and likes the same kind of reasoning as me.
That's hard to give up, and hard to go without.
As an empath, people are difficult for me to deal with and I don't let many close to me.
When it happens it's a cool thing.
I sometimes miss that connection but have found ways to keep myself busy enough to forget it most times.
Sometimes TV helps, and lots of long walks with Sadie.
Blogging is difficult from a phone but I don't want to get out of bed.
Random thoughts before I try sleeping again.

What if?

Where we are in life is based on either our own selfish choices 

or those where we put other's needs above our own.  

Choose wisely.

At my age, interesting thoughts happen when I can't sleep. I realized this while watching Blue Bloods. The Reagan family, a family of cops, shows us this:  "Every day a cop makes a difference in people's lives." That's an admirable thing to have, to do.  Teachers do, too, in a different way.  They don't always see the end result until many years later.  Like raising kids.  You never know until the years are gone, and they become something, someone, with choices and lives of their own.

Me, my job doesn't make much difference in that kind of sense.  What I do doesn't have a direct impact on people.  But that doesn't mean I can't, or don't.   Being a parent is a job in and of itself; I raised my own two kids mostly on my own.  And had a hand in raising up several step children as well.  I know what I did made a difference, I can see it first hand.  Mostly from afar, but that's the way it is when kids grow up and start their lives.  It's how it should be.

But I often wonder at the choices I made, play the "What IF" game in my head.

What if I'd gone to college?
What if I'd waited to get married?
What if I'd waited to have kids?

That's never a winning battle.  I can look back on situations and think that a better choice could have
been made - but that would be in hindsight, knowing things that were unknowable at the time the decision(s) were made.  Don't start down the road wishing for things to be different.  You can't change history, but you can make positive changes starting today!

So rather than focus on those old what if's and what not's that scurry around my brain in the wee hours of the night, I prefer to spend my time doing things that are pleasing to me in these so called "Golden Years" -- I putter on my house, I make great photos when I'm out and about, I take long walks with my dog, and visit with my children and grandchildren whenever I can.  And of course, I write in my blog here ... perhaps some day these little blurbs and random thoughts will give insight or meaning to generations who may ponder these very same things.