Back to Reality

Tomorrow marks the big day: back to my real job. Being at home for three weeks has been ... Strange. Glorious. Boring. Relaxing. Uptight. When you're busy working at a job, you continually think, fantasize even, how nice it would be to have three weeks off to do nothing. But the reality is this: you're so used to being busy with a job, you don't know how to do nothing.

Now I realize that a vacation isn't the same as recuperating. But its still the same effect: there's nothing to do when you're accustomed to always doing. It takes a lot of effort to stay in bed, sleep in. While you think it would be SO luxurious to do it, your body has other plans. Being used to waking up at 4:30 am, my eyes went ZING every single morning. And there I would be ... wide awake and wondering what to do. Being in the recup mode, however, made it so that I could convince myself that I truly needed the rest, to go back to sleep. I'd flip on the news, roll over and get comfy, and doze in and out while the morning news played its way through my mind.

Afternoons were harder. I would get all set in my mind to get something done, and I would get started. Sometimes even finish what I'd started out to do! But reality meant facing up to the fact that my body needed a little more rest and I would lay down with a good book. Sometimes in the chaise lounge down at the pool for some time in the sun. (One of the benefits of living in the Valley of the Sun -- even in November, the temps are up in the 80s!)

Monday is my first day back at work. And I'm a little apprehensive about it. So many things can change in the blink of an eye in any given workplace, and my store is no exception. Will things be where I left them? Will people be in their same positions? Will anyone have left? It's been just over three weeks since I walked out of there; it feels like I've been gone forever.

The only thing I know for certain is this: Once I'm back in the swing of things, it will only be a day or two before it feels like I was never gone. Why does it happen that way?

I know that I'll be tired after the first couple of days back to work. In the meantime, I'm still trying to prep and pack and make logical decisions that go along with purchasing a home. Everything in the apartment is so topsy turvy, its a wonder I can find shoes to wear! We've disassembled the day bed, the entertainment center, the things we aren't currently using, and the things we don't think we'll need in the next 30 days.

In the meantime, I'm just forging through each day and taking what comes with a smile. Or a grin-and-bear-it kind of grin. It seems so odd to be into the Holiday Season and doing nothing that adds to the holiday spirit here at home. Hopefully, we'll close on the house early enough to be able to get the tree up and enjoy it a little bit!

Holiday HUGS to everyone!

Thanksgiving Day 2009

Every day, in every way, we should be thankful for the people in our lives who love us, and for all the wonderful things we each have in our lives. This year, I'm especially thankful to have my surgery behind me, and a new home ahead of me. Today, my son and I elected to stay here and get ready for the move. Thankfully, its not as stressful of a move as it was to load truck and relocate across country!!

We disassembled the overly heavy entertainment center; yesterday I disassembled the daybed. So many boxes are packed, and yet so many still need to be packed. It's uncertain when the closing date will be, and then we'll be able to determine when the big move will happen. I'm excited and have collected a large bunch of paint samples to hang on walls and see what's what. Am thinking some shades of plum/lavender for my room and blue/grey in his room. The rest of the house... well, we'll just take it one day at a time :)

To all my good friends and family out there: Thank you for being a part of my life. Whether its for a reason, a season or a lifetime, I treasure the moments! and I love you all!

Thankful HUGS to everyone!

Better and Better

It's 9am, the sun is shining, and I best be getting my butt out of bed. It's a glorious 60 degrees, and its time I get moving into the day. I slide into some pants and a tshirt, grab my mp3 player and a bottle of water, and dash over to the local park. I get out of the car and begin a few stretches (and find I'm absolutely stiff from Monday's walk!) and set out along the loop around the park. Its a great day for getting moving and doesn't take long to get heated up and moving quickly, feet stepping in time to some rock tunes playing in my ear. Nothing untoward happens, I don't get suddenly stiffened up or so tired out that I need to take a break. In fact, its going so well, I take an extra loop around the pond before heading home!

When I get home, I realize that I would ~love~ to take a dip in the hot tub, soak away all the aches, but can't until I'm cleared from the doctor. Which is Monday. *sigh* I settle in for some time with homework, but my mind isn't focusing all that well on it. So I opt for finding a book to read, and it hits me: lets go read in a chair by the pool!! the sun feels warm beating down on me; I have a bottle of water nearby to quench my thirst; and a little bit of baby oil to slather on over the dry skin I've had since stay in the hospital. It felt so heavenly, before I knew it, an hour and a half went by!! Which meant time for lunch! and back at the homework.

I'm having a real struggle getting back to focusing on school. I'm not sure if it was being behind, or the fact that what I read, I'm not retaining (which, of course, could be due to lack of interest). Or quite possibly the fact that I have to do a presentation, which I dislike with great intensity. I keep thinking that its part of college, because they're prepping 20somethings to go forth into the world of work and BE somebody. Well hell, at my age, I'm just happy to be who I am!!

So in the meantime, I do what I can, push a little too hard at some things; but if I don't push, I won't be ready for returning to work, where a great deal of what I do is physical; nor would I be ready for the Holiday Shopping Season; or last, ready for moving yet again!!

Every day in every way, I'm getting better and better! Hope you are too!

HUGS to everyone!

An Ode to Junque

Everyone has junk. And we all seem to have junque as well.

What is the difference between junk and junque you ask?

Junque: Seemingly useless or out-of-date items with a certain je ne sais quoi.

Junk: trash or debris: the remains of something that has been destroyed or broken up

It's amazing what one accumulates in a lifetime -- both junk and junque. How do we learn to tell the difference? One woman's junk is another woman's junque! Growing up, my mother always had a junk drawer. Her version of a junk drawer was stuff that didn't fall into any other category and usually included a small hammer, stapler, tape, miscellaneous nails, the odd outlet adapter-- well, you get the picture. By the way, my junk drawer is pretty much the same. However, I have two of them: one of my own junque! and one that the rest of the family can browse through!

I came to this topic because today I spent helping my son separate junk from junque before packing for another move. Yes, I know, he's too old for me to be helping that way! But the last time we moved, he waited til the last minute to pack, and I am CERTAIN we moved more than one box of just JUNK! (in fact, I think we ended up moving two bags of garbage!!) One of the things we came across was an old Sony Walkman, from the 80s. And while it still worked, lets be realistic, will we ever use it again?? (Off to Goodwill it goes!)

One of the hardest things is to separate the junk from the junque. I've learned to ask myself three questions when it comes to parting with things. Have I used this in the last 12 months? Do I see a need for it in the next 6 months? Does it have any important memory attached to it? When it comes to the memory part, that pile tends to grow more than any others, and I may have to sort through some of that stuff twice, just to be certain.

Having junque isn't such a bad thing; sometimes its a little doo-dad that brings back a flood of memories that we want to hold on to. Take my son's Harley Davidson boots. He wore those for years it seems. They're shot, but he hates parting with them. So I suggested we cut the logo off the side, and we could glue that to the garage wall. Just another way to stay connected without keeping a whole pair of boots hanging around.  Don't know if it will work, or be the same, but eh, worth a shot! (be gone, smelly boots!!)

No matter whether you have junk or junque (or both like me!), its good to know the difference and to be strong enough to rid yourself of the junk. Whether voluntary simplicity is the foundation of your life, or a concept you're just beginning to make a stand with, it all starts with your junk, errrr, junque! 

HUGS to everyone!

Beautiful Days...

Fall is a wonderful time of year; I love the lingering heat of the day topped off with nights cool enough to snuggle under blankets. This is a glorious time for being off work for two more weeks, and today I took advantage of it.

I jumped out of bed -- well, ok, I rolled -- and got myself dressed; hollered for Brian and made him take a walk with me over at the park. It was my goal to push myself just a bit, and I didn't want to do it out there alone my first time. So off we went in the morning sunshine, both of us wearing headphones since we don't appreciate each others' music!, grabbing bottles of water and heading around the loop I usually walk. There is one part in the first third of my walk where the path is an "S" curve, and that is normally the portion I jog through, since I'm warmed up but not tired out yet at that point. I have to wonder what he thought when zooom there goes Mom off on a jog (yeah yeah, it was slow, he could have walked fast and kept up!) I ended up walking the entire loop I was used to doing BS (before surgery), but I have to admit, my legs were a little rubbery by the time I got done! Tis my plan to do the same again tomorrow :)

In other news, I heard from my mortgage company and my realtor today. Looks like I should have the appraisal by the end of the week. My home owners insurance is set up to take over when escrow closes. And there must be paperwork somewhere linking me to being a homeowner, because I'm getting junk mail related to new home buying! I'm well on my way, and totally excited and ready to get started on making it ~mine~ !

HUGS to everyone!

Gratitude is the Attitude

Google's definition of gratitude: a feeling of thankfulness and appreciation. In this month of Thanksgiving, let's take a look at gratitude. It's so easy to think about the things that are wrong in our lives. But what about the things that are right? Are we sufficiently grateful, or even aware of them? A writer I admire, Sarah Ban Breathnach, suggests a gratitude journal to help us focus on the good things in our lives. Writing down the good things is a way to force ourselves to find something good each and every day. And why not? There are always good and bad; they go hand in hand. Like they used to tell us waaay back when in grade school to "find the silver lining." Here are some thoughts about gratitude:

"Gratitude is the heart's memory." -French Proverb

"As time passes and you fill your journal with blessings, an inner shift in your reality will occur. Soon you will be delighted to discover how content and hopeful you are feeling. As you focus on the abundance rather than on the lack in your life, you will be designing a wonderful new blueprint for the future. This sense of fulfillment is gratitude at work, transforming your dreams into reality."- Sarah Ban Breathnach

To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant,
to enact gratitude is generous and noble,
but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven.
~~ Johannes A. Gaertner

Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.

~~Henry Ward Beecher

Take a look around. Start today. Look for the good things we have in our lives; for the family and friends who enrich our lives. Begin this day to explore and integrate this beautiful, life-affirming principle into your life, and the miracle you have been seeking will unfold to your wonder and amazement.

Grateful HUGS to each of my wonderful friends!!

Friday, no 13th here

Usually I am a cautious person; aware of the date and the implications ... but today passed right on by me without incident. But perhaps that's due to my napping the day away! Had trouble sleeping last night; ended getting up in the middle of it all and taking a couple aspirin (I'm a *fan* of Excedrin Back and Body!). So I slept in. By the time I got up and had some breakfast and started the day with a shower, I was ready to climb back into a warm cozy bed, as it was chilly here today. I resisted, and packed two boxes of kitchen things and removed the contact paper from the top shelves of the cabinets. Then I called my best friend and we caught up on the phone for about an hour or so. I also took a walk about the complex here, two laps! Then it was lunchtime -- and wouldn't you know it, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, I was out like a light!

Next thing I know, my phone is ringing and I jumped up right away to grab it -- and whoa! dizzzzzzzy! Forgot that I don't "transition" as fast as I used to! Wasn't anything about the house, darn it, but a reminder that I have a hair appointment tomorrow at 10:30am. That will feel SO nice, as its been a while, and a little spoiling tomorrow will be a good thing :)

Guess its time for a little laundry sorting, to get a head start on the day tomorrow. Maybe a quick walk around the complex again, and then into bed for a good night's sleep.

HUGS to everyone!

Updated Update

It's Thursday, right? (checks what the computer calendar says, and I'm right! whew!) I'm a week post-op and recup'ing nicely, in my opinion. However. There are moments when things just seem to slip away from me. I am not one to usually get more than 8 hours sleep; any more than that and I get rather lethargic and just want to sleep more. I know that I need more rest and relaxation for a while (I must, I get tired out easily if I do an *outing*), but I'm having a hard time staying, or is it keeping? some focus,which doesn't make me a very happy camper. Thank goodness for my chat pals who keep me chattering, especially my Prof, who has put up with some rather loopy discussions with me :) {yeah, yeah, I've said a few things you might call being loopy, but i do love ya, ya know!}

Schoolwork has been another issue; I am a week behind, yet sitting for more than an hour at the desk (and actually concentrating), I tire out, lose focus, forget what I've read. Good thing its about libraries and not technical terms of a new subject matter! But every day, I try a little harder.

After a good, long afternoon nap, it was library night; so we drove over and checked out a few books and a movie or two. Then we stopped at Walmart for some TP, forgot about getting that, and ended up grabbing a few things for supper today and tomorrow. {where is my head at? ack!}

I'm getting more and more excited about being a home-owner! and each day is one step closer. I've already begun to look at some "how-to" books, so I can start with some fixer-upper things right away. Bri and I were debating what the first piece we'd need to purchase in the category of "hand tools" would be: He said broom. I wasn't even thinking that, but yes, excellent! Second up then would be either ladder, or shovel. However, my own mind was thinking paint supplies! Before I move in, I'd like to personalize the bedroom part of the house :) Ah well, one step at a time. First things we need are a refrigerator and washer/dryer!

That's all the news from here.... HUGS to everyone!

When life is too much....

what's your "downtime" of choice? Lately, things seem more hectic than they should. Ok, maybe my defenses are down just a little bit, as well. But I'm trying to find that perfect balance, of what to do that would work wonders for restoring a little more balance in my life. Of course, there's always reading. But lately, my brain cells are in short demand for long concentrations, making it difficult to get a whole lot of my normal reading done. So, I'm reading Robert Fulghum's "All I Really Need to Know..." and there are some good inspirations in there.

Being that its fall, I know that if I were back in Ohio, days would be spent mowing and raking before winter sets in. And I have come to the conclusion that speed and efficiency do not always increase the quality of life. Take for example, the noisy engine of a power mower (not to mention the vibrations that come up through the handle). How can thinking be accomplished with that distraction? Fulghum tells of the Amish community who believe that things that do not serve the community, the family, or the individual well should be avoided. People can't sing together over the noise of engines. I'd take that thought one step further and add that when our own soul feels empty, a little bit of time with some hand tools, rather than power tools, might feed us as well.

Pushing leaves with mechanical air
is not the same as
hearing the wind blow through the trees.
-Fulghum

Take some time to feed your own soul!
HUGS to everyone!

sleep is good!

after days in an unfamiliar place, with vampires sucking blood in the night, men in white coats who poke and prod even when you're trying to sleep, it was SO good to get a full 5 hours' sleep without waking up!! i did roam the floor a little bit to stretch out the muscles, then went back to bed to read, and had a million and one ideas to write here in my blog. And now it's the end of the day, and my mind is tired, my body is tired; i happened to make it through the day without a nap! Which hopefully means i will sleep again all night :) it's been good to be here, surrounded by family, but i'll be glad to be home again, too. and back in my own bed. with familiar routines and places. Thanks to all of you who called and wished me well today! My boss, Dean; my daughter, Tanya; my bff Mel; my great true friend, John; and even my realtor called me today :) It was a good day; i put down the first portion of my down payment on my house.

hopefully, i will have brilliant thoughts come back to me that i will convey here when i am back on my own computer, in my house, in my world. HUGS to everyone!

Back to reality...

There's nothing like something life changing that makes one think about who they are, where they've been and where they're going. Life for me was like that these past 5 days. What started as a simple operation turned into a bigger deal than expected. What should have been a 3 day stay turned into 5. ugh. But I am happy to report that all went well and I should be back in the swing of things in the next couple of days.

Thanks to my daughter, Tanya, who took Terrific care of me every single day. And to my friends who sent messages and good wishes, especially John and Melanie -- your notes made my days worthwhile. I love you all!

HUGS to everyone... its great to be back!

The Lady Behind the Desk

*rant* Today I went for my blood draw to be typed and cross matched, all this lovely stuff that needs to be done pre-op. No biggie, I've had it done loads of times. And today was no different. Except when it came to the interaction with the Lady Behind the Desk.

I was informed that I need to pay my deductible IN ADVANCE. I said, excuse me, but I didn't bring $1000 with me. She said "Just wait, I'll call your doctor and see if this is ~emergent~." Um, excuse me again, but would I go through with all of this if is wasn't a medical necessity?? (Of course, my doctor said yes, its emergent.) But what would they do? reschedule this two days before hand? WTF is up with that?

Then the Lady Behind the Desk asked, well, more like demanded, that I pay half the deductible today. Um, I think not. Well, how much can you pay? A couple hundred. She's not satisfied with my answer. I said Look, I'm not trying to get out of paying what's rightfully mine to pay, I just want to set up a payment plan. The Lady Behind the Desk did not look pleased.

I have to say that I was not all that impressed with a huge hospital who tends to cater to those on "financial assistance" already. Why is it that a white woman who comes in wanting to set up a payment plan gets dissed and badgered for payment, while the brown woman who wasn't born in this country gets preferential interpreters and no money exchanges hands?? Now, I'm not trying to be prejudiced in any way, but I am feeling rather discriminated against, and that's wrong.

You can be sure when filling out the "How did we do?" questionnaire, they will hear about this. I have already begun writing a letter of complaint. I realize that a hospital system wants to get paid, but I have insurance that pays 80%. So it's not like they're getting nothing against this about to be incurred expense. For the sake of argument, a $10,000 and they will get $8,000 right off the bat. I just want the right to be able to make a few payments on the balance. It's how I've always done it. It's how Chandler Regional did it just last year for me. If I had a choice, I'd be back at Chandler Regional again, too.

This patient is smarter and wiser now. Never again will I grace the halls of Banner Desert, or any other Banner Health organization. And the Lady Behind the Desk won't have put the squeeze on my checkbook again.

Upcoming week...

For those of you who follow this, I'm having some surgery on Wednesday, and will be recuperating at my Aunt's house, so I'll be away for a while. But I'll leave you with this:

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

Much love and HUGS! See you in a week!