A Lousy Start

I knew it wouldn't take long.  Day 3, and Elvis sauntered over into my work area and started nosing around.  I was away making a delivery.  I wasn't told what happened, or who said what, but when I arrived back to finish up paperwork for the day, a member of management came rushing in, thinking someone needed some assistance.  Me, I felt a little blindsided.  I knew in my gut that it was something said, or done (or both) by Elvis ... to the gal who works for me now (yes, taking his old position).  

Whatever it was, the manager pulled my gal into a closed door meeting.  A few minutes later, the store manager came and pulled her into another closed door meeting.  When she came back in, all she said was "I was told not to talk about it".  

Yeah.  That really makes for lousy start to my weekend.  

I now am left wondering if my time is up at this BigBox Store 

and should I be looking for a transfer?  

Or a whole new job? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Monday, again??

 Isn't it amazing how you can head out for work with the best intentions, and then *wham* out of nowhere you're hit with some sort of idiocy and the rest of the day is slammed.

I'm not a very social person, and I'll speak when spoken to.  It's not very often that I will initiate a conversation with just anyone.  There needs to be a reason.  Otherwise, I'm there to work, to fulfill my duties. 

I have a new helper and I've noticed that she's very social, quite the opposite of me.  She does an amazing job when it comes to the job part of it, but she's that much more on a social aspect.  Should I be worried that someone will say "Hey, she's better than the one we've had for 10 years, time for a change"????   Yes, I think about those things. 

I try to be .... friendlier.  But how do you maintain the supervisory role I'm supposed to have and still be friends??  Add to that my own issues with having empath tendencies.  I've found that if I'm friendly once or twice, I become a target for that person to seek me out, tell me their life story, or their latest list of problems.  I'm too old for that kind of drama and it brings me down very low and I feel burdened by it all.

Added to my list of "miseries", they've rehired Elvis and he's working in my BigBoxStore for the time being.  As per his usual .... he has no censor on what he says to other associates in the break room, and to hear him run down other people while making it sound as if he's the "victim who's triumphed over evil" just makes me want to throw up.

Even though it was a Wednesday, it sure felt like a Monday!
I think I need a good nights' sleep.

October Vacations

Where do you go on vacation? 
To the beach?  Some exotic city?

Every October for the past 5 years, my son and I have traveled to California to see Mom.  But the secondary reason we choose October is to help her with the tree trimming that needs to be done every year.

I live 800 miles from her.  Her four 20something grandsons live less than a mile away.  When my sister, or the grandsons take a vacation its Paris, Mexico, Spring Training in Arizona, or a Mountain retreat. 

While I'm using this to grouse (just a little bit), it's also to make a comparison.  When my vacation is over, I get the satisfaction of knowing I did something good for someone else; I made a difference in Mom's life by helping her out.  I sometimes wonder what my sister gets out of her vacations.  A week in Paris:  sure, there are great things to see.  But the photos and memories she talks about were spending a week with friends, going out to dinner and drinking great wine.  In my opinion, you can do all that from home, or a short drive from home. 

I'm not sure my nephews will understand the joy, the satisfaction one gets from doing something for someone else.  When my son was bold enough to ask why they weren't coming over to help it was "I don't live there."  FFS  It's their grandmother!  And she's done plenty for them over their lifetime. 

Even though my sister and I were raised by the same parents in the same house, we sure turned out different, and so did our kids. 

But I wouldn't trade places.  I'm happy knowing that I take the time to help Mom however she needs it.  It's not the money that she wants, it's our time.   We spent a total of about 10 hours out in the yard, working in the sunshine, sharing laughs and memories from over the years.  And I'm proud of my kids who feel the same way I do about helping others.  My son knocked off every chore on Mom's TO DO list!

While a week on a beach sounds good in theory, lounging around, having someone bring me drinks, reading good books, I wouldn't trade that for moments with my Mom.  She won't be around forever and as long as she's around, I'll be spending my October vacations with her!

No Problem, I got this!

It's a really weird fact of life, we don't feel as old as we truly are.  And that can bring about some disastrous results if one isn't careful!

While I've never been a truly adventurous type - I don't skydive, or make long treks into wilderness or dive off cliffs into the ocean - I'm not afraid of hard, physical labor either.  I'm more the Gal at work who just does what needs doing. 

Heavy box?  No problem, I got this. 

Hauling things from here to there? Again, no problem, I got this!

But as I get older, I'm aware every single day that yesterday's to do list might be today's no-no.

On Wednesday, I had a box of DVDs that needed to be put onto a shelf.  And no, I didn't choose the shelf that was at a reasonable level.  I decided that this particular box that weighs about 18 pounds needed to go on the top shelf.  Normally, I can reach this shelf and slide boxes up with no problem.  But this one did me in.  I could tell as I gave the box it's final shove that something was stretched .... more than it should be.  By the time I got home and into the shower, it was a huge relief to have that hot water pounding down on the right side of my back.  Ugh.

The next morning, I was OK to get up and move around, take Sadie for a walk, but maaaan it hurt to take in a deep breath, expand my rib cage.  No, not a cracked rib; the pain was my back muscle.  The more it moved, the more uncomfortable I got.  Being me, I didn't call off work and rest.  I worked the day in my usual way:  No problem, I got this!

Thursday night's sleep was interrupted every time I rolled, and I didn't hesitate to swallow a couple of Tylenol to help get through the night.  I got up Friday morning with a little twinge, but things needed to get done!  I walked Sadie, we took the garbage can to the curb, then picked up everything that could go in it, cleaned up the backyard and it was time for breakfast.  Since it was raining, we had breakfast on the back porch, which was really nice!  I enjoyed the sprinkles!! But the chill drove me back inside.  I didn't hesitate to crawl back into bed for a couple more hours of sleep!

I've rested and read much more today than I have since my last vacation ...... way back when.
But things seem better now.
No problem, I got this!

Lost ??? and Found !!!

Have you ever decided that you needed to put something away because you don't use it often any more?  Or it's just sitting out, collecting dust, so tucked in a cubby somewhere would be a better thing?   If you're like me, you do it more times than you like to admit!

I have a small netbook - think laptop, only smaller - that was a gift from a friend. It's served me well over the years, and when I go on trips, I like to take it with me because it's user friendly, and has a keyboard, so my typing skills are put to use rather than one fat-finger on the keyboard of my phone, which is NOT user friendly for long emails, or a blog post!

Because there's a trip in my future, I wanted to locate my netbook, charge it up and see if I needed anything before I left home.  When I went to the place where I thought I put it, all I found was the AC cord.  *sigh*  Now where could I have put that netbook? 

I searched high and low, through my computer desk and the cupboard that stands next to my desk to hold binders and such.  Nope.  Then I thought it might have slipped down between the wall and the headboard .... not there either.  I pulled out every old purse in my closet, thinking I'd slid it in one of them... uh uh.  *sigh*   

I finally quit looking because the next day was a work day, and I needed to get some sleep.  I said a little prayer, looked heaven-ward and said "Dad, help me out here!"  I hoped the answer would come to me in a dream.  Nope, didn't get lucky there either.  And all day, every time I opened a drawer at work, I'd strain my brain to see if I remembered where I'd tucked this little thing!  

By the time I reached home, I knew what I had to do:  disassemble my room in a sort of "spring cleaning" to see if I could find it ---- and 20 minutes into the cleaning, I did!  

And as usual, it had me chastising myself for not remembering that I'd tucked it on top of the filing cabinet that's underneath my desk top.  There's about 2" of space... and that's where I'd slid it! 

Now I just feel silly! 

Soaked!

Nothing like a surprise thunderstorm at 4am to wake a tired body up!  The rain didn't let up; I finally had to put the leash on Sadie and start our morning walk.  It was lightly sprinkling and I was sure if we hustled around the block (It's 1/3 mile around), we could beat the rain. 

I was wrong!

By the time 10 minutes was up -- yes we were hurrying!! - I was soaked to the skin!  I had to change clothes, right down to the undies and socks, before I could head to work! 

Rainstorms are best on days when you DON'T have to go to work!!!!
hehehehe

HOAs: Yay or Nay?

When I bought my home, I didn't want to be in an HOA community.  There are fees associated with having an HOA and more importantly, rules.

I first saw my home for sale in October, 2009.  It's a small but cute house in an HOA community of about 140 homes.  And when I first walked through, eh, it was OK.  The inside was painted one bland color - more brown than off-white - and being completely empty, it didn't have much character.  But I could see that the previous owner was in the midst of many updates, including double pane windows and french doors to the backyard patio.  After I thought about it - an hour later I decided that it could be the perfect home for me!   Except it was an HOA. 

The monthly price of the HOA dues was a little steep, more than I had been looking to pay, but it includes front yard landscaping maintenance.  For a single, working woman that's ideal!  Someone else trims the trees and bushes, and blows the leaves and such from the rest of the yard every week. 

As the years have worn on, yes, totally worth the price, considering the alternatives!  However, it's the little rules that can wear a person down.  For the first couple of years, on and off I was given a "warning" because I didn't pull my trash can off the street before the end of the day.  Most of the time, I'm the type who likes to keep up with things such as paint, but it can get away from a person.  Today I got a notice that I am required to paint my garage door within fourteen days!  Being deluged with rain the past few mornings, it had been a while since I picked up my mail, so I only have 7 days left on this time crunch! 

At my age, it feels like a punch in the gut when someone else has to remind me that I need to do some maintenance.  I also realize that being here 9 years already means I am probably due for a new roof or something as well.  *sigh*

The joys of home ownership.  And their HOAs.

Guess who's heading to Home Depot?????

Aging Preparations

Being 59 years old means a lot of different things.  Thoughts turn to somehow finding a way to retirement, and working toward that goal.  But in everything, there are limitations or blocked pathways that seem impossible in the moment.  However, we should always maintain our sight not only on our short term goals, but also the bigger, longer term goals as well.

Yes, I would love to retire at 62, or even 65.  But let's face it, in these troubling times and economies, the real fact remains that I will most likely work until I can't any longer.  Mostly because of my fears of health insurance costs.  Yes, Medicare will kick in at age 65, but what will it truly cover?  Probably not nearly enough, which means purchasing a secondary coverage.  Continuing in the work force will alleviate that issue, to a point. 

But in the meantime, the other side of me wonders, and yes, sometimes worries, about what my children will have to endure when it comes to wrapping up "my estate".  I look around my home and see all the things that mean something to me, and realize that it won't mean a thing to my kids.  Or they won't know or remember how a particular item came to have a place in my home.  To help with that issue, I have written a note with some items, I have taken photos and written about the items in my blog.  Sometimes if either one happens to come by, I might have something out and talk to them about it, see if they recall anything about it.

And now with the digital age upon us, what will happen then??   The data we keep on computers and on our phones as a convenience, someone will have to "close down" these items?  Cancel accounts, and subscriptions?  What will become of what's left?

Because I live alone, and my kids are far enough away that I don't see them on a weekly basis, I've tried to keep records of the cyberspace accounts I have, and how to access them.  It's a very weird feeling to write things down, knowing that I'm writing them because there will come a time.... and I'm hoping it's going to be later, rather than sooner!

But at my age, I just don't know any more.

Being sick at my age brings all these thoughts up, along with maybe I should do my own "This is my life" story using photos with logos, put it on a DVD with some background music of some of my fav tunes.   Seems a little bit premature; then again, maybe it isn't? 

It doesn't seem too odd to have these thoughts in mind, even though I'm not ill or in any way thinking my days on earth are limited.  A young person might find it a little odd, but dying is a fact of life.  I've always been a logical person, and like having my ducks all lined up, so to speak.  My kids shouldn't have to go through a whole bunch of hoops and misery taking care of my estate.  So I'm trying to be practical and thoughtful, making decisions so they won't have to.

My parents have done the same for me.  I know what they want, where the files are kept, and what to do when the unthinkable happens.  I want the same for my own kids.

Migraines

I don't get migraines very often, so when I do get one, ouch!  They range from very uncomfortable to totally debilitating.  I get them in October and February, as a general rule.  And I know that mine are brought on most often by a change in barometric pressure.  Hurricane Rosa blew through, and changed things up here in the Valley of the Sun and today, it hit me.

I woke up feeling like I hadn't slept well, which makes for a cranky start to a work day, but that's sometimes more normal than not.  But little stressors can aggravate the situation for me:  loud and/or fast talking elevates my stress levels.  And smells can bring on the worst of the symptoms.  Today, it was a combination of a broken glass bottle of air freshener oil.  When that smell hits direct from the bottle, the oil never washes completely off your hands -- or the desk, the floor, the trash bag you try to toss it into.  That set off the nausea.

The next step was the vision: for me it feels as if my eyes are squinting, or more like when you add a "vignette filter" to a photograph, that's how things look to me when they hit.  Then the maintenance lady who cleans the restroom at my BigBox store likes to use something called "Fabuloso".  It's a normal cleaning solution, sort of like Pine-Sol, but more "flowery" smelling.  However, I'm sure it's supposed to be mixed out, like 1/4 cup in one gallon of water.  The stench is overwhelming to someone who has breathing issues like COPD, and if you have a migraine coming on, the nausea roils deep in your belly .....

After all this, I figured a quick walk in the outdoor air would clear out the remnants and make it possible to finish out my work day.  But the sun was very bright, and bothered my eyes.  I was hoping that a little light reading on my Kindle along with an ice cold Diet Coke might help.  I changed the font to L A R G E so that I wasn't straining my eyes, and it would have been a nice respite from my symptoms -- until the person with a crying child sat down in the booth next to me.  I felt as if the child's wails were piercing my brain. 

Back in my part of the store, where quiet sometimes reigns, I found it impossible to concentrate on work, ended up dashing to the restroom twice before I decided that I needed to be home.  In bed. In a dark room, with the AC running!   And I needed to do that now, before it became bad enough that I would be afraid to drive home. 

So I left work early.   For the first time in .... probably more than a year?  I usually try to stick this stuff out.  And can usually accomplish this when I work alone, but today my chatterbox was in the mood to chatter..... lol 

Three bottles of water and a Powerade after a nap
and I'm feeling like tomorrow will be ... an OK day!

Making Time

We all make time for things that "need to get done",  and sometimes we make time for those things we want to get done, either for ourselves, or our family.

But when does making time
become too much???




We're all given the same 24 hours ..... and yet I seem to find myself running out of time at the end of my day!  And when I have a day off, some of them feel as if they'll never end! (but that's more because I am avoiding chores! lol)

I've done the list-making thing many times, trying to make sure I know what needs doing, and in what order they need to be done.  But this creates a problem with my creative side.  When I start thinking of heading out to try to make photos, how do you schedule that in a time slot??  What ends up happening most often is that creative stuff is pushed to the side, making way for the things that are necessary on a day to day basis.   Work.  Walking the dog.  Sleep.  Work.  Walking the dog.  Sleep.

Yep, I'm definitely stuck in a rut!

I find as I'm getting older, I'm asking myself this very question:  "If not now, when?"

Because the fact is, the "when" feels like less and less available time.

We should be doing more than just the necessities every day. 
There should be time for creativity, or play, something we enjoy,
something that makes us smile. 
Find that passion within and make time for it!  For you!

I started this post because I was feeling "put upon" by a relative who was keeping me up past my "bedtime" with some chat.  But I put aside the feeling and just enjoyed the moment - getting to share thoughts and feelings with another member of my family.  And it made me smile.