A Rough Day

What do you do when your day off turns into a rough day off ?  I had good intentions for today, getting my housework caught up from the long working sessions, cooking for the week all prepared, and getting my car washed.  I got it all done except the car wash thing.  But it wasn't without the rough stuff.  For some reason, I didn't sleep well, and being tired affects me in two ways.  I'm cold when I'm tired, and I'm overly emotional when I'm tired.  That means whenever I sat down, I was snuggled under a blanket.  And watching old ER episodes brought me to tears over and over again. 

I found an old photo from 1972 of a friend who was a neighbor back then, so I snapped a digital and sent it to him.  His wife thought he looked like a gangster!  He was wearing jeans, jean jacket and sunglasses.  It made me smile, remember all the times we shared running our block.

I also found an old photo from 2006 of my kids.  This brought me another smile. 

There's still a huge piece of me who misses my son every single day.  It's been over two years, but this is a hurt that will never go away.  It's something I will live with until the day I die.  

I also woke up with the attitude that I'm going to stop stressing over my job and getting things done every day.  In the huge scope of things, it doesn't really matter.  But I matter. My health matters. I need to take care of me.  If I dropped dead, they would replace me immediately without much of a second thought.  So it's time for me to take care of me.  I have that as a daily reminder on my phone.  We'll see if that makes a difference!  hehehe

The Backyard

Dear Brian,

It's been difficult for me to go out and enjoy the backyard.  My mind drifts to your final place out there, and I just haven't been able to do anything.  Yesterday, I was able to go out, and once I took a good look around, I realized that this neglected yard needed to be worked on.

So I started.




And once I was started, I was able to continue ... until the heat got the best of me.  But I was able to finish up today. 





I moved the bench back along the wall and put my "reading" chairs in place, ready for the fall and cooler weather.  Another two weeks and .... I'm so ready!



I cleaned out the junk from the planters, tried to rake up what I could of the pine needles that blew over with the monsoon winds.  That Moon Lagoon bush that became more tree-like is chopped down, all that's left is to dig up the root ball.   My plan in the fall is change "cactus corner" into some metal art displays and lighting.  Just something fun, and less to maintain. 


I've gotten rid of more of the plants in planters that just don't look good any longer.  The cactus that doesn't bloom ... out it goes.   Cleaned out the fire pit, and banged the top back into shape.  A palm frond fell on it and caved it in. 

When I gaze out over the yard now, I'm a little more at peace with things.  As much peace as I'll ever find I suppose.  My heart breaks for all the things that you wouldn't or couldn't let me help you through  None of us should go through life tackling things alone. 

"Carry on, my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done. 
Lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more."

I heard this the other day, and it made me tear up.
I hope you've found your peace. 
And I hope Grandpa gave you a little guff when you saw him, just for old times' sake!

Still Trying

Dear Brian:

It's been a long week.  Which seems weird to say because my weeks are broken up by days off:  Saturdays and Wednesdays.  I was complaining on the phone to Grandma that I now have TWO MONDAYS every week .... then she pointed out that with that kind of thinking, I also have TWO Fridays!!  So I guess it's all in how you look at it.

I've been transcribing your project "All About Me" on your Forever Missed web page, and I've come to realize that you felt things more intensely than most people.  When you started "dating" a girl, you fell in love, you fell hard. And when it didn't last, you felt that pain very hard as well.  I can imagine that became difficult over time.  I'm not excusing your choice, but just trying to understand and come to terms with your choice.   It makes me wonder if that's how it was with other friendships as well with classmates and such.  I guess it was.

There wasn't anything I could do to help you through that; I suspect that you have the same tendencies as me, being an Empath.  We didn't like crowds or lots of people and we're comfortable in our own skin, being alone wasn't ever an issue.  Your sister needs more social interaction that we ever needed.   But now I wish I had directed you to understanding this side of you without your having to feel guilt or pain over what was totally normal for you to feel.

I haven't changed anything around the house, other than trying to be a little more organized and cleaned up.  I still think I have too many little piles everywhere!  But that may not change for a while, until I get my multitasking back under control.  I'm in the moment, but once a moment passes, I seem to forget what I was doing, or where I put anything.  So I spend a lot of time re-doing the same things.  hahah  Never had it like this before.

I miss you every day
Love, Mom

Numbered Days

Every day there seems to be something in the news about my BigBoxStore.  And lately, it's never been good news.  There's another part of the company being "out sourced" - which means more of the staff being laid off.  I just sit here shaking my head, wondering when it will slow down - or stop, even!  But it won't, and I don't really get it.  I feel bad for this sector of our company who will be losing their positions.  And I feel like mine isn't too far behind.

Two weeks from now, my schedule has changed. After more than 10 years of being a M-F gal, I now have Saturdays and Wednesdays off.  Plus my shifts have been shortened by an hour, which means 10 hours less pay each pay period.  That's a significant amount!!  Then there's the worry about having short shifts, will I still carry my "full time" standing so that I don't lose my health insurance?

I can remember being unhappy at one of my first jobs and thinking "wow, I really need to start looking into working for one of these Fortune 500 companies".   And now that I'm older, I take it BACK!  It's not what it's cracked up to be!  Companies become so overblown that employees are just a body with a number attached.  What makes me even madder, however, is when I started it was all talk about "growing your career" with the company, building yourself a good future.  And now?  Because of the length of time I've invested with them, my wages are considered "too high" and they can pull just any body off the street to do my job.   And that's pretty much what's been happening.

My daily tasks are being reallocated to other positions within the store, and soon, my job will be gone.  Oh sure, they'll incorporate or morph it into being some kind of "team lead", and I'll have to re-apply for the position --- if I even want it.  When I think of all the things I've been doing -- tasks that aren't mine but I do them because it helps the success of my store -- frankly, I just want to shut down and say "Nope! No More!  Go find out how to do it yourself."   And I should be that way more often than not.   But it goes against my grain, my way of doing things and helping others succeed.

Like today, I was scheduled the day off, but because of another scheduling conflict, I volunteered to work today so that the rest of the week would be cohesive for the others on "my team".  Also, the tasks that are being reallocated to others in the store, they can't seem to get it together and actually DO them and keep bringing them back to my work area to be processed.  Today, I had a full shopping buggy of things that others were supposed to do and hadn't done.  So I did them, because it was in the overall greater good for my store.  What I should have done was take it back to the people who are now responsible for these tasks.  But when it comes to the greater good for ME? 
Ha! I won't hold my breath, because it won't be there.





This keeps popping up in my feeds,
or maybe it's on my mind and I notice it more,
but it's SO true. 

And I need to pay attention.

Set up to fail??

It's been a week now, and changes are happening left and right.  It seems like every time I turned around, there was someone else with something new.  By noon each day, I couldn't seem to make a decision when someone asked me a question.  I think it's truly unfair of my BigBox Store to make changes that haven't been tried out, and worse, implemented with no input from people who actually DO the tasks we are asked to do.  Adding something else to my plate:  well, hell, they do that all the time.  Usually it's a slow gradual, adding one or two simple changes at a time.  This one is drastic.  And I swear, they must have only tested it in a "model" store, that doesn't do a lot of volume.  Or it's tested without using real shoppers who leave a store a mess as they shop, opening packages, dropping off cold items in the hardware dept ..... you get the idea.  If you don't have to spend all of your working hours cleaning up after lousy shoppers, you have a great deal more time on your hands to do what *really* needs to be done.

Yes, I'm venting, and I'm grouchy over the recent changes.  They announced the changes to begin on May 13th (such a lucky number, right???)  however, in the madness of retail management everywhere -- not just my store, it happens in every store -- when something new comes along, they want to be "ahead of the game" and have things ready so when upper management asks, they can be "positive" about the change. 

Well, I for one am kind of tired of this kind of thinking.  I cannot train anyone on the new processes put in place when they aren't even downloaded to our computers yet!  So why am I being forced to do something that just can't happen yet?!?!?  Too many questions, and all I can say is "we do it this way for now, but come Monday, it will all change."  Why does upper management in all walks of life think this is the way to keep good employees??  If something new is coming, then *management* should know how to do it first!  And yet I am left to train them as well.  (They have a shock coming on Monday, because I "saved up" a bunch of things that I am going to make each of them process, so they know how to teach others.) 

I can't be a teacher all day, and also get my two functions done in a day.  I will be processing claims as usual, but I am also in charge of the "clearance area", making sure all the necessary processes are done in a timely and correct manner.  The really bad part of being in charge of this means I am dependent on every other department in the store to be up to speed in their own departmental functions.  And THAT hasn't happened in my store in over six months.





Am I being set up to fail???

Right now, it feels like it.

R&R

Another work week behind me, and I'm happy to say that my lifestyle changes have made a bit of improvements.  I think my blood pressure has dropped a bit, and so have five pounds.  Not a whole lot, but every little thing makes a difference these days!  I'm still eating well, reaching for "nutrient points" when I log my meals.  Most days, I reach my goal of 80 or better.  Today ... not so much.

After a grueling session working in the back of the store, going through old boxes of retention paperwork, we nearly completed the task set before us.  The powers that be have changed how and what can be shredded after certain dates.  I knew there were "several pallets" in the back that needed to be disposed of, but how they are disposed has changed.  We counted 13 pallets, with an average of 30 cases per pallet, of things that had to be resorted by the category they belonged in:  "Daily Reports" vs Accounting Records, etc.  In the past, we sorted them by the destroy date, mixing the cases on each pallet.  Then they changed, and said nope, they need to be sorted another way.  After three hours of hard work, heavy lifting and many clouds of dust, we are getting rid of 8 pallets -- 240 cases -- of old records, and have only 3 more to go through.  But that's for another day!   I'm ready for a long hot shower!

And now it's Saturday evening; Friday and today being two very relaxing days of nothing but sunshine, reading a good book, taking long walks, and watching a bit of Netflix. 

Nothing gets more relaxing, however, than watching an Arizona sunset:

Lifestyle Change, Day 6

On Thursday, I fasted through breakfast so that I could have blood drawn for my annual checkup.  I'm fretting what the numbers might say.  But I did my best the three days prior, so that's that.  For lunch, it turned into a cheat day because I didn't bring my lunch.  I know better -- but still didn't do it.  While lunch was a cheeseburger and fries, dinner was reasonable, so that helps.

Friday was a bit better.  I count it a success when I can ignore "donut day" and stay on track.  Every day, a little success is better than nothing!  When I got home after work, right before my shower, I stepped on the scale, anticipating what it would read.  And I was OK with the number, it was 2 lbs lighter than the start of the week! 

But then my hopes were dashed when I finally stepped on the scale Saturday morning.  I was heavier in the morning after 12 hours of fasting, having only sipped 8 ounces of water throughout the night!  Two pounds more registered on that scale and all of my hard work, my hopes, were dashed.  Hit me like a ton of bricks!  Which means I ate breakfast 2 hours earlier than I should. 

I indulged in a sandwich from Subway for lunch - turkey, bacon, guacamole with cheese, spinach and tomato, no sauce.  It was delish!  My calorie goal per day has been 1350.  This put me over goal by 400 calories, and I wasn't at work so my step counts weren't as high either. 



But Sunday is another day.  It's also grocery shopping day,
so I can be diligent with my purchases
and careful with my choices for another week of meals. 

Bring on the veggies!

Performance Evals

This was a crazy work week.  I had no idea that I would be inputting on my team's evals but that was the surprise waiting for me Wednesday morning.  Sometimes, that's how retail rolls, but in my own style of managing, when there's an issue or a problem that needs addressing, I do it right then and there.  After, I include management in the discussion if it's warranted.  Because two of my team members have less than a year in this position, most errors that occur are based on training issues.  And I can deal with that, as long as my team is willing to keep learning and don't repeat those same mistakes.

It's always been an issue for me to do these evals when the work isn't up to par.  I have one guy who gets pulled in several different directions.  He's the kind who likes to please everyone, tries to do everything that's asked, but when that happens, his own work suffers because he tries to take shortcuts.  After the difficult eval, we had a long talk about doing, and not doing, everything for every one.  It's a learning process, and it will be up to me to be on top of the work until it improves.


At the same time, it was MY turn for an eval from my supervisors.  And this year it was a pretty good one!  It's never easy when you do a job that most others don't know how to do.  Yes, management knows the "overall" but this job is all about the details because of the potential fines from the state and federal levels when something isn't done correctly. 



That being said, I was pleased that management recognizes that I go above and beyond whenever possible to do the right thing.  My direct supervisor likes the fact that he can give me a task and walk away, knowing that I'll do what needs to be done.  Maybe I'm old fashioned, but isn't that what's supposed to happen when you're told to do something?   My own personal belief is that it's my job to do everything I can that makes the boss look good, and if I can, to anticipate problems before they become problems.  For me, that's the bottom line of being a good employee.

While the boss may always think he's right, if he's wrong, I won't throw him under the bus in front of others, but when we're alone in a conversation, I *will* correct him!  lol

New Day, New Week

When it comes to work, I don't engage in much of the social part of it all.  I prefer to eat lunches alone, and work well on my own.  So when something "happens", I'm usually the last to know.  That's how Monday started.

I was informed that one of our managers was terminated for fraternization.  When you hear that, it's easy to assume the most obvious:  a male manager with a female employee.  This was quite the opposite!  I'm sure when I heard the news my jaw hit the pavement. 

At my age, the thought of engaging in any kind of intimate relationship with a coworker gives me the willies.  Maybe because so many are younger than my own kids??  Could be.  I'm not naive, things happen.  And I wasn't immune to it in my twenty's. 

But then again, maybe it was the workplace.  The ratio of men to women back then was 15:1 , and I didn't mind it!  It was a great group of guys, and I believe I was "the little sister" to most of them.  They certainly made it a point to look out for me, didn't miss a chance to tease me (like a big brother would!) and to "corrupt" me if the opportunity came up. 


I remember the first time they invited me to choir practice.  Turns out, that was their code word for drinks at the local bowling alley bar every Thursday night.  They made it into a challenge and wouldn't let me tag along unless I agreed to two rules:  If you're gonna drink with the boys, you keep up with the boys; and you don't miss work the next day.   Seemed simple enough, so I went.  Good thing they were married men, otherwise I might have been one those in the fraternization category! 

I can certainly understand how easy it is to get caught up in something.  What we do during our work day is sometimes a mystery, and when we have a bad day, telling someone who understands *why* it was a bad day because they've lived through the same things can be an attractive quality.  In hindsight, I think that's why choir practice was so attractive; it gave all these men an opportunity to discuss work situations and problems - and maybe relieved the stresses of bringing work home to family life.

With the Monday crazies, I wondered what Tuesday would hold. 
Luckily, no major catastrophes!
Happy Week to the rest of you :)

A Mess, and Humor

Just the other day, I was talking with my co-worker about the job we do; how even though the process we use is the same day in and day out, with each new day you never know what will be next.  Today was one of those days.  Two pm, and everyone's thinking about heading home because it's Friday!  And here comes a manager, needing help.  Seems a 5 gallon jug of oil broke open and is spilled all over the concrete floor.  Yikes! 

We head out, armed with plastic bags, brooms, dustpans and the ever-needed kitty litter.  After mopping and sweeping and sprinkling, more mopping, sweeping and sprinkling, we finally got it all off the floor and into the hazardous waste containment buckets. 

Fun way to end my work week! 

I stepped into the restroom to wash my hands and clean up when in walked two young girls.  You could tell they were sisters.  Big sister says to little sister "If anyone starts bothering you, just bite them really hard!" and zoomed into the stall to use the bathroom. 

Me, I'm chuckling to myself, found it pretty funny that one sister would say that to another!  But then again, we never know what's what these days, and kudos to the mom for instilling good sense
in both sisters, and in the big sister for watching out for little sister! 
Really made my day!!

Happy weekend, everyone!

It's January!

I haven't posted in a while. Here I am, blogging from my new laptop.  Nothing fancy about it, just another way to get things done, with a little mobility.

The holi-daze is behind us all, and I'm certainly glad for it.  It becomes more of a chore than a pleasure at times because in retail, we've been looking at holiday "gear" for months now. Finally it's over!  The last of it will be cleared out of my store in a week, and I couldn't be happier!! Back to some normal work flow again *fingers crossed*

An update on my "Elvis saga" :  He's back at my store, but my understanding was he would be working as an associate until his papers for pharmacy tech comes through, then he would be transferring stores.  Doesn't look like that's gonna happen, since we're still stuck with him.  But he's an amazing piece of work.  I walked into the lounge for my lunch break around 2:30pm and there he was, taking his afternoon break.  I sat there for my entire 30 minute lunch period, and he was still there when I left.  So, still up to his old tricks. 

The next day, I was in the lounge again for another meal, and he waltzed in, grabbed the remote to the TV and proceeded to change the channel to his liking.  A woman at a ping pong table was prancing around wearing shorty shorts and a bikini top.  She turned this way and that, dropping a shoulder strap, turned her back to the screen, untied her top and spun toward the camera again, using the ping pong paddles to block the view of her bare breasts.  She turned and spun again, bending over with her butt facing the camera.  Of course, with shorty shorts, not much was covered, and proceeded to use the paddles to spank herself in a seductive way. I slammed my book closed and walked out, going to find a member of management, but didn't find one in time.

Today, he did it again in a room full of other women.  One was upset, came down the hall and I was able to flag down a member of management to go in and see what was going on.  The manager asked what he was watching and why?  That it was offensive to women.  Of course, in his Elvis way, he chuckles as if he's a teenager being caught red handed with a Penthouse and that he didn't see anything wrong with it.

Now, mind you, I'm not offended by soft porn; but there's a time and place ..... and I certainly do NOT want to know how a 65+ year old co-worker gets his jollies.  It gives me the willies!!   Personally, I think it was inappropriate for the workplace.  And I'm crossing my fingers that people who were offended today will write a statement.  From what I gathered, this wasn't the first time he's played this particular channel in front of other co-workers.

Why is it one thing after another with some people?  I know the real answer has to do with the other person more than it does with me, but when I'm pulled into his orbit, it really bothers me, and I do everything I can to stay away.

A Lousy Start

I knew it wouldn't take long.  Day 3, and Elvis sauntered over into my work area and started nosing around.  I was away making a delivery.  I wasn't told what happened, or who said what, but when I arrived back to finish up paperwork for the day, a member of management came rushing in, thinking someone needed some assistance.  Me, I felt a little blindsided.  I knew in my gut that it was something said, or done (or both) by Elvis ... to the gal who works for me now (yes, taking his old position).  

Whatever it was, the manager pulled my gal into a closed door meeting.  A few minutes later, the store manager came and pulled her into another closed door meeting.  When she came back in, all she said was "I was told not to talk about it".  

Yeah.  That really makes for lousy start to my weekend.  

I now am left wondering if my time is up at this BigBox Store 

and should I be looking for a transfer?  

Or a whole new job? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Monday, again??

 Isn't it amazing how you can head out for work with the best intentions, and then *wham* out of nowhere you're hit with some sort of idiocy and the rest of the day is slammed.

I'm not a very social person, and I'll speak when spoken to.  It's not very often that I will initiate a conversation with just anyone.  There needs to be a reason.  Otherwise, I'm there to work, to fulfill my duties. 

I have a new helper and I've noticed that she's very social, quite the opposite of me.  She does an amazing job when it comes to the job part of it, but she's that much more on a social aspect.  Should I be worried that someone will say "Hey, she's better than the one we've had for 10 years, time for a change"????   Yes, I think about those things. 

I try to be .... friendlier.  But how do you maintain the supervisory role I'm supposed to have and still be friends??  Add to that my own issues with having empath tendencies.  I've found that if I'm friendly once or twice, I become a target for that person to seek me out, tell me their life story, or their latest list of problems.  I'm too old for that kind of drama and it brings me down very low and I feel burdened by it all.

Added to my list of "miseries", they've rehired Elvis and he's working in my BigBoxStore for the time being.  As per his usual .... he has no censor on what he says to other associates in the break room, and to hear him run down other people while making it sound as if he's the "victim who's triumphed over evil" just makes me want to throw up.

Even though it was a Wednesday, it sure felt like a Monday!
I think I need a good nights' sleep.

A Line in the Sand

Here's something that comes up often - probably for most people.  And I'm having a toss-up with myself over it:  I'm the supervisor at work. And I had one of the women I supervise call me at home because she "needed to talk".   In the voicemail left, it was clearly not about a work issue, and it was something she said she didn't want to bring up at work. 

I didn't call her back.

And I'm going back and forth with whether I should?  or shouldn't? 

I don't want to be the "girlfriend" who's holding someone's hand over every little crisis.  Don't get me wrong, I'll be there, I'll be supportive, if there's a bigger issue at hand than, say, trouble with grown children, or grandchildren, who aren't "behaving". 

Where do you draw the line?

I know that I don't want to be the kind of supervisor who is seen as "playing favorites" with anyone.  I also don't want to be the one who is so "supervisory" that I seem unapproachable - which is a challenge for me because I'm very focused on my work in the workplace, with very little on the social side of working.  I take my lunches away from the break room so that others don't feel like they need to "censor" their behavior or comments for this reason as well.

Which brings me back around to my original question: 
Should I have called her back to be her shoulder to cry on?

My instinct in the moment was "no",
and I think that's going to be my line in the sand. 

It's one thing to allow it when it relates to work issues,
or major life changes, but I'm not up to being that shoulder
when someone around her has issues.
No matter how much I like her.

Retail & Change

This is my second weekend in a row off work!   - ok, not really *on* the actual weekend, but having Friday and Saturday off is a pretty good thing.  In the retail sector, we work so many crazy days because there isn't ever a time when the stores are closed any longer, so we're expected to be available for the times when shoppers are there.  But if we went by that, most would have Tues/Weds off, because weekends are truly the busiest times.  Which is why I'm glad I'm off!  lol

I'm trying to come to terms with the new schedule, although my boss doesn't seem to like it much.  I'm training two new people in my area, and he thinks I should be there more to guide them.  But I've been working without weekends since March 11th (Elvis' D-Day!) and frankly, I'm old and need my recuperating time alone, away from work.  I'm just a phone call away *if* my girls need me. 


But what's in the future for retail?  It has me a little bit worried.  There are rumors (in every big corporation, not just retail!) that my position will be ending in one year.  That figure was pretty exact, and I'm mostly writing it down here so I can come back later -- and hopefully laugh at my fears!  Or cry because I won't know what my future holds after that.  In the past, when positions were eliminated, severance packages were offered.  Sadly, I'm not anywhere close to retiring, or I might consider it. 

In Jan 2018, the National Retail Federation claims the [retail] industry isn’t dead at all and in fact it’s on the verge of a turnaround with more jobs and innovation expected by 2020.  “I think there will be more jobs that will be opened than there are now,” Cristina Cersoli, NRF senior vice president for retail strategy told FOX Business on the future of industry. “We’re already seeing more jobs in advanced analytics and artificial intelligence.” 

“It will be a highly interactive and highly immersive from a technology perspective,” Cersoli adds. “So, whether it’s using augmented reality to test new makeup or if you’re one of the outdoor outfitters like Nike, where you can try on a pair of sneakers and then run on a treadmill or try on a coat and step into a giant refrigerator. These are things you can’t replicate on your couch in your jammies and it will draw more customers back into stores.”

Ok, so that's a bright spot on the bleak horizon being painted about all shopping being e-commerce, not actual retail stores.  So now it's just a matter of getting to know there's a different direction, and being willing to learn and anticipate some of those moves so that I can keep with my job for .. oh, 8 years, 6 months and 3 days --- but who's counting?????

So cross your fingers, or send me some good thoughts, good vibes! 
I'm going to need them in the upcoming weeks!

Retail news media seems to be stuck 

in a cycle of doom and gloom, 

with relentless headlines proclaiming the death of retail. 

Relax, already. Breathe.

Outta Whack

Something's not right.  We've all felt that way from time to time. 
I hate that feeling like there's ... another shoe about to drop.

Maybe I find myself feeling that way when too many things are going on.  Or maybe not enough things are going on!  Back in the day, I was raising six kids, and every day had plenty of things that needed doing on a regular basis.  Now that it's just me at home, I often feel .... bored.  Or that I'm waiting for "the next thing".  In the meantime, I use my days off to recuperate and rest.  But is that truly living?  I find myself wondering that often.  I'll admit, there are some days off where I feel like all I'm doing is prepping my life - ie doing laundry and clean up chores - so that I can make it through the next week of work.  Definitely not living.

Added to these feelings of being off, I've been plagued by dreams.  I've taken to writing down what I feel are key words when a dream wakes me up.  The latest I can recall is in the first dream image there's a male figure in my life, and I'm looking at my phone.  It's telling me "I don't have time to train you today."   The three words I wrote down for this is "train, bbq, and cement".   I don't have any recall on a bbq or any cement, other than a vague image of lots of cement in the backyard, with a built in bbq.  Was there a feeling a party or event was going to happen?  Does that explain why there's "no time to train"?    The second image I had was much more vivid.  There were two white horses who had just walked up a dirt road.  As I looked down the dirt road, I could see it curved to the right.  On the right side of the dirt road was grasses or meadow, on the left side, a small strip of meadow and then trees.  Not deep dark forest type, but more narrow trunks, leafy, letting a lot of sunlight through.   The two white horses stopped off to the left of me, one munching on grass, the other looking backward where it came from, watching a white buffalo coming up the road at a slow leisurely walk.  Behind it, another white horse.  As they came up the road, I began swimming down the road, toward the curve.  I was swimming with the current of the water, it felt like a river, but there were no rocks, only a clear tunnel of water. 

Of course, being me and trying to find meaning where maybe there truly isn't one, I checked out some dream interpretation sites, and chose these few sentences from them:

• White Horse – White horses in a dream indicates your spiritual awareness but you are down to earth in your outlook. They symbolize prosperity, good luck, and purity.
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• To dream of the sacred White Buffalo is the most coveted of dreams, as the appearance of the creature connotes abundance, prosperity and serves as a good omen for the dreamer.
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• Dirt road: following your instinct or your gut or repeating old patterns – can indicate the rekindling of an old relationship or someone from your past coming back into your life.
• 
  
• Water in dreams is a symbol of subconscious feelings and emotions. Maybe your dream about swimming is a sign of trying to manage some emotions and feelings, which are not comfortable for you.  Swimming in a river generally means that it is time for a new start in life. If the river current was flowing fast and pushing you along then this is a positive omen.

Most times, dreams leave me with a feeling of ... comfort.  I deal with it in my mind as if a good friend came to tell me things I need to know, using imagery instead of words.  Sometimes, I wish it was just words, so that I could read instead of trying to interpret!

The latest in the saga of Elvis, he has decided that it would be better for him if he worked in another store.  All of us totally agreed!   We shall see what happens, but I think the worst of it (for me) is over with for good.  HooRay!

Doe, A Deer

When Deer jumps in as your Spirit Animal,

She acts as a reminder of the

power of love and compassion.

Perhaps there is a situation in your life

to which you've become apathetic or

perceive in a negative light. ...

Deer spirit also teaches us that

peace is a powerful healer.







To get myself geared up for what's coming, I headed to the Superstition Mountains this morning.  I felt like I needed a break from routine, to take a few minutes to pause, ground myself, refresh my energy.  I drove up to a favorite spot where you can park and walk close to the mountain. 

As I stood there, I was aware that I couldn't hear any of the sounds of the city, only the breeze softly blowing and the beat of my own heart.  I could feel the tension beginning to drain when I heard some hoof beats.  Assuming it was someone on a horse (lots of horse trails in this area), I poised my camera and started skimming the area, and found myself looking at three deer - two female and one male.  This one paused just long enough to look at me.  *click*click*click* I started taking photos as they ran off the other side of the hill. 

When I looked up the deer as a spirit animal, it made me wonder if this has to do with the ongoing saga with Elvis at work.  I went to the mountain to re-energize to make it through the first week that I know will be filled with anxiety.  And this is a good reminder that I need to be strong, and maintain my peace.  To not let this person's negative energy invade my own space.  Or mind, for that matter!

“Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. 

Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. 

The winds will blow their own freshness into you, 

and the storms their energy, 

while cares will drop away from you like the leaves of Autumn.”

Done, So Done

They told me today that Elvis
will be back in the building.
Again.

O. M. G.

How many times can a company terminate an employee, only to have it overturned yet again?
This is the third time he's had a termination overturned.

I know that there are always issues between management and employees; that how one person interprets what they're being told isn't always how management meant for it to be said.  But when you follow a company protocol in having all your "ducks lined up", when your policy states that after you receive a certain number of corrections, you're terminated.  They could be for job performance, disrespect for an individual (management or fellow employee), attendance.

People need to be held accountable.  When you're being told that the rules are A, B and C, then you follow those rules;  if you choose not to follow those rules, something must be done to change your course of action.

Elvis has broken performance rules; he has been disrespectful to both management and fellow employees; he has harassed some of the other females in the building - but is lucky enough that there's no one else around to corroborate the story.  And, because of his intimidation factors, most of the other females are reluctant to make a statement because they are afraid of him.

Personally, I want nothing to do with him ever again. 
I will be doing a 'duck and cover' to avoid crossing paths with him. 
Should he attempt a conversation with me, you can bet my phone will be recording it!

"Mama always told me that I should play nice

but she didn't know you when she gave me that advice........"

Work.Work.Work.

Work seems to be all I know lately.  Things have shifted, and more has fallen in my lap, so to speak, when it comes to getting things done.

First, the helper I called Elvis was terminated.  Management told him his position wasn't a "sit down job" and that the chair he was using had to be put away.  He took it upon himself to assume that on weekends (when i wasn't there) he was free to use the rolling stool and park his ass while he did his job.  I figured he would try it, and when management called him on it, he first said that he knew he couldn't use the chair, but the stool would be OK.  The second time they had a chat with him about it, he told them he was doing some "filing" when they saw him using the stool.  Uh huh.  Made me chuckle, because he never filed a lick of paperwork.  When the boss says you can't have something, I don't think you can interpret it to suit your own point of view ......

In the meantime, because Elvis was trying to have the decision overturned, they had to hold his position open for a while.  Which meant that I did my job and his by myself for three weeks.  Sure, I am good at setting priorities and got the majority of the work done.  I'm still behind in the finer points of some of the paperwork that needs to be handled.   They got a replacement, and I've been in the throes of training a new person.  As much as they think it looks easy to do what I do, there are a lot of minor decisions to be made when it comes to determining a product is defective or damaged.  Most of the time it's a judgement call, and teaching someone how to make that call isn't always easy.

In the midst of all of this, I'm working six hour days, six-plus days a week.  When the work piles up, yep, I get to stay and finish what I can.  There are some days when I reach the 9 hour mark and just have to call it a day, and resume the next.  To make matters worse --- can they really be worse??? --- corporate is changing how we do things by eliminating the hand held computers and moving to doing these tasks using apps they've developed.  Sadly, the person(s) developing the apps have never done the actual job and there are many undiagnosed issues that crop up on a daily basis.  Not only am I the first one being trained on this, I am also expected to teach and train my staff of four.  And then to spread the training out to the other folks in the store who need to know how to use these particular apps.  My supervisory position of having one other person report directly to me, I will now have four!  YIKES!   It has never been my goal to be that much of a supervisor -- I like to just go in, do my job and then be able to leave it at the end of the day.

And for those of you who know me, I'm busy counting the days! 
Day 35 and I've had only 3 days off.  My next day off isn't for another four days!
It's nice they let me work as needed, and to leave when needed as well.
Some days, I'm home by 1:30pm and can relax for a few extra hours!

But it's hard to relax, never knowing what the next day will hold.  I'm often doing all the laundry and cleaning ... just in case I don't have another day off for a few days again.  lol 
It's fun because I know it's temporary,
and it's not fun because I would REALLY love a day to sleep in.
Anyone willing to keep Sadie overnight so I can actually DO that??? lol

Bah Humpug

It has been The Week From Hell - anyone in retail can relate, I'm sure.  Many hours prepping for The Sale, all for it to be over in a flash.  We all work hard, stay late, go the extra mile, all so our customers can get what they want to buy for their Holidays.  This is my 17th Season in retail, and I can honestly say I don't enjoy much of it any longer.  I may put on a brave face if family happens to come over, but they've learned over the years that I'm not at my best .....  Nothing takes the joy out of setting up a Christmas tree in your home when you've already been setting up trees in your store for more than 60 days.  Ugh.  Any more, I'd just rather have some kind of "destination gift" - a movie and treats for the whole family, a hike out in nature somewhere, just about anything to get away from the commercialism that the Holiday Season has become.

My gift to family each year is a calendar - one that I fill with custom photos that I've taken all year, or that I've dug up out of family archives.  As the family grows, it's impossible to have photos of everyone included but I do what I can.  At least on the first (or second) of every month, when they turn the page, it's something new to look at.  And if there's a photo that brings up a memory for them, all the better, in my book.  Yes.  I'm weird.  But I'm ok with that!

An update on the whole Elvis thing at my BigBoxStore.  I had a meeting with the area HR manager.  And basically her message was this:  "let the system work".  My comeback:  I've been letting it for six years now.  It doesn't.   He has this uncanny sense of timing and when he's coached, he overturns it as high as he can take it.  In the latest case, it took Upper Management six months to complete the hoop-jumping; and he knows that they a)  won't coach him for anything else while he's in the midst of this process (so he gets to literally skate his way through) and b)  that the coaching drops off after 12 months, basically buying himself those easy  months.  And while he was biding that time, he knew he could get away with extended breaks (on the clock, but not working) over and over again.  While me, I'm the one stuck with babysitting his mistakes, being the one who has to point out each of the issues and/or mistakes while management literally turns a blind eye - because *they* aren't the ones who have to work with it on a daily basis.  There are times when I have to talk to him about an issue, and management has sent in a witness, so that it won't be his word against mine -- the old "he said she said" defense. 

I also asked about his wanting a meeting to "clear the air" between us.  He was literally asking that I be told to "like him".  He was told I only have to treat him with respect.  That's my job.  And while it's OK that he gets to run around and bad-mouth me, spread rumors, I have to be respectful.  In the end, it seems that the reality of the situation is this:

::they aren't going to do anything and it's probably time for me to move on::

With that being said, it would be better to leave with my good name and the reputation I've built intact and find a store willing to transfer me in.  Of course, nothing will happen with the holiday season, so I have to bide my time until January.  As a sanity saving course of action, I have set an alarm on my phone for each day to remind me to go to the gym for my lunch hour, rather than be within the confines of my building, subjected to rumors, inuendos, and flat out ignorance.  

Work rant over.  

Thank you for reading!