Still Trying

Dear Brian:

It's been a long week.  Which seems weird to say because my weeks are broken up by days off:  Saturdays and Wednesdays.  I was complaining on the phone to Grandma that I now have TWO MONDAYS every week .... then she pointed out that with that kind of thinking, I also have TWO Fridays!!  So I guess it's all in how you look at it.

I've been transcribing your project "All About Me" on your Forever Missed web page, and I've come to realize that you felt things more intensely than most people.  When you started "dating" a girl, you fell in love, you fell hard. And when it didn't last, you felt that pain very hard as well.  I can imagine that became difficult over time.  I'm not excusing your choice, but just trying to understand and come to terms with your choice.   It makes me wonder if that's how it was with other friendships as well with classmates and such.  I guess it was.

There wasn't anything I could do to help you through that; I suspect that you have the same tendencies as me, being an Empath.  We didn't like crowds or lots of people and we're comfortable in our own skin, being alone wasn't ever an issue.  Your sister needs more social interaction that we ever needed.   But now I wish I had directed you to understanding this side of you without your having to feel guilt or pain over what was totally normal for you to feel.

I haven't changed anything around the house, other than trying to be a little more organized and cleaned up.  I still think I have too many little piles everywhere!  But that may not change for a while, until I get my multitasking back under control.  I'm in the moment, but once a moment passes, I seem to forget what I was doing, or where I put anything.  So I spend a lot of time re-doing the same things.  hahah  Never had it like this before.

I miss you every day
Love, Mom

Dream On!

When it comes to dreams, when I dream, they're a doozy.  And the ones I remember are always in color.  The other night, it was a dream about buying a new car.  I was shopping with a man -- an ex perhaps? -- and he said he had the perfect car for me.  It was bright red, and sporty looking on the outside.  We decided to take it for a test drive and boy did it run great at first!  We zoomed here and there, but then ended up in a large parking lot (of my BigBox store perhaps? lol )  and the thing was sputtering and died.  As I got to looking around the car, paying more close attention to the dash and interior, I said "This car's a piece of sh!t!  Just what year is it??"   He told me it was a 1970s car.  As I peered around I could see that the door interiors had been replaced -- with SHEETROCK!  To open the window, you turned an old crank handle, and right next to the driver just below the window hung a green manual pencil sharpener!

Now, when trying to piece together this little mystery, I have to admit, I've had a new car thought in the very back of my brain (my current car is 2009, so another car before I retire is a must) and have looked at the Chevy Equinox -- in white, not red!  *laughs*  Having the inside of the car "re-done" in sheetrock, that's a new one on me.  And a pencil sharpener?  Hmmm.... wonder what that means in a dream??  

Ok Google, help me out:   "(Blade) A pencil sharpener in a dream represents a good son who is envied by people. ... In a dream, a pencil sharpener also represents a writer or an author. "  Ok, either of those fits.  :)  

"To see or install drywall panels in your dream refers to your desires for privacy. You are building up a layer of protection. Perhaps you have been hurt and are being guarded with your emotions."   Now that's pretty interesting as well.  As I've mentioned in other posts, I'm highly sensitive, or an empath.  Or some sort of combination.  Either way, I find that I need to have up my own internal walls in any type of crowded place to help deflect some of the energies I feel from other people in the area.  I've begun to carry some small gemstones in my pocket each day, as I have a co-worker who puts off negative energy in waves.  After work, I'm exhausted from all of the energy I expend trying to ward off his energy.  Which is also the reason Sadie and I take a lot of walks:  Earth elements like wind and rain help wash away the negative energy; contact with Earth is like having my battery recharged!

"In dreams, cars often represent you and reveal how you are getting through life. Depending upon the context of the dream, a car can symbolize our physical body, mind, ego (Freud's definition), consciousness, personality, and/or our life in general or the direction our life is taking."  Does this mean I'm feeling like I'm stuck in the 70s????  hahaha  Those were some good years!       "To dream of the color red indicates raw power, elan, fervor, intense passion, aggression, authority, and bravery. It connotes deep emotions and spirituality."

When all is said and done, dreams can be a bit silly, but they are also fascinating to think about it, to give us helps in our daily living tasks, to help us achieve our dreams, or point us in a new direction!

Dream on!