Still Trying

Dear Brian:

It's been a long week.  Which seems weird to say because my weeks are broken up by days off:  Saturdays and Wednesdays.  I was complaining on the phone to Grandma that I now have TWO MONDAYS every week .... then she pointed out that with that kind of thinking, I also have TWO Fridays!!  So I guess it's all in how you look at it.

I've been transcribing your project "All About Me" on your Forever Missed web page, and I've come to realize that you felt things more intensely than most people.  When you started "dating" a girl, you fell in love, you fell hard. And when it didn't last, you felt that pain very hard as well.  I can imagine that became difficult over time.  I'm not excusing your choice, but just trying to understand and come to terms with your choice.   It makes me wonder if that's how it was with other friendships as well with classmates and such.  I guess it was.

There wasn't anything I could do to help you through that; I suspect that you have the same tendencies as me, being an Empath.  We didn't like crowds or lots of people and we're comfortable in our own skin, being alone wasn't ever an issue.  Your sister needs more social interaction that we ever needed.   But now I wish I had directed you to understanding this side of you without your having to feel guilt or pain over what was totally normal for you to feel.

I haven't changed anything around the house, other than trying to be a little more organized and cleaned up.  I still think I have too many little piles everywhere!  But that may not change for a while, until I get my multitasking back under control.  I'm in the moment, but once a moment passes, I seem to forget what I was doing, or where I put anything.  So I spend a lot of time re-doing the same things.  hahah  Never had it like this before.

I miss you every day
Love, Mom