Fed Up

Anxiety and a growing unhappiness with my job makes each day a little more painful than the last.  There's no joy in what I do any longer.  There are many changes being made, and yet Management doesn't enforce or uphold the changes which leaves the burden of making sure something is done correctly on me and my co-worker.   I was so ... displeased with things after work on Tuesday that I actually sat down and read the Home Depot website about careers with them, and opened up the application page.  I know I shouldn't be making changes before a year has passed, so next July.  But knowing that I have another 10 months until that date is making me wonder how long I can endure this.

Fed up.   Yes, that's the proper term.  The actual work that I'm supposed to do each day isn't the problem.  It's the people.  For 18 years I have been "held accountable" ... and that has gone by the wayside.  Why are millennials not being held to a standard?  It's very frustrating.

I know that a part of the problem is the weather.  We haven't had a break from the heat, it gets this way at the end of each August because the heat can be oppressive.  There's no where to go, nothing to do, unless you're up and about at 5am, and even then, it's never less than 80 degrees at that ungodly hour. When it gets like this, I lose ambition to do much of anything, and I eat because I'm bored.

I've been working on scrapbook projects again.  Partly because I'm searching for anything and everything to do with Brian.  If I'm not looking, then I feel as if he will be forgotten.  I know in my heart he'll never be forgotten by friends and family, because he left an impact behind.  I realize that it's difficult for people to talk about it, mostly because they don't know what to say.

I can tell I'm at a low point right now, but .... this too shall pass. 

Here's hoping I catch a few more Zzzzz's tonight.  Between the storm that raged overhead for 2 hours, then up every hour afterward with Sadie who doesn't like the storms, and ends up not feeling right, I didn't get much sleep last night.  *sigh*   But I'm not about to try another Ambien!!