I gotta tell ya, trying to "close out" someone's life isn't very easy! In fact, it can be downright frustrating!! There's the credit card companies who need to be told, your bank who keeps using the excuse that your account is "on hold". You kept everything private, and there's no way for me to know anything or even check on anything at this point. I know that soon I will get to that "fuck it" point and just let the bank keep the money; can't be that much in there.
I keep getting glimpses of moments that I wish I could forget; I'll be reading a book and something in there will happen, and it will make me think of your choosing death by suicide rather than trying to work something out. I didn't walk in your shoes, so I don't know, and I won't judge. But damn, son, it's rather hard to "be strong" like you asked us to do.
So I just keep on remembering you as you were, and trying to post those stories and pictures every day. I don't want anyone to forget you, forget what you meant to us. Maybe we didn't say it often enough. I thought we did, but now I wonder. Now you're not here and I'm left wishing I'd said it more often.
The doctor prescribed sleeping meds for me, to see if that helps me out.
I'm going to try my first one tomorrow night -- don't want to try and work if there's some kind of "sleep hangover" from them. I'll let you know!
Love,
Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment