Social Distancing, et al

Another day, and day XX of this strange quarantine the world is under due to COVID-19.  There are posts, announcements, newscasts -- in whatever way they can, they are advising people to shelter in place.  It's been going on for a while.  Schools in Arizona were cancelled on March 15, and it was extended through the end of the school year.  Students are being home schooled, and/or doing their lessons on line.  Many parents' jobs are suspended; only those who are considered "essential" are working as usual (yes, that includes me at my BigBoxStore).

But I have to say that while announcements in the media about what they are doing to keep their workers safe make it sound good, it's really not.  And I'm ashamed that they would portray things one way and not admit to the reality.  The plexiglass shield between cashiers and customer hasn't happened yet.  They're limiting customers who come in the doors based on the square footage of a store.  But the reality is the Tire Lube Express is completely shut down so that footage shouldn't count.  Most people aren't shopping the entire garden center, that shouldn't count.  And truthfully, the back 1/4 of the footage is backroom space, and that shouldn't count either!   Based on the square footage of the store, 1500 shoppers could be in the store at one time.  We are more around the 500 mark, but that is too may people at a time! 

The ones who are shopping aren't getting 'essentials' -- they're relieving their boredom, having an outing with their kids (who tend to touch everything!) , even meeting up with other family members and having a reunion!  Shoppers try to approach me, want me to look at their phone even, because they're trying to find something.  SIX FEET, PEOPLE!! 

And yet, each day I go to work because I know that what I do is needed by the community and I want to do my part. 

It's extremely frustrating;  I am not easily aggravated, but it's getting worse.
and I fear my tongue will get the better of me!!

If .... Then Tell Them!

Dear Brian,

I gotta tell ya, trying to "close out" someone's life isn't very easy!  In fact, it can be downright frustrating!!  There's the credit card companies who need to be told, your bank who keeps using the excuse that your account is "on hold".  You kept everything private, and there's no way for me to know anything or even check on anything at this point.  I know that soon I will get to that "fuck it" point and just let the bank keep the money; can't be that much in there.

I keep getting glimpses of moments that I wish I could forget; I'll be reading a book and something in there will happen, and it will make me think of your choosing death by suicide rather than trying to work something out.  I didn't walk in your shoes, so I don't know, and I won't judge.  But damn, son, it's rather hard to "be strong" like you asked us to do. 

So I just keep on remembering you as you were, and trying to post those stories and pictures every day.  I don't want anyone to forget you, forget what you meant to us.  Maybe we didn't say it often enough.  I thought we did, but now I wonder.  Now you're not here and I'm left wishing I'd said it more often.

The doctor prescribed sleeping meds for me, to see if that helps me out.
I'm going to try my first one tomorrow night -- don't want to try and work if there's some kind of "sleep hangover" from them.  I'll let you know!

Love,
Mom

Irritated - and then some!

Here I sit, irritated and agitated.  When I get this way, I like to turn my energy toward cleaning, or a project.  This month's project:  painting my bedroom.  I'm taking it from a two tone lavender to a single tone grey called "Silvery Moonlight".   And of course, there are so many 'things' in my bedroom, for every corner I want to paint out and prep for rolling, I have to move or put away (or better yet, TOSS OUT!) all the stuff, then prep the corner, and put things (ie furniture) back in position so that I can function through the work week with minimal effort.

I woke up and headed for work this morning, going in on my day off so that I can get things arranged and out of the way onto pallets.  We needed the room because this is the big weekend for layaway pickups.  But work being work, the minute they see me, it seems like every manager needed me to do a project for them.  Um.  No.  I am here on my day off.  No projects.  But they insisted.   And I tried, but the largest project they wanted done, cannot BE done until Monday.  So I stuck a note on it, and slipped out the door.

I was planning on doing shopping, but nope, not in my own store.  I was too irritated and agitated to make logical choices.  So off I went, heading toward home.  And the traffic!  It's the holidays, and yes, our snowbirds are here.  Most of them are driving slower, trying to find their way toward the next stop - and me, all I want is my normal 'commute traffic' on the way home -- people who drive the same road at the same time, know their way, and some even know how to time lights.
Nope.  Not.  Today.    UGH

Then, Sadie.  What can I say.  I'm tired, I'm irritated, and I can't get her to settle.  All I want to do is work on my paint project.  Find her a bone.  Play fetch.  Sit outside in the sun.  Nothing lasted more than 10 minutes before she would be underfoot or in my face, wanting ... I'm not sure what she wanted all day long.    

Until 5:30pm. *evil laugh*   I was fed up with her by then, and snapped her leash on her -- time for a freakin' walk.  And not just one of those leisurely "sniff and stroll" types.  We marched on and on -- according to my phone for 21 minutes at 3.4 mph.     20 minutes later, and she's laying here, still panting.  lol  

Yep. I'm a mean doggie mom!!

Microsoft... AAARRRGGHHH!

I installed Windows 10 ... and was surprisingly pleased with the results.  I've been using it for a couple of months now (I forget when I actually did this... not long ago, though).  Christmas morning, I sit down at the computer, I was going to do some photo scanning.  But lo and behold, my START button on the keyboard, and clicking it with the mouse did nothing.  I can't access anything.  I played around, trying to get things to work, then tried to restart my computer.  Without the buttons working, it just isn't that easy!  

This morning, when I turned my computer on, now I have nothing in the taskbar, and options seem to be disappearing with each keystroke.  I click on Chrome to look up helps on the internet, and minimizing it makes it disappear into thin air.  Attempting to flip between Task Manager and Chrome is impossible, I'm having to write down instructions to make this "fixed" again.

Every website I check says "make a new user account".  Well... that may be a temporary fix, but what the hell????  I don't want to do that every other month!?!?!

Com'on Microsoft, get your stuff back together and fix our computers!

I'm on a desktop, I depend on my computer, it shouldn't be this difficult!

****Updated Note:   I signed out of my account, signed back in, then restarted the computer.  and Voila, stuff is back.  Magic??? HA!  Weirdness?  More likely!   *smdh*

Work Issues

After a frustrating morning,
Sadie and I were
hangin' out
in the back yard!

My day started on a very, make that VERY, aggravated state.  I was forced to take Friday off work, and from the minute I arrived this morning, I got an earful about things that happened.  The gal who was filling in for me --- well, she doesn't do what I do very well.  Her and I had words about some of the complications that she encountered. And rather than setting the two issues aside, she went ahead and processed them incorrectly, which left me to find and correct the errors .... yeah, fun issues.

After leaving detailed notes about what order I wanted things to be handled in, she proceeded to tell me about my helper "Elvis" and her direction to him to do something other than my directions.  Then added the reason:  that he was on the phone often with his ex-wife and his doctor; the reason he was feeling poorly was because he was over-stressed by management asking him to change his work schedule to accommodate my leave of absence when my father died.

I should preface the issues with my Elvis with the explanation that he'd been off a week because he had what he called "the woozies", whatever the fck that means.  He apparently wasn't feeling up to par on Friday when he returned to work.  Which means that he was most certainly sitting on a stool, attempting to do his job -- our job isn't a sit down job in any way.   I arrived this morning, and he promptly told me that his "woozies" were more in line with an ulcer, and that his doctor advised him that if things get any worse, he wouldn't need to make a claim of harassment, but of murder.  Um. WHAT?   that's when I had to shake my head and walk out of the room.  (And management wonders why there's never been a coaching on file with this guy... he's ""out there""!!!)

I was informed of another issue as well for something being tossed in the trash that shouldn't be.  I covered my ass with dates and times in an email to the store manager.

As you can see, things are quite out of control in my little world.
I managed to work 3.5 hours and that was more than enough for me.
I cannot imagine what I'll walk into on Monday.
Maybe I should take a sneak peek Sunday morning instead......

(I had issues getting this blog to update yesterday, its now 5am Sunday, and nope, I'm not going to go in and get a sneak peek!)

1 FWD, 3 BACK

Have you ever felt like you just can't get ahead???  
I am sure my son feels that way, and because I'm his mom, I feel it too.

My son is disabled, visually impaired from birth.  He doesn't drive a car, has been taking public transportation most of his life.  He receives SSI benefits - disability payments for someone who's never worked before.  He's 28 years old now, and still lives with me.  Why?  Because his SSI payments were only $400 a month.  Now what grown man can live on that little bit?  The fact that he lives with me affects his monthly income.  So he got himself a part time job at Home Depot as a Lot Attendant.  Hard work for little money. But a little bit helped him out.  Then Social Security stepped in and "readjusted" his benefit to $175/month, but keeping $72/month in order to pay back what they say they overpaid him.   So now on his part time of 20 hours/week, at rounded to $10/hour, then taking out taxes, and medical insurance as now dicta.... errr... mandated by Pres. Obama and his take home pay is quite small.  He pays $400/month toward household expenses but they still calculated in the figures that somehow gets $175 added to his income because I "supplement his expenses".   Perhaps this manner of finagling numbers around is how our country has become so much in debt.....  I mean, if I give them proof of the household expenses ... Mortgage and various Utilities....  and he pays $400 which is $4 less than exactly half.... where do they come up with $175???

Its so confusing.  He received a letter 15 pages long trying to explain all of this legal mumbo jumbo regarding his eligibility.  Time to hire a lawyer I suppose to help us out and perhaps appeal this decision.  But who can afford a lawyer?   I know I can't.  :(

I am sitting here alternating between being mad as hell, and just wanting to throw up.   It's not like I'm asking the world for a free hand out.  Just a little help so that he can live a full productive life, as best as he can.

I'm frustrated and want to scream.  Or cry. Or both.  The system sure doesn't help out the little guys who try and be honest about their situation.  Because we both know that a person can stand on a corner and get work for cash that never has to be reported to anyone.  But do things by the book, and it throws it right back at you -- ten-fold.  

The really sad part is no matter how much I try to make it so that he's a tax paying citizen doing his part and being independent, at this rate he will be dependent on me forever.  And I won't be around that long.




So here's me and my frustrations,

giving our Government

The Finger.