1 FWD, 3 BACK

Have you ever felt like you just can't get ahead???  
I am sure my son feels that way, and because I'm his mom, I feel it too.

My son is disabled, visually impaired from birth.  He doesn't drive a car, has been taking public transportation most of his life.  He receives SSI benefits - disability payments for someone who's never worked before.  He's 28 years old now, and still lives with me.  Why?  Because his SSI payments were only $400 a month.  Now what grown man can live on that little bit?  The fact that he lives with me affects his monthly income.  So he got himself a part time job at Home Depot as a Lot Attendant.  Hard work for little money. But a little bit helped him out.  Then Social Security stepped in and "readjusted" his benefit to $175/month, but keeping $72/month in order to pay back what they say they overpaid him.   So now on his part time of 20 hours/week, at rounded to $10/hour, then taking out taxes, and medical insurance as now dicta.... errr... mandated by Pres. Obama and his take home pay is quite small.  He pays $400/month toward household expenses but they still calculated in the figures that somehow gets $175 added to his income because I "supplement his expenses".   Perhaps this manner of finagling numbers around is how our country has become so much in debt.....  I mean, if I give them proof of the household expenses ... Mortgage and various Utilities....  and he pays $400 which is $4 less than exactly half.... where do they come up with $175???

Its so confusing.  He received a letter 15 pages long trying to explain all of this legal mumbo jumbo regarding his eligibility.  Time to hire a lawyer I suppose to help us out and perhaps appeal this decision.  But who can afford a lawyer?   I know I can't.  :(

I am sitting here alternating between being mad as hell, and just wanting to throw up.   It's not like I'm asking the world for a free hand out.  Just a little help so that he can live a full productive life, as best as he can.

I'm frustrated and want to scream.  Or cry. Or both.  The system sure doesn't help out the little guys who try and be honest about their situation.  Because we both know that a person can stand on a corner and get work for cash that never has to be reported to anyone.  But do things by the book, and it throws it right back at you -- ten-fold.  

The really sad part is no matter how much I try to make it so that he's a tax paying citizen doing his part and being independent, at this rate he will be dependent on me forever.  And I won't be around that long.




So here's me and my frustrations,

giving our Government

The Finger.

Try and Try

I'm not one for a lot of the newer 'pop' songs - Must be a sign of my getting old!  But there are a few that stand out.  Like Pink's new one called 'Try'.   I love the mantra of the chorus:  "You gotta get up and try and try and try".  To me, it speaks of not giving up, no matter how hard things have become.  While she's singing more about what seems to be a troubled relationship, it doesn't seem to matter whether its love or life issues, you still have to keep on trying: 

where there is desire
there is gonna be a flame
where there is a flame
someone's bound to get burned
just because you're burned
doesn't mean you're gonna die
you gotta get up and  try and try and try


It's the same with Kelly Clarkson's new song:  'Catch My Breath'.  It's a song that makes you feel good, feel empowered, to take a moment in life to pause, regroup, and go back at it.  There are so many things in life that can pull us down if we let it, so many circumstances where we find ourselves "dancing to someone else's tune" -- even when we know that its not right.  I know many people who say they "walk on eggshells" around another person, be it a boss, a spouse, or parents.  Empower yourself, say "no more" in a respectful way, and have some self respect.  If you don't respect yourself first, no one else will do it.

Catch my breath, no one can hold me back,
I ain't got time for that
Catch my breath, won't let them get me down,
It's all so simple now