Dreams of a Cheeseburger

Last night was a dreaming night. They're always a little nuts, always in color, and almost always very disjointed, as if I'm starting to watch a movie from the middle rather than the beginning. 

I can remember being in a bedroom, with dogs, and making the bed. But next is being in some kind of carnival or amusement park, waiting in line for some kind of ride.  And my son Brian bringing me a cheeseburger.

While there was more, the longer I'm awake, the more the details escape me. But if I were to interpret this: the carnival would represent the craziness that my life has become.  And the waiting, well that's trying to figure out what's best for mom. 

The cheeseburger?  Maybe thats permission to have a nice meal for a change???? (she asks with a lot of hope as its been 10 months since the new eating lifestyle began!)  Maybe its time to indulge thus weekend when I see my daughter.

Cheeseburger, here I come!

Picnic Dreams

I worked for a forklift company for 20+ years.  My boss was a good friend to me, and being I was one of few women in the parts/service end of things, I often helped him organize picnics and parties.  

So I'm doing my sleep thing last night, and dreaming about a picnic.  It was strange in that the memories of the people at the forklift company mingled with the people I met along the way at my BigBoxStore.   

I remember talking with my boss, Ed, about how these shindigs had grown from about 50 people "back in the day" (the 80s ) to over 400.  

I remember walking the outskirts of the crowd, not really taking part.  Most people were eating.  We always did fantastic BBQs back then.  

There were achievement awards for employees and little gift bags for the kids.  

Maybe I was just missing Ed. He was a great boss, an even better friend, and a personal mentor.  We met when I was just 18, so I truly grew up under his guidance.  He was more worldly than my parents. He had been a cop in Chicago for a while.  His son dated my sister a few times.  I knew his wife, Kathy.  He loved his 65 Mustang painted "honey gold".

For years after he and I both left the company and moved to other states, we stayed in touch with cards and letters.  He was one of the truly good men.

Dreams Get Weird

I woke up just past midnight last night from a dream.  Now how these come about is a mystery to me......

I was at my parents old house, the house I grew up in.  Louis Litt was following me down the hallway.  We turned left into the master and left again into the bathroom.  

I was explaining that the next stock to buy was DDD Bags.  He was more interested in opening the bathroom's second door, which led outdoors to a big game sanctuary with giraffes and elephants.

The other bedroom door led outdoors to a covered breezeway, where double doors opened into other parts of the house.  There were a dozen boys or so playing, running, making a mess.  I told them it was time to leave, or I was calling the cops.  

-----

I jotted notes on the phone so I could remember details.  For some reason I thought it important to remember the stock tip!  

I had no idea what DDDBags was or is.  When I googled, I found a company called Deep Dark and Dangerous.  I can't imagine how that got into my brain, or subconscious.   I also found 3D Systems, which is a publicly traded corp.  

So .... was that just a screwy dream? Or some kind of stock intuition?  I don't usually like stocks that don't pay dividends.  But its something to keep an eye on!!!

Dreams Again

I dream a lot.  And remember many.  But have you ever woke yourself up shouting from a dream?? 

Last night, just before midnight, I was having a dream.  We were in a house, the front door was closed and locked. The keys were hanging inside from the doorknob. It was dark out; my sister and I were watching kids (ours? Unknown)  

Suddenly, I saw the keys being pushed out of the doorknob, presumably because someone was pushing their key in from the outside.  I remember smashing my shoulder against the door, trying to holler "dial 911!!!" But my voice wasn't working.  I woke myself hollering "Lorrrrrr-iii"

Sometimes dreams are just so strange.  But its rare for me to wake myself hollering!

Delish Dreams

I find it wonderfully fascinating when I dream about a hunky guy.  Its usually not someone I've ever met ..... but wouldn't it be nice????

A bunch of us was roughing it on some kind of campout, and we needed some supplies.  We headed to the local tractor supplier kind of place where we could get the stuff needed. (And now I can't recall what kind of tools they were!)  

I was wandering one of the aisles behind my ex husband, having a discussion about what was needed and which was best.  The one I thought was best, he shot down with a derogatory comment.  And up behind me walked Mr Dreamy.  

He told my ex that my opinion was valid. My ex took a couple of steps toward me and Mr Dreamy slid an arm around me and pulled me back against him. There is nothing like the feel of a very tall, solid body to lean against ......

I turned around and looked up into his face, his blue eyes, he had a full beard and mustache.  I felt like I knew who he was, if only I could look at him for a while longer ...   but then I woke up and his image was only on the fringes of my mind and I didn't recognize him.

I remember a plaid flannel shirt and rugged work boots.  

If this is a mystery man meant for me ...... woo hoo!

A Good Day

My day off, usually it's spent doing chores and running errands. Today wasn't much different.  Maybe it's in the attitude.  I woke up and just chose - decided -- it was going to be a day for getting things done. My TO DO list went something like this:  Get groceries, take out garbage, clean up kitchen, get gas in the car and drive through the car wash, dash to mom's and take *her* grocery shopping.  She always likes to stop and get a hamburger!  (Thanks, Jack!) Then we relax and watch ""her show"" (The Bold and the Beautiful - Evil Sheila fell off a balcony, jumped in a car and escaped!! *gasp*)  

Then it was home to put my chicken in a pan and bake it, throw my sheets in the washer and dryer and re-make the bed.  Then Mom called and said her perm was delivered (Walmart.com order!) but it was damaged.  Nope, not ordering another one.  I checked online, said there was one over at Walgreen's, so I hopped in the car and dashed over and got one for her.  I'll drop it off tomorrow after work :)

I didn't think I'd have a very good day because I didn't sleep well, or very much.  For some reason, I had dreams of airports and airplanes often.  That being said, I checked Google:  "The airplane, as a transportation symbol, signifies motivation and direction  Its association with flying can represent aspirations or your ability to soar.  You usually dream of trying to catch a plane when you are making changes to your aspirations."  That being said, I'm not sure what my current aspirations are.  Work is just very busy in the days of preparation for inventory.  When I was shopping today, some of my coworkers were whispering to me that there are changes coming, that one of the gals on my team was going to transfer.  Frankly, I have been expecting it for some time.  She's over the usual retirement age ..... so we shall see what comes of it this time :)

And now, nearly 4pm, and I'm ready for a shower and to crawl into those clean sheets.  

I like having good days!  I bet you do too !!

Dreaming Again

I guess when it comes right down to it, when I'm feeling low, fearful or doubtful is when I have some of the crazier dreams.  When I remember bits, I keep wishing I could remember all the details.  But I'm left with really strong impressions afterward.

Three nights ago, I had a dream that my co-worker and I transferred from our BigBox store to another one in California.  We were working late evenings.  There was a day care within the store.  Someone's kid broke a glass and we were cleaning it up so no one would get hurt.  But suddenly there came some kind of alarm and we were evacuating the store.  Some kind of water line or water pipe had burst.  We all stood in the parking lot watching water just pour out the doors of the store.  ** One thing I've noticed, there is water in many of my dreams.  When I Googled, I found:  "Water-related dreams are considered to be one of the most typical visions people have when they go to sleep at night. You may not even realize it, but the fluidity of water can symbolize your emotions and state of mind."  I get the stormy water, or even swimming in a pond.  Dreams about showers or a bath having to do with letting go of negative thoughts.  But here's one for you:  dreaming of bathrooms or toilets -- does that just mean I gotta get up and go pee??  hahaha

Two nights ago, I had a dream about a good friend.  He has always been a good friend to me, but things became complicated when feelings went beyond friendship.  Nothing had happened between us in any kind of physical sense, but the feelings were there.  And his wife found out.  She was a very elegant woman, who dressed to the nines, with a Jackie-O fashion sense.  I can still see her dark hair curled the way Jackie wore it, and she had these fabulous cats eye glasses with dark rims.  She was pouring me tea.  I reassured her that no hanky panky was going on, but she waved her hand at me, as if to say that it wasn't important any longer.    When I woke up, I was left with these feelings in real life of ... wishing, but knowing it could never be.  Those feelings stuck with me all that day and into the next night, sort of a haunting loss or longing for something that could never be real, I guess you could say. 

What is it about dreams that seem so real as we are immersed in them, and yet we wake up only to find we can remember just bits and pieces, knowing in our soul that we were fully engaged in them in the moment.  They fascinate me, and for a while I was keeping dream journals.  But as I get older, I find that I don't want to stay awake long enough to make notes any more because it's harder to get back to sleep and make up the lost time.  (lol - I never thought I'd say THAT! In my youth, I could sleep at the drop of a hat!) 

I saw someone state that most people dream for 100 minutes per night.  That seems like an awful lot!  But if you think you want to start recording your dreams, try a dream journal.  When you wake up, jot down what you remember before you start your day.  Even if it's not complete sentences, jotting words can stimulate your memory later when you want to expand on it.  And keeping a dream journal helps you notice patterns in your dreams, perhaps giving you insight into your waking life, or any issues you may be having. 

It's something I should take up again, as well.

Ambien - Dream or Nightmare?

Here it is Saturday, and I took my first Ambien last night.  I checked online to see the risks involved, and didn't like it one little bit!  So I cut my pill in half.  And thank goodness!  They're supposed to be taken on an empty stomach -- um, what does that constitute?  2 hours after eating?  4 hours?  There aren't enough hours between getting home from work, eating dinner and going to bed.  *sigh*  So I just took it when I crawled into bed.  They're supposed to work rather quick, so I laid there and waited.  30 minutes go by and .. no sleep, but I didn't feel right.  Checked my FitBit and my heart rate -- which is normally in the high 60s just before sleep -- was galloping at 89 BPM.  Not so fast if it's
during the day while I'm at work, but too fast for sleeping IMO.  Deep breathing exercises didn't lower my pulse at all, and sometimes I can get it to 58 right before sleep.  Add to that, it also made me feel like a hot flash was taking over .... usually those happen about 3am, not right at bed time. 

With some of the stories I read about, I was worried that I might do something .... odd .... in the middle of the night so I hid my car keys (hope I can find them tomorrow morning!! haha) and tucked the bottle of pills away so I wouldn't wake up and think I needed to take another.  Some folks had written about doing some odd things, and I just didn't want to be one of those!!   One woman wrote that she drove to the store and bought some whipped cream.  Another wrote that she had gone to the next door neighbor's house to get some ice cream.  I live alone!  That can't be me!!

While I "slept" ... it wasn't any more restful (my Fitbit didn't log more than the normal 'deep sleep') or a longer length of time than regular sleep.  I'll have to take a whole one next time -- Tuesday night -- because I don't dare take them on a night before my workday!  And the whole addictive-ness warnings, and the withdrawals after taking them for a time .... naw this isn't for me.  I recognize these are unusual circumstances, but maybe it's better to just "tough it out" .

I think that as soon as the weather cools a bit, I can go back to walking Sadie in the stroller each evening after work and deal with the insomnia that way.  I'm not one for taking pills, and especially not these kind that mess with you!

This moment matters

Brian was in my dream last night. 

I was sitting in the living room, the TV was on. 
I had just gotten up to refresh my drink when the  front door opened. 
There he stood, his left hand on the knob, a hat on his head, and sunglasses on. 
(just like so many other times when I've watched him come through that door)
There was very bright light behind him, all around him,
and he asked "Am I too late?"


What a joy it was to see him, but how it hurt to see him again, knowing he's no longer here.

The past 12 days have passed in a blur. 
I feel as if I'm sleepwalking through the days.
I walked into the garage to switch the laundry from washer to dryer, but saw a case of water sitting on top of the garbage can, so I grabbed that and put it away.  It was an hour or so later before I realized that I hadn't switched out the laundry yet. 

And none of it seems to matter.  The days, the activities are all done on automatic pilot. 
I know it gets better with time, but time is an ambiguous term.  It could mean minutes. Or days. Months, even years.   I try not to think of it in that way, just the now.

This moment matters.

So when I'm feeling the loss, when I'm tired or feel strung out, I take a minute to rest, recharge, regroup before I attempt to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Companion & Dreams (2008)

Companion... Just a word... - Mar 4, 2008

Current mood:crazy
Someone used the word companion to somewhat describe a relationship with someone, and I had to think about it for a long time. What comes to mind when you hear that word? The image I got in my head was of an older {read: elderly} person, with a good friend who did things for and with that person [like grocery shopping, or a trip to the beauty parlor], a companion. I looked it up on the web, and Google define gave me :

    a person who is frequently in the company of another; "drinking companions"; "comrades in arms"
    a traveler who accompanies you
    one paid to accompany or assist or live with another
   
Answers.com gave me:

     A person who accompanies or associates with another; a comrade.
     A domestic partner.
    A person employed to assist, live with, or travel with another.
    One of a pair or set of things; a mate.

and under the heading "Thesaurus" :

    One who shares interests or activities with another
    One of a matched pair of things

And then I started to wonder.... is it wishful thinking on my part to choose which meaning was intended? which one in the context of what was said? (I realize I'm leaving a few details out ... some stuff just isn't for sharing! lol) Or ......... is it that important?

Sometimes we women want to have things "just so" - all laid out, in its own little cubbyhole or sitting on its rightful place on a shelf. When it comes to relationships, maybe we're so busy trying to define what's going on, what's been going on, what might go on, I think there are times when we tend to lose track of the actual relationship in favor of finding its rightful place in our lives.  [In looking back over a rocky past, that just might be exactly what I was trying to do a time or two!]  Maybe its enough that I just accept what was said in the spirit it was said in; to quit trying to cull out some kind of deeper meaning in a word that brought to mind an image that is a product of assumptions, and more than likely not what was intended.

Then I had a horrible thought: What if I'm getting to that age where I'll be looking for a companion, rather than ... whatever ~~it~~ is we single women seek????? (ok, I had to find a way to put that nicely.... hehehhee) Is that the best I can hope for now that I'm nearing my half century mark? I certainly hope not!! I've got more ummmm "living" I want to do !!

Dreams - Mar 5, 2008

Current mood:mellow
Do dreams really come true? Is it possible to make what seems impossible possible? There are some who might say that my recent move was making a dream come true. And in many ways it has. I'm closer to family, and for that, I'm very grateful. But what about other dreams? Have some of you wished for a special vacation in some exotic island? Or of seeing the seven wonders of the world? Studying a foreign language? Writing a novel, or poetry?

Sometimes, we tend to have this fleeting thought of something great we'd like to try, and it never comes to happen. Why? Because we don't acknowledge it? We are our worst enemy when it comes to "shooting down" the things we'd like to do - usually in favor of some responsibility. But what about our responsibility to our self? Shouldn't we each come first in the line, if not all the time, then at least on occasion?

I'm tossing out a challenge .... to acknowledge the desire for those dreams. Write them down. Put it in an envelope, a jar, a folder. Fill it with that fleeting thought you had today. Then occasionally read through those dreams, see what's possible. A mind is a funny thing; when you acknowledge something, the subconscious can take a shot at making them a reality. Maybe you're dreaming of that once in a lifetime vacation, and you think "I can't possibly afford that" and yet, your subconscious just might start prepping for that choice. The next time you're in the grocery store, it may tell you "you don't need that".  Saving a few pennies here and there can add up immensely!!

Go ahead ... try it .... what have you got to lose??

Weird Dreams

I had another crazy dream. 

I was in bed in the bedroom I grew up on.  It was night, there was a skylight above the bed (there really isn't).  Someone was on the roof, and shined a light into the room from the sky light.  The light turned on then off three times.  I shouted for my Dad as I ran down the hall, "Dad! Dad! Dad!"  He and my mother were in their own bed.  Dad said "shhhhh.  Listen.  Whoever it was ran off the roof."  

With Google help, 

• To dream of your childhood bedroom indicates that a current situation or feeling has triggered a memory from your childhood that you have kept secret.
• To see light in your dream represents illumination, clarity, guidance, plain understanding and insight.
• Light is being shed on a once cloudy situation or problem. 
• You have found the truth to a situation for an answer to a problem.
• The number three represents creativity.

I wonder if there is something to the fact that the light shined three times, that I shouted three times.  The fact that my Dad is dead, but I saw him alive and well in the dream.  And he spoke.   Was the fact that this person fled off the roof significant as well?   I'll never figure it out, but I find dreams very fascinating!

Outta Whack

Something's not right.  We've all felt that way from time to time. 
I hate that feeling like there's ... another shoe about to drop.

Maybe I find myself feeling that way when too many things are going on.  Or maybe not enough things are going on!  Back in the day, I was raising six kids, and every day had plenty of things that needed doing on a regular basis.  Now that it's just me at home, I often feel .... bored.  Or that I'm waiting for "the next thing".  In the meantime, I use my days off to recuperate and rest.  But is that truly living?  I find myself wondering that often.  I'll admit, there are some days off where I feel like all I'm doing is prepping my life - ie doing laundry and clean up chores - so that I can make it through the next week of work.  Definitely not living.

Added to these feelings of being off, I've been plagued by dreams.  I've taken to writing down what I feel are key words when a dream wakes me up.  The latest I can recall is in the first dream image there's a male figure in my life, and I'm looking at my phone.  It's telling me "I don't have time to train you today."   The three words I wrote down for this is "train, bbq, and cement".   I don't have any recall on a bbq or any cement, other than a vague image of lots of cement in the backyard, with a built in bbq.  Was there a feeling a party or event was going to happen?  Does that explain why there's "no time to train"?    The second image I had was much more vivid.  There were two white horses who had just walked up a dirt road.  As I looked down the dirt road, I could see it curved to the right.  On the right side of the dirt road was grasses or meadow, on the left side, a small strip of meadow and then trees.  Not deep dark forest type, but more narrow trunks, leafy, letting a lot of sunlight through.   The two white horses stopped off to the left of me, one munching on grass, the other looking backward where it came from, watching a white buffalo coming up the road at a slow leisurely walk.  Behind it, another white horse.  As they came up the road, I began swimming down the road, toward the curve.  I was swimming with the current of the water, it felt like a river, but there were no rocks, only a clear tunnel of water. 

Of course, being me and trying to find meaning where maybe there truly isn't one, I checked out some dream interpretation sites, and chose these few sentences from them:

• White Horse – White horses in a dream indicates your spiritual awareness but you are down to earth in your outlook. They symbolize prosperity, good luck, and purity.
• 
  
• To dream of the sacred White Buffalo is the most coveted of dreams, as the appearance of the creature connotes abundance, prosperity and serves as a good omen for the dreamer.
• 
  
• Dirt road: following your instinct or your gut or repeating old patterns – can indicate the rekindling of an old relationship or someone from your past coming back into your life.
• 
  
• Water in dreams is a symbol of subconscious feelings and emotions. Maybe your dream about swimming is a sign of trying to manage some emotions and feelings, which are not comfortable for you.  Swimming in a river generally means that it is time for a new start in life. If the river current was flowing fast and pushing you along then this is a positive omen.

Most times, dreams leave me with a feeling of ... comfort.  I deal with it in my mind as if a good friend came to tell me things I need to know, using imagery instead of words.  Sometimes, I wish it was just words, so that I could read instead of trying to interpret!

The latest in the saga of Elvis, he has decided that it would be better for him if he worked in another store.  All of us totally agreed!   We shall see what happens, but I think the worst of it (for me) is over with for good.  HooRay!

Bad Dreams!

Quite the dream:

I was called in to work.  And while I knew it was my BigBox store, it had the feel of a Goodwill store.  I was called in to clean up a mess left by Elvis.  It was evening, but he came back to work.  We were going back and forth with the work load, and I was doing my best to avoid him.  He asked me something, I gave him a short answer, and when I took something to a different department, he followed.

He was holding me at gunpoint.  I was on my back, the gun pointed at my belly.  And I was talking at him, trying to talk my way out of this whole situation, talk him down. But he was a bit wild; his attention would wander and he'd wave the gun around.   Management was refusing to do anything with him.

Trying to avoid him, I moved to a different area of the store, working in the children's clothing dept.  His attention redirected, I found an opportunity to run!


When I finally got away from him, running and hiding behind and around racks of clothing, I headed toward the back, where there were long hallways with doors.  Each door was a room used for housing homeless women.  I tried to hide in one of the rooms where two women were trying on long sweater dresses.  I left the room and headed down the hallway only to find a locked door.  At the window, I knocked, trying to get someone's attention.  It didn't do any good.

As with all weirded out dreams, this one didn't have an ending.  But it spooked me enough that I turned on the TV and couldn't get back to sleep for nearly two hours.

Interpretations:

• To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You may be feeling victimized in some situation.
• 
  
• Dreaming of being in a hallway may reflect transitions in waking life that are uncertain, difficult, scary, or dangerous.
• 
  
• A locked door can be a symbol of goals out of reach or of gossip behind your back.   A locked door may reflect your own unwillingness to open up to others or possible anti-social behavior.
• 
  

Obviously, I have issues with Elvis.
And may be just a little bit afraid of what he may be capable of?

FitBit and Sleep

I wear my FitBit all the time, including at night.  It has a neat little feature for tracking sleep and heart rate along with steps, mileage and calorie burn.  Every day, I check the previous night's sleep pattern.  And overall, I'm getting just over seven and a half hours each night.  The goal of course is eight hours, but that works.  However, age has a funny way of it, because those 7+ hours are not all in a row.  They're interrupted by bathroom dashes and let-the-dog-out's.  And the usual tossing and turning that occur as well.  

Because I've been wearing it nearly 2 years, there's a lot of data to digest.  I know that I sleep better in winter than in summer.  Part of the reason has to do with blankets.  As a kid, my mom made me a hand made quilt.  I'm not sure what was inside, but it was a heavy quilt.  I like to think it "grounded" me -- or at the very least, held me in place so that I'd sleep.  And in winter here, I put a good heavy blanket on my bed for that very same reason.

Have I mentioned I'm ready for this heat wave to end??   Hurry up, September!

I find that I can somewhat simulate winter sleeping by lowering my thermostat to 74 degrees (yes, for us in the desert, that can be quite chilly, we reach for a sweater or light jacket when it reaches 70. haha)  Another thing that helps is I keep a squirt bottle of water nearby, soak my jammie shirt and hair, let the AC and the fan cool me down and I get another "chunk" of sleep.  

But the one factor I haven't been able to control are dreams.  I dream very vividly, I remember many of them, sometimes enough of them to be able to share.  Last night, I dreamed I was in a BigBox store, and a crew of us were painting walls.  One of the gals from my last store in Ohio was there, as was another gal from my first store in Ohio (odd to be dreaming of people I haven't seen in 10+ years!)  We were laughing and joking, rolling paint on the walls.  A quick break in the cafeteria and as we were leaving, a man with a gun in the far corner of the room stood up and hollered "Freeze!"  The girls dashed out in front of me, I was slowed a bit because I was trying to close the glass doors when he fired.  I heard the shot ring out as it hit the frame of the door.  I ran fast, dashed into a bathroom.  Waited until I heard some hollering, and slipped out quietly.  The doors to outside were just across the foyer, and as I dashed out, there were stairs all the way to the street.  The front of the building looked as if it were the steps to a fancy courthouse or something.   I'm not sure what happened with the shooter, or who he really was, as that's when I woke up.  *smh*  Such crazy weird thoughts that tumble around in my crazy weird brain! 

My FitBit showed that I was asleep for 3 hours, 14 minutes in this segment of my sleep, and with that amount, I should have felt quite rested this morning!   But then again, dreams can make you feel very tired the next day, as if it had truly happened!  

Of course, I like to try and figure out what a dream might mean:  

• To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You feel victimized in a situation or that you are being targeted.

Of course, my question is this:   Does it make a difference if you know the shooter?   If you can identify the person?  

• The colors in your dream of decorating are important and have various meanings. For example, if you are painting white walls then this shows how you can be pure and selfless. If the walls are painted in yellow, this represents self-pity. Decorating in blue means easy-going feelings. If you dream of decorating with paint rather than wallpaper, it usually means that things are going to become difficult with a close relative.

The source goes on about decorating or painting a house, furniture, yourself ... but doesn't mention anything about work related painting.  It was baby blue paint ... does that mean I have easy going feelings about work???   I don't think so!   And something going to become difficult with a close relative... well, duh, as I get older, so do my relatives and ... yeah, things get difficult with age! 

So much for trying to have an overall interpretation.  I can make several guesses as to the dream source and what it's trying to tell me.   And I can tell you this for certain:  If I'm ever involved in some kind of painting at work, you can be sure I won't be sticking around to see if this dream comes true!!!   hahahaha

Dream On!

When it comes to dreams, when I dream, they're a doozy.  And the ones I remember are always in color.  The other night, it was a dream about buying a new car.  I was shopping with a man -- an ex perhaps? -- and he said he had the perfect car for me.  It was bright red, and sporty looking on the outside.  We decided to take it for a test drive and boy did it run great at first!  We zoomed here and there, but then ended up in a large parking lot (of my BigBox store perhaps? lol )  and the thing was sputtering and died.  As I got to looking around the car, paying more close attention to the dash and interior, I said "This car's a piece of sh!t!  Just what year is it??"   He told me it was a 1970s car.  As I peered around I could see that the door interiors had been replaced -- with SHEETROCK!  To open the window, you turned an old crank handle, and right next to the driver just below the window hung a green manual pencil sharpener!

Now, when trying to piece together this little mystery, I have to admit, I've had a new car thought in the very back of my brain (my current car is 2009, so another car before I retire is a must) and have looked at the Chevy Equinox -- in white, not red!  *laughs*  Having the inside of the car "re-done" in sheetrock, that's a new one on me.  And a pencil sharpener?  Hmmm.... wonder what that means in a dream??  

Ok Google, help me out:   "(Blade) A pencil sharpener in a dream represents a good son who is envied by people. ... In a dream, a pencil sharpener also represents a writer or an author. "  Ok, either of those fits.  :)  

"To see or install drywall panels in your dream refers to your desires for privacy. You are building up a layer of protection. Perhaps you have been hurt and are being guarded with your emotions."   Now that's pretty interesting as well.  As I've mentioned in other posts, I'm highly sensitive, or an empath.  Or some sort of combination.  Either way, I find that I need to have up my own internal walls in any type of crowded place to help deflect some of the energies I feel from other people in the area.  I've begun to carry some small gemstones in my pocket each day, as I have a co-worker who puts off negative energy in waves.  After work, I'm exhausted from all of the energy I expend trying to ward off his energy.  Which is also the reason Sadie and I take a lot of walks:  Earth elements like wind and rain help wash away the negative energy; contact with Earth is like having my battery recharged!

"In dreams, cars often represent you and reveal how you are getting through life. Depending upon the context of the dream, a car can symbolize our physical body, mind, ego (Freud's definition), consciousness, personality, and/or our life in general or the direction our life is taking."  Does this mean I'm feeling like I'm stuck in the 70s????  hahaha  Those were some good years!       "To dream of the color red indicates raw power, elan, fervor, intense passion, aggression, authority, and bravery. It connotes deep emotions and spirituality."

When all is said and done, dreams can be a bit silly, but they are also fascinating to think about it, to give us helps in our daily living tasks, to help us achieve our dreams, or point us in a new direction!

Dream on!

Dreams

I had one of those crazy dreams last night....

I was with a group of people, we traveled in a van, The people are vague to me, I don't recall them being anyone in my social or family circle.  I was wearing dress pants and a sweater.  It was some kind of ... retreat perhaps?  I had a room with a bed, a narrow closet.  Put my suitcase on the floor, hung up my pants and sweater, slipped into jeans and a sweatshirt.  We were on or near a beach.  Skip to next scene, its the last day, we're going home later.  Last event of the trip is learning to surf.  (whoa, where did that come from?)  I am still wearing my jeans and sweatshirt, I have my camera in my purple kindle case and tuck it under my sweatshirt where it won't get wet. (lol as if!)  I lay on the board, and paddle out along with everyone else, there must be 20 of us.  Most of them are waiting for a wave.  I sit up and straddle the board, paddling toward shore, thinking just a small wave to take me in would be fine enough for me.   A white seal swims up next to me and I think Oh gosh! I need a picture of this.  I reach under my sweatshirt for my camera then think I better not pull it out, the saltwater will ruin my camera.  (as if its not already soaking wet!)  I go back to paddling again, the ocean pushing me toward shore, and there's a rush as I coast my way in.  I step out of the water, stand my board in the sand and walk toward the building.  (There are so many details I remember... looking to the right and left, I can see others on surfboards, everyone seems joyful.  I don't recognize the beach as one I've been to before).  By the time I reach this building, my jeans and my sweatshirt are totally dry.  I pass another girl in a hallway and mention this, she says isn't it great this time of year when everything dries so quick like that?   There's some kind of end-party, there are drinks and a buffet set up.  I dash back to my room to change into my slacks and sweater for the drive home. 

the only elusive thing has to do with something on the table, something that was going to be shared .... maybe it will come to me later.  but surfing???  me??  hardly!  lol 

altho.... I've always like the water, never feared it. 

there must be significance in the white seal, it was very vivid.

i felt as if I'd been in the room with the closet before, but can't name the place.

Anyway, was just sitting here with breakfast, reading a book, and the dream jumped into my brain, so I had to write it down.  Then research some dream interpretations.

Seals are (obviously) sea mammals, and are highly symbolic of our feeling, sensual selves. The seal helps us to remember our connection to our deep inner rhythms, feelings, and knowing, as represented by the sea. As humans generally believe themselves to be apart from ‘animals’, when really we are a-part of them, we often fight giving in to these deep rhythms and are afraid of ‘losing’ what we consider to be ourselves. When we are afraid of drowning in these depths, Seal being a good swimmer and knowing how to flow with the ever changing current, reminds us how to swim with the current. When we do this the negative feelings we have created such as worry, fear and anxiety are released from our minds. If seal enters your life, you are being asked to review the ebb and flow of your thoughts and emotions and find and keep up a point of balance. 

Water is a creative element and symbolises the feminine imagination and intuition. If the seal appears in your life, pay close attention to your imagination and insight - in the waking state and in dreamtime. A lot of what you imagine generally has a strong basis in reality, no matter how far-off it may seem. People with seal as a power animal are generally highly imaginative and very creative. They will need activities that channel and direct this. The Seal/Sea Lion can show you how to develop and focus your imagination. 

Sam

His name is Sam, lean and wiry in a young man's way, with wide shoulders, and big hands.  (I tend to notice hands ...)  He's sitting in the big green easy chair that's angled toward the TV, but he's not watching.  He's been making notations in his checkbook, then casually lays it down face open on the table beside him.  Its very easy to see from the column of numbers that his balance is more than six figures!  "Where does a young man come into money like that?" I ask myself.

Just off to the left of him beyond the glass doors, soft lights glow from the pool.  It would be nice to have a late night swim, I remember thinking to myself.  He grabs the remote and flicks it at the TV, and it comes to life with the opening credits of a movie.  I'm puttering about the room, picking up empty drink cups and straightening up.  As I pass by his chair, his hand reaches out to curve around my hip and I pause to watch a little bit of the movie.  He hits fast forward and makes a comment about getting to the good stuff, where a man and woman are jumping up and down on a bed, looking like children, acting like they'd just won the lottery.

"This is better," he says in his deep sexy voice. His hand slips up around my waist and with a little tug, my hip hits the arm of the chair.  I watch the screen, wondering what the story line is.  I feel his thumb begin to caress the small of my back.  I look down and smile at him, wondering what such a young man sees in a woman old enough to be his .... aunt.  He's so easy going, and hard to resist.  "I haven't done this in a long while," I say nervously.  With a small laugh, he assures me, "Don't worry, it still works the same way."  His lips curve into a smile and I get lost in his big chocolate brown eyes.  Slipping sideways into his lap, my arms curl around his neck, and he kisses me softly at first, before turning the kiss into something more, something dark and needy, and I felt my fears melt away.  I hear a sigh as if from a distance before I realize it was my own sigh.

Wow.  It's been a long time since I had a sexy dream like that.  Too bad I didn't finish it!  hahaha  It's 3am and I'm awake.  Harder to fall asleep tonight, and harder to stay sleeping, as if I had a Diet Coke or something with caffeine for dinner.   I didn't, just plenty of water to beat the heat.  Willpower and adrenaline will have to get me through the work day.  That's ok.  As long as I don't get all blushy when I cross paths with Sam. :)

Time to vacuum!

Today, I read this incredible quote written in a fictional story .....

When dreams turn to dust, it's time to vacuum!

and my first thought was "whoa!!" The story involves a woman who's life changed drastically -- she turned 50, her husband left her, and she had no idea what to do with her life. So she packed up and drove from Texas to New Jersey, found a cute little town and thought to herself... "what the heck, I love to quilt, I should open up a quilting shop." And that's what she did. After the newness wore off, it was tough making ends meet; and to top it off, she got breast cancer. It was in a moment of self pity that her best friend told her that line. Of course, that was a turning point in the story, and things are getting progressively better.... (now I just have to finish the story!)

And I got to thinking about that line.... How many of us have had dreams that went zzzzpppttt and turned into dust? I'm sure it's easy to think of the obvious ones, the kind where as a kid we wanted to be a teacher, a fireman, or policeman. But what of the other dreams that tend to drag us down? Not the really big dreams... but the little ones, the day to day kind of dreams, the wishes that never happen? When do we face reality and know that they won't happen, so we can choose new dreams?

I know that we should never stop chasing dreams; when life knocks us down, we should get back up and continue, create a new dream, and go after it. But some days, its harder to be the one who jumps up instantly and gets busy with life (damn this getting older stuff! I'm not as young as I used to be!)

And harder still: finding that new dream to replace the old one (that never goes away). I thought I'd found it once. And I let it build in my mind; and when nothing came of it, I reached a wall of acceptance, finally, and let go of it. Mind you, I reached the wall; I'm still not over the wall and on the other side. Every day can be a struggle. Which of course, can often dredge up that dream. Even subtle changes in your daily routine, maybe the way you drive home, or the pattern you have when you get there, can make all the difference in seeing things in a new way, a new light. So if you're stuck in a pattern that isn't going anywhere, try a few subtle changes so you can look at things in a new way, and find a new dream!

HUGS to everyone!

Last night I had this crazy dream....

Or so the song goes. But I truly had another strange one. It started out with a notice about a compliance test (work related, I'm sure, since I'm in charge of the haz mat portion of work). It was being held at the San Francisco Presidio, which I've never been to, and is a long way from here, but we drove. I don't know who the other person/worker in the car was, but my daughter came along for the ride, because she wanted to see SF again. When we arrive, we're on time for the test, and they lead us into the room where this test will be. Of course, I can't find my pencil.

There are many other people here to take the same test. The test starts late (hating things that are late is a pet peeve of mine!) The one thing they didn't tell us, though, is that the test is "hands on" and we have to show how to clean up a haz mat spill. A grey haired older gentleman is assigned to our group, and gives us the first test: cleaning up fish oil (in walmartian, that is not a haz mat item). Talk about a smelly chore though! Seemed to take forever (as stuff in dreams always do!) The next test was two more items being brought in: One is a glass gallon jar of dill pickles. While this 'testing' is going on, of course, my daughter is in the car, impatient to get on with some sightseeing, or shopping, not sure which is more important! hehehe The pickle jar is dropped to the floor, glass breaks, juice is everywhere, and a customer comes over, pushing a baby stroller, and asks where the pet gifts aisle is. The last test is cleaning up baby cream. (lotion? some sort of food? unsure)

*shakes her head* where does this stuff come from? Are there hidden messages in something so crazy? When dreams wake me in the middle of the night, I grab my pen and pad next to the bed and jot notes down to help me remember the next day. In big letters, I wrote ICK! lol

I know there are places to look up some words related to dreams; but they're usually more generalized than specific. Obvious questions would be: Is this related to the future? to some past event? A little of both even?

Taking a test, not finding a pencil, seems easyfor me: I do NOT like being unprepared. Perhaps there's something I've forgotten that I need to prepare for?

Fish oil: something smells? something's slippery? slipping away? swimming away? *tries all kinds of words here*

Pickles in a jar/ pickle juice: Something's broken, unfixable? In a pickle *ie: quandry?* dills can be sour ... Of course, if I'd been dreaming of popcorn, I could relate it to my son fixing himself a snack in the middle of my night! hahaha but pickles? something that smells like pickles??

As for the woman with the stroller, asking for a certain aisle in the store, we're supposed to take care of customers first: was the test to see if we took care of the customer before dealing with a safety issue? And why is there a Walmart customer in the SF Presidio? *baffling*

Either way, I'm not sure I'm taking much from this. But if something goes *click*, I'll be sure and let ya'll know!!

Dreamy HUGS to everyone!

Busy Busy Busy!

I know I haven't blogged in a bit, but dang, it's getting tough writing about my math woes all the time! Sadly, that's pretty much consumed my off-work hours. It's going semi-well, which is good, I suppose, for a crunched class. I took a couple vacation days from work, but it turns out that we're having special HazMat inspections on those days. So.... I'm compromising, going in for the inspection on Monday at 2pm, then working Tuesday, and taking Wednesday instead. Since I didn't have concrete plans (and who needs them when its going to be over 106 all week!), not such a big deal to me. That spreads out my time off, more time for.. yep, you guessed it.... Math. Midterm next week. but that also means I'm halfway done! :) :) In the meantime, I've been having oddddd dreams again, sometimes two a night. Problem with all that dreaming is I wake up and don't feel rested. I know they say dreaming is when you're getting your REM sleep. But jumpin jehosephat! when you fall asleep and wake up from a dream, feels like you've been asleep for hours, and its not even midnight yet... makes for a long night! I was so tuckered out yesterday that I figured I'd take a nap... and dreamt then too!! 

I needed a breath of fresh air, so I took a drive down the freeway, congested closed-in freeway with off ramps. It's not a good part of town. I parked my car along the street in a residential neighborhood that seemed ok. Then got in another car and drove it a mile up the freeway to the next offramp and parked in a parking lot. I was in a strange neighborhood, so I wandered in to the nearest building, which seemed to be some kind of doctor's office. But it wasn't usual doctoring; each of the rooms was set up more for kids to play and be observed (maybe psychiatric type?) and in one room is a handsome doc and a small boy and this is the room I stopped in. Because he was friendly, the doc I mean. I explained I was a bit lost, and needed to get back to my car. But he proceeded to start explaining things -- about chimps and people, how things work, why we do the things we do, all the while he's watching this boy play with things. A couple of times, I interrupted his explanations, saying I needed to go get my car, it was a mile back down the road, before it gets dark. Time was passing quickly, and I needed to go, so I grabbed my purse and fumbled for my keys (as usual, they were on the bottom!) and headed for the door. The doc stopped me and kept talking to me, said he'd walk me out, took me by the arm, and headed me and the boy out the door. When we reached my car, I climbed in the driver's seat, and he leaned in the back door, putting the boy in the back and buckling his seat belt. But he wouldn't leave the car and I really felt the need to get away. I eased off the brake and let the car start rolling, hoping he would move away so I could go. Finally! By then it was dark, and I was disoriented, but drove back to my car. The dream ended with me leaving the boy with some woman I seemed to recognize; I was inside her apartment, but left immediately when I recognized her man. I ran down the cement steps to my car and started it. 

I have a question for the universe though: Why can't I have an ordinary sexual escapade kind of dream??? once in a while at least?? hahaha

Dreamy HUGS to everyone!