A Line in the Sand

Here's something that comes up often - probably for most people.  And I'm having a toss-up with myself over it:  I'm the supervisor at work. And I had one of the women I supervise call me at home because she "needed to talk".   In the voicemail left, it was clearly not about a work issue, and it was something she said she didn't want to bring up at work. 

I didn't call her back.

And I'm going back and forth with whether I should?  or shouldn't? 

I don't want to be the "girlfriend" who's holding someone's hand over every little crisis.  Don't get me wrong, I'll be there, I'll be supportive, if there's a bigger issue at hand than, say, trouble with grown children, or grandchildren, who aren't "behaving". 

Where do you draw the line?

I know that I don't want to be the kind of supervisor who is seen as "playing favorites" with anyone.  I also don't want to be the one who is so "supervisory" that I seem unapproachable - which is a challenge for me because I'm very focused on my work in the workplace, with very little on the social side of working.  I take my lunches away from the break room so that others don't feel like they need to "censor" their behavior or comments for this reason as well.

Which brings me back around to my original question: 
Should I have called her back to be her shoulder to cry on?

My instinct in the moment was "no",
and I think that's going to be my line in the sand. 

It's one thing to allow it when it relates to work issues,
or major life changes, but I'm not up to being that shoulder
when someone around her has issues.
No matter how much I like her.

OITNB, S4

OK, for those of you watching season 4, and not finished yet - spoiler alert!  I'm about to rant a bit, because I just finished watching.   I spaced it out over two weeks so that I'd be able to enjoy it a bit.  And I have to admit, the first few episodes I was quite disappointed in.  It felt as if they were trying to cram so much detail and story building with all the new additional people they added that parts of it weren't enjoyable.  I would sum it up like this:   I enjoy the journey, the story telling, I'm not about the destination.

However, the cliffhanger they left us with .... OMG.   By episode 12, I was both crying and mad.  I don't like when my fav characters are done away with!   And Samira Wiley was, to me, one of the best in the show!   And the pipes on that girl!   Sometimes I cue up season 1, episode 13, just to hear her sing Amazing Grace --again and again!    love it!

Watching the last 3 episodes of season 4 really riled me up, stirred up a lot of emotions - hate for the guards, sadness for the women stuck in their situations like Sophia, and empathy for Caputo.  Being the guy who tries to make things right for these women, with his back stuck against corporate greed and the almighty dollar is never easy.  I'm glad he did things right in the end, calling the father, and going off program from what MCC wanted him to say.

I know, I know, it's only a TV show.  But kudos to Netflix for producing a good show in such a way that we're clearly drawn in to each of the womens' stories!

If you've followed past posts, I don't do drama, I don't get involved in situations full of drama because of the effect it has on me in a personal way (ie, dreams).  Orange is the New Black is the one piece of drama that I seek out, something about the show resonates in me.

Well done, Netflix!
Hurry up June 2017!

Busy Lately!

Well... this has been quite the week!  Where to start.....

Brian had applied on line to a local home improvement store.  They called him back, set up an interview.  He arrived, told them why he was there, and they said "You don't have an interview here."  *blink*blink* after some discussion, it was discovered that it was supposed to be at a different location across town -- but on the same street.  lol  But my son has always had terrific luck, they spoke with him, he said he wanted to work at the store, but they only had one opening -- the same one he'd applied for at the other store.  Lucky him, they interviewed him right there on the spot. When asked why he wanted to work there, he replied "I heard it was a good company, and I like to make stuff."  "You know about tools??"  "Ohhh yeah....."  So who knows what will be in Bri's future!  He filled out papers and took his drug test today. We're just waiting on a start date now......   YAY!  *dances a happy jig*

As for his other saga .....  she called today and said she's been put on bed rest due to a placental abruption -- not usually a good thing if the bleeding doesn't stop.  But even from her bed rest, she continues to harp about how little she imagines Bri to care about what happens.   Always something from the drama queen..... *sigh*

Speaking of drama queens:  After my post the other day about the football game incident, I dropped an email to my daughter, told her I was pretty upset about the whole deal, and how sad I thought the situation was becoming.  I also told her that since I am the one who usually insists that Bri spend holidays down there, PLUS pays the bus fare and back, that I'm done.  If TheEx wants to see his son, he'll have to make the effort.  All of a sudden, he's calling every day, asking about Bri's job prospects, and telling him he'll come up this weekend to take him out.  Maybe a little bug in his ear from his daughter .... well, knowing my daughter it was more like a rant than a bug!  hahahah

My Dad started his second chemo treatment on Weds.  He was in pretty good spirits when I called him to share the news about Bri, but he also sounded tired and weak.  Mom has a new cast, one that's not so tight, her arm kept swelling up.  I keep wishing I was there.  Permanently, not just on vacation. 

And last, my back seems to be back to mostly normal.  Not sure what I did some time last Monday, whether it was stepping wrong, turning a foot wrong, or reaching while bending at the same time -- I pulled a muscle either in my hip or lower back.  (inflamed muscle, irritated nerve is my best guess)  Just taking steps was painful.  I wore a back brace just to hobble the dog around the block last weekend, but spent the rest of it flat on my back, on a heating pad.  Monday was a better day at work, I made sure I was careful and always wore my back brace when lifting or moving things.  After work, I stopped into the gym and did some mild stretches, rolled on the foamy roller, and got some cardio in on the elliptical.  I did that every day this week, and also started back with some light weights on Weds and today -- I'm not in tip-top shape, but its nice to be able to move without gritting my teeth!

Happy Weekend to you!

Smile, even when it hurts

So today was a heck of a day!  I've been trying to get at least one thing on the house accomplished every week, because we all know that houses need maintenance.   Today's chore:  to replace the on/off valve in the master bath shower.  Getting things done is mot an easy thing to do with all that's going on.

Let me recap for you:  Brian's saga goes along.  On Tuesday, Leigha dropped by - said she was in the neighborhood - she had her daughter and her husband with her.  To meet Brian.  um, what? why?  hahaha too weird, too looney toons!   Today, she sent a text about having to go to the ER (not sure why) and Brian answered "glad you're ok".  She sent back info about the babe's heartbeat being good and strong.   Brian said "cool".  And she goes off her rocker, mad because his "cool" sounded like he didn't care.  drama drama drama. 

Dad's colonoscopy turned up colon cancer, the resection didn't happen because they found more cancer in his abdomen and on his liver.  They've done another CT scan and have now found it on his lungs.  Brave man that he is, he's gonna give chemo a try, and gets his 'port' put in on Friday.

On Thursday, my mom fell down on her morning walk, and broke her wrist.  She had her cell phone, thankfully, and Dad picked her up, took her home.  She didn't go for xrays until much later.  Yes, its broken, and she's in a large hard cast -- its sparkly purple!  *grins*  She goes back to the doctor to check progress, making sure they don't need to do surgery (heaven help us, our family doesn't need any more!).  She will wear a cast for 8 weeks total - if not more. 

When I spoke to my sister Thursday, and again today, she sounds a little stressed, so I asked if I should come up and she said yes!  So in two weeks I'm dashing up to visit family, and hopefully get some family meeting time accomplished.  Its like there's a huge pink elephant in the room and no one wants to say the wrong thing -so they avoid talking about it at all, it seems.  But now is the time to make the decisions, to make sure things are in order, to put minds at ease so Dad can be cared for in the way he wants. 

In research on the web, there are a lot of good ideas about what will happen, what needs to happen, and how to make your wishes known.  We all have our own ideas about things -- but how often do we talk about them?  My aunt and I talk about it often, she's much like me, a realist who knows that death is inevitable for all of us.  It's the circle of life.  We need to make sure that our wishes are known, so they can be carried out.  And if its planned in advance, no one is left feeling guilty about knowing if they did the right thing.

To me, it should be a celebration of life, all the way to the end. 
And making sure there are no regrets left sitting out in the open. 
Make things right with your loved ones. 
Tell them all how much you love them.
And smile. 
Always smile.
Even when it hurts.

Brian's saga, ii

A week or so has passed by after Brian told me he wanted to move in with Leeah.  Being the concerned mom, I asked about having stuff for the apartment, and he admitted that she didn't have much in the way of things like dishes, furniture, etc.  So I started going through my cupboards, and I think Brian was feeling optimistic, excited about being on his own.  We pulled out some plates, bowls, utensils and started a couple of boxes of things....

The next day, I found a few more things in the cupboard and asked Brian if he wanted them.... "No, Leeah went shopping for new things instead.... She wants to do a beach theme."  Hm. Someone with little money, and no car, and is buying new stuff when there are other options.  This doesn't bode well.

Now me, I understand wanting to have a few things of your own, but when you have nothing, and so many needs.... oh well, she's an adult.  But my gut says nope, this is a Princess, and Brian has a lonnnng road ahead of him.   And I back off from trying to be a help.  The only thing I *did* do was to go online and order him a pizza stone.  Because in our house, he used that thing more than once a week, so it could be a big help for them.   I left it as a surprise, in a box, to give to them on moving day.

Then comes the shocker.  I came home from work, opened the door and no dog to greet me! I checked outside, she's not there, Brian's not in his room, and I'm beginning to feel a little panicky.  Then the back door opened, they both walked in, and one look at Brian tells me there's something really bad going on.  I can see shock and pain in his face.  So I probe gently and ask "What's up?" and he lets out big heaving sighs and walks in circles.  Because I know my son, I give him space to work up his courage to say the words:  "Leeah's pregnant."

"Wow.  Are you sure?"
"Yes, she's taken four pregnancy tests."
"Hmm.  ok.  Now what?"
"I dunno."

He's in major shock.  She gave him this news via text.  (wtf, you don't do it face to face if you're happy and in love???)   And she's mad at him over a conversation she had with my daughter -- and breaks up with him.  Over the phone or text.  As if he doesn't have enough to deal with at the moment, now this too.

My concern, the weirdness of it all for me is she doesn't seem to be in shock, she seems to have been expecting this, and is quite happy about it.  Which tells me she isn't mature and looking at the overall big picture of having another child to care for.   And neither of them has figured out that with family history, there's a good chance this baby could be visually impaired, hearing impaired, or both!

And drama queen that she seems to be,
she posts her positive test on FaceBook --
and loves the attention,
getting comments from friends with congratulations. 

Sorry, but congratulations isn't from me.
Good Luck is more appropriate -

they're gonna need it!!

Brian's Saga

My son is 27, and visually impaired.  Because of his impairment, he has always been behind his peers in maturity.  He hasn't had many relationships with girls, and he tends to believe the best of everyone - even those who have their own agenda(s), antd no qualms about using any means to get what they want.   Its a lovely trait, but can mean trouble for someone like him.


He met Leeah on the internet, and they began dating.  I tried not to get involved and let him find his own way, but I kept an eye on things as best I could -- what Mother wouldn't?  After a couple of months, he got the nerve to ask me if he could spend the night with her.  It was considerate that he asked, and of course I used my motherly position to remind him not to do anything stupid, and to always wear a "raincoat".  He gave the usual sigh teenagers reserve for parents who are being overprotective and said "I know..."  (I had a gut feeling about this from the get-go....)

The relationship continued, and seemed a normal kind of thing, and it wasn't my place to interfere.  Although, I wasn't thrilled when I met her for the first time.  She's a couple years older than he is, and has a four year old daughter.  What worried me is the next day and they had an argument over the phone -- what was it about?  "why doesn't your mother like me."

Hm, quite the insecure type, she told me she was a little on the shy side, but I'm thinking "naw, that's not it .... 'princess' is more apt"   We shall see.

In six months, there were several incidents such as this:  little tiffs over little things (in my opinion) with wide mood swings, threats to break up, and a short time later, making up again.  But they're in love, and want to move in together.   Being the mom that I am, I advised against this, but Leeah pushed for it, and so did he.  I wanted to know more about her and her situation but details were sketchy coming out. (Always makes me suspicious when facts are evaded)  Leeah has an eviction against her, some big credit card debts and her divorce isn't even final yet. 

"B .... this isn't a good thing, its not good timing, let her get her life back in order and on her feet before you make this kind of commitment."  Well, I'm assuming of course that he told her this, and she had answers for everything, she can get an apartment through something called "Second Chance".... when I googled it:   Arizona Second Chance, LLC helps formally incarcerated individuals become contributing members of their community.    whoa......  but she isn't incarcerated, so that can't be right.  But its the beginning of something fishy.    

After not buying that part of the story, the next part I get is "her mom gave her a month to find her own place and get out..."  Well, I can truly understand giving your kids a push to get out on their own, but in this case, does a mother do this when the girl has nothing?  No car, has only just started her new job, and has a child too??   Most parents, I think, would extend the time frame, give her a chance to get on her feet again .... be a helping hand for a few more months.  But not in this case. 

Against my advice, they decide to go ahead, find a place to rent.......... 
 
I'll keep you posted!  

(I'm writing this after the fact .... about a month later, as I had no idea where this would go, so I'm putting the background story into two parts, to catch you up to speed..... )