I Wish You Peace

Dear Brian,

It's Christmas Day.  The second hardest day I've ever had to endure.
Yesterday I melted down completely.
Today has been better, as long as I stick to my plan of house cleaning and laundry chores.

But knowing that you will never stroll through my front door ....
sorrow isn't a "big enough" word for it,
neither is grief.
They both seem to imply that they're either temporary, or will pass.
This isn't.

You're the only one who knew what this day was like before I lost you.
Now it's even worse.

My cousin and my sister both sent me a text to wish me Merry Christmas
along with my co-worker Rita.

Otherwise, another day spent like so many in the past.

I took down the gun rack you got from Doug one Christmas.
Maybe someone else will be able to use it.
I finally mailed off all your Legos.  They'll be cleaned up and repurposed to needy kids.
I'm hoping you like that thought.

I heard a song the other day, the chorus goes like this:

I wish you peace, I wish you love

I wish you blessings from above

We can try to make this world a kinder place

There is a lot that we can do

If we make our minds up to

All the loss and tears and pain

That seek release

I wish you peace

I hope you've found that peace, my son.

with all my love,

mom

Bah Humpug

It has been The Week From Hell - anyone in retail can relate, I'm sure.  Many hours prepping for The Sale, all for it to be over in a flash.  We all work hard, stay late, go the extra mile, all so our customers can get what they want to buy for their Holidays.  This is my 17th Season in retail, and I can honestly say I don't enjoy much of it any longer.  I may put on a brave face if family happens to come over, but they've learned over the years that I'm not at my best .....  Nothing takes the joy out of setting up a Christmas tree in your home when you've already been setting up trees in your store for more than 60 days.  Ugh.  Any more, I'd just rather have some kind of "destination gift" - a movie and treats for the whole family, a hike out in nature somewhere, just about anything to get away from the commercialism that the Holiday Season has become.

My gift to family each year is a calendar - one that I fill with custom photos that I've taken all year, or that I've dug up out of family archives.  As the family grows, it's impossible to have photos of everyone included but I do what I can.  At least on the first (or second) of every month, when they turn the page, it's something new to look at.  And if there's a photo that brings up a memory for them, all the better, in my book.  Yes.  I'm weird.  But I'm ok with that!

An update on the whole Elvis thing at my BigBoxStore.  I had a meeting with the area HR manager.  And basically her message was this:  "let the system work".  My comeback:  I've been letting it for six years now.  It doesn't.   He has this uncanny sense of timing and when he's coached, he overturns it as high as he can take it.  In the latest case, it took Upper Management six months to complete the hoop-jumping; and he knows that they a)  won't coach him for anything else while he's in the midst of this process (so he gets to literally skate his way through) and b)  that the coaching drops off after 12 months, basically buying himself those easy  months.  And while he was biding that time, he knew he could get away with extended breaks (on the clock, but not working) over and over again.  While me, I'm the one stuck with babysitting his mistakes, being the one who has to point out each of the issues and/or mistakes while management literally turns a blind eye - because *they* aren't the ones who have to work with it on a daily basis.  There are times when I have to talk to him about an issue, and management has sent in a witness, so that it won't be his word against mine -- the old "he said she said" defense. 

I also asked about his wanting a meeting to "clear the air" between us.  He was literally asking that I be told to "like him".  He was told I only have to treat him with respect.  That's my job.  And while it's OK that he gets to run around and bad-mouth me, spread rumors, I have to be respectful.  In the end, it seems that the reality of the situation is this:

::they aren't going to do anything and it's probably time for me to move on::

With that being said, it would be better to leave with my good name and the reputation I've built intact and find a store willing to transfer me in.  Of course, nothing will happen with the holiday season, so I have to bide my time until January.  As a sanity saving course of action, I have set an alarm on my phone for each day to remind me to go to the gym for my lunch hour, rather than be within the confines of my building, subjected to rumors, inuendos, and flat out ignorance.  

Work rant over.  

Thank you for reading!

Holidays, errr -daze

For The Sake Of Our Brother 

In a stable, in a manger

In the cold winter's air

In the arms of his mother

A child's lying there

In a city, in a village

Though the years have gone by

The child still remains

With the dream still close by

And each year on this night that child reawakens

And each year on this night that hope re-begins

That the dream he has offered might one day be taken

Trans Siberian Orchestra's "Lost Christmas Eve" has become one of my all time favorite tunes to play, to get me into the Christmas spirit.  It's become very difficult as year after year my holidays are spent working, prepping a BigBox store for the rest of the world to shop and create holiday magic for their own families.  I've worked retail for 16 holiday seasons now, and I've spent a total of two of them with family.  One because my father had been hospitalized in 2004, and 10 years later when he died.  Neither one of them were the joyous family gatherings they should have been.  Mind you, I'm not complaining (much!).  It's just a difficult life that anyone in any kind of service industry has when holidays are here, and we're not able to spend it with family.  

So thank you to those who provide services so that others can have their happy holidays:  

hospital staff, hotel staff, restaurant staff, retail staff, safety/city services staff.  

All deserve so much more recognition than is given!

 Family is the reason for the season!