Are They Miracles??

It's November and that leads me to think about things ... about how I have this great house that I worked my a$$ off to buy.  I signed the papers in December 2009 and realized today that this is where I've lived for the longest stretch of time in my life ... not counting my growing up years.  And that made me smile!  

I thought back to the time when I was trying to find a house to buy.  It was not an easy thing for me because I didn't know what I wanted to buy, or where.  I perused a lot of listings and would get easily discouraged because things were too over priced, or too large, and finally just kind of gave up, taking a break from the pressures.  And then in the middle of one night, a word came to me:  Impala.  And I remember thinking about that word for a few days, and just assumed that it was God's way of telling me about the car I needed to buy (at the time I was driving an Olds with 160,000 miles).  My realtor called me and said he has a listing to show me.  It was a cute house, on the small side and close to the bus lines, which were my two must-haves.  But something didn't feel quite right.  So the realtor suggested another house around the corner from this one, a foreclosure.  It was empty, and a little bit ugly because of the weird paint color on the inside.  But I liked it.  Making a decision to spend $100k was .... well, I usually tend to sleep on large purchases.  I told my realtor I'd call him and let him know.   I think I waited like 15 mins then called him back, said "make an offer"!!

Here is it, 12 years later and I'm still convinced that this house was meant for me.  So does that fall under the category of miracles?  In my mind, it does.  Because while we tend to think that a miracle is something usually related to health, as in being unexplainably cured of cancer, but maybe a miracle is something that happens and it's our perspective that makes it feel like it's a miracle.  Because in the "real world", how can an low-paid retail worker who's single afford a down payment on a house?  how can she qualify for a mortgage on her salary?  To me, it was a miracle.  Everything fell into place as if it was meant to be.  I saw the house on Oct 30, and signed the papers on December 9th.  

It was a wonderful miracle for me. :) 

Answered Prayers

Today, I was thinking about answered prayers.  Growing up, I often heard "be careful what you pray for, you might get it!"   There are two different kinds of prayers, or maybe I mean there are two different ways to pray for the same thing.  Sometimes we find ourselves praying that we find our soul mate.  But what happens if we pray for the grace to become the woman our soul mate would be attracted to?   Both could have the same outcome, but coming at it from different directions.  Sometimes we find ourselves praying for more money.  But maybe we should be praying for a change to our relationship with money?   Or we might pray for a change in our situation, when what we should be praying for is peace of mind, no matter which outcome occurs.

I watched a 7th Heaven episode where a kid with a troubled background wrote a letter to "the man who works for God" and asked him to pray for all the kids who have troubled backgrounds and signed it "anonymous".  When the main character couldn't let it go, he found the kid.  And this kid explained that if the congregation was praying not just for himself, but for all kids in the world who's lives were troubled or touched by violence, it might be enough to change the world. 

We've all had what we consider "unanswered prayers", and if you really think about it, maybe it was for the best.  Some of my prayers have gone unanswered, and after giving it time, I've come to realize that the answer was "no" to allow me more time, space, wisdom, and experience to prepare for a different time when the answer is going to be "YES"!!

Juggling Balls

 My life has been a series of many different times juggling balls.  I had two kids of my own, I also had several different step kids under my charge throughout the years.  Between being a mother and a wife, there's housekeeper, gardener, laundress, taxi driver  ... you know how it goes when you have a house full of kids!  I've also been a full time worker at a couple different jobs at the same time.  But as we get older, so do our parents  And lately, I've been having to juggle that particular ball as well. 

My mom is 83 and I used to say she was 83 years young.  But something happened over the summer.  I'm personally convinced it had to do with our trip to Montana for a destination wedding for my brother.  Mom started having anxiety about the trip from the get-go, but she wanted to go anyways.  The airlines changed our flights at the last minute:  rather than a direct flight from San Jose to Missoula, we were rerouted through Los Angeles.  Mom hates flying, and this added so much more to her anxiety.  We stayed at a Bed and Breakfast for 4 days and she began to have sleepless nights.  I thought it was just this trip.  But it continued once she got home.  She went to the doc several times, and tried many different prescriptions to alleviate some of her symptoms.  But they got worse. Or she got worse.  I scheduled a trip there for Oct 12, but flew in a week early because she wasn't doing well at all, calling me at all hours because she couldn't sleep.  She'd go for 48 or 72 hours with no sleep, which led to panic attacks, hyperventilating, moaning, pacing .... you get the idea. It was a real mess.  I was there for 5 days, flew home to work 3 days, then flew back.  The plan was to stay for another 5 days.  But she was in a tizzy two days before I was going to leave, and couldn't stop crying, so I extended my stay for another week.  We tried more docs, more meds, different routines  Walking. No walking.  Resting.  Melatonin.  Tylenol.  

I finally told my brother that he had to come down, she can't be left alone, and I had to get back to work.  Somehow he convinced her to go to his house in Reno.  She still isn't much better, but from long distance now, I'm having to handle the meds, making doctor telephone appointments, and being the go-to person when something goes wrong.  ie they ordered a refill of one of her meds and supposedly had it shipped to Reno.  She agonized for days over the arrival of the meds, and they never arrived.  Many sleepless nights, many crying jags on the phone with me because she acts like a "visitor" at my brother's house and hides her symptoms.  A doctor told my brother to email a different doc (geriatric psychiatrist) to get new meds.  I'm not sure what was said or what went wrong, but the doc said he would call ...... IN 5 DAYS.  Um, hello, she isn't sleeping and waiting another 5 days for meds??? oh no.  So *I* sent another email and nearly begged him to call her on Friday.  He did, they ordered meds, they were shipped FedEx and arrived today.  With any luck, she will sleep tonight! 

It's not easy being the one who has to juggle balls.  My brother never wanted her with him and expected her to choose to come to my home.  But she has her own very weird ideas about life right now, and "he has a bigger house".  Which isn't big enough when my sister in law works from home and needs everyone to be quiet while she works.  Mom's gotten a little hard of hearing and keeps the TV turned up quite loud.  

If you're the one who's juggling balls for the family, make sure someone else knows how to juggle too!  That's the best advice I have.  Not all of us can juggle at the same speed, but having someone take over the juggling once in a while is important.  Me, I'm getting a bit tired.  My brother doesn't work, hasn't worked in years.  Me, I've been working since I was 16.  And I'm wanting to retire. As soon as I can afford it.