Juggling Balls

 My life has been a series of many different times juggling balls.  I had two kids of my own, I also had several different step kids under my charge throughout the years.  Between being a mother and a wife, there's housekeeper, gardener, laundress, taxi driver  ... you know how it goes when you have a house full of kids!  I've also been a full time worker at a couple different jobs at the same time.  But as we get older, so do our parents  And lately, I've been having to juggle that particular ball as well. 

My mom is 83 and I used to say she was 83 years young.  But something happened over the summer.  I'm personally convinced it had to do with our trip to Montana for a destination wedding for my brother.  Mom started having anxiety about the trip from the get-go, but she wanted to go anyways.  The airlines changed our flights at the last minute:  rather than a direct flight from San Jose to Missoula, we were rerouted through Los Angeles.  Mom hates flying, and this added so much more to her anxiety.  We stayed at a Bed and Breakfast for 4 days and she began to have sleepless nights.  I thought it was just this trip.  But it continued once she got home.  She went to the doc several times, and tried many different prescriptions to alleviate some of her symptoms.  But they got worse. Or she got worse.  I scheduled a trip there for Oct 12, but flew in a week early because she wasn't doing well at all, calling me at all hours because she couldn't sleep.  She'd go for 48 or 72 hours with no sleep, which led to panic attacks, hyperventilating, moaning, pacing .... you get the idea. It was a real mess.  I was there for 5 days, flew home to work 3 days, then flew back.  The plan was to stay for another 5 days.  But she was in a tizzy two days before I was going to leave, and couldn't stop crying, so I extended my stay for another week.  We tried more docs, more meds, different routines  Walking. No walking.  Resting.  Melatonin.  Tylenol.  

I finally told my brother that he had to come down, she can't be left alone, and I had to get back to work.  Somehow he convinced her to go to his house in Reno.  She still isn't much better, but from long distance now, I'm having to handle the meds, making doctor telephone appointments, and being the go-to person when something goes wrong.  ie they ordered a refill of one of her meds and supposedly had it shipped to Reno.  She agonized for days over the arrival of the meds, and they never arrived.  Many sleepless nights, many crying jags on the phone with me because she acts like a "visitor" at my brother's house and hides her symptoms.  A doctor told my brother to email a different doc (geriatric psychiatrist) to get new meds.  I'm not sure what was said or what went wrong, but the doc said he would call ...... IN 5 DAYS.  Um, hello, she isn't sleeping and waiting another 5 days for meds??? oh no.  So *I* sent another email and nearly begged him to call her on Friday.  He did, they ordered meds, they were shipped FedEx and arrived today.  With any luck, she will sleep tonight! 

It's not easy being the one who has to juggle balls.  My brother never wanted her with him and expected her to choose to come to my home.  But she has her own very weird ideas about life right now, and "he has a bigger house".  Which isn't big enough when my sister in law works from home and needs everyone to be quiet while she works.  Mom's gotten a little hard of hearing and keeps the TV turned up quite loud.  

If you're the one who's juggling balls for the family, make sure someone else knows how to juggle too!  That's the best advice I have.  Not all of us can juggle at the same speed, but having someone take over the juggling once in a while is important.  Me, I'm getting a bit tired.  My brother doesn't work, hasn't worked in years.  Me, I've been working since I was 16.  And I'm wanting to retire. As soon as I can afford it.