Ramblings

After a long 15 days straight at work, I had trouble sleeping last night and had intense crazy dreams.  They were clear in my mind at 4am, but I can only recall snippets once I was wide awake.  It was a rough stretch at work and ....  I can feel a change is needed.  I busted my butt doing 80 hours of work in just a little over 40.  I didn't feel very appreciated after all that and that's a good sign that I need to change things up.  Mostly with my attitude.

What is it about me and the way I'm made up that makes me feel like I have to do *so* much ....  I know the basics of it relates to "work before pleasure"  meme when I was growing up.  Not that it was a bad thing, because i'm always getting my work done.  but it doesn't work in retail very well because in retail the job is never done, never finished, never complete.  Every day there are customers buying things and shelves that need restocking.  

So how do I find perspective in an eight hour shift that both fulfills my need to be productive, to "get the job done" and yet also lessens the stress I feel, or is it self impose, because it doesn't all get done in a day, in a shift.  I tell myself over and over that it's ok to just do my best and leave when I'm done.  But sometimes that isn't good enough.  Or so it seems.  

So this week I will be working on a change in attitude so there isn't a need to change my latitude.  But it isn't easy for me to do that.  And it seems especially worse now because of new leadership.  I have a very hard time relating with managers who feel the need to keep information to themselves.  We have a manager who prefers to speak Spanish and does so often in front of other employees who may not speak Spanish.  It's an odd sensation to feel as if someone is talking about you right in front of you but you have no idea what they're saying.  I'm also very uncomfortable with the way this manager has put up window blinds in an office.  What is going on in there that's so secret???  And here's my really personal pet peeve --- Women who have been given power don't seem to handle it very well.  Their decisions are often made in haste, or their thoughts on running things are made with mood swings or mood changes, leaving employees not knowing which way the wind will blow with each shift.  

As you can see, I'm incredibly unhappy with my current position and current management.  So along with changing thoughts about my own work habits, I'll be working on my own work attitudes as well.  I'll continue to do my best, but I think an all out 125% each day is asking too much from this old gal.  Letting go of the little irritations will be the first thing I'll be doing.  Making sure I'm taking my full breaks and lunches will be another thing.  Even if that means taking myself shopping elsewhere to burn up that hour each day.  ugh.  but staying in store means people free to ask questions even if I'm not on the clock, and that's not fair to me.

Yes, I'm just kind of rambling here because I need to.  I need to make sense of this, to make a plan in my mind so that I can keep working with a better outlook.   Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings.  Hopefully tomorrow I'll make more sense.  *grin*