Flowers

I am not a hot-house flower
who needs to be tended
several times a day.

I am more like a cactus
standing tall and proud
needing sun and water
to continue to grow.

Without water or sun
I can exist on my own.
for a time.

but signs of distress
begin to appear
after a time of neglect.

And that's how it is
with your love.

©L.Danielson.Poetry 2011

Today's Thought

Trust and honesty go hand in hand
in all aspects of life
but even more so in a relationship

there isn't one without the other
and when one part is missing....

is it time to let go and move on?

I matter !

At some point,

I have to say,

to believe,

that I am worthy,

that I am important,

that my feelings matter.

I MATTER!!

Letting Go

Ever had a sense that something you thought is.... isn't?
Or that something you thought would
or could happen... never does?

i have a lot of patience
and tend to see things in different ways.
i try not to live my life
by the world's standards,
but by my own.
most of the choices i make are uniquely my own.
sadly, expectations we have now are more learned than anything else
and the media, authority figures and friends have a lot of input into
just what we expect in certain things.

take relationships.
what we know of them,
how we feel about them,
is something we've learned over the years,
based on a lot of input from other sources than just ourselves.

When I look back on my life,
being married three times already,
i like to think that i've had my turn
and i don't need to have another man in my life.
while that's true about 75% of the time
a part of me wants
to have someone in my life,
a companion,
someone to share
the little things,
small joys,
little triumphs,
and the sorrows
that happens as well.

i had an image in my head
about sharing my life with someone
i regard as very special to me.
but when do you let go of a dream
that never moves from "square one"?

Lately, the image in my mind,
isn't as clear as it once was.

And there's a great deal of sadness
in letting go.

Wearin' Hats

How many different hats do us women wear in a lifetime? Plenty, for sure. Wife, Mom, Housekeeper, Referee, Cook, Lover, Social Secretary.... its no wonder our lives are confusing. Not only do we wear a lot of different hats, we need to be able to switch them in an instant, depending on what's going on around us.

And lately, I've been thinking a lot about the hats I've worn in the past. And now that my kids are grown, and I'm single, there aren't as many hats to be wearing at the moment. Do I miss them? No way! Well, ok, in some ways I do. With so many hats, a woman feels needed, for sure.

But when we move into the "golden years" (ack, I'm not that old yet!!!!!!!), we have a tendency to look back, to wonder about the hats we used to wear, and what hats will be ours now? and into the future?? One of the things I've noticed, or maybe its wondered, about myself is related to the hats I've worn, and seem to still be wearing. Most of you know I've been married and divorced three times. And yes, every now and then there's an occasion to hear about an ex, and I can't help but think to myself: "I had a hand in making him into the man he is now." No, I'm not trying to be a braggart and think that I took a lump of coal and turned him into a diamond! (lol) But I like to think that each is a better man for having known me. If nothing else, each of them learned a few good things from me, I'm sure. But ... the point I'm trying to make, or to reason out in my head, is that maybe that's a role meant for me: to bolster up, to encourage, to help men grow into who they're supposed to be.

Recently, I came into contact with someone across country who also works for a BigBox store. He hasn't been happy in his position, and hasn't been able to grow or move beyond the slot his store put him in. Rather than try to sway the minds that already seem made up, I encouraged him to try another store. And just recently, it happened; he'll be transferring to a new store, hopefully with better people who are willing to see his talents.

There are other men I've come in contact with as well - who didn't turn into husbands, but still seemed to gain from being friends. Mind you, its not a one way street, I gain just as much, I'm quite certain.

Anyways, just me, pondering on the roles I've had, the roles I am currently in, and the roles of my future and whatever it holds. Whatever hats you're wearing, don't grumble too much... you may miss them when they're gone!

hatty HUGS to everyone!

One Drop

a tear fell today
trickled down my cheek
and washed away a little pain
one drop at a time

like rains that caress
and shape the mountains,
a tear shapes and eases my hurt
one drop at a time

a tear fell today
sliding slowly down my face
and takes a small piece of hope
one drop at a time

like streams that trickle
moving rock down mountainsides
pieces of hope tumble away
one drop at a time

i know there will come a day
when pain is gone, hope returns
and my tears slow down
one drop at a time

©L.Danielson.Poetry

Elvis and Cap'n Jack!

I took a couple nights off from blogging, because my entire world lately has been all about the BigBox -- holidays and such. Ugh. So just a few things to update you on. First... I've spent all week training "Elvis" in my department, and its been quietly amusing for me. So far, he's wore a different pair of glasses and different pair of shoes every day. I was SO tempted to try for a picture -- but I didn't want him to be able to confirm just how odd I can be! *snickers*

But today was an even bigger laugh..... This morning, he came in as usual, wearing jeans, tee (and accessories of course!). Lunch time came around, and he left for his hour. When he came back??? He was wearing shorts!! Along with his glasses and shoes of course! and grey socks. When I walked in and saw it, I had to bite my tongue very hard to keep from laughing! Of course, I shared with Helen, my gal pal at work. Another one of the gals, when she noticed this, snuck over and whispered to me "I thought he was wearing his boxers when I saw him!" We laughed together over that!!

This evening after work, I popped into Lowe's, our local hardware store, picked up a few needed whatnots and then looked over the plant selection, picked up three bushes and a couple more cactus. I'm a sucker for them when they give them names like Lolita, or Red Headed Irishman. *grin* Hopefully, they'll have time to grow, get established before we get any frost type weather.

Yesterday, I brought Johnny Depp home with me!! He had to sit in the backseat of my car, however, as his dagger was jabbing me as I tried to drive! In my BigBox store, we had a lifesize cutout of Johnny as Captain Jack... quite detailed picture, so I got to bring him home. *grin* It was the funniest thing to tell my mother I was bringing Johnny Depp home --- "WHO?" hahahaha

Life's pretty good, and why wouldn't it be?
I'm a pirate, after all!!

Hope everyone has had a really great week,
and is looking forward to the holidays!

HUGS to everyone!

Lady in Waiting

For Christmas, my daughter got me this vintage victorian style dress form. And my first thought was "what will I do with this?" Its SO cute , and it totally suits me and my bedroom decor. I ended up putting it right near my bathroom mirror, and now I use it as my jewelry storage. Every day, I get to pick and choose from pieces of jewelry that are right at my fingertips -- no digging through some dish on the dresser. Instead, things are hanging right there, ready to try on with my latest outfit. (OK, maybe its overkill to try and match jewelry to my work uniform!) But I have all this neat stuff to wear, and never wore it often enough -- I didn't want it to get ruined at work. But why have it if I'm not going to enjoy it???

Life is too short not to enjoy some of the nice things we have. Rather than saving them up for some special occasion (that may or may not happen), why not enjoy them every single day?

A Good Day

Today was one of those really good days, and I'm not sure why or what made it so good. Could it be the change in my vitamins? Perhaps. It'd be nice to think those were actually doing me some good!

Work went well, went quick, and I accomplished a lot. Those are usually the good kind of days for me; after work I took a nap for an hour, then got up and got very busy working on my house as well, catching up on all those chores that when you're tired you say "I'll do later...." and later... well, it gets pushed back more and more sometimes. I also got loads of paperwork done as well, and gosh, now I'm lost as to what to do next! I guess relax and read a little bit, that'd be fine with me!

For those of you wondering how to have your own good day, I found this tidbit here:

1. Talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
2. Look at the sunny side of everything.
3. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best.
4. Be as enthusiastic about success of others as you are about your own.
5. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
6. Give everyone a smile.
7. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others.

~Christian D Larsen

With that being said.... I hope your tomorrow is a good one!

Good Day HUGS to everyone!

Dream Catcher

Yesterday I was doing a little shopping, and found a set of jangle bracelets for myself, five for $5 - couldn't pass them up! I also found a dream catcher. I've been eying them off and on for some time now, but most seemed to be colored - perhaps to match bedroom color schemes - but to me they didn't look like they should. When I saw this one, I just had to have it.

Native Americans believe that the night air is filled with dreams both good and bad. The dream catcher when hung over or near your bed swinging freely in the air, catches the dreams as they flow by. The good dreams know how to pass through the dream catcher, slipping through the outer holes and slide down the soft feathers so gently that many times the sleeper does not know that he/she is dreaming. The bad dreams not knowing the way get tangled in the dream catcher and perish with the first light of the new day.

Here is a story about the history of the Dream Catcher, which I found on the web courtesy of DreamCatcher.org

Long ago when the word was sound, an old Lakota spiritual leader was on a high mountain and had a vision. In his vision, Iktomi, the great trickster and searcher of wisdom, appeared in the form of a spider. Iktomi spoke to him in a sacred language. As he spoke, Iktomi the spider picked up the elder's willow hoop which had feathers, horsehair, beads and offerings on it, and began to spin a web. He spoke to the elder about the cycles of life, how we begin our lives as infants, move on through childhood and on to adulthood. Finally we go to old age where we must be taken care of as infants, completing the cycle.

But, Iktomi said as he continued to spin his web, in each time of life there are many forces, some good and some bad. If you listen to the good forces, they will steer you in the right direction. But, if you listen to the bad forces, they'll steer you in the wrong direction and may hurt you. So these forces can help, or can interfere with the harmony of Nature. While the spider spoke, he continued to weave his web.

When Iktomi finished speaking, he gave the elder the web and said, The web is a perfect circle with a hole in the center. Use the web to help your people reach their goals, making good use of their ideas, dreams and visions. If you believe in the great spirit, the web will filter your good ideas and the bad ones will be trapped and will not pass.

This is the dream catcher

I hung over my bed....

and it must have worked,

I had a really good dream last night :)

dreamy HUGS to everyone!

Choices

“If you limit your choices
only to what seems possible or reasonable,
you disconnect yourself
from what you truly want,
and all that is left is compromise.”

~Robert Fritz

Just a short quote today, its been a long week; time is flying by and yet, there are moments when it feels as if its all standing still. I hope your week was better than mine was.

tired HUGS to everyone!

One of those days!

Ever have one of those days
where you get to the end of your day
and feel like you've run out of things to say??

Today feels like one of those days.

What was supposed to be a light work day
turned out to be one of the harder working
days than ever! The kind where every time
you turn around
someone
is bringing more
for you to do.

And I thought I'd get to leave early today. HA!

Here's hoping that the rest of the week is a downhill slide from here!

HUGS to everyone!

Lingerie

Just a short thought today, as I slipped into a nightgown after my evening shower, and found myself thinking about the ones I have tucked inside a drawer. I confess, I have a penchant for lingerie: nighties, silky robes, bras and panties, stockings, even fuzzy slippers!

Lingerie can be a woman's best friend! There is nothing like the feeling you get when you're dressed the best --- underneath your clothes!!! When you slip into a pair of panties that make you feel extra sensual, it shows on the outside (and I bet makes people wonder what your secret is!!) Wearing the correct things underneath our clothes doesn't always have to be the practical or utilitarian type any longer. So many undergarments are both sexy and useful. And even five pounds can make a difference in how a bra, or those scanty panties, fit. Even if your budget doesn't allow for a drawer full of matching sensual sets, there's always room for one or two sets for those special occasions - or when your spirit needs a lift!

Without even realizing it, are you wearing next to your skin, which protects your heart and your soul, garments that make you feel less than gorgeous? If so, I think it's time to go shopping!

scanty HUGS to everyone!

Silence is Golden

“Silence, I discover,

is something

you can actually hear.”
― Haruki Murakami,

Kafka on the Shore

Silence is a source

of great strength.

~Lao Tzu

After a long day at work,I enjoy coming home and relaxing in my rocking chair, watching the world go by outside my window, the only sound is the creaking noise my old chair makes as I rock back and forth, letting the silence surround and soothe me.

There are quite a few quotes about silence:

Silence is Golden

silence is golden, duct tape is silver

A man is known by the silence he keeps

Silence is like a river of grace
inviting us to leap unafraid into its beckoning depths.

But no matter what your favorite quote about silence is, there's just nothing like a little silence, and solitude, in order that we may stop and listen to our own thoughts. In a conversation with a friend, he said "everything in nature has a pulse, and it's something we need to feel". I think we all need to slow down, to stop and stay quiet for a while, enjoy the silence, and listen to the pulse of nature around us.

silent, soothing HUGS to everyone!

howling coyotes

Sunday is the usual day for chores - and that includes grocery shopping. Never my favorite chore, for sure, as I'm not much of a shopper. I'm more the kind who has 'the basics' memorized for a location, and can shop -- zip, zip, zip -- up and down all the aisles and be done in 20 minutes. But most times, I take my son with me, and sometimes we shop - the real kind of shopping, where you look at new things, old things, clearance things.

Today, for some reason, I felt like I should go check out the cactus in my BigBox store. Which I don't normally do on a grocery trip, cuz dirt and food doesn't mix so well! But. I went out among the fall flowers and saw this concrete coyote and thought, man, I just gotta HAVE THAT! *hehehe* Took it to the register to check the price, it had an original sticker of $32 on it. But it was the last one, and they thought it had been marked down at one time. So, she suggested $10, so I took it!! reallllly fast. Some days, you just can't pass up a bargain!

When I got home, I had my son put it on the fence for me,
I wanted an awesome picture of it!
Now I'll have to give him a name - any suggestions?
he can guard my yard for me!

... I wonder if he'll keep neighborhood cats out??

HUGS to everyone!!

R&R Saturday

Today was the first Saturday, the first weekend day in fact, in a very long time where I didn't have to get up for any reason, nothing planned, nothing necessary on the agenda. It was really nice to be able to lounge around, read a book, play a little computer game or two, read some more, all the while huddled under the covers on a chilly fall morning. (well, chilly by desert standards!)

Then 8am arrived, and I knew it was time to get up. *hahaha* I'm an early morning riser, so lounging til 8, that's an extra 3 hours!! I can't say that I overdid myself regarding the usual weekend chores. We had a storm roll through last night, chilled us off, left us with some rain, and cleaning the yard when its still wet and muddy just wasn't going to be on my list.

So I decided to try a new photo editing program, Gimp. Like it fairly well; and thanks to my best friend, learned a lot about layering things, which is only one of the many many features it has. Plus its free :) Check out what I was able to do with my photo:

gotta love the before and after shots of something :)

Here's hoping that no matter what was on your agenda for today, that you enjoyed yourself, and found time to get some of your own well needed R&R as well!

HUGS to everyone!

Pocket Change

The weather turned cool here in the Valley of the Sun, and early this morning I slipped into a jacket, stuck my hand in the pocket and found treasure! It's always a nice surprise when you wear a fav pair of pants, or a coat that's been put away for a while and come up with some kind of pocket change!

Today, however, it wasn't pocket change, but a seashell collected at the beach in June when I visited with my granddaughter. I folded my fingers around it, closed my eyes, and imagined I was standing at the ocean's edge again, the soft rippling foam at my feet, the roar of the waves as they rolled in, every now and then, a seagull's cry in the distance.

Sometimes, its the little things, the little moments in time that give us the greatest pleasure when we look back at them. Have you checked your pockets today?

HUGS to everyone!

51 Days and Counting

There's a hint of magic......

.....when Christmas is in the air.

If you've been to any stores lately, you know that Holiday decorations are up already. They were experimenting with holiday songs in my BigBox store today -- and I'm so happy there isn't a speaker near where I work!! Don't get me wrong, I love the holidays, but ... 8 hours a day from now til then? Just a little overkill, if you ask me.

Today after work, I happened to see this wreath, and bought it. Here in the Valley of the Sun, an evergreen garland with poinsettia's on it looks a little out of place. This one seemed to suit me just fine -- not too fooo fooo or fussy :)

HUGS to everyone!

Love Yourself!

"Love is an art,
like music, dance,
or painting pictures.
It thrives on light,
and imagination, and daring.
The heart of the lover
learns wisdom
from a stone,
a song,
a blossom,
a breeze."
~Rainier Maria Rilke

Just a quick posting tonight, sharing a quote I found about love. One of the things I'm learning about love is it's harder to love ourselves than it is to love someone else. We're so accustomed to being taught how to love someone else, that we forget that in order to be loved, we need to love ourselves as well. Sometimes we need to let the world around us go on, while we take a moment to gather our thoughts and get to know our self again. When was the last time you gave yourself a treat, just because you're you? As women, especially women with kids, we're often prone to putting ourselves last, and frankly, if we don't take care of our own needs, will there be enough of us to go around to fulfill the other needs in our life?

Indulge in that sinfully luscious chocolate truffle, have champagne and caviar for breakfast every now and then. Try some favorite tunes, and sing along as if you're the star! Cameron Tuttle suggests:

"Whisper sweet nothings into the air,
then spin around really fast
to catch them in your ear."

What a lovely way to hear those things we need to hear!

Make time for you, love yourself, even if only for a moment today!

Loving HUGS to everyone!

Art, for lack fo a better word

Modern Art? some kind of Zen? Feng Shui?
I'm not sure what category one would put this under.....

Today, after work, I sat in my lounge chair and relaxed while reading a book, sipping a Diet Coke (helps with the stress!). Afterwards, I watered my cacti and puttered around, picking up stray leaves and palm pieces, general tidying up of the yard. In between, I was keeping an eye on the clouds in the sky as the sun set in the west, hoping for a great picture or two. (I got my wish!)

Last thing before heading into the house, I arranged some limbs against one of my walls. The wind tends to blow them down, but its fun to re-arrange them! It comes out different every time, and it can be very soothing to set them, balance them, and make them look interesting, all at the same time. Since the word 'art' seems to encompass all kinds of things, I'm going to call it that too. And pretend there was a little "zen" to it as well, since it made me feel relaxed, and good. *smiles* Give 'art' a try sometime, it might surprise you, too!

Art-sy HUGS to everyone!