Letting Go

Ever had a sense that something you thought is.... isn't?
Or that something you thought would
or could happen... never does?

i have a lot of patience
and tend to see things in different ways.
i try not to live my life
by the world's standards,
but by my own.
most of the choices i make are uniquely my own.
sadly, expectations we have now are more learned than anything else
and the media, authority figures and friends have a lot of input into
just what we expect in certain things.

take relationships.
what we know of them,
how we feel about them,
is something we've learned over the years,
based on a lot of input from other sources than just ourselves.

When I look back on my life,
being married three times already,
i like to think that i've had my turn
and i don't need to have another man in my life.
while that's true about 75% of the time
a part of me wants
to have someone in my life,
a companion,
someone to share
the little things,
small joys,
little triumphs,
and the sorrows
that happens as well.

i had an image in my head
about sharing my life with someone
i regard as very special to me.
but when do you let go of a dream
that never moves from "square one"?

Lately, the image in my mind,
isn't as clear as it once was.

And there's a great deal of sadness
in letting go.