It's just one more week until Christmas, my first Christmas without you.
And I can barely think about it, because it brings so much grief.
I find myself shopping, thinking "Ooo, Brian would like this!!"
and then I remember.
It makes me so sad.
and sometimes a little mad!
If only, if only, if only ......
In my heart of hearts, I would like to believe that I could have gotten you around this really difficult mountain that you were trying to deal with by yourself. Or could I ?
You held everything so close inside you in the last few weeks with you.
If only, if only, if only ......

The little tree is up in the living room.
I walk the neighborhood looking at light displays.
It momentarily makes me smile
but nothing is the same without you.
Love,
Mom
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