Old Agers

I have finally reached that stage that qualifies me to be in a different stage of life-- the one I call "old age-ers".  I saw my doctor a few days ago, and being 61, and overweigt, my blood pressure was higher than usual.  And she promptly prescribed Lisinipril.  I'm not excited about taking these kinds of meds because once you start, you neer stop.  *sigh* I'm very unhappy with this but what can a gal do?

I took my first dose last night, and all was well.  I was awake often, wondering if every little ache or twinge was something to worry about.  I guess not -- I survived the day and managed to get some chores done, and do a little bit of sewing and relaxing as well.  

I've started doing research on the med, and what side affects to watch for, what interactions it has with other drugs or supplements, and what foods to eat or avoid.  It will take some research to get past the rumors and down to the nitty gritty.  

I upped my game on The Beast, and doing what I can to keep exercise as one of the most important things I do for me.  I'm also doing what I call my "poor man's diet" - bringing my lunch from home, and increasing my water intake. 

The only goal in this new mindset is keeping me and my heart healthy. 

And to not beat myself up if I slip every now and then!!

Not My Year

 I usually have a pretty good year in even numbered years.  

2020 hasn't been that year for me.

In April, I had to replace my AC unit - didn't like the price, but glad I did it, because this has been Arizona's hottest summer ever!! 

Then a new roof - Another costly home improvement

Along comes COVID-19 and the world feels lopsided.  We're out of toilet paper, paper towels and cleaning supplies.  Stores are shopped heavily, people seem to be hoarding everything from frozen foods to canned goods.  Four months later and there are still things that aren't available.

Summer heat keeps us indoors, and I spent my spare time sewing masks because we're all required to wear them in all public places.  Then my sewing machine quit.  And I love my very old Kenmore!  To repair or not to repair ? 

My sister lost her battle with pancreatic cancer.

Then my fridge quits - another $1200 spent, and a day waiting for delivery. 

Today was my annual physical.  Getting old means things don't work as well as they used to.  My blood pressure has been slowly rising over the last five years and today was "the talk" about starting to take blood pressure meds.  And a referral to see a cardiologist.  

I'm afraid to see what the rest of the year brings!!!!

And SO ready for it all to be over .... 

This has not been my year.

Too Much Going On

Dear Brian,

Life has been hectic lately, and with everything going on .... boy, I miss having you here! 

The fridge has been acting up, so I called in a Sears repairman.  The logic board went out on the freezer side, and the parts are no longer available.  So I had to dash around to Home Depot to see if I could find another one.  But all the side by sides are taller than will fit in the space.  Ugh  So I dashed over to Lowe's.  They had a Whirlpool that would fit but the ice machine was in the door and looked kinda jinky; next to it, a Frigidaire that's exactly like the one here.  AND it was on sale.  So I didn't waste any time and bought it.  It will be delivered Weds, and I'm wishing you were here all over again so that the ice maker line could be installed.  Here's another thing I gotta figure out how to do on my own.  

I was sewing more masks today, and my sewing machine seized up.  If you were here, I know you could figure out how to fix it.  And now I have to invest in a new machine, or have this one fixed.  Having this one fixed is better, because it's all metal and a real workhorse.  New ones are all plastic-y ... *sigh*  Another reason for wishing you were still here. 

I miss having convos with you, even though I have them every day in my mind.  I still tell you things and then wish you were here to help me with this thing or that chore.  Not a day goes by that something doesn't need doing, and I wish for your help. Or your company.  

I burst into tears yesterday and today, just from missing you.  I'll never truly get over not having you around.

Love you always, 

Mom

Family Time

 Dear Brian:

Just got home from a trip to Calif; we were there for Auntie's burial.

With the COVID pandemic, things are certainly off.  We had to make an appointment for her burial, there was a limit to how many could attend (20).  Once we made the appointment, we turned in a list of names with addresses and phone numbers for everyone who would be attending.  It wasn't easy determining who could be there, and who couldn't.  Of course, you know how it is with Auntie -- literally everyone in Santa Clara knew who she was.  If it had been open to the public, there wouldn't have been room to hold everyone.  

It was a warm sunny day; chairs were spaced six feet apart and we all wore masks.  The heck with the social distancing rules, some of us hugged each other!   It was sort of a clusterfuck in that the cemetery doesn't open it's gates for those attending until 5 minutes before start time.  Grandma and I tried to be there early -- that didn't go well.  lol .   We parked then had to wait, and Brandon escorted us in to the correct gate.  Too much anxiety for a day filled with so much anxiety!  

We had a party for family afterward.  Jake brought pizza and plenty of booze.  It was nice being able to share the day with all of them.  They even got Grandma to drink a shot of Fireball --- needless to say she didn't like it, and made quite the face!  They recorded it.  haha  Was too funny.

The boys were drinking shots of Fireball and beer and .... I don't know what else.  They were soused by the end of the night.  We chased them out at 10pm, Grandma had had enough!  The next day, Jake wasn't feeling well but he brought Zane by to see us all, what a cutie!  

But the whole time, I kept wishing you'd been there with us.  You should have been.

I miss you every day.

Love, Mom

Family First

Haven't been forcing myself to post as often as I should.  There's just so much going on around me right now, that taking time to write it all down just ... seems to much for me to do.  Which is usually the opposite for me.  I enjoy writing things down and getting it out in the open, and out of my system!

But it's just been a little bit much to handle.

And frankly, it's not the actual "events" that is the bummer.  It's the things going on in what I call "behind the scenes" that make me feel a bit ill.

When someone dies, there's a shift in every family dynamic.  Each person feels the effects of losing a person in different ways, depending on who that person was to them in life.  But instead of it pulling people together, making them feel closer to those in the family who are still here ... sometimes it makes people do funny, weird, crazy, odd things.  Back in "the old days", when families gathered to eat meals together every week, when families gathered together in sorrow to comfort each other, there seemed to be a different sense of family.   But something is missing in today's society.

My own family is a part of the 'new ways'.  And it makes me really sad. 

When things like this happen, I can't help but wonder about family dynamics.  My brother, sister and I were raised by the same parents, with the same values and were shown the same work ethic.  And yet we're all quite different -- and raised our own kids quite different as well!  How is that possible?  My own thought about it is that as kids we see our parents and we either comply with how they brought us up or we rebel and think we don't want to be like them at all.  I'm most like my parents, and live by what some call old fashioned values.  Family first.  When something happens, you're there for the rest of them.  When my dad was near the end, he made me promise to take care of mom.  He told me, "If there's a question about what should be done, ask yourself 'What would dad want?' " 

That's what I've been doing.
It's not always easy!
But family first.