Family Dynamics

 How we grow up has a huge impact on how our adult lives shape up.  There's a lot of talk on the internet about dysfunctional families, and how it impacts the children in a dysfunctional household.  The dysfunctions don't always mean physical abuse.  Sometimes it's the subtle little things that create some huge barriers in our adult life.   And there's a trickle down effect as well if our parents came from some kind of dysfunction as well.   My family is no different

I'm sure that what has shaped my adult years is a direct result of my growing up years.  My mother had a troubled childhood, her mother died when she was still a toddler.  She also had issues getting along with her stepmother, or maybe it was the other way around, and her stepmother had trouble dealing with stepchildren.  Add to it being raised on a farm where things were never easy, and I guess I can see where there might be issues.  Some of them weren't ones that I expected. 

As my mother ages, things become more complicated between us.  Her husband died 6 years ago, her daughter died a year ago.  I'm the daughter who moved away, taking children out of state.  We weren't close when I was growing up, and I think that created another kind of wedge between us, but I'm certain my mother wouldn't admit to it.  

As I ponder our current dynamic, it makes me wonder about the growing up years.  I always felt closer to my dad, but was that because of my own preference?  or because I sensed from an early age that my sister was my mother's favorite??  And now that my mom needs help with a few things, she asks, but she also discounts my advice.  For example, she asked me the other day if taking Melatonin to help her sleep would interfere with the new drug prescribed by her doctor.  I checked the internet, looked up both meds and found no reasons, so told her to go ahead and take it.  She didn't believe me and called a nurse hotline to ask.  This brought home what I already knew:  if my sister had given her that advice, she would have taken her word.  But mine isn't good enough.  That's a very old dynamic between her and I, and that won't be changing.  So what can I do?

One of the things I concluded with all this thinking I've been doing is that I have to live my own life, and whatever she says or does, I can't take personally.  While I can become very frustrated or agitated over the situation, I won't be the cause of creating a rift.  Or another rift.  She hasn't spoken to her brother in about 12 years.  She didn't speak often to her own dad in the last 10 years of his life either.  So while I'm not educated in family dynamics, I'm sure the current situation is a direct relation to her growing up years.  

Whatever stage your life is in, make sure you are doing your best.  What we do, what choices we make, how we act, is in direct relation to our future - and the future of our children.

Old Dog, New Tricks

 They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks.  And maybe that's based on a little bit of truth.  But I can also say that's not the whole story.  I think old dogs CAN learn new tricks, but they don't learn them on their own very well.   And yes, I'm talking about me.  And a little bit about my mom! 

First for me.  I got my first flat screen "smart" tv in 2016.  I was a late bloomer in this category because I didn't watch much tv in the first place.  And the tv I had, one of those really big old clunkers, played my DVDs just fine! so why change??  But I did.   Little did I know that in six years, tvs would change by leaps and bounds.  It's downright overwhelming at times.  And yes, I used to depend on my son to help me out with all this tech stuff that was new!   But back to the story ....

About 10 days ago, both my tvs have stopped playing HULU.  I had no idea that the software would change and between this company and that company, updates weren't going to happen any more and poof, no more HULU.  During my off working hours, I spent every minute researching "tricks" if you will, to get HULU back to working, including resetting the tvs back to factory defaults, etc.  It didn't work, and I finally stumbled upon the Vizio website that told me they weren't going to be upgradinng my version of TV any longer.   We have truly come to a throwaway world.  The last TV I owned, I had it for nearly 15 years.  UGH.

So. Off to the store I went to get a streaming DVD player.  Got it home and read the box:  does not support HULU.  Back to the store to return it.  And now I seem to be faced with the truth that I have to buy a new TV.  UGH.   Thank goodness they're not $1000 any more!   I read somewhere that I could hook up a ROKU.  I tried that once in the past, and didn't like it at all and took it off my tv.   I haven't found anything else streaming that plays HULU.  So I plugged in my old Wii console.  Hulu is on that, but .... I can't get it to connect.   instead, I turned on the Wii, put new batteries in the Fit Board, and am entertaining myself for the time being.  But the *joy* of Wii Fit won't last long - - - I'll need to decide on a new TV soon.   Yippee. 

Seventh Heaven

Are you ready for the holidays???  Working in retail means we are already beginning to move into holiday items being ready to put on the shelves.  Yes, I know how disheartening it can be when it's all out "too early".  Although there's an excitement to seeing all the neat things, it can be rather daunting for those of us who work retail to deal with all of it from September through December.  It's a long haul, so if you're out shopping, be kind to the hard workers who are getting things ready for your Christmas! 

In the meantime, I've been binge watching the old TV show 7th Heaven.  Tonight's episode was a Christmas show, and it made me realize just how close we're getting to this year's season of giving.  By the time it arrives, I for one am quite tired of it all.  But that's just me.  This will be my 21st holiday season in retail.  It's changed a lot over that many years! 

But how can we make the holidays more meaningful?  Do you just feel so much obligation, so much pressure, so much hustle and bustle that you get lost in the busy-ness and miss the actual holiday??  I know I find that happens for me.  I have to make a real effort to get back to the "reason for the season".  Some days I force myself to find my fav holiday CDs, to make myself some hot chocolate, to kick back and just relax in the season.  Some years, I feel almost "forced" to put up the tree, to decorate around the house, because the fact is after looking at it all day long at work, (and cleaning up after holiday shoppers every single day!!!!)  coming home to more of that can be a bit overwhelming at times.  But it's important to remember the real reason of the season.  That we should spend our time with those we love.  That's really where my 7th Heaven is!

Power of Music

 I'm behind in my postings because life has been interfering ... is that the correct term?  Ok, there's just a lot of real life going on, and no extra time for the little pursuits that I enjoy.  

Mom's been having anxiety issues.  I don't know what her *fear* is, but it overwhelms her and makes her feel ill.  When she feels ill, she gets anxious, and as she gets more anxious, she feels even more ill.  It's a horrid cycle and I'm not really sure how to help her.  So we're experimenting with different *things*.  At the same time, she has become .... childlike, and refuses to take anything over the counter to help her without speaking to a doctor.  Every time.  Doctors don't have time for that!  I'll have to be making some kind of decision.   Soon.

In the meantime, a great avenue of escape is music.  It can be a great source of therapy!  Each of us has that certain music that brings us to a point of peace. Or joy. Or just plain old happiness!  I have several different types that work for me.  Old country music when I'm feeling nostalgic - because I was raised on it growing up with my parents.  Or there are the old gospel standbys that speak to my spirit and lifts me to a different place.  Or my classic rock, bass thumping playlist on my MP3 player that gets me motivated to move.

All of these very different types of music has a place in our lives.  Maybe it's classic music that moves you; or maybe it's hip hop or oldies or whatever is the current pop type.  But whatever you're listening to, music has rhythm and listening changes the rhythm of your body, lifting your mood, helping you to move, reduce stress, increase energy, or infusing itself into your spirit. 

New Month, New Day, New Year

Here it is, the beginning of a new month:  September.   When I was a kid, that always meant back to school, a new school year, and kind of a new beginning, almost like New Year's.  And with that, it was new clothes, new shoes, and new school supplies.  For me, there's nothing better than a newly sharpened pencil and notepad!  The possibilities that a new box of crayons provides is an endless supply of joy!

But for me, this September 1 was a bit different.  My mother s 83 and hasn't been feeling well since our trip to the destination wedding in Montana.  Trying to help her from long distance is definitely not an easy thing.  And at her age, there's just something about that generation that tend to keep so many things to themselves.  I knew about her stomach/gastro issues.  But when I asked my nephew to stop in and see her, she told him she was in pain.  He immediately took action and drove her to the ER to get some help and relief.  They ran some tests, no heart issues, all the blood work came up normal, so it's just some gastro issues.  He gave her a prescription to control her nausea.  She has an appointment with a gastro doctor on the 10th.  That can't come fast enough for me! 

So in the spirit of new beginnings, of a new school year, a new month, here's hoping that your September is starting off with a bang!   Will you start something new?  Start a new project?  Go back to school?  Begin an exercise program?  Or maybe just commit yourself to starting each day with a positive thought?   The possibilities are endless ...