Loss of Control

Whenever my spirit feels restless or troubled, my fav author to turn to is Sarah Ban Breathnach.  She's written a couple of good books that speak about making life simpler, enjoying more of life through the little things.  Because we  become so crowded with stuff and events in our lives that are out of our control at times, that we become overwhelmed, sometimes to the breaking point.

Sometimes we have these illusions that we feel we can keep up, that we believe in, to help us through our day -- believing that this time he'll stop drinking, the kid's just going through a phase, that the argument's over money and not power, or that the unworkable will work if you just try a little harder.  Maybe parts of it are true, but if not, you're setting yourself up for the double-cross, that moment when we are convinced that life can be manipulated.

Life can't.  But we can.  A few weeks go smoothly, at home and work, and suddenly we succumb to the lure of thinking we can control relationships or the course of events.  We line everything up in perfect order so that, through sheer force of will, we'll be at the right place at the right time.  But when we become addicted to thinking we can control another person's behavior or a particular outcome, we're as vulnerable as a crack addict who things this hit will be their last.  We assume we can handle the day, the deal, the deadline.  But when we can't, we spin out of control and into what feels like a nosedive.  "Whatever we try to control has control over us and our life."

Harsh words.  But we've all been there, believing we are in control.  We need to face the truth:  You can never lose something if you never had it to begin with.  You were never in control and you never will be.  Let go of that illusion so that you can cut your losses and move on.

Acceptance of the inevitable -- as difficult and painful it might be today-- is the first step toward an authentic trade-off:  "We trade a life we have tried to control, and we receive in return something better-- a life that is manageable."