No matter how well one plans things out, as we near the end of our lives, there are a million details that need to be seen to. My sister just lost her 3+ years long battle with pancreatic cancer. Although it is my own thought that once it traveled to her liver, that was what caused her to go downhill so quick.
She was a fighter though. She endured many different chemo treatments. When a person thinks "chemo", it's easy to assume that all chemo treatments are the same. They definitely aren't! She was on either 3 or 4 different "cocktails" over the years, each specifically mixed up for her own unique situation. Which was sometimes the cause of chemo treatments being so lengthy. They don't premix them days before your scheduled appointment. When you arrive, that's when the mixology takes place. Some of it kind of boggles the mind.
Each different treatment gave her different side affects. But she endured them and got through the sickest of days afterward, and seemed to bounce back to her old self for a while - until the next treatment.
During each rally back after treatment, she somehow found the strength to keep living her life to the fullest. She took many small vacations, and some extravagant ones: Ireland, Puerto Vallarta, and her favorite place, Trinity Mountain Meadow Resort. She took her sons to Hawaii, a few times to Arizona for Spring Training Baseball. She toughed it out and got to know her first grandson, Zane. He called her Nanni. They were best buds!
But in the end, there came a time where she started feeling worse, and then it all happened so fast. Hospice was arranged, and 3 days later she got her angel wings. Her smile, her joy, her love of life was catchy - and she shared with all those around her.
But with the pandemic, making arrangements for just about anything has been an ordeal. California is a locked down state, and everything takes time, and sometimes special permissions in order to get things accomplished. Which puts everyone in a weird holding pattern for the time being. We predict her memorial service will not be held until this pandemic is over.
She was always in control of things, and had her plans in place. But even with the majority of the plans laid out, there are still so many things that have to be coordinated. And while I have my own estate plans done, I know there are going to be many other decisions and tasks that those left behind will have to deal with. I am trying to learn from my experiences so that there will be less for my daughter to have to think about. But even the best plans aren't complete. And for that, I apologize from the get-go to family.
There isn't any easy way to say it, and most people avoid discussions about the death of a loved one - planned or unexpected - but we are all here for only a brief time. Please do what you can to save your loved ones from having the burden of "guessing" what your last wishes might be. Make a plan, it will give them a direction and guidance as they move through the difficulties that come with a person's death.
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