Natal Day

Today I turned 61 years young --- or maybe by now it's 61 years old.  More often than ever before I feel old over feeling young.  Today I spent the day not doing much of anything, and used the time to do some reflecting.  It's been a very rough 2020, and it's also been a few very rough years.  I lost my father, my aunt, my son and my sister.  And it makes me shudder to think "What's next???"

I phoned my doctor's office and made an appointment for an annual physical.  While I'm feeling fine, I have moments of panic.  Both my dad and my sister died from cancer, and yes, that makes me feel a little bit freaked out at times. 

At the same time, with these losses, I'm protective of my mother, and wondering if I should move there to take care of her?  I admit, I HATE the idea of living in Calif again.  But how can she continue to take care of her big house by herself?   Although I'm getting older too, and might not be much help either.  But I can still tackle a bit more than she can.  I think. 

It's daunting to think about all the changes that are ahead of me. 
I want to keep my house, it's in a good location.

I keep my thoughts positive.
Most of the time.
Sometimes it isn't easy.
That's when I plug in to some tunes and take a turn on The Beast.

Happy Natal Day to me!