Privacy or Secrecy??

When it comes to keeping things to ourselves...
what's the difference between privacy and secrecy?
IS there a difference?
Where do we draw the line between one or the other...
and does the same rule apply between people based on your relationship with them?

I've always been one to respect another's privacy. Some things just aren't meant to be shared, especially if you're just friends. But when does that change... when do two people move from the natural privacy issues? As you can see, I'm full of questions, and very little in the way of answers today. Sometimes, life lessons are tough, and you have to deal with what's been dealt.

Looking on the 'net, I found some important things to note:

Privacy is a right, secrecy is a choice.

Privacy is the state of being unobserved;
Secrecy is the act of keeping things hidden.

What is private is also a secret and what is secret is also private.

We all crave privacy in some issues.

Gabriel García Márquez once wrote, “Everyone has three lives: a public life, a private life, and a secret life,”

While secrecy trickles into privacy, not all privacy is secrecy.

I like the first one the best. But when it comes to privacy, and secrecy between two people who are intimate with each other, the line is a very fine one. If each respect the other's privacy, is there a need for secrecy? Good changes can come our way when we air differences, and least expect them.... thank you for trusting me :)

thoughtful HUGS to everyone!

Never Good Enough

Why is it that at some point in our past, we found ourselves feeling "not good enough" -- we eventually get past that point, but something happens, something triggers that old feeling, and we're right back in that place again, feeling "never good enough".

Years ago, I was married, and my husband cheated. We went the usual route: arguments, threats, staying together "for the kids' sake", counseling. But it ended in divorce because we couldn't get past the cheating part. So when you have a man who cheats, the first thing you do is question yourself and ask why?? You never get a satisfactory answer from him. Is it the thrill of the quest? the thrill of newness? Something she does that you won't? or more often? Why am I not good enough?????

I asked myself this for years, to no avail. There was never a satisfactory answer. Had I known one, I might have been able to see reasoning. Or made changes. Something that might help me grow as a person even? But no answers, no reasons, no changes. This affected me, as you might understand, in the dating realm as well. You're so busy questioning yourself, your worth, you end up missing out on what could have been great romances, or even good friendships.

It's been 7 years now next month, and because of good people in my life, and one very special man, that feeling of not good enough has fallen away. In every aspect of life but a one-on-one relationship. I've accomplished great things, learned things I thought were beyond my capabilities. But I get only so far in a relationship and the "not good enough" comes back. Why??? I know I'm good enough; he tells me I'm good enough. So why can't I get past it?

Some of the answers I found: Instead of asking yourself why are you not good enough, why not ask what can you offer? Don't doubt your self worth and just think that this is all that there is.
It will be up to you to build yourself back up. No one else can do that for you. Change your attitude about the past. The past is gone and we cannot change it. How silly it is for us to punish ourselves or others for something in the past. Choose to let it go and release yourself from the hurt. Focus on the present moment and looking after yourself.

Its not always easy, growing through the hard lessons, but we all have to face it at one time or another. Embrace it as best you can, and know that you'll come out a better person on the other side. And yes, that special man in my life? Still thinks I'm good enough :)

Great Enough HUGGGS to everyone!

safe from Aliens.....

For the first time, I decided to go "all out" with my hairdresser and let her have her way with my hair. Why?? Well, that's a complex story, but I told her a few weeks back I wanted to "take 10 years off" ... her first question was "who's the man?" When I told her, I added "he's seven years younger than I am..." We've been chuckling over this for a while now, but today I finally let her have a go at it -- and I'm loving the results!

So many women I know have had this done, and I just never had the guts to do it. I watched in amazement as Erin went through the steps. After the first set of color, and the wash and dry cycle, I couldn't take my eyes off her hands moving over my hair, and putting strands into tin foil. However, the only thing that was going through my mind as the layers of foil increased, as my hair stood out from my head in odd angles, as she put more and more foil on my head was this:

Today, I am safe from aliens!

Maybe that sounds ridiculous, but the process of manufactured beauty can feel a bit ridiculous -- and also very rewarding. After she washed my hair again, and the towel came off, I could see stripes of color in my hair... and I thought "I truly am a tigress!!" ~grin~ I'm not certain I'll keep this look, but I'm loving it for the moment. (Guess I shouldn't be wasting all this beauty under a ballcap for work... hehehe.) Sometimes it takes money to buy a bit of physical beauty in this world, and it feels good, but true beauty comes from within.

Beauty is not in the face;
beauty is a light in the heart.
~Kahlil Gibran

Beautiful HUGGS to everyone!

May 10th

May 10th is a day that will never be forgotten.

Dougie, you are missed so very much -- your sense of humor, your infectious laughter, your spirit for life, and the love you spread to those around you. This time of year, you are on my mind more than ever. Today as I remembered the date, I left work and walked to my car, looking up at the clouds and talking to you. I climb into my car, and and its as if you're sending your love back to me: Ozzy Osbourne on the radio singing Iron Man. I remember the jam sessions of you learning these songs on your guitar. Tonight, I'm dj'ing on a tiny internet radio station, playing your favorite songs, songs that remind me of you. RIP Dougie, I love you :) --Mom

Chaos

Today is a rare day off work for me. And I got to looking around my room, my house, the places I go, and the word "chaos" came to me. There are so many things I've been wanting to do, and yet it seems there is never enough time for those things. Why?

I came to the conclusion that it's because of chaos, (derived from the Ancient Greek Χάος ), which typically means a state lacking order or predictability. That pretty much sums up the way things have been going, especially at work. Yesterday was inventory, and as you might imagine, preparing for a supershoppingstore to be counted is quite an undertaking. So many things have to be in the right places in order for them to be counted. We do have a team of about 4o people who come in and do the actual counting, and they get it done rather quickly, all things considered. But what happens to those of us who have to prepare for inventory? typically, we work a lot of long hours, strange shifts, and pray for the day to arrive and be done with. I worked 7 hours on Sunday, a five hour shift early Monday morning, slept 3 hours, then back to work for another 6 hour shift, home at midnight, slept 3 hours, then back to work at 5am Tuesday for another 6 hour shift. Yep, its crazy. Yep, I'm too old for this. Yep, I was tuckered after all that. :)

The rest of the chaos comes in at home: when you're tired enough that doing anything other than slipping into a shower, or falling into bed, is too much trouble. Piles of clothing lay where they're dropped. Laundry piles up. Dishes, if there are any, pile in to the sink. Vacuum? Dust? Clean anything? Heavens no!! This was my 11th inventory, and I know the routine, and am mostly prepared for it. Hence, the day after is a day off :)

It's also a great day for not only catching up and putting my chaos back to rights, its also the day I do something for me. All the girly things that get left by the wayside ... after a long shower, a lotion rubdown from head to toe, not missing an inch! Ahhh, the simple things in life are often the most pleasant :)

1,2,3,4,5,6,7.....(oops, done counting)...

HUGSSSS to everyone!

Fanciful or not.....

Whether its my being 'fanciful' or believing in things or maybe because I believe, I'm one of the lucky ones..... May is always a difficult month. Three years ago, the day before Mother's Day, my stepson was killed in a tragic accident. And I miss him every day; that will never change. Some days, something will come along and bring up a memory of him all over again, and whenever it happens, I always offer up a small salute of hello to him :)

This past week has been a little bit stressful, and it seems when things are at their worst, something good comes of it. Last night, in my dreams, I saw Dougie again. He hugged me tight, for sooooo long, and I told him (again) how much I miss him. He told me that everything's going to be ok, hugged me one last time, and was gone.

I woke up with a smile, as well as an ache. Whatever's on the other side of this life, I'm hoping Dougie is one of the first people I see waiting for me :)

Dougie:
You are missed
You are loved
Keep doing what you're doing
(and don't forget to stop back in now and then!)
I love you :)