Never Good Enough

Why is it that at some point in our past, we found ourselves feeling "not good enough" -- we eventually get past that point, but something happens, something triggers that old feeling, and we're right back in that place again, feeling "never good enough".

Years ago, I was married, and my husband cheated. We went the usual route: arguments, threats, staying together "for the kids' sake", counseling. But it ended in divorce because we couldn't get past the cheating part. So when you have a man who cheats, the first thing you do is question yourself and ask why?? You never get a satisfactory answer from him. Is it the thrill of the quest? the thrill of newness? Something she does that you won't? or more often? Why am I not good enough?????

I asked myself this for years, to no avail. There was never a satisfactory answer. Had I known one, I might have been able to see reasoning. Or made changes. Something that might help me grow as a person even? But no answers, no reasons, no changes. This affected me, as you might understand, in the dating realm as well. You're so busy questioning yourself, your worth, you end up missing out on what could have been great romances, or even good friendships.

It's been 7 years now next month, and because of good people in my life, and one very special man, that feeling of not good enough has fallen away. In every aspect of life but a one-on-one relationship. I've accomplished great things, learned things I thought were beyond my capabilities. But I get only so far in a relationship and the "not good enough" comes back. Why??? I know I'm good enough; he tells me I'm good enough. So why can't I get past it?

Some of the answers I found: Instead of asking yourself why are you not good enough, why not ask what can you offer? Don't doubt your self worth and just think that this is all that there is.
It will be up to you to build yourself back up. No one else can do that for you. Change your attitude about the past. The past is gone and we cannot change it. How silly it is for us to punish ourselves or others for something in the past. Choose to let it go and release yourself from the hurt. Focus on the present moment and looking after yourself.

Its not always easy, growing through the hard lessons, but we all have to face it at one time or another. Embrace it as best you can, and know that you'll come out a better person on the other side. And yes, that special man in my life? Still thinks I'm good enough :)

Great Enough HUGGGS to everyone!