Easier to be poor....

I just want to put this out there.  I'm not a fan of lawyers.  They have a place in our society and can be useful on some occasions, and I hope I get a good one if I ever need one, but in this instance, there seems to be something very wrong in my opinion.

From what I can tell, my grandparents created a trust agreement in 1992 in order to leave parcels of land and personal property to their five children.  In 1992, my grandfather was already 85 years old.  I'm no lawyer or expert, but it appears each of their trusts left everything to the remaining spouse if one dies before the other.  In this case, my grandmother died in 1994, which makes my Grandfather 87 years old, at which time he becomes the sole heir to all said property.

My issue is with the attorney who set up these trusts.  At 87 years old, what sort of mental capacity was my grandfather working under?  He was a sharp man, very smart, but we all fade with time.  What kind of lawyer allows changes to be made to a trust after the fact?  And by someone who just might not have all his faculties when it comes to money?  What kind of lawyer didn't create some kind of checks and balances when we're talking about an 87 year old man worth aproximately $3M in land, which was to be left to his five children?   With an estate that size, why was only one person named as a trustee?   For a smart man, my grandfather was out of his realm in this, maybe he didn't listen to his lawyer and insisted on having his own way.

In 2007,  my grandfather to add his grandson as a trustee, AND agreed to immediately sell said grandson all his land for $800/acre.   I'm sure in 2007 land was worth more than that.  FFS, my grandfather was 100 years old at the time.   In my book, this should all have been illegal, or certainly gone over with someone other than the grandson who's getting rich.  Is there not some kind of age clause, a dual signee clause, surely there should have been some kind of checks and balances.

I know that no matter what, people are 'funny' when it comes to money, family or not.

This is a very good example of why I don't trust lawyers.  I'm sure the original lawyer made a pretty penny setting up a $3M trust.  What he left was a mess.  It created a huge rift within the family.  I've not seen or spoke to my Uncle or cousins in more than 15 years.

Some people quote the Bible as saying "money is the root of all evil" but it's the love of money that's at the root of it all.  May my Uncle Robert, cousin Ronald and their families rue the day, and suffer the consequences, having full knowledge that they took the wishes of my grandparents and wiped the slate clean, allowing only themselves to reap all the benefits.  May they pass from this life to the next without real family love.  

I will probably pass this life a pauper,
but my kids won't have to fight each other for anything of value,
and will remain a loving family.

Trust me

The loss of trust is a very painful experience.  It often involves a lot of hurt, confusion, anger, and sadness. When that happens -- what's next???   

Rebuilding trust in a relationship is a very difficult thing to do. It is an uphill battle that is worth fighting only if a relationship is worth saving ... 

The ultimate question to ask yourself is:  Do you still want to be friends with that someone who lied?   What needs to be considered?

Of course, doing a Google search brings up SO many situations about teens, kids, and that sort of thing.  Other websites offer advice for spouses, etc, but nothing quite fit my own situation.  So I'll take bits from here or there to echo some of my own thoughts on the matter.

You need to decide if the relationship is worth the effort to continue.  When starting over, you must build up the trust again.  Otherwise you're left with options such as being friendly acquaintances, or worse, you hold a grudge and never speak to a person again.

Confusing?? I found this little metaphor:

'A good friend is like a rough diamond. Once polished and nurtured, it becomes the brilliance of your life. Beautiful diamonds also have edges that can sometimes hurt. You can either tolerate the slight discomfort for its brilliance or you can move over to polishing another one, or not having one at all.'

So where is this all headed ?  I've been doing a lot of thinking about things.  I have been unhappy over the years; the one thing that has made me happy is my friendship with him.  He has been my best friend, my confidante.  But he covered up the truth.  Does that warrant ending a many years long friendship?  Or is it worth working on and keeping?

The two things that hold me back ...

what else don't I know? 

and how do I know the truth when something's said now?

Research shows that rebuilding trust means making a promise and holding to it.  But I think my bottom line is this:  Tell me, trust me with the truth.  I'm the one who gets to decide, once I know what the truth is, on what level I want to continue this friendship.

Privacy or Secrecy??

When it comes to keeping things to ourselves...
what's the difference between privacy and secrecy?
IS there a difference?
Where do we draw the line between one or the other...
and does the same rule apply between people based on your relationship with them?

I've always been one to respect another's privacy. Some things just aren't meant to be shared, especially if you're just friends. But when does that change... when do two people move from the natural privacy issues? As you can see, I'm full of questions, and very little in the way of answers today. Sometimes, life lessons are tough, and you have to deal with what's been dealt.

Looking on the 'net, I found some important things to note:

Privacy is a right, secrecy is a choice.

Privacy is the state of being unobserved;
Secrecy is the act of keeping things hidden.

What is private is also a secret and what is secret is also private.

We all crave privacy in some issues.

Gabriel García Márquez once wrote, “Everyone has three lives: a public life, a private life, and a secret life,”

While secrecy trickles into privacy, not all privacy is secrecy.

I like the first one the best. But when it comes to privacy, and secrecy between two people who are intimate with each other, the line is a very fine one. If each respect the other's privacy, is there a need for secrecy? Good changes can come our way when we air differences, and least expect them.... thank you for trusting me :)

thoughtful HUGS to everyone!