Genealogy!

I'm addicted.  I go through starts and stops, looking for data and photos.   My project over the summer has been to put stories and descriptions to the photos of us growing up.  Because a photo has little meaning if you don't give it some perspective, something people can relate to!  This is a photo of  Emma Pape Beckman.

And with all the technology these days, all the things being digitized, you just never know what you're going to find when you search out something.

My latest?  My great grandfather traveled to America in 1882 with his sister.  I was always told her name was Anna.  Turns out, it's Emma!  And after some trial and error and hours of research, I finally found that she decided she was going to be a part of this great nation.  She got herself a claim of land in "Dutch Point"  North Dakota.  (Later to be Nelson County, then Tolna).  She married the man who's land bordered hers.  But I also found a description of life on that prairie!

Emma Pape came to America and to Grand Forks with her uncle, Fred Forrester, in 1882. There her uncle started the first meat market in that new town with a Mr. Dobmeyer.   With uncounted acres of "free land" on every side the young woman, Emma Pape, soon staked out a claim on what was known as "Dutch Point".   She met the conditions of a strange land and reacted as did all the pioneers who stuck to their land.  In the following year, 1885, Emma was married to Charles Beckman whose homestead joined hers.

Their honeymoon was a train trip from Grand Forks to Michigan, from which point Charles walked to his pre-emption, returning the next day with a yoke of oxen and a new wagon to take his bride to their prairie home.   They were destined to live their for four decades.   Their house was a 10 by 10 shack.   They proved 320 acres of land on the spot where the present farmstead now is located.

After a few months in the tiny shack, the Beckman's built a 12 by 18 home on the line between their two claims.   This seemed luxurious after living in the small quarters where bedding and other things had to be put outside each day to make room for the daily activities.   The furniture in the first home consisted of one wooden bedstead, a second hand dresser, cook stove, and two chairs.   The carpenter who built the 12 by 18 house also built a table and some shelves, and also a bench.

Now... can you imagine?  Living in a 10x10 shack?  The two of you. Yikes!  And even their home being 12x18, and raising five kids in there.  Granted, it doesn't say but after a convo with my mom, I'm betting this new home had a sleeping loft for the kids!  Spring, Summer, Fall, you can spend a lot of time outdoors, but winter in North Dakota!??  Brrrrr!!!!   All 7 people holed up .... Yep, I'd have me a bad case of cabin fever in just a few days!

Bad Dreams!

Quite the dream:

I was called in to work.  And while I knew it was my BigBox store, it had the feel of a Goodwill store.  I was called in to clean up a mess left by Elvis.  It was evening, but he came back to work.  We were going back and forth with the work load, and I was doing my best to avoid him.  He asked me something, I gave him a short answer, and when I took something to a different department, he followed.

He was holding me at gunpoint.  I was on my back, the gun pointed at my belly.  And I was talking at him, trying to talk my way out of this whole situation, talk him down. But he was a bit wild; his attention would wander and he'd wave the gun around.   Management was refusing to do anything with him.

Trying to avoid him, I moved to a different area of the store, working in the children's clothing dept.  His attention redirected, I found an opportunity to run!


When I finally got away from him, running and hiding behind and around racks of clothing, I headed toward the back, where there were long hallways with doors.  Each door was a room used for housing homeless women.  I tried to hide in one of the rooms where two women were trying on long sweater dresses.  I left the room and headed down the hallway only to find a locked door.  At the window, I knocked, trying to get someone's attention.  It didn't do any good.

As with all weirded out dreams, this one didn't have an ending.  But it spooked me enough that I turned on the TV and couldn't get back to sleep for nearly two hours.

Interpretations:

• To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You may be feeling victimized in some situation.
• 
  
• Dreaming of being in a hallway may reflect transitions in waking life that are uncertain, difficult, scary, or dangerous.
• 
  
• A locked door can be a symbol of goals out of reach or of gossip behind your back.   A locked door may reflect your own unwillingness to open up to others or possible anti-social behavior.
• 
  

Obviously, I have issues with Elvis.
And may be just a little bit afraid of what he may be capable of?

It's All Linked Now!

With this digital age, and having to fill out all kinds of information for just about anything you do online, I can't ever remember getting so many Happy Wishes from corporations.  lol   When you get to be my age, all you want to do is let the day pass as normal as possible!

But every time you open up your email.... there's another!

JustFab, SparkPeople, ShareCare, AARP, Southwest Airlines, even my dentist hopes I have a "reason to smile" today.   *cheeesey*    --smh--

For myself, I puttered and did things that I felt like doing, when I felt like doing them.  I also attended a memorial for my Aunt Marge that the hospital did for the other volunteers she worked with, and they invited local family to attend.  I thought it was very sweet of them to do that.  Nearly everyone had something to say about Marge - because she was that kind of woman!  She wasn't preachy in telling people what she thought.  But if you asked, she would give you her no-nonsense advice.  I used to call her to check in, see how things were going.  And when my Dad was going through his chemo and all that entailed, she was very helpful with her advice.  I can only hope that when it's my time to go, that I'm as calm and accepting as she was, that I have all my "ducks in a row" so that no one's left to deal with a whole lot of decisions that no one wants to make.  I miss her!

I treated myself to a turkey, bacon, avocado sandwich from Subway, and there's a carton of Ben & Jerrys Chocolate Fudge Brownie in the freezer .....  :)

and being born in July, my birthstone is Ruby:

With all this good stuff, I ought to be wearing every ruby I own!

Time for chocolate...... 

Happy Weekend!

Be Inspired!

#BeInspired

Today I left work at noon, and I could have done anything....

but I *chose* to go to the gym!

After yesterday's frustrations, and more aggravation today, I accepted the fact that I can't change anything.  And maybe it isn't anything I'm meant to change.  So I just moved on.  I did my portion of the job and when I had a discussion with the individual of my "Frustrations" post about his leaving early as there is no overtime allowed, he pulled a "so-and-so told me it's ok".  (The so-and-so doesn't work with us!)  I calmly discussed it with management, and when they didn't have a clear answer, and my co-worker was an hour into overtime, I decided to clock out and leave.  Ohh how I wanted to just find an eatery and use food to calm the agitation.  Instead, I grabbed a water and headed for the gym.

A half mile on the treadmill, 7 minutes on the elliptical (my thigh muscles are out of shape!) and another half mile on the treadmill.  Leg workouts, some stretching and a few arm exercise and I headed home.  Frankly, I wanted a nap SOOO bad, but Sadie had other plans!

It's been a hard journey, in 4 weeks, I'm down 5 lbs.  OK.  That's not quite what I was hoping for, but at my age, ANY loss is a win!  I just gotta keep on keepin' on!

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, 

but rarely admit the changes it has gone through 

to achieve that beauty.” 

― Maya Angelou

Frustrations!

From Forbes:  Difficult co-workers can high-jack your emotions. They trigger something in you that causes you to almost act or think irrationally , which is not exactly a healthy situation in which you can succeed. You may find that sooner or later your exasperation expands until every little thing that person does makes you want to tear your hair out.

• The first step they suggest is to figure out which co-worker it is.   (I have NO problem knowing that one)

From Forbes:  Figure out exactly why this person provokes such resentment. Start by getting specific about your feelings towards this person. Rather than making overblown, blanket statements like “She's the most annoying person on earth,” identify the emotions provoked. Irritation? Insignificance? Disappointment? This list can help you find the right words to describe your feelings.

• Ok.  This person does only as much as need be done in order to keep his job.  He doesn't go "above and beyond" on days when the need is there.  After doing the same job for five+ years, he still asks the same simple questions that he should already know the answer to.  He always "fudges" in his own favor.  When attending an off-site function, he padded his time on each end by 15 minutes.  He's been observed punching in on the time clock 15 minutes early, then sitting in the employee lounge until it's time for him to report to his work area.  

From Forbes:  Simply labeling the emotions has a soothing cognitive effect that allows you to embrace a solution-focused mindset. Similarly, identify the exact behaviors your co-worker does that frustrate you. Move from “I can’t stand being around him” to “I think it’s really disrespectful when she talks over people in meetings."  Zeroing in on what triggers you is the first step to creating a road map to conquer the problem.

Instead of feeling driven up the wall by someone and then just stewing in that vexation, tune into how that action or trait of theirs is calling you to learn a lesson about yourself. Simply trying to be more tolerant of that person isn’t a long-term fix. Leveraging the displeasure they cause you in order to practice self-awareness and become a better leader in the process, however, is.

• This one is more difficult for me.  I'm highly organized and motivated.  I mentally set my tasks to a time schedule at the start of each day, and unless that list is totally railroaded by management, I stick to it as much as possible.  I've tried teaching this trick to my co-worker but there's no effort on his part to attempt it.  

It's not as if there are just annoying little habits -- I have that with other co-workers and we get along just fine.  But when a person is dishonest and has little integrity for his own work performance, it's very hard for me to respect the individual.  My own situation has gone on for more than five years, and I've finally realized that no matter what, he isn't going to change.  

Here's the latest:  On his normal day off, a regional meeting (that he wasn't required to attend) was held at a hotel for the entire region's employees who do my job at other BigBox stores.  Because it was his day off, he showed up in shorts and a tee (dress code is required on the clock!) and I felt that he was thumbing his nose at the management team.  He also "considered himself a guest of the hotel" and helped himself to the breakfast buffet.   Seriously?  Who does that?  Am I wrong?  If I am, someone please tell me!  I realize that in the bigger scheme of things, these are small potatoes.  But this is also the same person who is vocal to everyone sitting in the employee lounge that he's looking for a big ticket lawsuit to slap on the store.  Every time he is talked to about his work ethic and/or lack of following procedure, he takes his "case" further up the chain of command to get his coaching reversed.  And 9 times out of 10, someone along the line reverses it -- I think just to get him off their own back.

Which leaves the same problem squarely in my lap.  

I've a couple of options, because we actually only work together 3 days a week.  I work my tail off to get things prepped for the day before he arrives.  Once he arrives and settles into his work, I get busy on paperwork.  Sometimes, like today, he comes in and leans over and snoops on my computer screen as if he's trying to "learn something".  That's when I close the screen and find a different computer to work at.  

I'm still trying to find options to this difficult working situation.  I've even considered asking for different working hours, to have less time working with him.  4-1pm?  That would be only 5 hours, with each of us taking an hour lunch.... Wonder if the bosses would go for that???  Something to consider.  

Just random ramblings - it helps me find answers!
thanks for listening

Age and Random Thoughts

Age is just a number, and it's never bothered me.  I turned 30, 40 and 50 without any qualms.  I think my favorite age was 45, and I'm not sure why!?   This year, I turn 58.  Just another number, but .. it's so much easier to slip into thoughts about being on the "other side" of things.  I'm not sure why.  Probably because in truth, I'm more than "half way there".  I won't live to 116, so .... numerically speaking....

I just signed up and paid for my annual AARP membership.  THAT for me was more a turning point than anything else.  hehehe   I have been avoiding notices from them for six years, and figured it's time to jump on the bandwagon.   

(Saw this cartoon, thought it funny! 

of course, Y M C A was a huge hit in 1978)

In other news, my car finally rolled over 1000 miles.  Weird having a car with such low mileage.  I must say, I'm loving the new car thing tho!   It's clean, inside and out!  This heated summer, I'm really liking the custom window tints the car came with.  It drives smooth, it's 2 feet shorter than my Impala, and 3" narrower (not that big of a difference!) and weighs 500lbs less that the Impala as well.  And I'm really noticing it at the gas pump!  I'm saving about $10 a fill-up, and that's quite the savings!  All the little high tech stuff .. I have 4G network in the car, but since I'm the driver, and can't utilize it while I'm driving, it's sort of a non essential.  I like that the bluetooth on my phone hooks up to the car, I can drive and talk "hands free".  The only drawback in the heat is it automatically lowers the AC fan - and I need that on high when I'm driving home from work!  It's the little things :)

We're in Monsoon season here in the Valley of the Sun, and lately, it's been one round of clouds and humidity after another.  Most of the rain hits in the foothills before it reaches me, but the wind that blows through can be rather nice!  It's knocking down more palm fronds, I won't be paying anyone to come trim that tree this year!  But they're a pain in the but to snap in half to fit in the garbage can.  I had to clean up another seven fronds on Thursday.  And what did I find when I came home on Friday?  Yep, two more fronds.  lol   Such are the things in my life!

My last advice on growing older:  

Don't spend your time wishing for things to be different;  you'll never be this age, and you can't go back and be younger again (and frankly, who'd want to?)  Be happy with each day, with each moment, so that when you look back, you have no regrets. 

FitBit and Sleep

I wear my FitBit all the time, including at night.  It has a neat little feature for tracking sleep and heart rate along with steps, mileage and calorie burn.  Every day, I check the previous night's sleep pattern.  And overall, I'm getting just over seven and a half hours each night.  The goal of course is eight hours, but that works.  However, age has a funny way of it, because those 7+ hours are not all in a row.  They're interrupted by bathroom dashes and let-the-dog-out's.  And the usual tossing and turning that occur as well.  

Because I've been wearing it nearly 2 years, there's a lot of data to digest.  I know that I sleep better in winter than in summer.  Part of the reason has to do with blankets.  As a kid, my mom made me a hand made quilt.  I'm not sure what was inside, but it was a heavy quilt.  I like to think it "grounded" me -- or at the very least, held me in place so that I'd sleep.  And in winter here, I put a good heavy blanket on my bed for that very same reason.

Have I mentioned I'm ready for this heat wave to end??   Hurry up, September!

I find that I can somewhat simulate winter sleeping by lowering my thermostat to 74 degrees (yes, for us in the desert, that can be quite chilly, we reach for a sweater or light jacket when it reaches 70. haha)  Another thing that helps is I keep a squirt bottle of water nearby, soak my jammie shirt and hair, let the AC and the fan cool me down and I get another "chunk" of sleep.  

But the one factor I haven't been able to control are dreams.  I dream very vividly, I remember many of them, sometimes enough of them to be able to share.  Last night, I dreamed I was in a BigBox store, and a crew of us were painting walls.  One of the gals from my last store in Ohio was there, as was another gal from my first store in Ohio (odd to be dreaming of people I haven't seen in 10+ years!)  We were laughing and joking, rolling paint on the walls.  A quick break in the cafeteria and as we were leaving, a man with a gun in the far corner of the room stood up and hollered "Freeze!"  The girls dashed out in front of me, I was slowed a bit because I was trying to close the glass doors when he fired.  I heard the shot ring out as it hit the frame of the door.  I ran fast, dashed into a bathroom.  Waited until I heard some hollering, and slipped out quietly.  The doors to outside were just across the foyer, and as I dashed out, there were stairs all the way to the street.  The front of the building looked as if it were the steps to a fancy courthouse or something.   I'm not sure what happened with the shooter, or who he really was, as that's when I woke up.  *smh*  Such crazy weird thoughts that tumble around in my crazy weird brain! 

My FitBit showed that I was asleep for 3 hours, 14 minutes in this segment of my sleep, and with that amount, I should have felt quite rested this morning!   But then again, dreams can make you feel very tired the next day, as if it had truly happened!  

Of course, I like to try and figure out what a dream might mean:  

• To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You feel victimized in a situation or that you are being targeted.

Of course, my question is this:   Does it make a difference if you know the shooter?   If you can identify the person?  

• The colors in your dream of decorating are important and have various meanings. For example, if you are painting white walls then this shows how you can be pure and selfless. If the walls are painted in yellow, this represents self-pity. Decorating in blue means easy-going feelings. If you dream of decorating with paint rather than wallpaper, it usually means that things are going to become difficult with a close relative.

The source goes on about decorating or painting a house, furniture, yourself ... but doesn't mention anything about work related painting.  It was baby blue paint ... does that mean I have easy going feelings about work???   I don't think so!   And something going to become difficult with a close relative... well, duh, as I get older, so do my relatives and ... yeah, things get difficult with age! 

So much for trying to have an overall interpretation.  I can make several guesses as to the dream source and what it's trying to tell me.   And I can tell you this for certain:  If I'm ever involved in some kind of painting at work, you can be sure I won't be sticking around to see if this dream comes true!!!   hahahaha

Not Now + Thunder

I have watched my Aunt and my Mom both say they can't when it comes to new computer things to learn.  And I hope that day doesn't come for me.  However.

Last night, my Auto Updates for MS downloaded some new things.  I turned on my computer this evening and found new things to try.  And my first instinct was to close it, tell it "not now!" and just get on with what I already know how to do.  And then I realized that it was a reaction I didn't want to have.  So I'm putting a couple of hours on my Saturday schedule to play with the new choices that MS just put onto my Windows 10 machine!

And since it's Monsoon season here in the Valley of the Sun, we have some really loud thunder crackling around me, so I'm going to shut this down .... for safety's sake!  There's nothing more fun for me than to sit and listen to the thunder, watch the rains pour down.  The last couple of nights have been during the middle of the night....

More tomorrow!

I Got This!

Soon .... I'll be 58 years old.

And I find myself looking backwards at my life and asking awkward questions:  Did I achieve any of my goals in life?  Was this the life I planned out for myself?  Am I happy?  Did I make good choices?

We all go through stages, questioning ourselves as we look at our life choices.

I remember being in high school, I think all I ever really wanted was "to fit in".   That's not really a goal, nor is it any kind of life choice, but it certainly was a very strong desire!  And after high school, I wonder if I allowed myself to drift more than was good for me.  I could have, and should have, been more adamant about college.  Instead, I felt I needed to work.  And because of my high school feelings of "not fitting in", I found that I could feel "more normal" if I had a boyfriend.  A high school sweetheart.  Being really honest with myself, I now realize we weren't a very good fit, we were raised differently, and our intellectual levels weren't on par.   And reading that, it sounds kind of snooty.   But what does a girl of 16 really know about life, love and growing up?   He never finished high school, and I was achieving high marks.  And in a youthful way of thinking, "love will conquer all obstacles".   It didn't.

But how I felt about myself through high school had a huge impact on my later years as well.  After a difficult divorce from my high school sweetheart, I dated and later married a man who was very intelligent, had more of a churched upbringing (as I did) and I thought this was finally better, a place I could grow into who I thought I should be.  But my own growing caused pains of a different kind, and he was the one who started having self doubt issues and was working through his own growing pains as well.   Again, another divorce.

And then, I think every woman goes through a "bad boy" stage.  Finding attraction with someone who's outside the norms, who pushes at societal rules.  We find that zest for life fascinating, but since it's not who we are, it's difficult to find a common ground that's going to last .... at least, it didn't for me.  But, I must say that the move from Calif to Ohio was a good one in the bigger picture.  I loved living a small town life, sitting on the front porch, knowing all my neighbors, and having the time and inclination to being involved in my kids' lives with Girl Scouts, Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, school athletics and band.  Those were precious years to me, and I wouldn't trade them away.  But it wasn't easy being away from my family.  And the Bad Boy part .... felt like I had an additional kid.

There have been moments of doubts about where I've been, and how far I've come, but I can honestly say that I like living in Arizona, I love my little house that's just mine, and while some might feel that my life is a little lonely, (And I can admit that it can be, at times)  it also leaves me with a lot of freedom to do things that *I* want to do.   DIY projects, practicing my skills with my photography, having quiet time (no TV, no music, no loud noises), reading a good book.   I enjoy all these things, and don't often feel it necessary to explain myself any longer.

I can just be me.
Here.
Now.  
and be just fine with it!

So bring it on, Birthday,
I got this!

The Secret of Change

This is my motto for the coming week.  It's been an upheaval of changes at my BigBox store, and change is always difficult for me.  Or maybe it's that I make change difficult on myself?  That could be more the case.  I tend to dig in, get into a rhythm and able to accomplish all that needs doing, but when change happens, when my rhythm is broken, it can become very stressful.

Just this week, our store manager was walked out, along with another manager.   And a third manager left after finding a new position in another BigBox store.  Every time there's a new manager, there are always changes.  I can usually deal with the "good ideas", it's when they change 'the rules' and doesn't improve things that the change becomes difficult for me.

With all these changes, I didn't make it to the gym a single time this week.  I got up early and intended to head to the gym today, since I'm not working, but after walking Sadie, having breakfast and washing the new car .... I chose to stay home and focus my energies on household chores.   So far, so good, vacuuming done, clean sheets on the bed, dishes washed.   But not hitting the gym means my progress toward healthy living, healthy choices was stagnant.  I'm vowing to do better this coming week.  It may be difficult to get away for my lunch hour, but I'm going to make every effort. Because I'm building on the new.  Because I'm worth it.

The Little Things

Every once in a while....

things don't go as planned.

And every once in a while ...

they surprise you!

I checked my mail this morning, and there was a notice from Arizona's Motor Vehicle Division telling me that my car was uninsured --- the one that was totaled, of course.  And that I needed to fill out a "SOLD" notice.  Well, I didn't actually sell the car, the insurance company took care of all that.  And apparently they took care of it recently.   But I didn't know that until I logged on, found the page, started entering all the data (VIN, Drivers License, etc) and once I get it all filled in, press 'enter' and I get red flagged, my data doesn't match their data.  Hmmm.

OK, so checking out the FAQs page, I see another link to Plate Refund.  I had just paid the tags on this car in April, it was totaled in May, so ... yep!  I'm getting a refund :)   It never crossed my mind that there'd be a refund on the table for that.  So I'm happy *now*  --- after stewing all day  not knowing what the government was wanting from me.

It's the little things  :)

Otherwise, an uneventful week so far.  Didn't hit the gym because I had to do double duty at work on Monday because someone called out.  But that's ok.  I'm quick and it went easy.  :)   I have been sort of behaving with my food intake, so that's a positive thing.

Bright Blessings, All!

I'm Craaaazy ....

had a bit of a bout of cabin fever

today.  Grabbed my camera and

headed out to Papago Park to do

some walking around.

Yep, it's 112, but there was a

breeze and a few clouds for

the sun to hide behind.

With a bottle of water in

one hand, camera in the other, I

braved the heat for an hour or so

taking some photos.  

It sure is easy to say

"Maybe tomorrow .... "

and I've said it often enough.

I knew I needed to get out and

about today.  Sans Sadie, she

doesn't do well in this heat,

even in the car with the AC

full blast.

Monsoon Season

Here in the Valley of the Sun, monsoon season "officially" starts June 15.  We've waited and waited, endured an eleven day stretch of temps over 112.

It cooled, temporarily (meaning it was down below 110, but over 105 lol)  and then heated up again, my car said 120 degrees when I pulled into the driveway.  Three hours later, it's cloudy, there's a hot breeze and a few rain drops!  I went out in the backyard and thought I heard the rumble of thunder, but it's still too hot to hang around and wait for it!

Imagine:  113 degrees, and sprinkles.
A little bit odd.
But that's life in the desert!

Happy Weekend!

The Co-Worker

Sociopathic behavior, I read in Inc., affects 1 in 25 people.  Odds are we've all come across this type of person in the workplace before.  But if you've ever had to work with one, you'd know it.  I have that issue with my co-worker and over many months I've come to realize that no matter what I do, it doesn't change him.  Not that I feel it's my job to change him, but in a supervisory role, it's my job to guide and instruct on proper company procedures and rules.  But dealing with someone who doesn't care about the rules makes it that much more difficult.

Over time, I've given up, I just do what needs doing.  And frankly, letting him make his own mistakes, I use that opportunity to instruct, but I no longer follow through to make sure he understands.  Because one of his traits is to ask questions about something he's been instructed on.  And I can never determine if he really "forgot" or if he's playing me in some kind of game.  And I'm not going that route at all.  

Here's the list from Inc. that gives the top traits of someone with sociopathic behavior:

1. Sociopaths are superficially charming and intelligent.
2. They are coldly rational.
3. They are rarely, if ever, overly nervous. Sociopaths are not afraid of risk.
4. Sociopaths are not reliable.
5. They often tell lies or say insincere things.
6. They never feel remorse or shame.
7. Their behavior turns anti-social for no good reason.
8. They have poor judgment and do not learn from experience, as they believe they are smarter than everyone else.
9. Sociopaths are pathologically egocentric, and incapable of love.
10. They generally lack the ability to react emotionally with sincerity. They have a general lack of emotion.
11. They lack insight and are not self-reflective.
12. Sociopaths appear responsive socially, often faking it to avoid being “found out.”
13. They are likely to be the life of the party.
14. Sociopaths may make false suicide threats.
15. Their sex life is impersonal, trivial, and/or poorly integrated.
16. They will consistently fail to follow a life plan.

One piece of given advice:  "Do not participate in intrigue. Don't play the game you're being invited to play. Don't compete with, or try to outsmart, or psychoanalyze, or even banter with a sociopath. Your No. 1 goal is to protect yourself."

And that's been my bottom line.  

I gotta look out for me.

the Power of Positivity advises:  

"There are all types of people in the world. You don’t have to participate in every argument and toxic experience. You get to decide how you act, react and teach others."

Bright Blessings and a

Positive Outlook, 

for tomorrow is Friday!

Shower Meditation

Why do we let our own feelings "run amok" based on someone else?

I've found myself doing that today, and I'm trying to fight them off:  feelings of being inferior, and a little bit of mad thrown in as well.

I'm just a hard working blue collar average jane.  I don't have a lot of money, no high powered job, I'm certainly not very "professional" in my career choice.  But I have my pride, and I pay my own way.

A situation came up and another person stepped in to "pay my way" in order for me to engage in this situation.  And it got my back all up, pissed me off, and I'm not really sure why.  (I'm sure it didn't help my own attitude that I was tired from a sleepless "Ka-boom" night!)  I mean, for someone to step in and offer money - most people would be grateful.  Maybe it isn't really the money itself, maybe it's the attitude that went with it all that bothers me.  This other person has always had money, and maybe that's part of my grievance.  It's easy to splash dollars around when you have them, and maybe it even makes this person feel good.  But that's not how it felt to me.

So I refused, I didn't like feeling like I was being "bought off".  Sadly, I've watched this person use money in that way for a lot of years, sort of the "here, I don't have time, but take this $20, hope it helps".  And I'm sorry to say that I let that person's attitude and gesture affect my entire day.  And since it's 6pm, obviously affecting my evening as well.

My old "go to" for a bad mood was chocolate, and lots of it!  But since I started this new diet and exercise lifestyle, doing that could undo a lot of good I've done in the past 20 days.

I think I'm going to try one of the ideas I heard about:  while I'm in the shower tonight, I'm going to close my eyes and imagine that the water is washing away my bad mood, my negativity.

Maybe I'll dig out some fancy smelling soap for some aromatherapy as well!

It can't hurt, and
I still need that shower anyhow. lol

Bright Blessings All!

Under the Bus

Every now and then, something happens in a workplace, and there's someone who tries to throw a co-worker "under the bus" to make themselves look good.  I realize that in a workplace world, everyone wants to look good in their performance, but what does it say when you're the person who gets thrown under the bus because someone else did something wrong?

I've chatted about my co-worker off and on again, and he's ... something.  Recently reprimanded for something he did incorrectly, he appealed to upper management to get the reprimand overturned.  And for some reason, dragged my name into the whole mess, even though I wasn't working at the time of the incident.

Every corporation has some sort of written guide for job performance.  Sometimes it seems the bigger the corporation, the more guides there are!  And that's certainly true for my own BigBox.  There are detailed guides for dealing with situations that include working with items that may contain hazardous chemicals (pool chlorine, gasoline, nail polish remover), and employees are expected to follow those rules.  We are given information then tested on that information yearly, making sure our knowledge is up to date.  Especially if it's a part of your daily routines.

There's nothing worse than having upper management pull you into a closed door interview, being asked questions.  (For me, personally, situations like this tend to aggravate my BAM and I end up in the bathroom!)  Answering honestly is always the best policy, and of course, citing the fact that when in doubt, it's our job to check the guide and make sure we're following procedure.  With no clue what my co-worker told upper management, I just answered honestly to what was asked.  I gave my opinion at the end of the interview, and now it's in someone else's hands.

I've been working in my same position for nearly 9 years now, and most times, enjoy the work that I do.  I just don't deal well with the people.  As you get older, you realize certain things.  Many years ago, I thought that most people were brought up (like me) and thought (like me) that there was only one way to do things:  the right way.  Much to my shock! and amazement! there are some who get by in life doing as little as possible, in as many shortcut ways as possible, and thinking that it's OK.

That's not me.
Never will be.

Start Now!

 

It took me nearly two years to get up

off the couch, so to speak, and join a

gym again.  But I started.

You can't wait for "the right moment"

which for me would have been some

other company taking over the gym

that's next door to work, that closed up,

because having a gym that close made

it easy to slip in during lunch break, left me with no excuses not to dash in for a workout

after work was done.  But it's still an empty building.

Two weeks ago, I joined Planet Fitness.  And I'm happy that I finally did.  Sure, there's all the benefits to working out and such, but I just like how I feel when I've a)  taken control of something and b) when I'm done with a workout, the physiology of whatever chemicals are doing their thing inside my body leaves me with a good feeling.  That sounds wordy and nerdy, but like they used to say "If it feels good, do it!"

Friday's workout was 1/4 mile on the elliptical.  My thighs were beginning to burn with the effort, and since it was lunchtime, and I still had another 3 hours of work to go, I decided not to push things.  After, I still did 1.25 on the treadmill, then slipped into the Hip Adduction machine, working those inner thigh muscles.  Back in the day, I could do 30 with the weight set at 135.  I did 25 @ 110 lbs.  That was enough for me do go "whoa" ... and I am still feeling it on Saturday afternoon!

Saturday morning, up with the birds, and hit the gym at 7am.  Got my 1.5 miles on the treadmill in 26:30.   I'm slowly getting there, but to increase the speed much more, I'll have to lose some of these excess pounds.  Which is why I hopped back on that Hip Adduction machine, set it at 90lbs and did 20 reps.  More of a muscle memory thing that a real workout, but I could feel the stress on my muscles!   Then I hit the Hip Abduction machine, working the outer thighs, 20 reps, 90lbs (Didn't want to overdo anything!)  Found the Tricep machine, 20 reps, 40lbs.  I could have done more, I'm thinking, because there isn't that intense burn from a "new" workout.  But that's ok, there's still time.

The important thing is ... I started.