I'm Retired!!

For 23 years, Walmart was my BigBoxStore.  There were many highs and many lows.  When you work someplace for that long, the folks feel like a part of a family.  There were coworkers who left, some who died. When I transferred from Eaton, Ohio, I felt like I'd left my "sisters" behind.  I'm still in touch with them 16 years later.

Today, I was one of those who left.  I went in and got my exit interview.  I felt it was time for me to move on.  Time to make me and mom a priority.

Its going to be a strange transition.  Walmart was a huge chunk of my life. 

But I'm ready.  

I'm old.

I'm RETIRED !!!!

Keep Dreaming

Dreams are funny things.  Some are difficult to understand.  I am a dreamer, one who has many dreams and often remember one or two nearly every day. 

I googled to see if you could stop dreams, but apparently the mind has a mind of it's own.  

Sometimes I can just let go of them and not try to let it intrude.  Some are so very vivid,  they are impossible to ignore. 

Last night's dream was intense.  It combined work and the struggles there, but more worrisome was the man who appeared to be in my life.  I could feel how much I loved him, but he had a problem with alcohol.  He had just returned from a month at rehab, and I discovered him drinking again.  I begged him to go back to rehab for longer in order to tackle his problem.  It was very vivid to me standing next to a catering truck, having this conversation.  He had dark hair, dark eyes, and was wearing a flannel shirt. Unbuttoned (and oooo the abs he had!)  I needed to get back inside to my job, and he promised to go check himself in.

Almost sounds like a soap opera; I wonder if I will get the next episode tonight??? Hehe

Keep dreaming!  

PS:  I tried to get AI to image the man I saw but no such luck.

That Magical 65

You know you have officially arrived at that magical age of 65 when you get boethday greetings from AARP and Silver Sneakers!

Hahahha

Kid Sitting (again)

Today is the first of five more days watching my great nephew.  He was cold, so he wasn't dressed in clothes but opted for his flannel jammies all day.  Hard to imagine in the summer heat, but there ya go.  My guess is he didn't get enough sleep last night; I know when I'm tired I tend to feel cold, too.

We started our morning with Scrabble.  He's only 7, but he reads well.  We played but only one game.  We used to play this a lot when I was growing up!

Another part of the day was his tae kwon do lesson.  Afterward,  we hit McDs for some cheeseburger action and Play Place. Something new for me ..... computer games, for the kid in all of us!!  

I don't "do" birthdays, never have.  So for my natal day, I had cheeseburgers and fries.  Yay!  But I got to spend time with my fav lil guy- it doesn't get better than that!! 

Cabin Fever

Growing up in California's Bay Area, we didn't often get anything like cabin fever.  The temps were mild and steady, there wasn't snow or excessive heat. It was a good place to grow up.

I moved away in 1998 to Ohio.  I arrived on Thanksgiving weekend.   Our first snow was the week between Christmas and new year's.  I was stuck indoors with six kids -  talk about cabin fever!  Summers were the same, lots of cabin fever due to heat and humidity. 

After living in the Valley of the Sun for 16 years now, I have adjusted to the fact that our summers are like Ohio winters.  We huddle in our homes with the AC running and look forward to September 15, when the heat finally tapers off. Usually. 

When you work every day, you don't get so much cabin fever.  Now that I'm not working, I can see that I will need to find something to get me out.  I think my Silver Sneakers will get me to a gym, something to do each day. 

Funny how with one change, there's a whole ripple effect - sometimes they're not always obvious until you're in it.

(art by Brian)

Bad Night, No Bugs

There was monsoon activity and rain for the past two nights at my house.  It usually puts the local bugs on the move to get out of the weather. Last night, some kind of bug did just that.  I felt something doing the creepy crawly on my arm. I brushed it off and got that ewww yuck feeling.  I popped on the light and grabbed the vacuum. I've learned it's the fastest way to suck up a bug.  Not sure what it was but schwoop and it was gone.  

Didn't mean I was going to get more sleep, however.  Flipped over to NBC to see if there were some Olympics on, but nope.  I settled for some reading.  By 5am I was up and cleaning,  vacuuming and dusting the entire bedroom.

Now its noon, and feels like I've already had a very long day. Maybe it means nap time.  But there is some Olympic swimming on, so I'm just chilling. 

Olympics Opening Day

Being a workaholic, I wasn't able to watch much when it came to the Olympics.  NBC usually shows a bunch during their evening broadcast, but because I needed to be up early for work, I didn't watch much.   This year is different!

I've watched much of today's opening ceremony. I'm looking forward to some of the events that feature athletes from Arizona.  Swimmer Leon Marchand. Diver Delaney Schnell.  There are others, but escape my mind at the moment. 

The team who set up the parade of athletes on boats down the river, along with the creativity of the rest of the visual entertainment did well! Very entertaining!  

The silver horse running on the river, the lighting of the torch, nice touches. But Paris is a very unique city,  it was beautiful to watch! 

I hope everyone enjoys watching!

Paint and Pizza!

Well here we are, Thursday.  My great nephew is usually with his mom for Thursday/Friday so when I got to mom's to take her for a blood test ..... surprise!  Zane was there!  So .... time to adjust again. Wasn't in my plan, I was hoping for a day to myself! 

After the docs, we came home and decided to paint.  I paint Kindness Rocks, but have branched out to 2x2 canvas and wooden circles for Art Abandonment. Spreading kindness and joy wherever I go. heehee 

Then for a treat,  pizza for lunch!

Family Ties

My great nephew Zane and I are both technophobes, constantly addicted to our devices. When he and I are together, he's grabbing my phone to play a game .... Or 3 or 4. lol

We have spent the last three days together because school doesn't start for him until Aug 1. The rest of the districts started two weeks ago, so there aren't any local day camps to go to.  That's ok, we are doing fine so far. 

Breakfast is ALWAYS waffles with waffle spray (Reddiwhip). A family tradition I started when my nephews were his age!  Lunch is always something that can be cut up and eaten with a toothpick.  For some reason that makes even PBJ feel special. Haha

Tomorrow it's to the doc for Mom's blood test, then the rest of the day to myself, I hope.  Love my family but can only take so much.  I'm definitely more hermit-like than they are!

Family.

Dealing with Mom again.  Yesterday, she called me to come over as she was having back pain and wanted to take an Advil.  (Dont ask me why she needed me there, I don't know either!)  

She's taken a slight downturn in health, having some odd back pain nearly 2 weeks now.  But she has no idea if its muscle pains or something else.  When she doesn't know, she labels it fibromyalgia.  I'm not discounting that as a real thing; its just her way of dealing things in her mind.

Because the pain keeps her awake at night, if this keeps up, she will be back where she was a while ago, not sleeping and having terrible anxiety. The more her anxiety, the less she sleeps.  The less she sleeps, the more anxious she becomes.  Its a strange struggle for her. And talking about it doesn't change things.  

I guess its like trying to change someone's mind - she can be so stubborn at times! And the acorn doesn't fall from the tree.... I can be that way too.  Haha

Synchronicity

Driving home, listening to the radio (Oldies on The WOW Factor)

Song:  Riders on the Storm (1971) by The Doors 

Halfway into it, emergency broadcast message: extreme thunderstorm warning for Maricopa County, high winds and some hail. 

Makes ya go hmmmm although its hard to imagine hail when it's 110F right now. But it DOES happen!!

#monsoon2024. BRING IT ON!

Any Remote!

Give Ma any remote and if she can't get it to do what she wants, she doesn't stop pushing buttons!!

I bought a red light therapy belt from Lifepro (love this company!) And since she's been having issues with back pain and fibromyalgia, I loaned it to her on Friday.  It has a remote.  She somehow changed the timer, changed a couple other settings and today (Sunday) I had to reset it.  

Maybe it will work better for her now.  

In Limbo (again)

Aimless wandering

From room to room

Clean this, Touch that

Ponder the whats, The whys

And the what's next

What will my next chapter look like?

I know we each have choices in what we want, what we do.  When your life until now has been regulated by work hours, and everything else had to happen outside those work hours, choices were limited. But now that the work hours are gone, life isn't regulated anymore. And it feels... too loose.  No more bosses looking over your shoulder, structuring your day. I was usually able to construct my own day of tasks, but feel like I'm ... floundering,  in limbo.  How do I get the structure back? Or do I need to? 

I've always been driven by my accomplishments.  It's what gave me my "feel goods" at the end of a day.  And for the moment, there isn't much that HAS to be done - there's always tomorrow. 

This just might be difficult for me. Maybe I need to consider it a challenge. Get my mindset accepting a personal To Do schedule.

It's too easy to do nothing. 

Not so good for my mental health. 

To? Or Not To?

BigBoxStores regularly update things, change locations of items. There's a lot of wear and tear with so many shoppers coming and going.  When I left work back in April, we were working on that, a major update.   I missed being a part of it, and today was the celebration of the project being complete.   I got my butt out of bed early so I could be there, saw a lot of my coworkers and I'm glad I went. 

However, after 12 weeks off work, I felt a little disconnected.  Its a weird feeling after 23 years in the same store. 

Made me question the whole retirement thing.  Is it my time???  

So here's the thing.  Not working is a decision because Mom is 86. But her Dad lived to be 104.  If there's 20 years left, I should keep working.  But retail is hard work, very hard on a body. 

Will mine hold up??

And then, I was working my butt off so I could leave a house with no mortgage to my son, who was visually impaired.  But he died and now .... is there a legit need for me to work so hard? Or can I now kick back and do fun things?? 

The heat keeps me indoors and affects my decision making.  The other 9 months are grand here in the Valley of the Sun. I could walk in parks, take drives, etc.

It Accumulates

Just like the junk we collect, or the drink cans that stack up on the coffee table when we're lazy, our feelings accumulate as well and it becomes a bad day.

That was my day.

I read an entire Danielle Steel novel. Talk about a lazy day!  And when I checked, I'm ahead of the curve by a couple weeks!!

On A Leave

Taking a leave from work feels weird. Days can be long without the usual work routine. Or waiting for doctor appointments.  The not knowing what's next.

I got my forms filled out by a doc, with "unable to perform work tasks" noted.  It was approved and I was asked for another expected to return to work date.  I gave them the end of the month, and then I'm turning in my papers. 

I will officially be retired!

I will be watching my $$$ closely because I'm not certain I can maintain on the amount from social security. 

Here's to a new chapter!

Humor With Ma

So its family night dinner, and with 2 kids it can sometimes be chaotic.  We were all set to leave, grab my purse and head out.  

Turns out I forgot my phone at Mom's. 

So she sends me a text saying "You forgot your phone. "  

Well yeah, but I don't get your texts until I HAVE my phone!  I told her when I got back to her house. 

Yep.   We are THOSE kind of weirdos. LOL

It's Movie Night!

When I have a fav movie, I tend to watch it several times.   Right now, "That Thing You Do!" is on HULU.  I've watched it many times, and I'm watching it again.  One of my favorite moments is when they're on stage and they're singing "Dance With Me Tonight", they get through the chorus and they show Mr White (Tom Hanks) does a hand jerk in time with the music.  I don't know if that was written in the script or was impromptu, but it seems so natural!

Another favorite movie moment, in "The Blind Side", is when Mrs. Touhy goes onto the football field to instruct Michael to protect the family, and tells Burt he can thank her later.  After a play, he asks her what she said, she explains, then tells him "I said you could thank me later. Its later, Burt." 

For me, these are moments that make me smile.  While neither of these moments define either movie, they speak to me.

Yep. Its the little things. And I'm kinda odd.

Dazey Churn

Stuff.  We all have it, we all collect it, we all keep it.  I'm guilty of all of the above! But frankly, who isn't?

My Mom was raised on a farm. One of her chores was gathering eggs, another was churning butter.  And she churned it in this Dazey Churn No. 60.  

We visited the farm every 3-4 years for about 3 weeks in the summertime.  It was in the Red River Valley, Minnesota.  By the time I was old enough, they weren't raising chickens or churning their own butter.  Mom helped her Dad "clean up" and we have a few of their items, which makes them antiques because it was that long ago.

I've always appreciated things from the past.  So Mom gave me the butter churn. It sits up on a kitchen shelf, but I will never churn butter.  Who does that? 

But here's my thoughts:  will my daughter, my granddaughter even know what it is, or want to keep it once I'm gone?  Yes, there are notes on things so they have an understanding, but I'm guessing it just might go in the "donate" box because there's no place, no need for it. 

And it makes me kind of sad.

Weight Loss

I have struggled all my life with my weight.  Even if I am successful,  it always comes back. Its worse now after menopause.  Ugh.

But I found a vivid explanation somewhere on line, I forget where so I can't give credit.  

Weight loss is like a bowl of Rice Krispies.  If you have a "good day" with diet or exercise, take out one krispie.  Does it make a difference?  Not in the bigger picture.  You have to string several days together for it to look different.  

Maybe thats the mindset I need to get to. Stringing together many days and then weeks for it to make a difference.  

Not easy, but I'm trying.

Generations

I have always felt that I was born into the wrong era. Maybe I'm not the only one, and maybe its just a longing for something that never happened in our family. 

I'm watching Heartland on Netflix, and there are 4 generations living in the same family farmhouse.  Perhaps that's an unrealistic wish, only happens in books or movies.  

But the continuity of family is a big deal, in my opinion.  We can learn from others if we're willing to share our experiences. Or maybe only in my wishes and dreams. But it seems reasonable. 

My mother's family farm wasn't.... cohesive like that. The land was sold out from under siblings, and the house was razed a few years back.  In 1905, Gramps ordered the house from Sears Roebuck.  They added on in later years. On a hot summer night, it was great sleeping on the summer porch. 

But the farming didn't become something "the whole family" did.  Maybe it was that way back in day when kids were utilized as the hired hands! 

Its sad to be part of a family who grew so far apart.  Is anyone at fault? Or just circumstances.  I'm not sure. 

But I miss the ideal of family, generations, working together, sharing their history and their future. 

 

Pains

Knee pain, hip pain, wish I could figure out what's wrong exactly.  Lumping it all under the heading "arthritis" isn't what I want to hear.  Today the pain was worse than yesterday, a 6 rather than a 4 on the pain scale. 

I've been trying to do my PT exercises, skipped yesterday because I thought the slight pains were from overuse.  But that's obviously not the problem.  I hopped on my treadmill again, nice and slow 1mph for 15 minutes. Then 30 mins of ice followed by some heat. 

On top of that, no call from the orthopedics doc so I guess I'm screwed for getting g some disability pay.  Tried to log on to my work website and my credentials don't work any more.  

WTF else can go sideways??

Back to 1985

Back in 1985 my sister and I, along with our husbands, went to see Back to the Future at the movies.  We enjoyed it immensely!  It was one of the few things we did together. 

Today, in memory of her, I am watching it again.  Tomorrow marks the day she died, got her wings.  She survived pancreatic cancer treatments for a little over 3 years. She knocked off several things on her bucket list, including a trip to Ireland, in the time she had left.

Happy times, Sis, happy memories

Stranger Things

Every now and then, numbers get crossed,  mix ups happen.  My phone number belonged to a "David" before it became mine, and although I've had this number for 14 years, I still get calls for "David ".

Yesterday, I got a text that said "Where are you? I'm getting off the plane."   Since I'm not expecting anyone, I texted back "wrong number ".  

"Hey Rachel , This is Alyssa here. My personal phone is dead and I am using business  phone. I have landed at LAX Airport and Waiting for you."

My reply: "Area code 480 is phoenix area. Wrong number."

"Oh Sorry. This is so embarrassing. I'm really sorry for inconvenience. I had arrived from my 16 hours flight from Hong Kong. I was Trying to reach out my assistant and I think I put some digits wrongly due to jet lag. I hope I didn't bother you in any way."

My reply: "No problem! Welcome to LA! "

This odd little interaction made me smile.  And I hope Alyssa found Rachel!! 

Accomplishments

Day 2 and I stayed on schedule with my exercise.  My treadmill has some kind of thing to analyze a workout built in to it, and gives a rating compared to the last workouts.  While I have increased from time to time, I haven't gone above "40". Today I got a "41" !!!   

Its the little things that make a difference for me!

Yesterday I finished a baby blanket for my granddaughter's shower later in July.  Accomplishments are important these days! 

The snuggle is real!

Schedules

Am I the only one?  Or are there others like me who need a "schedule" in order to stay on top of things?  

My world and tasks all revolved around my job, my work schedule.  But now that I'm not working, I find that its too easy to say "I'll do it tomorrow" and just lay around reading books and eating bonbons.

So this morning I set myself up on a schedule of doing my physical therapy exercises, walking on the treadmill, and stepping on my vibration plate.  I even find myself notating when I should take my meds and such. 

Maybe its just a matter of wrapping my head around the fact that this is the stage in my life when things are about me now.  What I want matters.  What I want to do should be my priority!

Now if I can only figure out what I want to do?!?!?!

Holiday Busy-ness

Families tend to gather on holidays, and mine did yesterday.  My daughter and her husband stopped by for a business on their way to a vacation. Its always great to see them and get updates in person!  Once they leave, a kind of melancholy is left behind.  I wish we all lived closer, but it hasn't worked out that way.

In other good news,  I had set a small dish of water in the freezer to see if it was really not working, and the water froze.  So I unplugged and plugged my freezer back in and the settings were reset, all is normal again.  For now.  Yay! I hated the thought of shopping for another new unit. 

In my neighborhood, the "kids" playing with fireworks on July 4th were very busy. I assumed the loud kabooms would end just after midnight.  Nope!  1am:  Boom! 2am: Boom!  4am:  Boom! Boom! Boom!  Doesnt this person ever sleep??????

Hope everyone had a Happy 4th!

Excuses, Excuses

It's a holiday .... Happy 4th of July!!  And what better excuse to just relax! Right?

Although I'm using that as an excuse, it's really not a very good one.  We're looking at temps over 110 for the next 7 days.  It makes a person lethargic, and I need to try and shake it.  I'm beginning to be very lazy.  

And now, an error light for my freezer. No idea why, sounds like the fans are working, so I slid the unit away from the wall and see what's next.  Otherwise, I'll be shopping for a new one. Again. Its always a challenge because I am limited in height so that limits my choices.  I've had trouble with the Frigidaire brand lately.  Ugh.

Isn't it funny how different things happen in life ... the ups and downs that carry us through each day.  Sometimes it gets to be too much, but we all just carry on as best we can. 

Hope your day is a good one!

Past The Day

No post yesterday because its the hardest day of the year for me.  It's been five years since the day I came home from work and found my son dead in the backyard. 

The visuals are impossible to get out of my head.  I try to stay busy and keep those thoughts in the background.  But night time is the worst.  So I'm extra tired today. And a little bit cranky.

The heat doesn't help.  

I miss Brian every day; we were close. My goals .... well they don't matter any longer and in many ways I am lost without him here.  

But life keeps moving forward, and sometimes I'm just swept along because it's the best I can do in the moment.  

It's easy to wish others would know what I'm going through, but there's no way I would wish this upon anyone.  

My tribute full of stories and photos can be found at www.forevermissed.com/Brian-court

Being a parent who has lost a child changes everything. 

Old Age

Last night, in the middle of the night,  I had really bad foot cramps.  My toes wanted to curl under, and when they did,  the pains woke me up each time.  

I know my system isn't in balance.  I didn't bring enough Powerade with me to my nephew's house. And I got home late and didn't drink one.  I've tried to remember but probably didn't drink one Sunday either.  

I'm hoping that's the major cause of this.  *fingers crossed*   I made sure I had plenty of water and a Powerade today and that tonight will be better.  

Its funny how age has affected the do's and don'ts in life lately.  Eating less to lose weight means I don't get nutrients. Take pills to make up for those lost nutrients. 

Do we ever win the little battles?  Not every time. Not any more. But I'm aging as gracefully as I can.  It sure isn't easy.