What makes us so reluctant to see the obvious signs??
Why do we ignore the obvious in favor of our feelings or emotions??
I've heard it said "It isn't logic, it's love." Well, ok.
But that sure doesn't tell me much!
The latest book I picked up from the library is "He's just not your type (and that's a good thing!)" by Andrea Syrtash. I'm not sure what to make of it, but I grabbed it on impulse. Ok, I'll be honest, I grabbed it for the by-line of the book: "How to find love where you least expect it." And by the time I got it home, I thought, 'What the heck am I doing with this? I'm not looking.' However, according to the author, if you're single, you're looking. Even when you're not.
What I find most fascinating was what she had to say about our choices. How many of us have expectations about the person we want to be our soul mate? We could all create a "shopping list" of things we'd like our someone to have: tall, dark and handsome, a sense of humor, a good job (or even *any* job!!), smart, honest ... you get the idea. But does this shopping list exclude someone who just might be the one for us?
Here's one mind bending thought::::
Until you find the person you want to marry,
every relationship will be unsuccessful.
every relationship will be unsuccessful.
That blew me away; I never looked at it that way before. How many of us want everything we do to be successful? Weren't we raised that way? Why is it when it comes to dating, that we think every potential date/mate will be successful? Are bad dates and relationships part of the learning process??
The author tells us to "Stop shoulding all over yourself". Quit thinking "I should.. ________ (you fill in your own blank). The word should keeps us from taking risks, connecting with our values and following our hearts. Should is a security blanket; it feels safe. We should let it go, banish it from our thought process and be more open to things outside our ruts and routines. (Especially me! I think I'm the Queen of Routines!!)
The other thing that's obvious in each set of stories and circumstances she talks about is the fact that when you're in a relationship, it is what it is, in the right now. Never, ever think it's going to get better, improve, or that you can 'change things' by loving the other person more. Sadly, while the little things might be better, the basics of the relationship need to be just right from the get-go. Never ever 'settle' because of a 'should'.
Am I headed any where with this??? Nope! (at least, not here in public! haha) Just a few thoughts along the way that percolate in my brain .... lucky you, you get to read it! (laughs)
Since I'm not looking, I'll not bore you with several blogs on this book, but sum it up with this: The ultimate dating challenge is to challenge yourself. "Want a different dating result? Do something different consistently. Be different. Pay attention differently. Attract differently. And be open to a different result." It isn't about landing a certain kind of person -- it's about becoming the person you are meant to be.
And lastly, Don't settle for anyone who does not help you be the best version of you and who isn't someone you want to be with in the quiet moments.
HUGS to everyone!
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