confuzzled

Is confuzzled a word? Not according to Webster, but the Urban dictionary says its : a combination of being confused and puzzled, not knowing what the fuck is goin on. So my vote is in: I think that's a great word! Not to be mixed up, however, as in Con-Fuzzled - the convention of fuzzy furry ..... well. Let's not go there!!

When I get to feeling confuzzled about things going on (or not going on) in my life, I tend to ... avoid. Sometimes its just easier to let the feelings pass than it is to try and figure them out, or worse, to try and do anything about them. In that way, I spent the day doing busy work and chores. I decorated my Christmas tree, I dived through the boxes of decorations I've accumulated over the years. I played with my new camera, I got my laundry caught up for the week, cleaned the bathroom, bedroom and kitchen. Whew. Now its time to sit down and get caught up with *me* again. There's a pot of stew simmering on the stove for dinner, and it smells delicious! The sun is just beginning to sink in the sky, and I'm ready to start the work week over again. (Ugh, though. Some time off would be awesome!)

Back to being confuzzled. Let's face it, girls, men are just confuzzling as all get out. They seem to have their own reasons, their own ways and reason it all out in their own funny ways as to how it should be. At least, in their minds. I think that as women, we have trouble understanding it. Not the process or the reasoning, maybe its more that men, in general, don't talk about how they got from point A to point B -- they're just happy to have made the trip. Us gals, we like to talk about how we got there, why we went one way and not the other, and maybe even counted flowers along the way, just because they were there!

Some of you men may be chuckling right about now, and thinking that women are just as confuzzling as we think you are. We definitely think about things in different ways, even when we end up in the same place after the end of the trip getting there.

By now you're wondering "Is there a point to this diatribe?" Yes. It's still about being confused. It's still about trying to figure out what's what. And it's still about loving someone in a way that doesn't fit the mold that the world has set. And within that, needing to find my way in the maze of this thing that is a relationship. The most difficult part is being female, and wanting-- or needing -- to talk it out with someone who understands. But unless you've experienced this type of relationship, its very difficult to understand all the little reasons and intricacies ....

So far, I know two distinct things:
I love him, he's my best friend.
And my day doesn't feel complete if we don't touch base for some conversation.
And backgammon. :)