Loving him is like driving a new Maserati
down a dead end street
Faster than the wind
Passionate as sin,
ended so suddenly.
Sometimes sharing my thoughts, my feelings on this blog is very cathartic. There are times when things get overwhelming, and dealing with them is always easier when you think things out loud Or, in my case, in black and white.
One of the troubles I have from time to time is letting emotions take over, especially when they're the kind where it makes me question reasons and motives. Its related to my self esteem issues, and how I settle for less than the best. Or less than I deserve. After my divorce, it took me a long while to get past the junk and to the point where I felt better about myself, about things, about having a direction in my life. Sometimes, that direction needs to be revamped. We need to shift and change with life as it changes around us. And I'm at the point again of switching up, changing gears and revamping the direction in my life.
I've been in a 'holding pattern' of sorts when it comes to my social life and priorities, and have come to the conclusion that part of that pattern has been settling for less than I deserve. I need to build more healthy relationships, and let go of some unhealthy ones.
Ok, I'm going to be brutally honest with myself here. I was 'hooked' on a guy in such a way that I programmed my computer to play a ringtone every time he logged on. Most people are routine oriented so it would be about the same time every day. I would arrange my home chores and my own routine in order to be available to spend time with this guy every day. For years. We became very good friends. Or did we? Because I ordered my life around his free time. He doesn't change up any of his own routines in order to make time for me. And I'm worth more than a few stolen moments for a phone call when he's out running errands. Way more.
Loving him
is like driving
a Maserati
down a
dead end street.
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