Purpose

Do you ever wonder about the bigger picture, your purpose in life?  When I had two kids who each had a different "special needs"-- one had a hearing impairment, the other was visually impaired -- I knew that was my purpose, that God intended for me to raise them because I had the strength and fortitude it took to get it done, to do a good job.  

Now I keep wondering about my next purpose.  I worked my job, did well, got to a place where I could buy a home, and then retire. 

Only now I'm in charge of mom. Is that my next purpose? And how do I do that successfully?  The actual caretaking, errands, appointments, those are all functions and I deal with them as needed. The struggle is, and will be, being mom's social outlet.  At this point, all is new and so far we do everything together.  But is that healthy? 

I call her every day - mostly to make sure she's ... err ... doing ok.  And I listen, let her talk when I call.  But I'm very aware that we don't see eye to eye on a lot of topics. I'm also aware that in her mind, sis was smarter than me because she went to college. Or maybe she and mom saw eye to eye on more things.

So I need to find a way to protect my sanity and individuality; that I can do more on my own.  Joining PF was a start.  With cooler weather I plan on walking local parks, with my camera for pix.  But with all that, I still need to get her out too.

It's quite the conundrum. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing a lot of complaining,  but that's fear talking. I'm afraid of losing myself.  I did that once with an ex husband.  

In the meantime, I hiked my hiney to PF yesterday and today.  New achievement 5 miles, 22 mins on the bike.