Most of the time I feel as if I am in control of life, of things around me. I've been married before to the controlling type and I like to think I'm much more laid back than that. If not laid back entirely, at least easy going.
But today I'm restless. I don't feel like things are .... where they need to be. I'm retired. Its weird for me. I can go to the gym. I could go out and take pix. I could ... do so many things.
I was the kind of person who didn't call out from work and say my car broke down when I really had something I wanted to do instead. I believed that lying about your car, or being sick, meant that karma would somehow come around and it would really happen.
But I feel guilty at the moment for not working. I visited my store, and the dept where I worked so hard for 16 years to stay on top of was a huge shambles of a mess. I wanted to cry first. Then thought I should jump in and help get caught up, but nope. Not my job. That's the part where the controlling comes in. MY dept, MY way. I guess I assumed (incorrectly) that I had taught them how it needs to be done.
At the moment I feel guilty about being able to do the things I want to do. I've never had this before! So I'm feeling a little lost for the time being.
Maybe if I spend some time housecleaning - like a deep spring clean - I might feel better about things. Because I need to feel in control.
PS: the sunsets are amazing when there is a little bit of cloud cover! I like summer monsoons!!
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