Christmas Season

I got up this morning and so wanted to take all the Christmas stuff down.  Where does the feeling of "this is too much" come from?

All the Christmas trappings, the expectations, are too much. We live in a world where if you want or need something, you just buy it.  So trying to think about a gift for a person becomes a burden because you know that if they wanted it, needed it, they already had it. And the little other gifts .... I call them knick knacks .... is there really any meaning behind them?

Maybe thats what gift giving should be more about, the meaning.  When there's love, the gift has more meaning.  

I get all churned up with holidays.  I have continually blamed it on working retail. While that definitely impacted me (and still does), the worst impact was the death of my son.  There is nothing I have found to combat against it.  And holidays makes it worse. 

So I struggle through these days with a lesser joy than I used to have. With mom here, I don't have the luxury of doing what I want, when I want it, so I muddle and struggle through the days.  Through her expectations.  And wish it was January already.