Stress and Thank Yous

Who props you up?  When you're stressed, what's your pressure relief valve?? 

I thought once I retired, the stress and pressure would be relieved.  But now I'm finding that I've traded for a bigger stress.  I call her Mom.  

I run both my health care and hers, along with taxes, bills, money decisions (some, anyways).  While ultimately things are her decisions, and I let her make them, she doesn't always remember the decisions she makes.

Weds she had me jumping through hoops, calling docs and trying to get her some pain relief, which involves referrals and the doctor offices aren't in the kind of hurry she is in.  Because I didn't get a call back, I was up early and at her house by 9 am so we could make some phone calls and decisions.  

What do I find when I get there?  She's eating breakfast in her jammies and says "I don't want to see a pain management doctor, I feel better today."  

She is a Class A+ worrier, but doesn't admit that she's worrying about anything.  But her words and actions  stress me out, trying to get her the help she wants.  And I know that as her pain increases, she worries, and her body reacts and it causes more pain.

For me, stress from work was usually handled with comfort foods.  I'm trying to avoid that these days and treat my body better.  I need to find a different stress reliever.  Throwing things hasn't worked out so well for the things around me.  

Maybe it's time I keep some gym clothes in the car, and hit the gym after dealing with her each day.

So if you have a person who helps you deal with your stress, make sure you thank them, let them know you appreciate them!  A kind word goes a long way!!

❤️  

Bite the Bullet

Today, I broke down and headed to my Verizon store to get a new phone.  It was my intention to just get something simple.  But I ended up with the new Samsung S25.  

The last time I bought a phone was the S9, so *many* years ago!  The salesman, Dillon, said data transfer would be easy, 15-20 minutes.  After 20 or so, he checked and the data transfer speed from my old phone was slow, would take 58 more minutes.  I opted to head to Mom's and chill.  

He called right before I needed to head out to pick up MrZ. Perfect timing!!  Of course, this means payments again. Ugh.

First new phone photo:

Mom Strangeness

This week, we are watching MrZ.  When we get to her house, we sit down at the table and do homework.  Every day.  No exceptions.  Mom watches TV.

Monday, she tuned in to Behind the Gates, a new soap on CBS.  About 15 mins in, there's a couple in bed showing some skin and smooching.   "Hey Mom, not kid appropriate."

Tuesday, we were working away, and MrZ leans over and whispers "why is she watching a kid show?"  I look over and she has a PBS cartoon playing.  *blink*

I'm not quite sure whats going on there ... or what tomorrow will bring?!?!?!

Wednesday, and she's had some very bad nights, not sleeping, walking the floors because of pain.   Its a tremendous burden dealing with her because she can't describe the pain, doesn't seem to know if it's a muscle pain or what.  She has high expectations about what a doc can do, and the *all* fall short.  Never mind that they have to guess what's going on.

We shall see.  

A.S.O.T.

 As Seen On Tshirt:

Awake yet??

JFK  +  MLK  +  DJT

= Truth 

Are these three men being put in the same category?  Do they belong together?

Am I out of the political loop?

Maybe so .....

I might be out of the loop, but I have a low opinion of politicians in general.  I believe that they should serve with humility, and not for personal gain.  And maybe its only the bad news is reported and we don't hear about the good news.  Which brings up my favorite quote:  "why is it so much easier to believe the bad things?"  We are living in some tough times.

Scholastic Book Fair

MrZ is having book fair at school this week.  Its the same and different than before.

When I was in elementary school back in 1960s, there would be like a 4 page newspaper with books and prices listed on it.  If I was lucky, Dad would shell out $5 and I could pick and choose.  Books were $1-$4, and sometimes there were posters for 50cents (Donny Osmond, please!!!) 

With careful choices, I could get 2 or 3 items and be so happy!!  Today, MrZ chose a Pokémon diary ..... not sure what his plans are for it! 

Things are still the same, and yet different.  Thanks, Scholastic!!!

Getting Through

When there's something you just don't want to do, how do you get through it?

As I looked at my calender, this was the first week in two months where there was *nothing* scheduled for mom.  I got it in my head I would have time to get things done before picking up MrZ at 245pm.  And then came a text.

Because of parent teacher conferences, he gets out of school at 1245 every day this week.  

So much for having ME time.  All I ever seem to do is what I was doing when I worked full time:  jamming all my chores and errands into a small window of time each day/week and no time to do the things I enjoy doing. 

My nephew sometimes has even asked me to watch the kids a few times on the weekends so he can go to the gym and use the sauna. Um, NO!  

So now I'm struggling to get through this week.  How does an old Gal keep a 7 year old boy busy for 4 hours every day???? Its a real struggle.  Of course, this is all at Mom's house each day, and she's a different kind of struggle!

... that's how I feel ... 

UAPs? UFOs?

Are you a believer in UAPs, UFOs? Or, a better question, do you believe in the possibility?

I consider my viewpoint a little different from most.  I believe in the possibility, and then some.  I believe there are things that we can't explain or understand.

I am watching Skinwalker Ranch. Yes, its a few years old but I am fascinated watching them try several different kinds of experiments trying to make explanations out of things that can't be explained.  

I read a few reviews online of the show, and several were disappointed that there weren't answers.  For me, that's perfectly fine.  There aren't answers. And that's ok.

What's fascinating for me is that I've seen some of the things they have seen.  I don't talk about them, I'm accept they are there. I personally don't need experiments to prove what I've seen.  The one that is most memorable was nearing sunset as I was driving around the base of a mountain and looking up, seeing something in the sky.  I pulled over to stop and watch.  What made it memorable was the hikers on top of the mountain were also looking up and pointing.  

There are things we can't explain, and maybe we aren't supposed to.  For me, I'm happy to accept that I'm in a right place at a right time to see them.  And when I see them, I smile.

A Day in My Life

Typical day: get up, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast.  After that, the day doesn't belong to me.

Drive to Moms.  Today, she didn't like her brown chair in the living room even though its a smaller chair and fits her body.  My thought was try it a couple days and see if the new chair is causing her pains.  She sits in it about 15 hours a day!  But no, not even 1 day and I'm moving it all back. 

Drive mom to the eye doctor. There's an hour of sitting and waiting.  Then she says oh yeah, I'm out of tylenol we need to stop at Walmart.  Then its back to her house and sit and wait another hour to pick up MrZ. 

Today, it was watching MrZ and MsJ until MrJ gets off work.  Its almost 530, and still no word.  

I know I'm supposed to "help for six months " while he is academy. But after?  I'm burning miles and gas on my car,  and its supposed to be my retirement car.  But every day now its something.  I might as well live at moms but f*ck th*t.  

So I'm feeling a little worn out and used.  My income doesn't allow me to spend monies on these kids. But here I am, doing just that.  And yes, I promised dad I would take care of mom, but I had no idea how she can be. 

Just another Friday night and feeling a little blue.  Time for a good night's sleep and a better outlook tomorrow! 

Nothing Alike

Wednesday is a short school day, so we have MrZ for 4 hours in the afternoon.  We were watching TV (game shows, of course), then mom left to go to her room to put the heating pad on her hip.  She said we could watch whatever, and MrZ was busy with a game on the iPad.  So I tuned in to watch That Thing You Do.  Upbeat movie, IMO.  One of my favs!

Mom gets done and comes back and says what's this?  So I explained the story line, as we were only about 20 minutes into it.  But she didn't like it.  *shrug*  it's that way often, she has strong opinions and she only likes things her own way.

Its amazing how different we are as people.  I dislike that I always take the backseat with whatever she wants, but it reminds me of Dad who always said pick your battles.  

But living with her full time, while I know it may come down to it, I will hate it.  We are nothing alike! 

End of Stay

Today is day 3 of 3 staying with Mom.  My focus was to see if she was "sundowning" in some way.  And its not as escalated as it was 3 years ago. Thankfully!  But it could move in that direction, I suppose.

I have kept her busy with short walks around the block three times a day.  The goal is to tire her out, as well as keeping her body moving rather than sitting in a chair all day.  That portion seemed to help.

But I have to admit I'm ready to go home.  My own bed. My own timing. My own meals. My own peace. 

I am not cut out to live with my mother.

Dinner Theater

Silver Star Theater in Mesa is a place where you can have dinner and some theater in the same evening.  Dinner is buffet style, with a hot bar and a salad bar.  

My mom and I attended last night. Cousin Karen and mom both have birthdays in Feb so that's their thing. This time I went along.  The show was called "True Country" and was quite entertaining. ( I know,,,  some don't like country music.)

There are several shows to choose from, including 50/60s, 70/80s, and Elvis.  The singers and band are talented.  And while I'm always rooting for the keyboard player in a band, last night it was the steel guitar player.  He played with Glen Cambell for 20 years and is SO talented!! 

We heard old school country tunes, some George Strait, Dolly Parton, and the show ended with Devil Went Down to Georgia.  The little fiddle player was a dream to listen to. She played with such joy!

They definitely play to the older crowd, but it was still fun, enjoyable. If you're out in the Valley of the Sun, the experience is worth it!

Wiggin' Out

My mom is going thru one of her wigging out stages again.  She has anxiety and it gets worse, manifests itself as pain. This time its hip/leg pain.  We saw the doc, he manipulated her legs and there was no pain.  

When we got home, I had her lay on the couch, legs elevated since her ankles are swollen.  No pain while I was there.

Her pain increases at night when she's alone, and her worries start up.  So I'm going to stay with her for a few nights.  Maybe I can get her walking around the block, tire her out so she doesn't do so much worrying. 

But.  Spending time with her means sitting and watching a lot of TV. She seems to want/need companionship all the time.  And I'm too young to act like I'm 87.  Even a walk around the block is too slow for me but necessary.  

She has been prescribed an anxiety medicine but hates taking pills, so I'm not sure she's been taking it.  My guess is no.

So I packed up some food, some clothes, and I'm headed her way. 

On The Defensive

I don't usually write about anything that could be construed as controversial.  But I started watching the SuperBowl and as the National Anthem started, they showed President Trump saluting the flag. 

And to my surprise, I took offense.  I don't normally have reactions to political stuff. 

So I had to check what was proper. And while I found there isn't a law against civilians saluting the flag, its been the norm that military persons salute the flag.  And President Trump has never served. 

I was so surprised by my reaction, that I decided to make note of it.  And Google AI mentions that its considered disrespectful for someone not military to salute.  And also mentioned that it may appear someone trying to play soldier.  

Just one old Gal's opinions, thoughts, on this particular topic.  If they offend you, my sincere apologies. 

Mr Holland's Opus

I'm watching Mr. Holland's Opus (yes, again). I can relate to so many aspects of the film.  My daughter was born hearing impaired. My ex struggled with all that goes with raising a child with a handicap.

I was lucky in that my daughter was able to be fitted with hearing aids at the age of two.  The look on her face when the doc out them on was priceless.  The entire week was a never ending awe of sounds she heard for the first time.  

I like music, I play piano, I sing.  Not anywhere near professionally, but that doesn't take away the enjoyment I derive from doing one or the other, or both.

But the thought that struck me as I was watching is that when we are dealing with a crisis in our lives, we can only make our choices and decisions based on the facts we have in the moment.  We can't go back and make different choices based on  knowledge learned. 

But we tend to allow ourselves to wonder if we could have made better choices, to wallow in the what ifs. I know I've done it often. And sadly, still do it from time to time.  Its something I'm aware of and try to stop doing it. But I'm not always successful. 

Our perspective changes as we grow older, and different things jump out at me when I rewatch shows or movies. But Mr. Holland's Opus is still one of the good ones! 

Frustrations

Some days the brain doesn't work as well as it does other days.  And today, mom just wasn't with it.  She was trying to buy her almond milk.  Instead she grabbed a half gallon of creamer.  She doesn't even drink much coffee!!  I laughed to myself and asked her what she needed so much creamer for???   Yeah. We put that back.

Today was one of those shopping days that didn't go well.  We walked down the paper goods aisle and she didn't seem to need anything. We rounded the corner and headed down tha baking aisle.  When we rounded the next one, she said she needed napkins.  Which we had just passed.  Grr.

I always try to sneak a peak at her grocery list so that I can help without her thinking I'm helping.  Ha ha.  But this time, I didn't.  Which meant it was going to be one of those kind of days.

Backtracking again because she forgot lunch meat.  Sometimes those days are frustrating for me and I have to dig deep to find extra patience.  

We got home and she started going through the prescriptions she had picked up and she was missing something.  So after I dropped off MrZ with his Nonno, I headed back to the store to get the rest of her meds.  It just wasn't my day! 

I try to remind myself during these kinds of frustrations that it would probably be me some day doing the same kinds of things, but it doesn't completely remove the frustration of the day! 

Diet: a Four Letter Word

I changed my eating habits five months ago, in September.  I quit eating fast foods, chips, cookies, candies and pizza.  I increased my protein and veggies.  And it has worked wonders for me, for the most part.  True, I'm not dropping pounds as fast as I want, but I feel better, overall.  Thats a good thing. 

But today, I just couldn't resist.  I grabbed one of those miniature sized Hershey bars from the freezer.  I let it thaw while I fantasized about how good it was going to taste. All that creamy texture on my tongue, all the chocolatey goodness.  

The reality?  It wasn't as good as I built it up in my mind.  And I'm certain I can feel the jittery rush of sugar ... and its no longer pleasant.  *sigh*

That's how I know this isn't a "diet", which implies reduced caloric intake for a period of time.  No.  This is a lifestyle change.  

We had family dinner Sunday, and as I normally eat my last meal (yogurt) at 3pm, I sit with the fam but I just sip my water.  But Mom always feels as if she has to explain (or announce) that I'm on a diet.  And that totally frustrates me! 

Maybe at some point there will be acceptance.  Until then, I will just ignore comments and keep doing my own thing.

My Turn Yet?

A week full of doing busy stuff.  I know it all has to get done, and most of it falls to me. Its hard being the responsible one.

Mom had her attic insulated. Her hope is that I live in her house when she's gone. That's a lot of pressure to put on me! 

Spent Saturday painting MrJ's name on tshirts and sweatshirts for Academy. They have very specific rules for some things!!

Mom had a dr appt this morning. I didn't go in with her, so I have no idea what she told him, or what she needs done next. He did mention she is anemic, but if she needed another blood draw, she didn't schedule it. 

The clinic called and said Mom needs a followup CT scan. She had a shadow on her lung 6 months ago, they are just rechecking to be sure 

I had my own dr appt ... down 13 lbs, cholesterol is better than its been in 4 years.  Just needed the referral for a mammogram, and now need to locate which facility is in my insurance network. I hate dealing with all that!!

Dental cleaning schedule for next week. Followup for doc in August. 

I'm still doing the babysitting thing.  And we added Josie to Friday afternoon as well because her mom is going out of town.

With all of this going on, I came home and did nothing all afternoon.

Is it my turn yet?