Day Timers vs Old Timers

Sunday.  5:30pm.  It's been a busy day of doing ... nothing much. Usual chores to get ready for another busy work week.

I'm finding that I have a really good week if I take the time to jot down notes, thoughts, feelings, ideas .... whatever crosses my mind.  It's as if by jotting them down, they won't slip from memory, and that means a lot to me as I get older.  I fear not being able to have the sharp mind that I once had.  At the same time, it's very nice to let go of things I don't really need to remember.  I've always been a memorize-r of numbers.  Back in the 70s it was telephone numbers!   Thank goodness we don't have to remember all of those any more.  Other things like drivers license number, etc ... no one asks for them any longer, because we no longer write paper checks.   Again, thank goodness!   I bought 200 checks back in 2010 when I bought my house ... and I still have some left!  lol

But I still fear not remembering important things - things that I store in my phone.  If I lost it, I would feel lost for a long time!   Back in the day, when I was raising kids and juggling family, career, and everything that goes with it, I kept a DayTimer.  Mine sort of looked like this one ....
full of little notes to myself.  It made a lot of things easier, less decisions to make because it was "already on the schedule".  I suppose they still make them for the ultra-busy folks, but I can keep a month's worth of data/appointments necessary on a 3x5 index card now.  lol  Instead, I keep it in my phone - even better.

I know that in the scope of things, compared to my life 20 years ago, I now have a lot of free time -- but I also find that I need time to rest and recuperate after a long day of work rather than spending my time running around with errands, laundry, cooking and cleaning on a daily basis.  I can still do it - if I have to! - and given enough notice.  But gone are the days of impulsive dashing here and there.  A shopping trip to the mall for me can feel like a major excursion - not something I enjoy like I used to.  Have I come full circle, knowing that I don't need a lot of 'stuff' to deal with any more?  I liken it to having knick knacks - people still have them, and I have my share, but the more I have, the more I have to -do-.  They always seem to need dusting!

Using my blog as my journal - or my day timer - to jot down all these little self-notes is a good way for me to feel as if I'm keeping my sanity --- or at the very least, holding back the beast I sometimes call "old timers". haha

One of "Those People"

Yes, I am officially one of "those people".  
and I resisted for so long!
but ....  living in the desert means sometimes
you do things that quite frankly aren't logical ......

I bought a dog stroller.
Yep.
Always thought it was weird, but here's the deal:

I am a single dog mom.
I live in the desert where it gets too hot to walk a dog.


When my dog stays home 10 hours a day alone, she needs to see more than these four walls.  Do dogs get cabin fever?  My instinct - and experience - says yes!  Because there are some days when bedtime hits and that's when she wants to play again!

I always laughed at people who pushed their dogs in strollers.  Until I realized that at 100 degrees, the asphalt can feel like 150 on her paws - Can't exactly walk her over to the park to play in the grass like that!  Driving two blocks seems ridiculous, and staying home hasn't been a good option either.  I need to walk, I love to walk, it's my thing.  Truth be told, I feel guilty walking alone when my dog's been home alone all day.   Yep, I'm funny that way.  So this was my $100 compromise:  A stroller to get her too and from the park while I can get my own walking in as well.

I think she likes it!
I think this is gonna work well for us!
Even if you do say I'm one of "those people"!
hahahaha

Old Souls

Old Souls is an expression I've heard off and on throughout life.  And I've found over the years that I am drawn to old souls, as if recognizing an old friend, even if we've never met.  They are few and far between for me, and come in all kinds of ages.  Many of them are younger, and drawing into a relationship with them at my age can sometimes cause issues.   So I thought I'd do a little research and see if I can find some more enlightenment about old souls.

"The old soul doesn't see the purpose of pursuing things that can be easily taken away from them. Additionally, old souls have little time and interest for the short-lived things in life, as they bring little meaning or long lasting fulfillment for them." - LonerWolf

If you didn't know your chronological age, what age would you guess yourself to be?  When I was in my 20s, I already felt like I was in my 40s - or older.    I always felt like I was born in the wrong time period.  But in checking up on "signs that you're an old soul", I read that they're a solitary loner, they like knowledge, wisdom and truth; spiritually inclined, thoughtful and introspective.    Well.  That all fits, for sure.   I also found this interesting:   "Those undergoing the fifth and final stage of reincarnation are known as old souls. In this stage of soul evolvement there is a search for balance and completion, and an urge to pass on the torch before the end of reincarnation.  They tend to be drawn to the quiet life away from the noise of the city.  "

So where does all that leave a person who feels like an old soul?

Of that I'm never certain.  I have moments where I feel like I shouldn't be an old soul, that I should be doing things different, doing more things .... but when it comes down to it, I am an old soul, and am comfortable with the way things are.  I've never been the kind who wants to go out and make a difference in the world, nor do I want to have a job where I make lots of money and have the materialistic things to show for it.  I've always been happy having a job that I enjoy doing, no matter what the pay is (or isn't), I don't go for buying a lot of showy things.  I'm a simple, down to earth kind of gal, with simple needs.

When I was in my 20s, my goal was to own my own house
by the time I'm 50.  Mission accomplished!
The rest of it has been good,
I've had good times, good family, good memories,
but nothing like what others consider as "successful".

And this "old soul" is OK with that!

The (Tarnished) Golden Years

Getting older is never a fun thing.  When I was a kid, I always heard about "the golden years", about how life gets better as we're older, kids are grown, responsibilities change, and there's more time for yourself to pursue your own pleasures now.

Well, there are two sides to that "golden years" myth.  What if you don't have your health?  That's always a huge concern.  I'm lucky, I've had issues, but overall I'm pretty healthy *knock on wood*.  The other part is with people living longer, the rate of divorce, etc, when you reach your golden years and you're alone, sometimes struggling paycheck to paycheck, it can sometimes feel more like tarnished years!

I'm not complaining, but there are times when at my age, I feel as if I'm becoming more and more invisible.  The media puts the young, the beautiful out there ... and we've become inured to that as being the norm -- when in fact a mature older woman finally knows what she wants, there's less drama -- we shouldn't be invisible!

But the main point I wanted to bring up was about reaching these "golden years" and realizing that you haven't achieved something you dreamed of.  I've always had a passion for farms, farm houses and barns, and old houses.  Renovating them was something I always wanted to do, but never had the time when I was raising kids.  Never had the money or a partner to take that on later in life.  I still think I'd do it now, if I didn't have to work at a job that .... leaves things to be desired in the "making a difference, doing what you love" department.

So what now?  I'll be 57 in a week, and I wonder what's next in my life.  Another 10 years on the job until I retire?  Sometimes I feel as if I'm still 35 in my head, and that I still have time to do all that I've wanted to do.  But that time is becoming less and less.

Frankly, maybe it will feel less that way after the heat leaves the Valley of the Sun.  Cabin fever is usually associated with folks who live with a lot of snow -- but the heat does the same thing to us here in the desert.  We are camped out indoors with the AC.  I tried doing some home improvement stuff, but having to live with the fumes of paint or stain circulating with the AC isn't good for any of us, so .... we wait for Sept 15, which is the average end of excessive summer heat for us.  Thank goodness!

So in the meantime, I'm trudging along doing what I can given current circumstances, but making plans for things (and attitudes) to be better come fall.

Happy Summer Days!

Easier to be poor....

I just want to put this out there.  I'm not a fan of lawyers.  They have a place in our society and can be useful on some occasions, and I hope I get a good one if I ever need one, but in this instance, there seems to be something very wrong in my opinion.

From what I can tell, my grandparents created a trust agreement in 1992 in order to leave parcels of land and personal property to their five children.  In 1992, my grandfather was already 85 years old.  I'm no lawyer or expert, but it appears each of their trusts left everything to the remaining spouse if one dies before the other.  In this case, my grandmother died in 1994, which makes my Grandfather 87 years old, at which time he becomes the sole heir to all said property.

My issue is with the attorney who set up these trusts.  At 87 years old, what sort of mental capacity was my grandfather working under?  He was a sharp man, very smart, but we all fade with time.  What kind of lawyer allows changes to be made to a trust after the fact?  And by someone who just might not have all his faculties when it comes to money?  What kind of lawyer didn't create some kind of checks and balances when we're talking about an 87 year old man worth aproximately $3M in land, which was to be left to his five children?   With an estate that size, why was only one person named as a trustee?   For a smart man, my grandfather was out of his realm in this, maybe he didn't listen to his lawyer and insisted on having his own way.

In 2007,  my grandfather to add his grandson as a trustee, AND agreed to immediately sell said grandson all his land for $800/acre.   I'm sure in 2007 land was worth more than that.  FFS, my grandfather was 100 years old at the time.   In my book, this should all have been illegal, or certainly gone over with someone other than the grandson who's getting rich.  Is there not some kind of age clause, a dual signee clause, surely there should have been some kind of checks and balances.

I know that no matter what, people are 'funny' when it comes to money, family or not.

This is a very good example of why I don't trust lawyers.  I'm sure the original lawyer made a pretty penny setting up a $3M trust.  What he left was a mess.  It created a huge rift within the family.  I've not seen or spoke to my Uncle or cousins in more than 15 years.

Some people quote the Bible as saying "money is the root of all evil" but it's the love of money that's at the root of it all.  May my Uncle Robert, cousin Ronald and their families rue the day, and suffer the consequences, having full knowledge that they took the wishes of my grandparents and wiped the slate clean, allowing only themselves to reap all the benefits.  May they pass from this life to the next without real family love.  

I will probably pass this life a pauper,
but my kids won't have to fight each other for anything of value,
and will remain a loving family.

Bees up their Butts

We've all had them, those frustrating days at work where nothing seems to be going right, things that make you question what you've done to make your manager feel as if she can't trust you, and the bottom of that barrel, what kind of new job can you look for?

That's where I'm at today.

At my BigBox Store, I'm in charge of "compliance".  That means following procedures and protocols laid out in regards to certain specific tasks.  At all times, my work area must be in compliance with these protocols.  Many of them are store specific, but the basis of them rests in the hands at federal level, such as the DOT.

I've been in my current position for nearly 8 years.  Much of them happily.  The rules change on a constant basis, I keep myself updated to all the changes, and comply.  Sometimes that means setting aside the daily duties to enforce any recent changes in the current laws or SOPs.  That's ok, I can take those kind of changes.

But when does it become micromanaging from your boss?  It certainly has been leaning in that direction more and more as time goes on.  Is this company standard? or store specific based on our leadership?  I always wonder.  Sometimes I think the grass HAS to be greener on the other side of the fence -- or in this case, at a different store.

So I did a little reading up on micromanaging.  When a boss micromanages, they effectively do three things:  undermine, demotivate and create self doubt.    For me, the self doubt comes from their mistrust in my ability to handle the job, handle the situations that come up.  I can.  But I expect that when a decision has to be made, and I make it based on facts that I know, that my manager is going to back me up, not throw me to the wolves.  Trust is a two way street, and that's not happening for me.

After a sleepless night, I woke up around 2am realizing that I'm afraid to NOT be at work, for fear that something is going to happen and no one is going to follow through correctly.  (that's a whole 'nother issue because my helper, Elvis, doesn't seem to concern himself with compliance ... again, after citing incidents, management did not back me up.)

I let it all simmer in the back of my mind today while I dusted and mopped (rather than getting my normal actual "work" accomplished ... but that's what they wanted ....)  *smh*  Yeah, I think it's time to think about some kind of change.  Not sure someplace else will be better, but can it be any worse?

Someone wrote "We’re living in the time of “what have you done for me lately”. "  And yeah, that seems accurate to me.  No matter how much a person does, no matter how many times you go above and beyond, "what have you done for me lately"?   Case in point, a member of management wanted something shipped out, and I told her it needed to be palletized in order to ship it.  A month goes by and this morning, *I* am called on the carpet because I didn't ship it.  So tongue in cheeky, my mouth got the better of me and I told my boss that "the other manager said she'd get someone to take care of palletizing the item .... guess it's about to be me."     It amazes me that there are some people who never get asked to take care of anything, I assume because management knows the very few people who can actually get the job done.  That's always who gets asked.

I know that I'm just an underling, an hourly paid associate.  But after 15 years with the company, I know a few things.

I keep telling myself that I should just smile, do what needs to be done, and happily switch gears when management gets a bee up their butt .........

But I think they have a whole hive by now! 
Honey, anyone?