Finding Time

 

Ever feel like you're running out of time?

Or that there isn't enough time?





That has been my issue lately.  I am awake often during the night, and that becomes a problem.  Too tired the next day compounds the feeling of not having enough time.  One of my solutions in the past has been to make lists.

Having a To Do list helps you focus your energies where they're needed most.  But if you're "on task" at work 8+ hours a day and come home to another To Do list to keep you on task for the remaining of your day, where do you find down time?

It seems like everything is culminating, so many points that may be converging, the task of getting all the things done in the right order can be daunting.  I'm trying to have a more mindful 2017, that's my goal, but at the close of this year it feels as if that isn't going to be.

I'm growing older by the day, and now my sister has stage iv pancreatic cancer.  I'm getting a strong "nesting urge" to downsize as much as possible and I've been doing that with some of the "stuff" I have around here, going more minimalism if you will.   But there are issues I have as well.  My sister lives near my mother so it was natural for her to take over and help Mom with the new level of banking (online and all that), along with doctor emails and online forms, etc.  If Mom outlives my sister (ok, that sounds a little brutal, but I need a place where I can be honest, and yes, this is it), what will happen?  The online stuff and cell phones make it possible to do quite a few things long distance.  But what if there comes a point where Mom needs more?  Then what?  

Another concern is Mom being a collector.  She has lots of "stuff" and she really likes her stuff!   She isn't very willing to part with her things.  How will I handle that from this distance?  Rent a dumpster? Have a garage/estate sale?  There are so many issues to be determined and handled.  I know that my parents tried to give us a big helping hand by having a living trust and all that, but there's still so many other details!!    Aargh!

Since I'm a keeper of many notebooks, I think I need to make one just for this stuff, to write down questions and issues, get answers, names and phone numbers of things that may need to be taken care of.   Just having answers might keep the middle of the night questions at bay and I'll get sleep again.

The other side of me is freaking out, every little ache and pain is amplified in my mind and getting in to see the doctor can't happen soon enough!   Jan 12th, I'm counting down !   I can see why people seek out "miracles" -- reminds me of the early 20th century where men came and sold "snake oil" to folks, remedies to help a body feel younger, healthier, or any other positive spin on the signs we all get as we keep getting older.

The Steve Miller Band had a hit in 1976, "Fly Like an Eagle" and the chorus reads "Time keeps on slippin' slippin' slippin' into the future".

I want to fly like an eagle, to the sea

Fly like an eagle, let my spirit carry me

So I think I'm gonna grab that notebook and start making some notes, let the worries sit there in the notebook until I have or find answers, and make a little more time for the things I want to accomplish in 2017 -- maybe then I'll feel as if I can "Fly like an Eagle....."