Purple Ribbon

  

You never know the when and where

all you can do is your best,

to keep your hopes up,

your chin high,

and live life to the fullest.

My sister had a biopsy today.

Her original diagnosis:  pancreatic cancer.

She's only 54 years old. 

We have our fingers crossed, 

prayers winging their way to heaven, 

that the biopsy shows a different outcome.  

I'm sad, and anxiously waiting because she's my sister.

But when I compare the closeness my mother and aunt have,

I realize my sister and I aren't that close.  

I'm blue collar, she's white collar.  

We live in different worlds:  

I'm paycheck to paycheck, and she's always had money.

But that doesn't change the facts. 

What worries me most is how this will affect my mother.

My sister lives near her, and has taken on a lot of the decision making processes regarding doctors, how to handle the bigger expenses like real estate taxes and insurance, you get the idea.  Of course, just 2 short years ago, Dad died after a year long battle with cancer himself.  She was the one who took care of all his needs through all the chemo and other doctor related issues.  It's too soon for her to do this again -- and with her own daughter. 

My heart is heavy trying to figure out what's right, what needs to be done, what should be done.  I'm torn over the fact that yes, I could take a hardship transfer from my BigBox store and move in, take care of things - but is that the right thing to do? the fair thing?  Both my kids live here, and my son is special needs.  Yes, he's grown up, but there are still life decisions/issues that need a helping hand where he's concerned.   Can I handle things long distance?   I could fly up once a month like I did for the last year of my Dad's life, but my sis was always able to pick me up at the airport.  Now I'd have to find some kind of ride? Rent a car?  All these major concerns to consider.  A lot of travel will impact my own life as well, especially money wise.  So now is the time to begin thinking in that direction.

Good thing I've stocked up on chicken breast, brown rice and green beans!  I'm set for the next month as far as groceries go!   (sounds boring, eh? lol ) 

Which also brings me 'round to the next issue:  my own health.  Time to get to my doc, get things checked out, let him know the latest, and see what needs to happen for myself as well.  

You just never know - so if you're putting off your own doctoring ... don't!