Losses

I've had more than my fair share of losses, and as I get older I realize there are going to be more losses to come.  But they can be overwhelming at times.  My dad, then my son, my sister then my dog, Sadie.  There are other kinds of losses as well; others have lost their jobs or their homes because of the pandemic.  Thank goodness I haven't had those!   But there is also a loss of connection with family and friends because of distances and the lack of social get togethers because of the pandemic as well.  

Take, for example, graduation ceremonies.  My only granddaughter graduated high school this week, but I wasn't able to attend.  The pandemic restricted the number of tickets per student who could attend the graduation and because I am out of town, I couldn't attend.  Just a small example of feeling slighted, excluded, from my daughter's family activities.  And some days that makes me really, really sad.  

That was my day today.  Just feeling low and barely motivated to get things done.  Her graduation was on Thursday, and was online live, but by the time my work day ended and my phone convo with my mother was completed, the rest of my evening was lost because of my own bad mood.  

I've been trying to learn to let go of the pressure I feel in taking care of my mom long distance.  It's not easy and some days after a conversation I feel kind of .... wiped out.  So I've been doing some breathing exercises.  I'm sure it would be a bigger stress reducer if I'd jump on my treadmill, but it's just exhausting to even think of finding the energy to just do it.  

Yes.  I know I'm kind of complaining a bit but sometimes I would like someone willing to take some of my own load at times.  But I can't see myself being married again, so that's out. lol