Overwhelming At Times

 Sometimes I don't know what to do with it all. 

I heard that line on TV today and thought "that fits!"  Some days I don't know what to do with all the feelings, all the emotions that come swelling up inside when a memory of my son hits me in some way.  Like today.  There's a young kid at work who has hair just like my son's.  When I saw him today, I just wanted to reach out and smooth those hairs.  I know that wouldn't be right, but the feeling overwhelmed me.  

And that's the kind of stuff that fits:  I don't know what to do with it all. 

I muddle through as best I can, and keep moving through the day.  

Sometimes the tears well up, and sometimes I let them fall.   There is nothing that overwhelms as much as when your child dies.  I know that it's something that I"ll have to live with the rest of my days.  Sometimes I can't imagine what it took for him to do what he did.  And the cycle begins again, the grief builds, the tears come, and I'm sad all over again.  

One day.  Some day.  I'll stroll over heaven with him.