Football Season

Its football season, fall, pumpkin spice everything ... and the feel of Christmas coming in the air.

I'm always looking for something interesting to watch,  and stumbled on to something called Chad Powers, a Hulu original.  

A football player is shamed from the game, and he invents a way to play again.  So far, entertaining!!

We have cooler weather now, and that brings on the whole football feel.  Makes me wish for a fireplace and blankie while I watch some football!  If you're a football fan, try this new show! 

Complicated Relationships

Its always complicated when it comes to relationships.  Getting along with this or that person depends on so many factors. Then when you add in the fact that you're related is always even more difficult!! 

I admit I struggle in my relationship with my mother.  She is difficult to understand, and I'm sure she thinks the same of me.

I'm here today, watching the Diamondbacks play ball ... the end of the baseball season for them.  I try and engage her in talk, but she's sullen today.  I tried talking baseball, rainfall from the weekend *sigh*  

But I'm here, fulfilling my resolution of commitment.  I know that I can't make her happy, I can't provide her happiness,  it just is or isn’t.  But its not always easy to just "let them".

Yesterday was my great granddaughter's first birthday. And I missed it.  It was in the plan not to go since someone needs to stay here with mom, but the rain also interfered with any plans.  I would have canceled because I don't like freeway driving when there's monsoon activity.

I'm missing out on a lot. I try not to have resentment. A little bit is there. But only because its my opinion that some of whatever is going on with mom is self induced. Or self exaggerated.  

The ballgame turned boring. They were behind 8-2 in the 7th inning, so she flipped the tv to watch Dancing with the Stars.  She seems a little more with it watching this. 

And maybe this demonstrates how she feels and/or reacts when I don't come over every day. I skip Saturdays, its the one day I try to keep free for ME.  And I'm guessing that her mind kind of works like "she doesnt have anything that needs to be done, why can't she come over?"  I guess its the negative thoughts of aging .... only recognizing the negative of missing one day's visit and not acknowledging the other six days I am there.

I hope I'm not a huge pain to my own daughter when I am in my 80s! I've given her permission to smack me if I am a pain in the ass!  

Rain. Day 2

Second day of rains here in the Valley of the Sun.  The storms moving through are intense.  Rain, flash floods, and through it all, the thunder rolls on.

The rain is chilled, our temps have dropped from 106 on Thursday to not even 70 on Friday.  The wind is relentless and gusts are higher than normal.  When you grow accustomed to the Valley heat, temps in the 70s have us reaching for coats!!

But even through the storms, there is beauty.  Rain quenches the parched Earth. And when the sun's last rays reach the clouds, the colors are magical.

Just after sunset, Friday, September 25

Who's Your Wind?

In life, we all have those who are like the wind beneath our wings, someone who encourages us, help us grow, to reach for a star.

I have had several. The first one who made a big difference for me was my boss, Ed.  He called me Missy when I did something wrong, and encouraged me to reach outside my limited world.  I was in my early 20s. He even counseled me when I was crossing a line I shouldn't.  We were very close, he was like a father to me, who had seen more of the world, knew things, and most important, was willing to talk.  I'm sure his importance to me had roots in the fact that my parents weren't talkers. But I am so thankful he was in my life!

The next one was my Aunt Margie. Again, she was willing to talk about anything, and willing to share her viewpoints. I admired her.  She was my mother's sister.  I still miss her very much, especially when I need advice!

Another one who had a huge impact was a friend of 20+ years. It was a friendship created in the digital age .  He and I would read books and compare thoughts, research topics online and compare notes.  In many ways we were opposites in our beliefs but were still able to carry conversations and friendship thru the years.  Thanks Prof!

Its so important to have these kinds of people in our lives.  But even more, to recognize them on the now rather than later!  

So a great big thank you to those influential people in my life!  We become who we are supposed to be with all the many people who influence us in so many ways!  Don't forget that we also influence others around us, so be a good influence!!

Timeless TV

What is it about a tv series that makes it timeless??  I've watched a lot of different series over the years.  Back when I was a kid, a teen, there wasn't cable TV, so we watched the major networks.  And now with streaming TV, we can watch just about any show we want, when we want. 

So what makes a tv series so timeless that years later, we can watch again?  I've watched M*A*S*H over and over, along with Frasier, ER, and NCIS, among others. What makes them so watchable?  

My mother won't watch a rerun of anything. She also doesn't embrace new tv shows much either, unless they are game shows.

I think for me its the characters are what makes the shows re-watchable.  I've found new series that I enjoy because of the characters as well.  Suits, Lincoln Lawyer, Virginia River, Bull, The Pitt.   

For me, watching tv is along the same lines of books I enjoy -- its the characters that draw me in, want me to get to know them.  And if the book is part of a series, with the same characters I can follow along with their lives and adventures, the better it is! 

It seems to be all about the people, good people.  Bravo to the writers who create these characters for us to enjoy!!

Embracing Change

So very slowly, I am embracing the thought of change.  I have lived in my house for 15 years now, and thought I would be here for many more years. And maybe I will.  Some of that depends on mom.

My thought -- goal -- is to relocate to the Tucson area to be close to my daughter. If only there was a way to move my house, because its perfect for me! Ah well....

So with that thought in mind, if you look around at your "stuff", how much of it is just there and not part of your day to day function?  That's what I have been doing, looking at stuff I don't use and wonder if I will need it in the next year? 5 years? 10 years?  If only I knew how long.  But I don't.   

The perfectly free packing supplies are a diet coke 24pk box and Walmart bags from shopping.  (Cant forget the roll of duct tape I found printed with Justin Bieber!!) Every time I finish off a drink box, I look around for things I can pack.  Today, it was my fridge magnets and 3 pyrex bowls I haven’t used in six years.  Last week it was Christmas ornaments that I haven’t used, either.

I haven’t told folks I'm doing this. It's just something I feel is going to be the right thing for me.

The Light

I heard a great metaphor today. A man comes home late, tired, gets ready for bed and leaves his shoes in the middle of the floor; he turns off the light and tumbles into bed.  

He wakes up at 3am, forgetting that he left his shoes in the middle of the floor. Without turning on the light, he stumbles across the floor and ends up getting tangled in the shoes, arms flying around, tripping over his feet.  

If he had turned on the light, he wouldn't have stumbled around in the dark.  The preacher likened this to our own situation with God.  If we would allow God to "turn on the light", we might not stumble around in the dark so much.

It was a good story (and he was a better story teller than me!!), and reminded me that sometimes situations aren't in our own control.  Every now and then, a story can help us see things in a different light.  

Let God be the light in your life!

One Thing or Another

Its always something. Always.  Today's intention was to stop at mom's to get her meds package indoors for her infusion tomorrow.  

When I get there .... boom.  There's a huge leak in the kitchen.  She thinks its the fridge line.  Nope, its the Ujoint --- Ptrap? --- under the sink. I can't fix it.  So I had to find a plumber to call.  And of course, now I get to spend all day here waiting until he comes.

And in mom's usual way, she wants him to pull out the stove and "fix" the fridge line.  *eyeroll*   She always has some kind of project she thinks up as if a plumber who comes over is going to be her "handyman".  She was spoiled with Dad, who never failed to tackle projects. All she had to do was mention one thing or another and he did it.

Guess I need to learn some handy skills?

Some days ....  

And More Waiting

Everything for the past 8 months with Mom has been a waiting game.  Get checked out, make appt for a test and wait two, three, four weeks. In-between its making sure she's doing what she should be doing.  Reminding her to drink water. Reminding her to do more than just sit.

Its hard to be between two difficult places: taking care of her and not doing everything for her. Its my opinion that she keep doing for herself. If I start doing the cooking and cleaning, she would sit in her chair even more.  But because I don't do those things, is she building resentment because "no one's taking care of her" ?

Caring for elderly parents is a fine line to walk.  Especially if you're trying to do it alone.  And the biggest problem for me is that I will probably be doing this for the next 10-15 years. That puts me at 75-80 and those years of mine will be gone. Hard to know what the right thing is!

Which also puts it on me to not let my own resentment build because I am "stuck" taking care of her when I want to get on with my own life. 

It's so hard when you live on the edge of waiting.......

Restaurants

Good restaurants seem to come and go.  Today, I saw a commercial for Outback and realized I hadn't been to an Outback in many years. I tried calculating it in my head, but more than 15 years! I must be hungry, the coconut shrimp looked good!!

When I lived in Ohio, it was a small town and Texas Roadhouse was the place for steaks.  Otherwise, we were like the song that goes "we fancy like Applebee's on a date night....."  Because thats how small towns roll!!

Now that I'm in AZ, I don't eat often in restaurants.  I do like a good burger so Red Robin is an option along with 5Guys.

When my son lived with me, every Thursday was "library night". I'd get off work and we'd head to the library to borrow books, dvds and cds.  After, we would eat out; it was always his choice and would almost always opt for Taco Bell.  But only because Friday was pizza night!!  Hahaha

I always thought it was a sign of good living if you could try out different restaurants on a regular basis.  Either I don't live that good, or I'm not as adventurous as like to think I am!

Datsun 280Z

Lately, my mind has trouble settling down. Especially at bedtime.  I keep reminiscing about days gone by. 

Last night I was remembering the days when I worked for Clarklift of San Jose, and we partied at 4th Street Bowl.  We affectionately called it choir practice, it was a weekly thing, every Thursday night.

In our group, we looked out for each other.  If someone had too much, we always made sure they got home safe.

One night, I hadn't had been drinking, but Gil had. He was a salesman, and drove a Datsun 280Z. I was young, and very impressed!  We hobbled and wobbled to the car, but no way would I let him drive.  He laughed, said "take care of my baby" and handed me the keys.  Driving it was like driving a dream!  

I dropped him at his place, made sure he was tucked in and drove myself home.  Good thing it was late, it wouldn't be fun explaining the car to my husband!!  Haha the next morning, I drove back, picked up Gil. Then we headed back to get my car and went on to work. 

Sometimes I wonder if I'm backsliding into memories because my life now, compared to then, is on the boring side!!

Wanderlusting!

My mantra all summer, each summer, is hurry up September!  We are here now, and the temps have started to shift - at last!

It was 75 Friday morning as I washed my car, and the high was only 100.  I know that we're not over the heat wave, this is the first tease for fall weather.  But I sure am ready!! 

I peeked out my backdoor, and felt like I should be out there, getting things prepped for fall!  But washing the car was a good start.  Which only means it will probably rain!! 

But with lower temps, my feet start itching for outdoor morning walks! When I woke up today, I dressed and slipped out for a walk ... 75 is great, but humidity was 62%, yuck! 

Should be better in another week or two!! 

Neighbors (2)

I was just speaking about neighbors.  My next door, Charles, is an elderly gentleman.  A month ago, he fell and broke his hip.  He came home yesterday, and today he decided to hobble on his walker across the rocks to get my help!!  Sheesh, almost had a heart attack watching him walk over.  He is one stubborn and determined man! 

He thought he lost his phone, but the meds he is on has him a little befuddled.  I spoke to a friend of his, she's an RN and helps take care of him.  We got him calmed, the phone wasn't lost, and he's ready to settle in for the night. 

I left him my phone number, just in case.  He probably won't call, he wants to do things on his own. But I'm here to help if he needs me! 

Being neighborly is the right thing to do!

Climb A Tree

Did you climb trees when you were a kid?  There was a fruitless mulberry tree in my backyard growing up, I climbed it often!  

There's something about climbing a tree, the sense of accomplishment, the view from up on high. Even the occasional scrape doesn't matter as much when it comes from climbing a tree!

MrZ and MsJ were climbing mom's olive tree yesterday.  I was watching them while my nephew played a round of golf.  Not many trees in the Valley of the Sun are worth climbing - too many thorns in most of them!!

Climbing a tree for joy is a practice rooted in connecting with nature, reawakening childlike wonder, and finding a sense of freedom and perspective. So if you're up for it, and need a lift, go climb a tree!

Neighbors

I was thinking about neighbors today.  I live on a relatively quiet street, but then there are *those* neighbors .....

Two houses down from me is a rental. Its been occupied often, I've seen many different types come and go. The last ones moved out about a month ago. They had cars coming and going at all hours.  Truthfully, I'm not even sure who lived there!  They were quiet enough, except for all the vehicles.

My next door neighbor is a sweetheart, a retired elderly man who keeps to his routine!  

On the other side of me is a couple who often have people staying with them for lengths of time, usually about six months or so.  Some have kids, others don't.  But they all have vehicles,  and they're usually parked in front of my house.  Its odd, its not just parked because they leave for work every day, it's parked and they don't move for days or weeks at a time.  Makes it look like I am the one with all the cars!

I try to be a good neighbor, keep not myself, keep out of others' way, not be a bother.  I don't report the unmoved vehicles even though technically I could (72hours is the limit!) 

The world has changed when it comes to neighbors. Growing up, I knew all my neighbors.  I could knock on any door and any help asked would be given.  When I moved to a small town in Ohio, it was the same.  The small band of kiddos who lived on our street came and went to each of the houses often! 

Knowing your neighbors can be a wonderful thing.  I hope time changes things toward that way of thinking again!

Flu Shot

Its that time again to get your annual flu shot.  I know some folk aren't going that route, and that's ok.  I get mine every year because mom is 87 and immuno compromised.

I did my part on Friday and got the shot, but for some reason I didn't sleep much friday night.  Which meant Saturday I was dragging.  Sunday was a little better, headed to Mom's to watch the Diamondbacks. On Monday even though I did my grocery shop and laundry, I felt like crawling into bed all day long.  

Today, the morning was iffy, but I went to PT and he worked me hard.  I feel better!  

Exercise every day - its worth it!!

I say that to myself, but don't always follow it!!  And I should!!

Magic Things

I've always believed that if we open ourselves, if we pay close attention, there's magic in things around us.

Maybe that sounds odd, but how often are we distracted by things, how often do we dwell on stuff?  And how often do we let worry overshadow the other wonderful things all around us?

Seeing the magic, the wonder, in the ordinary is fun! As you take a daily walk, are you focused on finishing the walk? Or do you look around at the details?  Perhaps a leaf or a rock shaped like a heart? The magical colors in the sky as the sun rises or sets? The call of a bird in the tree? Catch the scent of someone's backyard barbecue? 

Maybe you're the busy type, maybe you don't think the little things are important enough.  It takes time to train your mind to become aware of these things, to see the magic happening around you!  I can't be that far off base, WB Yeats knew it too!