Exasperation!

I've commented on "let them" in previous posts. For me, this involves my mother.  When you go through life, people in your circle all have their own things to do. In my relationship with my mother, I did my thing,  she did hers and we would do holidays and/or vacation time together. But now that she lives near, all that has changed. And I've had to rethink my relationship and feelings about her.

One thing that has now become glaringly obvious with life changing, is that she likes being the center.  At her home in Cali, it was our childhood home so we all gravitated there for holidays, etc. Someone was always stopping in at her home, and she liked that. Here in AZ, that doesn't happen. And now she's frustrated. If that's the right word.  She wants it to be that way again, but it won't.  Which leads me to some other conclusions.

She seems to be on her way to being disabled. And I'm beginning to wonder if it isnt ..... exaggerated.  I'm not discounting that she is in actual pain, she probably is. But is her extreme anxiety creating the problem? Does she have subconscious desires of wanting to be in the middle of "life" that its causing more pain/anxiety which in turn is stressing her body to the point of pain? 

An example is her son went on vacation but didn't tell her he was going. When asked if I knew when they were coming home, she gave a sigh that was trembling with tears. Next, she has 'decided' that she should pay me each month "for all I do". In her mind does that equate to my going to her house every day as if I'm an employee?? Because when I skip a day, the next day when I arrive, I get the silent treatment. There comes the "let them".  I can sit in silence on my phone if need be. Eventually she speaks.

I have always referred to her in my mind as a woman of nuances. She doesn't come right out and ask for something. She has to spit out clues and vague references and expects us to know what she wants. And after 50+ years of learning this, I know. But I wait until she asks.  

And now, despite all the meds she is on, the infusions she is getting to help with her ailments, the pain has moved from her leg to her hip and she isn't sleeping again.  Another phantom symptom because I am only going there every other day?? Because she wants/needs more attention? I have no answers, just strange rambling thoughts.

Lets face it, life is hard. Dealing with an elderly parent is harder. Delaing with my mother is exasperating!!!

Added note: i wasnt here yesterday, arrived today at Moms with her groceries and meds, and now she's "not doing so good" with pain and the shakes ( which she gets because ahe doesnt drink enough).  Made her suck down a Gatorade right away.