A Break In!!!

Today I visited mom for a few hours.  I've been busy moving her in all weekend, and haven't done a thing at home.  When I drove up, I noticed my garage door was lifted 6 inches.  That was weird.  I don't open the door unless I'm taking garbage cans in or out.  

The front door was locked, I opened with with a key and pushed it wide open without entering.  No sounds, nothing looked out of place, but I walked in carefully.  And noticed the back door standing wide open.  At that point, I should have stopped and called the police.  But I didn't.  I walked in and closed the backdoor, then walked around, checking things out. The only thing out of place was my bed covers all strewn about.  

Then I went into the backyard, the screen was removed from the spare bedroom window.  Thankfully there are sticks in all my windows ao they wont slide open.  

I walked around some more. I checked all the closets. I checked the garage again.  What could they have been looking for??  Nothing worth much in here. 

Except my peace of mind. That's a little shaky at the moment!!  

I use my art to calm myself, painted a little ATC card while watching Pretty Woman.

Losing Me

Every person has different experiences in life, and different coping mechanisms when life events are happening.  People, in general, believe that others are similar to themselves. Someone who's honest has a hard time believing a person would tell lies.  

I've always felt I was different from most people, though, and see things, feel things, that others don't.  But maybe that's being more self-aware than being different. And maybe I'm not as different as I think.

Damn maybe Im not saying this correctly. But the thought that occurred to me recently is that I have allowed the situation with mom, and her negativity, to creep into my life so much so that I have put aside my own feelings.  And I have a lot of resentment for allowing that to happen.  I left to free myself from all that in 1998.  I was so looking forward to retiring and being able to explore that side of me without the burden and pressure of work stress. 

But all I did was change one (work) for another (mom). But work stress was easier to deal with.  When you punched out at the end of the day, the worries were over.  I am not allowed to punch out with mom. There is also not a day off.

And I have to take it back. I am losing me.

Added to the Mom complication is my brother who ... always seems to have an agenda.  Dad collected coins. As a teen, my brother stole them for drugs.  Now he's taken the collection dad built back up. He also took moms fav picture, which was her hiding place for cash.  *sigh*  

Not that the money matters to me.  I just know what happens to families when they fight over money.  My mom hasn't spoken to her brother in 20+ years because of money. They hired lawyers to fight the good fight.  Lawyers got paid, but the family didn't win against the brother who finagled the land and cash.  For that reason, I will never fight over money.

Just another way of losing me.  Correcting that loss 25 years ago meant moving to another state.  

Too Much Going On!!

My stress levels are off the charts.

I am exhausted.  I was handling my house and stuff and mom's house and stuff.  Now mom's moving to assisted living, and I'm trying to be upbeat and positive for her so she acclimates to the change well.  

My brother and his wife are living in mom's empty house.  We found another termite infestation, and the hot water heater quit today, and the shower faucet drips.  There was a bill for the ambulance to pay and I'm handling all that too.

Then the rehab center she's at f*ucked up sending the medical records so she may or may not be able to move on Friday, even tho the rehab facility is discharging her.  

Just what do they think I am going to do with her?????

Its all just too much! 

So I crawled into bed early, pulled up my current book on Kindle, (a Penn Cage series by Greg Iles) and tuned Spotify to some 432hz tunes to chill.  Because it helps.

Not A Foodie!

When it comes to food prep, I don't consider myself a foodie.  My sister-in-law makes a production out of meals.  My daughter is much more a foodie than I am.

I just don't see the point!

I get it, though, that for some people, preparing food makes them happy, or relaxes them.  But for me, prepping food is a chore.  And maybe that comes from cooking for a family of 8 for so many years.  

I have come to like basic, undoctored foods.  Yes, flavorful food should be enjoyed.  But is there a tipping point?

My SIL cooked yesterday. All the foods were flavored very well.  I enjoyed them for the 30 minute meal ..... but I wasn't enjoying how the spices and such kept me awake for the next 5 hours.  Onion and garlic, especially, don't agree with me any longer. 

And no amount of water, juice or diet coke, nor brushing my teeth (5 times now since dinner!!) washes away that aftertaste. 

I admit that for most, my food would be considered bland. And I don't spend hours in a kitchen.  In about 40 minutes, I meal prep for the next 4 days! A little salt, a little butter, and maybe a small dash of pepper is all I need. 

Does getting old mean becoming boring???

Family and Holidays

Its the holiday season, and most of us are surrounded by family.  It can be overwhelming.  At least for me.

Many years ago, I left family in Cali to move to Ohio.  Getting away from family had its good side, and bad side.  I found I missed the memories .... the happy things that were easily remembered.   But I didn't miss the weird drama that went along with holidays.

Mom had expectations, and a standard of behavior that was difficult to maintain.  People often disappointed her, but only because she was so rigid in her expectations.

And now its a crazy year of holidays with mom in a different place, and I'm at mom's old house with my brother and his wife, and my nephew.  

Its amazing how different we all become as we grow into adulthood.  Does that mean I am becoming like Mom?  Nah, because I have my own traditions that aren't like hers.  And when it comes to holidays or celebrations, I am not conventional.

But its still easy to note the differences, and if you're like me, sometimes wish you were somewhere else.   I have been on my own, and mostly alone, since 2004.  And when I don't celebrate in conventional ways, it confuses others.

Mom lays a lot of value on things, I'd rather have experiences. Take a walk, watch the stars, listen to water tumbling over rock.

We're all different.  So if you're stuck doing some kind of celebration that doesn't feed your soul, take time out to do you!! 

De-Stress

How do you de-stress????  

I've never been the kind who turns to alcohol or drugs.  I'm not a fan of not being in control! (That's one of the traits I get from mom!) For me, music, a good TV show, a walk, read a good book... all the usual things work most of the time.  But lately??  The past couple days??  Nothing seems to work.

I drive my car, usually listen to one or two different stations.  But I couldn't settle on any station today. I scrolled through every station my car would pick up and nothing seemed to fit.  

Leaving Mom's, I didn't drive straight home, I stopped off to see my brother. Spent an hour chatting with my sister-in-law.  That didn't help as much as I hoped either!!! 

Now it's 530pm and I just crawled under my covers and turned on the heating pad.  Maybe that, along with a good book, will do the trick and I can fully relax.  *sigh*

Breathe in -2-3-4  Hold -2-3-4

Breathe out -2-3-4  Hold -2-3-4

(and repeat .... )

It's Fall, Y'all

Took Mom outside for a breath of air. 

As she sits in her wheelchair, 

the sun on her back, she dozes.

The home has decorated for fall!  

Boxing Things Up

Moving mom to assisted living isn't easy so far, and won't be easy going forward if she doesn't embrace her new living arrangements.  Yesterday was full of tears and anxiety.   It's strange that after being told she would be moving, her first thought was about her china dish set!!  

It's up to my brother and I to determine what she will want in her new apartment. Of all the knick knacks she has laying around, what will be most important??  Hard decisions!!  

But harder yet ..... if she doesnt like our choices, will she demand to have something different??  Ok, thats not a valid question, I know she will!  

Shit, shit, shit.  This isn't going to be easy!  We've decided to try and make a start on it today.  Boxes, tape and post it notes at the ready!!  Let's go!

Regrets!

This morning, I am regretting the ice cream!!  Too much sugar overload and I was unable to fall asleep, so I'm tired this morning. Too much lactose doesn't sit well with me either!!  

I have a million things that need doing, and I haven't a clue where to start. Some of the things can't be done on a weekend, phone calls and such.  Which can be frustrating. 

I know my brain never stopped all night. I remember dreaming I was showing the apartment to Mom, saying how this or that could go here or there.  All of the unknowns are racing through my thoughts and I'm never a fan of that!

But we will get through these days and hopefully Mom will be happy in her apartment!

Decision Made!

Its been an overwhelming month dealing with Mom in rehab.  The ups and downs, dealing with fears and tears, finally came to boil. She is being discharged next afriday, so we needed to decide on an assisted living facility.  Decision made on a small one bedroom apartment, cute place, somewhere in think she will engage in more than just game shows. 

She's not happy that she doesn't get to go home, but that just can't happen.

Now we have a week to move in some furniture, and get her settled.  Over a holiday. Yippee! 

But knowing there is an end in sight somehow feels like a huge relief!

I celebrated with a bowl of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia!  

What Was That??

I live alone. I sleep alone. Not even a pet. Back when I had Sadie the Pug, she slept on my bed, but nothing since. 

So I'm sound asleep, and I feel something caress itself across my bare arm lying on top of the covers.  I tried to grab at it with my other hand, because it woke me with quite a start.  But I grabbed nothing.

I laid still and quiet, listening hard to see if I could hear anything else.  But nothing.

What was that???       Totally WEIRD!

As an added thought, I checked Google and AI tells me:  "Feeling something brush your arm while sleeping is often a normal phenomenon called a hypnopompic or hypnagogic hallucination, which occurs when transitioning between sleep and wakefulness."

(I was a child of the 70s,  hallucinations were part of the convo related to drugs!)

Connections

In this world, there are odd connections, most you find by accident.  That happened to me yesterday again!

My next door neighbor's friend, Nancy, is an RN and she's been helping take care of him. He's 90, and recovering from a broken hip. We got to chatting and it turns out she lived in Oxford, Ohio, in the 70s.  I lived near there in the 90s!!  

We got busy comparing notes about summers in Hueston Woods, shopping in Cincinnati. Then she says she lived in Dayton for a few years as well!  

It's funny sometimes; if we could make an effort to know someone, we would find we have more in common with folks than we thought! 

Take a moment, reach out just a little bit, see what connections you might find! 

Who's Cranky??

How do things go for you when you're cranky?  For me, its as if every. little. thing. makes me crazy.  Drivers.  Weather.  Chores.  And yes, Mom. 

While I am trying to be .... patient and helping her get things done, I feel tired of being, in a word, her lackey.

Every day, its always something. Bring me earrings. Bring me nail kit. Bring me a book. Bring me a long sleeved shirt. No, jot that one, its too big, being the other one next time.  The problem is next time is the next day.

Take yesterday. I had just left rehab and stopped at her house to fill another "Bring me" list and she texts me 3x "did you bring me a book?" "The iPad stopped working." "How do I get the game shows back?" When I didn't answer her text, she was calling me and leaving voicemail!!!

I can't live her life, and she has grown too dependent on me.  She knows how to play the guilt game.  And yes, I allow it.  But why? This is a woman who was *very* different to me growing up, so much so that I moved away to Ohio. 

And as I look back, I keep thinking I was mich happier in Ohio.  But maybe I was just happier being away from her.

Sadly, that doesn't bode well for the next whatever years left to her, and drains me. By the time she is gone, I will be an old woman who might need care, too.

And yes, I am cranky about it!  

I read that being cranky is a temporary kind of emotion, but when it becomes all the time.... how do you handle being cranky??

Good Friends

I'm sure you've noticed that with some good friends you've had for a long time, even if you've been out of touch for a whole, its easy to pick up right where you left off.

I met my friend, Mel, in 6th grade. We went to Jr high and high school together.  We were friends as we began our working careers, had many different adventures together. Our friendship has endured my moving cross country and back. Both of us have had miscellaneous health issues over the years. 

And yet we remain friends. 

Today, out of the blue, she called me, and we caught each other up on things. She's moving to a larger apt in a nicer neighborhood. She listened to me b*tch about my mom and her ongoing crises. 

There's just something about good friends that doesn't quit. You share so much history, remember the same people, the same events.  She volunteered to drove the escape car if I didn't want to go thru with my wedding.  That's true friendship!! 

Sometimes you don't have to express the entire thought you're having because they just get it.  We're both growing older, maybe at some point we will live in the same city -- or even share a house!  (Wow, because I haven't lived with someone in over 20 years!)

That's how it is with good friends!!

Making Decisions

Do you like making decisions?? All of my life, I have been a decision maker.  It was a running joke at my Ohio Walmart. We were working as a team and stocking shelves. For some reason, there was a dispute about which items needed to go to the floor. 

I'm never one to speak up much, but after listening to the many voices, I spoke up and said "Someone just make a decision!"  For years we laughed about that!  

I figured once I retired. I wouldn't have to make so many decisions. Then Mom moved here and stopped making her own decisions. It was slower in the beginning, but got to the point where she doesn't make any phone calls, and if she dreamed up a wish for something, I was expected to make the decision how to make it happen.

Now that she's been in a rehab/nursing home, there are a million more decisions to be made.  I have not made many, and am waiting for my brother to arrive.  

I'm so tired of making decisions! 

Thursdays!

On Thursdays, I have PT.  And lately, thats been the greatest day of the week! 

For one hour, I am focused on me. The rest of my jumbled life fades away and the only battle is for me to do better than I did last week. 

A short warm up, some deep stretches, table exercises, then the sled, the shuttle, some step ups and side steps. 

I know that I could make better progress if I could do more workouts at home, or hit the gym.  I am trying to squeeze in some time between the mom stuff, but there are so many things that need to be handled. 

I handle all of her "house stuff", banking and shopping. Along with all the same for my house.  Then there are 3 hour visits each day. Its a little bit overwhelming at times.

I'm worried about her state of mind, but with our history, I don't mention much because she feels criticized. Its a fine line between us.  Like today, she wants to go out but waits until I am there to wheel her out. She also waits to watch her soap operas until I can run the iPad for her.  I brought it so she could occupy her time when I'm NOT there. *sigh*  

So I just keep my thoughts to myself,  do what I can for her in my visits, then head home.

It ain't easy being me!

Rehab Woes

Moms been in a rehab facility for 3 weeks now. I'm not certain how well its going, because she doesn't do much for herself. I dont know if something else is going on that has caused her to lose rather than gain back her strength and abilities. And maybe she's just giving up on herself and her circumstances.

On the other hand, she still refuses to eat in the dining room, refuses to wheel her own wheelchair, and yet is still trying to maintain her .... dignity? Vanity?  

She asked me today to bring her earrings and her nail care kit.  Yes, I know that as women, we try to look our best, to feel our best.  But if you don't participate with others, do you really need earrings and polished nails?  

Maybe its me. I'm not into all that, never was. My sister was. My mom is. But its never been a real concern for me!  Don't get me wrong, i like looking "nice", on occasion, but I have never been one who has to look "just so" before stepping out the door.  Someone else's opinion of me makes no never mind! 

Before the earrings request, I thought she seemed to be losing interest in her normal things. 

This ain't so easy to deal with!! And knowing I will be making decisions for the rest of her days is harder than I thought. 💔 

Assisted Living

I thought being in a home would be a help. And in some ways it is. I know I don't have to go over and sleep at mom's because she's having anxiety.  So that's a plus. 

But there are so many other things that aren't as easy.   Like, they are giving her physical therapy but for what? Standing?  A good thing so she can use the toilet alone. Or walk short distances. But she can't. So why aren't they teaching her to use a wheelchair? 

She should be wheeling herself around, eating in the dining room with other folks. Taking herself outside if she wants to.

She sits in it like a queen. I gave up giving advice because she calls it criticizing. We all know you have to move your body.  She doesn't. She either just sits or just lays. 

Even during sleep, I move. Sometimes I wake up and do light stretches. When I am awake, I don't just sit all day. I move, even when I am sitting.  

So is this a sign she has given up? Quit caring?  On the other hand, she asked for her embroidery and deck of cards. Along with dry shampoo.  *sigh*  

I don't know what to think, and I don't know where its all going. 

I did, however, stop and do my first tour of an assisted living facility.  If she wasn't so infirm, it would be a great place! Her own apartment, with a sitting area. Fridge, microwave. But meals are served by staff in the dining room. Beautiful courtyard, a media room where they gather to watch sports or movies on the big screen.  Bible studies, church on Sundays, mobile doctors, vision, dental. Hell, if I had money, *I* could live there!  Its beautiful! 

I havent, however, told her I've started looking. Or that she won't be going home.

432hz Alpha Waves

I don't remember where I first heard of 432hz but it was a couple months back and I had just started using Spotify.  I found this one titles "432hz Alpha Waves Heal the Whole Body."  Boy did that sound good to me!!! 

I've listened to just over 6 hours of the 11 total.  The sleep mode on my phone shuts it off.  But if I don't turn on sleep, I get other noises, so I'm torn.  But when I'm really stressed, this is great to listen to.  

Sometimes I let it play while I'm reading before bed. Other times, I use my ear buds if I'm not interested in mom's game shows or if something stressful is happening. Which seems pretty often lately!

My intermittent fasting app uses AI to chat, and it (she!) suggested relaxing tunes and walking to reduce stress.  Weird but when I walk, its with hard rock beating in my ears. 

I know it all goes hand in hand - eating right, reduce stress, exercise - but the days end up feeling so "scheduled" that there's little time for other stuff!  

There are a number of different 432hz  available, or try searching EMDR. Its all the same principal, finding a sound wave that resonates to heal your soul.

A Day Off!!

As I told Mom yesterday, I wasn't coming for a visit Saturday.  I know she wasn't happy with my choice, but I can't live out of laundry baskets, I need to eat more than sandwiches as a meal.  I've been with her 2+ hours every day for the past three weeks. 

It occurred to me last night that maybe she has become too dependent on me, and that should change.  Even if it's a slight change at first, she needs to adjust.

The episode with the wheelchair on Friday is a perfect example.  She's not well enough to wheel herself yet she thinks she can go home and live alone?  

Some major decisions are coming upon us.

As to what did I do on my day off?  Cooking. Cleaning. Things checked off my TASKS list, yay!  And, of course, a little of bit paint time on my ATC card collection. 

Day After PT

So I'm driving home from visiting Mom and my phone rings, its my DPT Jeff, wanting to know how sore I am after the pounds error on the sled. For the most part, I wasn't too sore, but it made me smile that he checked up on me!! 

As for Mom:

Can you put a pillow behind my back?   (Shes nodding off into a nap .. if you're tired, get in bed?)

Can you move me out of the sun, I will get sunburned. (Its been 6 minutes, she's wearing long sleeves and a jacket. And shes in a wheelchair --- move yourself!)

Can you get me a tissue? (They're on her bedside hospital table, pull it closer yourself!)

When did she become so ... needy? Was it not noticed as I was younger? Or did dad cover all that up so we didnt see much of it?

Lately shes not very likeable.

And while I know that I can't change her, she won't change, I find myself trying to figure out .... maybe as a way to predict what will be next? But it doesn't work that way with her.  And since I am with her every day, it is what it is. 

Parents are weird to figure out. Which makes me wonder what will be when *I* am old with my daughter looking after me?  Man, I hope not like this!!

When I left, I told her I was taking Saturday off and will see her on Sunday (she seemed shocked!).   We will see how this goes! 

Google Tasks

Have you tried using the Google Tasks app yet?  I only just recently learned of it, and decided to download it to my phone. 

My thinking was that it could help me keep on top of my household chores. And with mom in rehab, I'm also having to take care of her household, her errands, and her banking.  So that's a lot to keep track of!

I found I was letting my own things slide. That's not new, I have been doing that since she moved to AZ, because she is the "I want it now" kind of person.  

For a while, I was just jotting things in Calendar.  So if ahe wanted something, it was "check my calendar".  Works for dr appts but not daily life tasks.

So I have switched to Tasks. I like that I can schedule "clean the bathroom" and also to prompt it to appear weekly, or daily, and posts a reminder on my home screen. At first, I was ignoring them, justifying that I need to do other things instead. But I've gotten into a rhythm, one or two chores a day, and forcing myself to pay attention, to do just that one thing. 

And it feels great to check it off as an accomplishment!!  As these are the things that give me those good feels at the end of the day!!  If you haven’t tried Tasks, maybe you should!! 

PT Then Mom

PT went great today!!  I will be a little sore tomorrow, but I feel so good!  My usual is 80lbs on the sled (push and pull) but I asked him to increase the weight. He said let's do 95. Only his math was off and he loaded 125lbs!!!!  And I did it! But I was totally exhausted from the effort.  Next week, we are trying 110lbs. Hehehe

*side note: a HUGE groan when I finally crawled into bed!!!

Then its on to Moms, where she's already in bed. Said she's "doing great, she can stand". Uh huh.  Can't do much else than stand, though. But she was in "a mood" today. Sit down and read while I nap, she says.  Then, Can you bring my jacket over here? Then, can you shut the door, its noisy today.  None of the commands are together while I'm still standing.  She waits about 5 mins in between each and I've settled into my story.  Its a control thing with her. 

And I begin to wonder how the next real convos are going to go. I am not patient in the decision making process with her.  I know she will try to convince a doc that I can live with her, help her.  No. Can't. Won't. 

We will have to find some sort of geriatric doctor type person to evaluate her physical status along with her mental status. Yesterday, she wanted to know how the election went and if Trump was voted in. Then she wanted to be wheeled outside, which I dont mind, but she sits with a smug look as if "see I'm the queen".  Weird that she doesn't speak to anyone, or greet people passing by. We were in the courtyard maybe 2 mins and she was dozed into a nap.

I spend time reading online about these kinds of decisions. Be patient and include them in the decision making process. Emphasize health and safety.  But I can feel a wall already up. Because I have spent the last 8 months being her caregiver. I know that what she says isn’t what she means and squirrels it around to her way each time. Every time.

And I hate the fact that since her father lived to be 104, She. Could. Too.  Do the math, that's another 17 years.  Of this? 

I'm hoping my brother, who arrives nov 16, will be a help.

Ice Cream Slip

My downfall is B&Js Tonight Dough.  And I caved on my grocery order this week. With all of the stress caring for mom, I just had to have something for me. 

Ben and Jerry's hits the SPOT!

I portioned it out, didn't make a pig of eating the whole pint in one sitting. But it was just what I needed to help with it all. 

Which speaks volumes about my history of eating habits.  Stress drives me to comfort foods.  Easy to grab foods. Junk foods. None of it very nutritious! 

Time to get back on track. To pay penance for my indulgence, 5000 steps today, 1.2 miles on the treadmill. Tomorrow I need to add more water.  

Just a minor setback in the bigger scheme of things. But I can't let it get out of control!  Good thing I have PT tomorrow ... I will have him up my workout a notch. 

On Eggshells

Walking on eggshells is a phrase that has been tossed around a lot.  You hear it from folks who grew up with violence in the home, being fearful of doing something wrong.

While there was never violence at home growing up, there was always a feeling of not doing something right. Mom preferred perfection over other things. Hmm. Perfection? Or is decorum a better word? Yes, it is:  behavior in keeping with good taste and propriety.

I can remember us kids at dinner, and something would set everyone off into a spree of giggles. And mom would be the one to scold us, ask us to behave, then threaten us with going to our rooms.  We were kids!! And kids laugh.  Parents didn't.  

A prime example of our version of walking on eggshells.  We didn't learn from them how to enjoy life, to savor moments of joy. Decorum was more important. 

Caring for her when she is in the throes of an anxiety attack and saying ugly things, I am fearful of saying the wrong thing, sometimes preferring to say nothing at all. But I have learned that I need to remember my own value and not internalize her criticisms.  Which isn't easy, as parents were always the authority!

Life is hard walking on eggshells!!

Like A Yo-Yo

Yesterday's visit to mom was surprising. She was sitting in her wheelchair! And surprisingly alert. We watched a little bit of Dancing with the Stars,  and then I wheeled her outside for a bit of sun.

She is 87. We had been out there for about 10 minutes, and she was wearing a short sleeve shirt.  And she says she wants to go inside, because she's had too much sun.  *eye roll* She doesn't like sun on her skin, which I find weird, always have. But, up to her.

I showed her the dining hall, where she could eat lunch with other people. And her response was "oh no, my hair isnt done, and I'm not wearing very nice clothes."

Even in her troubles of mental acuity, and being unable to concentrate on books or tv shows, she still cares what other people think of her. And so, she is willing to stay in her small room, speaking to nurses or me.

She can be SUCH a contradiction: she doesn't want to be alone, but she doesn't want to be seen as less than her version of perfection. Its so weird to me, and after all these years, I don't try to figure it out.  But it still baffles me.

Two days ago I thought she was close to dying. The next, she's worried about how she looks.  The 180 turnaround makes me feel like a yo-yo.

Rhythm of Life

Some days I think back on living in small town Ohio, and I miss it.

I miss the 4 seasons, watching daffodils burst through when spring is about to arrive.

I miss winter snow... how it smells and crunches under your feet with every step. 

I miss small town life, little league, cub scouts, girl scouts, outings with neighbors and just being able to let kids have some freedom when they play outdoors.

And even after raising six kids and being crowded all the time, I miss sitting down around the table each night for dinner, having conversations. When there was nothing forthcoming from kids, we would draw a paper and ask whatever question is written down (ie what's your favorite subject in school and why?), and everyone had to answer.  Just to keep conversations open with each other.

I miss watching the kids rotate through their chores. They learned to get along with each other in different ways. 

I miss the repititon of mowing the lawn (120ft x 80ft), how it smelled different if you mowed early morning vs late afternoon.

I miss that rhythm of life!

Uneventful Day

For the first time in a week, an uneventful day. No weird texts, no strange phone calls.

Mom was semi alert until the pain became too much. Once she takes the oxcodone, she's out like a light.

Maybe tonight I can sleep without being on edge.

Elder care isn't easy.

Cell Phones

With everyone having a cell phone, I keep wondering if thats a good thing or a bad thing.  I can view it from both sides, and yes, I like my cell phone and the access it gives me!!

However, I am having issues with my mom having a cell phone.  She is in a nursing home, and her mind is ... sometimes slipping.  Today, my phone rings at 6am, and its her.  "You have to get me out of here!"  You can't leave until you're able to walk. "Its so cold."  Push the button and ring for the nurse to get you a blanket. "I did, they never come.  I tried calling Jake. Maybe I'll just have to call the police."  (While on the phone, I had her push the button, a nurse was there in 10 minutes.)

By this point I am rolling my eyes!  I don't know what to say, I don't know which words will set her off.  I remind her that its still dark, but the sun will come up soon. And then she will get breakfast, and her morning meds.  

Then comes the heartbreaking "How could you just leave me here? You're my daughter, you should be taking care of me."  I remind her that I will be there later in the day. "Yes, but then you just leave, you should be staying with me."   

What's the right line to draw?  I didn't answer the phone the first time she called. It took a couple minutes before she called again, maybe she really did call Jake.

So, should she have her phone so she can call any time and heap on the guilt? Or worse, call the police and be a disruption? 

Most of the time, I'm all for cell phones!!