Losing Me

Every person has different experiences in life, and different coping mechanisms when life events are happening.  People, in general, believe that others are similar to themselves. Someone who's honest has a hard time believing a person would tell lies.  

I've always felt I was different from most people, though, and see things, feel things, that others don't.  But maybe that's being more self-aware than being different. And maybe I'm not as different as I think.

Damn maybe Im not saying this correctly. But the thought that occurred to me recently is that I have allowed the situation with mom, and her negativity, to creep into my life so much so that I have put aside my own feelings.  And I have a lot of resentment for allowing that to happen.  I left to free myself from all that in 1998.  I was so looking forward to retiring and being able to explore that side of me without the burden and pressure of work stress. 

But all I did was change one (work) for another (mom). But work stress was easier to deal with.  When you punched out at the end of the day, the worries were over.  I am not allowed to punch out with mom. There is also not a day off.

And I have to take it back. I am losing me.

Added to the Mom complication is my brother who ... always seems to have an agenda.  Dad collected coins. As a teen, my brother stole them for drugs.  Now he's taken the collection dad built back up. He also took moms fav picture, which was her hiding place for cash.  *sigh*  

Not that the money matters to me.  I just know what happens to families when they fight over money.  My mom hasn't spoken to her brother in 20+ years because of money. They hired lawyers to fight the good fight.  Lawyers got paid, but the family didn't win against the brother who finagled the land and cash.  For that reason, I will never fight over money.

Just another way of losing me.  Correcting that loss 25 years ago meant moving to another state.