Continuity in relationships

When it comes to relationships, how do you determine how much effort you put into solving a problem? I've always figured I should do as much as I can until I can't do any more, that way I know down the road that I can say I tried as much as I could. But ... is there a time format to use? such as one month of effort for every year you've been together? Or maybe it depends on the issue causing the problem in the first place?

When trust is broken.... how do you fix it? I keep thinking back to the movie Sex and the City. Miranda and Steve have a problem: He slept with someone else. It was just one time, it was just sex, and he confessed, and is sorry. But she's concerned about the broken trust. They go to see a counselor... and they bring up a few interesting points. Miranda talks about the cheating, how he broke a vow. And he says "But what about the other vows?"

There are always two sides to an issue, and each needs to be understanding of the other's point of view. Communication solves a lot of it. When trust is involved, one must be open to the trust again, while the other person earns it. I look at my parents, my aunt, my sister, friends I've known, and they've all been married a long time. And even if I don't know about issues they might have had, you have to stand back and admire the fact that they're still together. That kind of continuity is something I've longed for all my life.

What happened with Miranda and Steve you ask? The counselor orders them apart, no talking, for two weeks while they contemplate a life together again versus a lifetime apart. They set a date and time to meet if they want to try again. If they decide to work on the marriage, they each have to put the incident in the past and move on. And that's what they decided -- to meet and try again. (I love happy endings!)

One of these days, I hope to have my own happy ending... don't we all?

hugs to everyone