Say Something

A Great Big World, and Christina Aguilara have this wonderful song out called "Say Something" .... and so many lines in the song, maybe its the piano ... I just love the chords in this song.  Marvelous.

But in this gal's saga, there's someone who, two years ago, I would have followed anywhere.  I believed in something, in someone, who wasn't - couldn't - didn't even try - to be honest with me.  People are funny, me included.  We want to believe things, want others to be as truthful as we are.  But there are those out there who aren't - can't - don't even try to be.   How sad.  It brought me to a huge realization in the past month or so about who I am, and why I choose men that I do.   I had an idyllic childhood, things that TV shows are made of. Take your pick:  Wonder Years, Leave it to Beaver, Brady Bunch even.  My family stayed together, we did things together, traveled, camped, and truly enjoyed each others' company (most of the time! haha)  We had our own little problems within our family, but they were all overshadowed by the fact that we were a family, and loved each other despite our differences.

Because of what I had, I found myself wanting to give that to men who didn't have that.  All three of my husbands had a less than idyllic childhood, and I created that atmosphere within our own family, first with my own kids, and then with stepkids.  We traveled, camped and had family fun times.  What became the issue, it seems to me, is that I expected them (the husbands and kids) to be like it was when I was a kid too.  And life can't be recreated.  Life is to be created anew within the confines of the family you are in.

Maybe looking back, I can see now how my choices were formed.  And I can definitely say I've learned from it.  There was an encounter with a fellow named Dwayne -- and I could see the pattern all over again.  But the one thing I know now is that I'm not willing to share and make sacrifices to create that again for anyone.  I'm at a place in my life where I've found contentment in having the time to do things for me.  Is it as fulfilling as I'd like it to be?  Naw, life can always be better.... but its enough.

Here's a link, give it a listen if you want to:  Say Something

Michael:  anywhere I would have followed you.

I have swallowed my pride
You're the one that I love
but I'm saying goodbye.