Not. Normal.

Isn't it weird how we become .... so used to something?  I worked 10 days in a row because of vacation schedule coverage, and that's ok, I don't mind it at all.  But when the end of the 10 days comes, I feel .... lost when I don't have to go to work -- is that weird???

I know I'm not a "normal" woman.  I know I'm high sensitive, an empath of sorts, and that I feel things on a different level than others.  By day 9 at work, I was feeling every bit of the energy that came anywhere near me.  Three different times I had to leave my work area and hide out in the ladies' room for a bit to get away from it all.  Each time, I checked my pulse on my FitBit and while normally during work hours it ranges 70-85 bpm, but it was well over 125 as I was trying to work and all this energy was swirling around me.  I felt as if it was surrounding me like a snake curling around it's next victim, slowly squeezing tighter.  It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's quite overwhelming!   But a few minutes alone with some breathing exercises helps me focus and regroup.  I use an app called "Calm" and it has a breathing exercise.  Thank goodness for these apps!



So now I'm at a place ... what do I do for a three day weekend?  Chores?  Some creative project?  Sleep?  I often am overwhelmed with what could be choices, and end up doing something only half way.  I would love to get out and take some photos, that would be my ideal.  But when my "cup feels empty", it's hard to put yourself into something creative.  Maybe some time on the road would feel good, it's becoming much cooler in the early morning hours -- it was 68 when I walked Sadie at 5am, and I almost wanted a sweater!  lol


Speaking of walking Sadie, with cooler temps, and an evening breeze, she wouldn't settle until I took her for a walk.  She loves to walk, and I indulge her as often as I can.  But the wind was too much, it blows dust into her nose and she ends up panting and coughing an hour after our 15 minute walk.  So I need to keep an eye on that with her.  Yep.   Pugs are a very temperamental breed.

I started a closed Facebook group for my family, to have a place to post about family history.  But the only two people who might like a post, or care enough to make a comment, has been my mother and my Aunt Carol.  It makes me sad that the younger generation doesn't ... I mean, it took me a while to act on it, but I've always known that I can't be who I am supposed to be unless I know where I come from.  And in my family's case .... an even more difficult thing, because they were always so close mouthed about our history.  What I've learned, and able to surmise is from generalities about what people have written about farming life on the prairie.  Which is probably why I never became a teacher -- I would expect too much.