The Trickster Grandma

Here it is, only 10 days until Christmas, and talk about a lot of pressure!  I still haven't completed the whole Christmas gifts thing.  Most years, I only do a little.  When I had young children, I loved to decorate.  I had so many knick knacks for Christmas that there wasn't enough shelf space, I had to take other things down!  Hanging lights, putting up a tree, making sure there were holiday scented candles to enhance the season ... yeah, that was me.  I did all that, and more if I could. 

I also liked to be the "trickster" during the holidays.  One year, all the kids got underwear gift wrapped beautifully, inside a cardboard box so they didn't know what was inside.  I would add a couple of marbles to the box to make it rattle enticingly .... lol.

One year, the gift for my then father-in-law was wrapped inside another wrapped box inside another wrapped box.  I think there were 7 boxes altogether.  The final outer box?  was from a 4-drawer filing cabinet.  hahaa  It was H-U-G-E.  And it was so very funny watching him open box after box .... lol  I still laugh thinking about it, and that was more than 30 years ago!

The past three years have been more difficult that others.  By the time the Day actually arrives, I'm so sick of looking at Christmas items that I just can't do it on my down time at home, so I haven't decorated at all.  This year, I put up the small Christmas tree.  And I decorated a tall cactus by wrapping red tinsel around it.  And bought a $2 bucket of plastic bulbs and hung on one of my bushes.   I know I might regret it later, having to take it all down quickly, but it's cheerful enough for now!  After Christmas is when my really busy point at work begins and I won't have much time or inclination to take all that stuff down and put it away properly. 

But what about all the pressures?  As far as gifts go, I have given up trying to buy something for my siblings, they both have much more money than I do and can (and do!) buy whatever they want for themselves.  So the one thing I have done for years now is to collect family photos and create a calendar.  Maybe they use it, maybe they don't, but everyone can use a calendar, and it's family.  I haven't had any work "relationships" worthy of gift giving, so I haven't.  This year, one of my gals gave out gifts, so now I feel a bit obligated to reciprocate.  I decided on some hand made coasters using some of my photography as a backdrop.  It will do!

Because my granddaughters are all teenagers, cash is Queen!  But I'll try to trickster it up and wrap them uniquely so there's effort or a surprise.  Last year, one's gift was wrapped 'round and 'round with packing tape until it became a small oval ball.  For another, I took zip ties and wove them together before zipping them up.  By the time I was done, it was a wall of zip ties, and took a lot of effort to clip them apart to get the money out!  lol yes, I am *THAT* Grandma!

Do you have any trickster stuff you do for the Holidays??

Ch..Ch..Changes

We live in a very changing world; there is something new that comes along very often in the technology field.  Me, I find it hard to keep up - not with the actual technology stuff, but how easy it is to spend many $$$$$ keeping up!

Today, I purchased a new phone.  And I stutter and stammer to think that for the $800 spent on a "computer", it's one that I carry around ~~in my pocket~~ !!!

Back in the day, say 1997?, when I upgraded my laptop from old and clunky to a bit updated, it didn't do near what my phone will do, AND it was $1200 and probably weighed in around 14 lbs if you included the charger assembly.

I got my first cell phone in 2005, a Kyocera flip phone.  When I upgraded around 2007, it was an ordeal. Someone took your phone "to the back room" and connected it via cables to try and capture all your contacts onto your new phone.   Your text messages were sent via the dial pad where 2 pressed one time = A, pressed twice = B.... etc.  You know the old drill.  The next time I upgraded it was to a "slide" phone so that I could text on the mini keyboard.  I got pretty good at it, but when I look back on it now, it seems clunky!








My last upgrade was in 2015 and it was to a Samsung S5, and I really liked this phone!  If replacing the battery would keep it working, I might have tried that.  But .... *sigh* ... I bit the bullet and bought a Samsung S9.  It's nice!  Sleek, slim, and a sexy glossy midnight black.  I got all the bells and whistles needed to make it a good phone, including the wireless charging pad.  Now that is REALLY something!  No wires, just lay it down and voila!

But the neatest part was after the activation of my new phone, there's a new App for Samsung (don't know if it's for other brands?) but I just opened the app on both the old and new phones, and it transferred all my data.  I figured contacts, photos, etc would transfer, but even my Calendar and Alarms transferred over too!  Now that's spifferific!

It truly makes me wonder .... what will be next??
And can I keep up???

Disappointments

As much as I dislike all the shopping hoo-hah that happens on Brown Thursday, sometimes a Gal can't resist a good deal.  It's been a long time since I bought anything frivolous for myself, so I indulged in a Black Friday deal for a new curved monitor - Samsung 32". 



I was so excited to get home and try it out .... only to discover that it is ONLY compatible with HDMI.  Huh.  That's kind of odd ... is a computer's VGA connector that far out of date?  Using my trusty Google, I discovered that I could purchase a VGA to HDMI connector.  I bought one on my shopping trip today, came home and got this thing out of the box and all hooked up ...... and nothing.


*sigh*

I called the Samsung support line because the Quick Connect instructions were pretty useless and because my monitor wasn't responding to the computer, I couldn't use the internet to download additional instructions.  I attempted to use my phone to get some help, but the website wouldn't recognize the model number that I tried to enter, so I gave up and just called.  They were no help; I guess these young Millennials assume that we all have up to the minute electronic devices ... "Just plug in something to the HDMI" ..... umm, I don't have anything.  "No laptop? No gaming console?"  ummm, no I'm a 50+ year old woman .....

Forget it. 
I'm returning this thing and finding something else
that's more "plug and play" friendly.

Brown Thursday

Hours:  Mon, Tue, Wed :  6 am - 4 pm

             Thanksgiving    :  5 am - 10 am and returning 5 pm - Midnight

              Friday               :  7 am - 4 pm

I'm not sure the average retail shopper understands just what a retail worker endures in order to get things ready for the Holiday shopping needs.  There are some very long days needed to make sure that all of the things that will be on "special" are opened and ready to purchase.  A Keurig machine doesn't arrive in a store in the beautiful shiny box that you see.  Rather, it arrives in a cardboard box stuffed into a trailer with what seems like a million other cardboard boxes; each must be unloaded from the trailer, sorted and separated, then each cardboard box is opened and the product is restacked so that it can be sold to consumers.  (well, there's a lot involved, but that's it in a nutshell)

By the time the actual shopping day arrives, your retail worker has already been working long, hard hours preparing for a nice shopping experience.  Which really boils down to this:  When 6 pm arrives on Brown Thursday, all we want is for customers to do their shopping nicely, politely;  if you're looking for something in particular, we'll smile and help you as much as we can.  But don't expect us to perform miracles - or worse, treat us like we're incompetent when your needs aren't met. 

That being said, this year's retail sale at my BigBox Store went rather smoothly, with no incidents being reported.  For that, we were very happy!!  Especially me, because I was part of the team that walked around with a first aid kit and all that goes with it, policing the people to keep things moving when they tended to bog up and block traffic in the main aisles.  Just walking around and smiling at people all night was a very tiresome 9 hours!   I accumulated 23k steps just on Thanksgiving Day alone!  (I usually walk a lot for my job and track my steps daily, but this week I'm 22% above my usual weekly average!) 

I hope all of you enjoyed your Thanksgiving Day celebrations, and if you were one of the millions of shoppers, I hope you got everything on your list.  If you didn't, check out the deals for Cyber Monday -- from the comfort of your home!   I bought myself a new computer monitor, but my computer is old enough that it doesn't have an HDMI output, so I need to find a special doohickey to make it work!  Wish me luck out in the shopping world! 

PS:  After the week I had, I came home and crawled into bed at 5:30pm Friday night, and didn't get up until 7am the next morning! 

Nightmar-ish Jobs

Last night, I had a horrifying dream.  My BigBox Store
had eliminated all current job positions and renamed them all,
which meant that we had to re-apply for our positions ...
and they refused to re-hire me for ANY position!!!   

Talk about making me feel totally awful!

However, I know in my mind that it's my reaction to what may be factual but hidden from us in the current "holiday frenzy".  There are rumors in every large company, not just mine.  I realize that when a big corporation re-makes a position into something else, that it's supposed to be geared toward "any millennial can do this job now" type thinking.  And, since they don't have years of experience, their hourly wage isn't what a long term employee may be making.  So by replacing "old timers" with "new timers", they save on payroll costs instantly, helping the bottom line -- and their stock holders.

I see a few problems with this thinking:  First, most millennials aren't willing to do what the old timers do.  One example is trash/garbage: old timers take garbage from "start to finish", putting it where it belongs.  Old timers are willing to invest a little time to find a proper solution to a problem; new timers just do whatever is easiest - no matter if it's right or wrong - in order to make it no longer their problem.  And you can't replace knowledge and experience with data on a phone; sometimes you need the wisdom of an old timer!

All this angst and wary feelings for my future in the work force because I'm getting a sense of the handwriting on the wall.  I know a business needs to be profitable, but weeding out the experienced workers won't build the future that a business needs.  If there's an issue with old timers not pulling their weight any longer, then take it case by case, and don't eliminate an entire job genre in every store!

*rant over*

We've seen it over and over again: 

• Sears - Closing!  
• Kmart - Closing!  
• Orchard Supply Hardware - Closing! 
• Toys R Us - Closing!

To me, that's an indication that many stores don't last "a lifetime", which makes me wonder if there's an average life span?  Some stores are timeless, I never figured Sears or JCPenney would be part of the chopping blocks.  So far, they have a few select stores ...... *shrug*  I can't predict the future, and it's just a gut feeling about my BigBox Stores ..... but it makes me afraid of the future.  And just a little bit mad.  I've worked there for 17 years, I stuck with them and helped them tough it out through some bad times, but now after investing in what I considered "my career" they may change (or eliminate) my job, my livelihood?

Personally, if that's what they do,
then I'll be pulling out all my stock,
and refusing to shop in these stores again, no matter how good their prices are. 

Because that's just good business --- for me.

Past My Prime?

As I get older, I'm finding myself getting freaked out about getting older!

Several high school classmates have died - not freak things like car accidents - but heart attacks!

which got me thinking:  Is 60 the new 40 ... ? 

I wonder about this from time to time and while being as physically fit as I was in my 40s would be really nice now,
I wouldn't want to give up the wisdom I've gained, and the insecurities that I've lost! 

In these later years of life, I feel able to do what I want, when I want to do them, and frankly don't care what others think.  I'm still able to work, and my job is physical and demanding.  But if that means I get home so tired that I crawl into bed by 6:30 pm to watch a good TV show, then I'm OK with that as well!

But there's the darker side to 60 as well:  aging and health issues.  While my mother is still alive and thriving at 80, my father passed away at 77 from cancer.   My sister has pancreatic cancer and is still surviving through all the chemo for 23 months now.  Which is very awesome!  My cousin was just diagnosed with a heart valve issue and was going in to have a stent put in, but right before surgery something went wrong; his heart stopped and they revived him again and again (current condition is life support, with continual prayers for improvement). 

I have always prided myself on being relatively healthy. 
But to be honest, I'm a little bit afraid.
So now I'm taking a second (and third!) look to .... re-evaluate. 
I could be doing better - but couldn't we all?

Every week, as I grocery shop I resolve to do better this week.  I buy veggies, fruits, food that I have to cook - very little in the way of the "grab and go" foods.  I faithfully track what I eat, my FitBit logs all of my exercise every day.   I tell myself that there's just no time for more, to do more.  But there is.   I could blog less.  I could stop taking my photos, but I don't think it's reasonable to have to give up on really living in order to be a little healthier.  I know that I can't undo all of the wrong things I've done (or eaten), but over time, every little bit helps (I hope!)

So as I begin my new week, I vow to make a difference:
Drink more water
Eat healthier
Take an extra evening walk

Three little things that are relatively easy to do --- if I can stay focused!

and, oh yeah, make that call for a check up that's a little over due!

Sex and the City

Recently, I found a complete set of this series for $40.  With the summer heat, I thought "Why not?" and grabbed it.  I've been trying to *pace* myself, watching two episodes a day.  This ran from 1998-2004.  I already own the movie that followed up this series (and I like it so much, I've watched it many, many times!)

One of the things that always drew me to the series was the character Carrie, who writes a sex column in the newspaper.  Each episode is usually couched within Carrie's thoughts about relationships - usually based on her own experiences.  With topics like "can we still be friends with ex lovers?"  or the rivalry that can be found between "twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings:  friend or foe?"

Carrie and her friends are all very individual characters, different and yet the same in many ways - which is what we all have in our friendships!  They meet for coffee, for lunch, for drinks, and usually compare lovers, or diss men, and everything in between!   But between all the relationship mistakes, their bond remains strong - stronger than many of the relationships they fell in and out of.

This was originally shown on HBO and I think part of the draw was the outrageous talk, the openness of the characters to discuss all aspects of sex, even the ones that weren't being talked about.  Being sexually based episodes also could have been part of the draw as well.  One quote I found about this show was "Every relationship has an endless story to tell.”   And I think that's very true.  Also, within a relationship dynamic, I think we're each a little bit different as well.  Carrie's character was different with Mr. Big than it was with Aidan.

I recently watched the episode where Miranda had to make a list of past lovers (42) because she had an STD.  And that got me thinking.  I was raised in the 70s and it was all about "free love" back before I started having sex.  I was young my first time (16) and shudder to think of my granddaughter now being that age ...... but I don't measure up to Miranda's 42.  In fact, my number is a single digit. lol  Yeah, I'm not one of the Manhattan beauties, for sure!

**I started this post back in the summer, and didn't finish it, because it didn't seem to have any sort of ending.  As I'm adding to this now three months later, I'm in the midst of repeating the seasons and still can't find the ending appropriate for this post.

Maybe because relationships continue to evolve;
because there's never really an end,
just another chapter.

Which makes me wonder about the rest of the chapters of my own life. 
Now that I'm approaching 60,
I think the rest of my chapters will all be repeats of the previous one!

Avid Photographer

I consider myself an avid photographer - I love to take photos!!   I'm also an amateur, I take them purely for my own pleasure.

But lately, the inspiration seems to be taking a backseat.  And I'm trying to figure out why.

Did I miss something?
Am I missing something?
Perhaps I'm bored.

Sometimes it seems as if all I am taking are photos of birds, sunrise/set or cactus.  Then again, I *DO* live in the desert.





I guess it's all a matter of ... inspiration. 
Or finding what inspires me.

A few years back, I found a small group of folks like me, and the leaders who ran it would create a different topic every day.  It became a lot of work to force a photo out every single day, but that's part of what makes us grow.  I haven't found anything like that again, but every now and then, I run a search to see if there's something similar.



I was a bit inspired on a recent trip to the Bay Area:
a yellow rose peeking through the cyclone fence
and the red on this tree against the brilliant blue!

Maybe with cooler weather, I can get out and
find a few things to shoot again.

A Lousy Start

I knew it wouldn't take long.  Day 3, and Elvis sauntered over into my work area and started nosing around.  I was away making a delivery.  I wasn't told what happened, or who said what, but when I arrived back to finish up paperwork for the day, a member of management came rushing in, thinking someone needed some assistance.  Me, I felt a little blindsided.  I knew in my gut that it was something said, or done (or both) by Elvis ... to the gal who works for me now (yes, taking his old position).  

Whatever it was, the manager pulled my gal into a closed door meeting.  A few minutes later, the store manager came and pulled her into another closed door meeting.  When she came back in, all she said was "I was told not to talk about it".  

Yeah.  That really makes for lousy start to my weekend.  

I now am left wondering if my time is up at this BigBox Store 

and should I be looking for a transfer?  

Or a whole new job? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Monday, again??

 Isn't it amazing how you can head out for work with the best intentions, and then *wham* out of nowhere you're hit with some sort of idiocy and the rest of the day is slammed.

I'm not a very social person, and I'll speak when spoken to.  It's not very often that I will initiate a conversation with just anyone.  There needs to be a reason.  Otherwise, I'm there to work, to fulfill my duties. 

I have a new helper and I've noticed that she's very social, quite the opposite of me.  She does an amazing job when it comes to the job part of it, but she's that much more on a social aspect.  Should I be worried that someone will say "Hey, she's better than the one we've had for 10 years, time for a change"????   Yes, I think about those things. 

I try to be .... friendlier.  But how do you maintain the supervisory role I'm supposed to have and still be friends??  Add to that my own issues with having empath tendencies.  I've found that if I'm friendly once or twice, I become a target for that person to seek me out, tell me their life story, or their latest list of problems.  I'm too old for that kind of drama and it brings me down very low and I feel burdened by it all.

Added to my list of "miseries", they've rehired Elvis and he's working in my BigBoxStore for the time being.  As per his usual .... he has no censor on what he says to other associates in the break room, and to hear him run down other people while making it sound as if he's the "victim who's triumphed over evil" just makes me want to throw up.

Even though it was a Wednesday, it sure felt like a Monday!
I think I need a good nights' sleep.

October Vacations

Where do you go on vacation? 
To the beach?  Some exotic city?

Every October for the past 5 years, my son and I have traveled to California to see Mom.  But the secondary reason we choose October is to help her with the tree trimming that needs to be done every year.

I live 800 miles from her.  Her four 20something grandsons live less than a mile away.  When my sister, or the grandsons take a vacation its Paris, Mexico, Spring Training in Arizona, or a Mountain retreat. 

While I'm using this to grouse (just a little bit), it's also to make a comparison.  When my vacation is over, I get the satisfaction of knowing I did something good for someone else; I made a difference in Mom's life by helping her out.  I sometimes wonder what my sister gets out of her vacations.  A week in Paris:  sure, there are great things to see.  But the photos and memories she talks about were spending a week with friends, going out to dinner and drinking great wine.  In my opinion, you can do all that from home, or a short drive from home. 

I'm not sure my nephews will understand the joy, the satisfaction one gets from doing something for someone else.  When my son was bold enough to ask why they weren't coming over to help it was "I don't live there."  FFS  It's their grandmother!  And she's done plenty for them over their lifetime. 

Even though my sister and I were raised by the same parents in the same house, we sure turned out different, and so did our kids. 

But I wouldn't trade places.  I'm happy knowing that I take the time to help Mom however she needs it.  It's not the money that she wants, it's our time.   We spent a total of about 10 hours out in the yard, working in the sunshine, sharing laughs and memories from over the years.  And I'm proud of my kids who feel the same way I do about helping others.  My son knocked off every chore on Mom's TO DO list!

While a week on a beach sounds good in theory, lounging around, having someone bring me drinks, reading good books, I wouldn't trade that for moments with my Mom.  She won't be around forever and as long as she's around, I'll be spending my October vacations with her!

No Problem, I got this!

It's a really weird fact of life, we don't feel as old as we truly are.  And that can bring about some disastrous results if one isn't careful!

While I've never been a truly adventurous type - I don't skydive, or make long treks into wilderness or dive off cliffs into the ocean - I'm not afraid of hard, physical labor either.  I'm more the Gal at work who just does what needs doing. 

Heavy box?  No problem, I got this. 

Hauling things from here to there? Again, no problem, I got this!

But as I get older, I'm aware every single day that yesterday's to do list might be today's no-no.

On Wednesday, I had a box of DVDs that needed to be put onto a shelf.  And no, I didn't choose the shelf that was at a reasonable level.  I decided that this particular box that weighs about 18 pounds needed to go on the top shelf.  Normally, I can reach this shelf and slide boxes up with no problem.  But this one did me in.  I could tell as I gave the box it's final shove that something was stretched .... more than it should be.  By the time I got home and into the shower, it was a huge relief to have that hot water pounding down on the right side of my back.  Ugh.

The next morning, I was OK to get up and move around, take Sadie for a walk, but maaaan it hurt to take in a deep breath, expand my rib cage.  No, not a cracked rib; the pain was my back muscle.  The more it moved, the more uncomfortable I got.  Being me, I didn't call off work and rest.  I worked the day in my usual way:  No problem, I got this!

Thursday night's sleep was interrupted every time I rolled, and I didn't hesitate to swallow a couple of Tylenol to help get through the night.  I got up Friday morning with a little twinge, but things needed to get done!  I walked Sadie, we took the garbage can to the curb, then picked up everything that could go in it, cleaned up the backyard and it was time for breakfast.  Since it was raining, we had breakfast on the back porch, which was really nice!  I enjoyed the sprinkles!! But the chill drove me back inside.  I didn't hesitate to crawl back into bed for a couple more hours of sleep!

I've rested and read much more today than I have since my last vacation ...... way back when.
But things seem better now.
No problem, I got this!

Lost ??? and Found !!!

Have you ever decided that you needed to put something away because you don't use it often any more?  Or it's just sitting out, collecting dust, so tucked in a cubby somewhere would be a better thing?   If you're like me, you do it more times than you like to admit!

I have a small netbook - think laptop, only smaller - that was a gift from a friend. It's served me well over the years, and when I go on trips, I like to take it with me because it's user friendly, and has a keyboard, so my typing skills are put to use rather than one fat-finger on the keyboard of my phone, which is NOT user friendly for long emails, or a blog post!

Because there's a trip in my future, I wanted to locate my netbook, charge it up and see if I needed anything before I left home.  When I went to the place where I thought I put it, all I found was the AC cord.  *sigh*  Now where could I have put that netbook? 

I searched high and low, through my computer desk and the cupboard that stands next to my desk to hold binders and such.  Nope.  Then I thought it might have slipped down between the wall and the headboard .... not there either.  I pulled out every old purse in my closet, thinking I'd slid it in one of them... uh uh.  *sigh*   

I finally quit looking because the next day was a work day, and I needed to get some sleep.  I said a little prayer, looked heaven-ward and said "Dad, help me out here!"  I hoped the answer would come to me in a dream.  Nope, didn't get lucky there either.  And all day, every time I opened a drawer at work, I'd strain my brain to see if I remembered where I'd tucked this little thing!  

By the time I reached home, I knew what I had to do:  disassemble my room in a sort of "spring cleaning" to see if I could find it ---- and 20 minutes into the cleaning, I did!  

And as usual, it had me chastising myself for not remembering that I'd tucked it on top of the filing cabinet that's underneath my desk top.  There's about 2" of space... and that's where I'd slid it! 

Now I just feel silly! 

Soaked!

Nothing like a surprise thunderstorm at 4am to wake a tired body up!  The rain didn't let up; I finally had to put the leash on Sadie and start our morning walk.  It was lightly sprinkling and I was sure if we hustled around the block (It's 1/3 mile around), we could beat the rain. 

I was wrong!

By the time 10 minutes was up -- yes we were hurrying!! - I was soaked to the skin!  I had to change clothes, right down to the undies and socks, before I could head to work! 

Rainstorms are best on days when you DON'T have to go to work!!!!
hehehehe

HOAs: Yay or Nay?

When I bought my home, I didn't want to be in an HOA community.  There are fees associated with having an HOA and more importantly, rules.

I first saw my home for sale in October, 2009.  It's a small but cute house in an HOA community of about 140 homes.  And when I first walked through, eh, it was OK.  The inside was painted one bland color - more brown than off-white - and being completely empty, it didn't have much character.  But I could see that the previous owner was in the midst of many updates, including double pane windows and french doors to the backyard patio.  After I thought about it - an hour later I decided that it could be the perfect home for me!   Except it was an HOA. 

The monthly price of the HOA dues was a little steep, more than I had been looking to pay, but it includes front yard landscaping maintenance.  For a single, working woman that's ideal!  Someone else trims the trees and bushes, and blows the leaves and such from the rest of the yard every week. 

As the years have worn on, yes, totally worth the price, considering the alternatives!  However, it's the little rules that can wear a person down.  For the first couple of years, on and off I was given a "warning" because I didn't pull my trash can off the street before the end of the day.  Most of the time, I'm the type who likes to keep up with things such as paint, but it can get away from a person.  Today I got a notice that I am required to paint my garage door within fourteen days!  Being deluged with rain the past few mornings, it had been a while since I picked up my mail, so I only have 7 days left on this time crunch! 

At my age, it feels like a punch in the gut when someone else has to remind me that I need to do some maintenance.  I also realize that being here 9 years already means I am probably due for a new roof or something as well.  *sigh*

The joys of home ownership.  And their HOAs.

Guess who's heading to Home Depot?????

Aging Preparations

Being 59 years old means a lot of different things.  Thoughts turn to somehow finding a way to retirement, and working toward that goal.  But in everything, there are limitations or blocked pathways that seem impossible in the moment.  However, we should always maintain our sight not only on our short term goals, but also the bigger, longer term goals as well.

Yes, I would love to retire at 62, or even 65.  But let's face it, in these troubling times and economies, the real fact remains that I will most likely work until I can't any longer.  Mostly because of my fears of health insurance costs.  Yes, Medicare will kick in at age 65, but what will it truly cover?  Probably not nearly enough, which means purchasing a secondary coverage.  Continuing in the work force will alleviate that issue, to a point. 

But in the meantime, the other side of me wonders, and yes, sometimes worries, about what my children will have to endure when it comes to wrapping up "my estate".  I look around my home and see all the things that mean something to me, and realize that it won't mean a thing to my kids.  Or they won't know or remember how a particular item came to have a place in my home.  To help with that issue, I have written a note with some items, I have taken photos and written about the items in my blog.  Sometimes if either one happens to come by, I might have something out and talk to them about it, see if they recall anything about it.

And now with the digital age upon us, what will happen then??   The data we keep on computers and on our phones as a convenience, someone will have to "close down" these items?  Cancel accounts, and subscriptions?  What will become of what's left?

Because I live alone, and my kids are far enough away that I don't see them on a weekly basis, I've tried to keep records of the cyberspace accounts I have, and how to access them.  It's a very weird feeling to write things down, knowing that I'm writing them because there will come a time.... and I'm hoping it's going to be later, rather than sooner!

But at my age, I just don't know any more.

Being sick at my age brings all these thoughts up, along with maybe I should do my own "This is my life" story using photos with logos, put it on a DVD with some background music of some of my fav tunes.   Seems a little bit premature; then again, maybe it isn't? 

It doesn't seem too odd to have these thoughts in mind, even though I'm not ill or in any way thinking my days on earth are limited.  A young person might find it a little odd, but dying is a fact of life.  I've always been a logical person, and like having my ducks all lined up, so to speak.  My kids shouldn't have to go through a whole bunch of hoops and misery taking care of my estate.  So I'm trying to be practical and thoughtful, making decisions so they won't have to.

My parents have done the same for me.  I know what they want, where the files are kept, and what to do when the unthinkable happens.  I want the same for my own kids.

Migraines

I don't get migraines very often, so when I do get one, ouch!  They range from very uncomfortable to totally debilitating.  I get them in October and February, as a general rule.  And I know that mine are brought on most often by a change in barometric pressure.  Hurricane Rosa blew through, and changed things up here in the Valley of the Sun and today, it hit me.

I woke up feeling like I hadn't slept well, which makes for a cranky start to a work day, but that's sometimes more normal than not.  But little stressors can aggravate the situation for me:  loud and/or fast talking elevates my stress levels.  And smells can bring on the worst of the symptoms.  Today, it was a combination of a broken glass bottle of air freshener oil.  When that smell hits direct from the bottle, the oil never washes completely off your hands -- or the desk, the floor, the trash bag you try to toss it into.  That set off the nausea.

The next step was the vision: for me it feels as if my eyes are squinting, or more like when you add a "vignette filter" to a photograph, that's how things look to me when they hit.  Then the maintenance lady who cleans the restroom at my BigBox store likes to use something called "Fabuloso".  It's a normal cleaning solution, sort of like Pine-Sol, but more "flowery" smelling.  However, I'm sure it's supposed to be mixed out, like 1/4 cup in one gallon of water.  The stench is overwhelming to someone who has breathing issues like COPD, and if you have a migraine coming on, the nausea roils deep in your belly .....

After all this, I figured a quick walk in the outdoor air would clear out the remnants and make it possible to finish out my work day.  But the sun was very bright, and bothered my eyes.  I was hoping that a little light reading on my Kindle along with an ice cold Diet Coke might help.  I changed the font to L A R G E so that I wasn't straining my eyes, and it would have been a nice respite from my symptoms -- until the person with a crying child sat down in the booth next to me.  I felt as if the child's wails were piercing my brain. 

Back in my part of the store, where quiet sometimes reigns, I found it impossible to concentrate on work, ended up dashing to the restroom twice before I decided that I needed to be home.  In bed. In a dark room, with the AC running!   And I needed to do that now, before it became bad enough that I would be afraid to drive home. 

So I left work early.   For the first time in .... probably more than a year?  I usually try to stick this stuff out.  And can usually accomplish this when I work alone, but today my chatterbox was in the mood to chatter..... lol 

Three bottles of water and a Powerade after a nap
and I'm feeling like tomorrow will be ... an OK day!

Making Time

We all make time for things that "need to get done",  and sometimes we make time for those things we want to get done, either for ourselves, or our family.

But when does making time
become too much???




We're all given the same 24 hours ..... and yet I seem to find myself running out of time at the end of my day!  And when I have a day off, some of them feel as if they'll never end! (but that's more because I am avoiding chores! lol)

I've done the list-making thing many times, trying to make sure I know what needs doing, and in what order they need to be done.  But this creates a problem with my creative side.  When I start thinking of heading out to try to make photos, how do you schedule that in a time slot??  What ends up happening most often is that creative stuff is pushed to the side, making way for the things that are necessary on a day to day basis.   Work.  Walking the dog.  Sleep.  Work.  Walking the dog.  Sleep.

Yep, I'm definitely stuck in a rut!

I find as I'm getting older, I'm asking myself this very question:  "If not now, when?"

Because the fact is, the "when" feels like less and less available time.

We should be doing more than just the necessities every day. 
There should be time for creativity, or play, something we enjoy,
something that makes us smile. 
Find that passion within and make time for it!  For you!

I started this post because I was feeling "put upon" by a relative who was keeping me up past my "bedtime" with some chat.  But I put aside the feeling and just enjoyed the moment - getting to share thoughts and feelings with another member of my family.  And it made me smile.

A Line in the Sand

Here's something that comes up often - probably for most people.  And I'm having a toss-up with myself over it:  I'm the supervisor at work. And I had one of the women I supervise call me at home because she "needed to talk".   In the voicemail left, it was clearly not about a work issue, and it was something she said she didn't want to bring up at work. 

I didn't call her back.

And I'm going back and forth with whether I should?  or shouldn't? 

I don't want to be the "girlfriend" who's holding someone's hand over every little crisis.  Don't get me wrong, I'll be there, I'll be supportive, if there's a bigger issue at hand than, say, trouble with grown children, or grandchildren, who aren't "behaving". 

Where do you draw the line?

I know that I don't want to be the kind of supervisor who is seen as "playing favorites" with anyone.  I also don't want to be the one who is so "supervisory" that I seem unapproachable - which is a challenge for me because I'm very focused on my work in the workplace, with very little on the social side of working.  I take my lunches away from the break room so that others don't feel like they need to "censor" their behavior or comments for this reason as well.

Which brings me back around to my original question: 
Should I have called her back to be her shoulder to cry on?

My instinct in the moment was "no",
and I think that's going to be my line in the sand. 

It's one thing to allow it when it relates to work issues,
or major life changes, but I'm not up to being that shoulder
when someone around her has issues.
No matter how much I like her.

Losing Thoughts

I've been thinking a lot about television today.  I watch very little commercial TV any more.  When I turn my TV on, it's because I'm wanting to watch a particular show.  And while I enjoy many broadcast shows, I don't enjoy enduring all the commercials needed to get through an hour sitcom.  Which is why I'm willing to watch older season episodes of shows - commercial free.  (Thank you Netflix!)

The last thing I need is to watch commercials filled with women who have a) lost weight with this miracle product;  b) the family enjoying a delicious calorie-laden meal at a restaurant; or worse yet, c) those campaign ads who resort to knocking each other down.   Life is difficult enough without feeling the .... slight guilt complex that's implied in commercials.  "Use this shampoo and your hair will be long, blond and full of gorgeous curls that last all day". 


But what I realized as I sat there watching my episode of NCIS is that TV is designed to keep our mind occupied so that any thought we might have goes out the window.

I went shopping this morning, and thought of a topic for my blog.  I arrived home, prepared my lunch, watched 20 minutes of NCIS and promptly forgot about the blog topic.  Which is just as well, because when it came back to me, it was obvious that it would be a judgemental piece that wouldn't sit well for very long.   But in that single moment, I noted that watching TV took away moments of real thinking. 

I'm not anti-TV by any means.  It keeps me company on days when I'm indoors doing chores, or exercising, but it can be a hindrance to thinking something through.  Even if it chatters on from the other room, your mind follows along and it's easy to lose focus of the topic that needs thinking through. 

 
While this graph is from 2015, it's probably relative to today's figures.  I'm in the 55-64 group .... do I watch a little over 3 hours of TV a day?  My TV is ~on~ that long, but I don't actually sit and watch it for that long.  I might.... if I didn't have Sadie, who requires a lot of hands on attention after I get home from work!  lol 




I usually watch about 40 minutes while prepping/eating dinner, and then an hour or so after I'm ready for bed but not ready for sleep.  During summer, while we're stuck indoors in the AC, it's probably 3-4 hours a day --- because that's our "winter" !!!

TV can provide hours of entertainment, but it can also hinder other things in your life.
As always, have balance, or try for balance.

Hurricane Rosa

Arizona is a dry state; there is no "coastline".  And yet, today I was informed at work that we're beginning preparations for Hurricane Rosa.  It's expected to make landfall sometime Monday. 

Fox news says:  "Tropical storm, tropical depression characteristics are moving into Arizona and bringing in heavy rain, as well as the threat of flooding.  We've seen it 16 times since 1950. And now heading into the weekend, we're tracking Hurricane Rosa currently churning in the east Pacific."

Only 16 times in the past 65+ years.  Yikes!

I have no idea what that'll mean here for us.  We're not equipped to handle large amounts of rain.  Growing up in the Bay Area, we have waterways leading to the Bay to drain off excessive water.  Since we don't have a coastline, I guess we just wait for it to soak down into the aquifer. 

If we get that much rain, my backyard will accumulate a load of water.  I'll have to pull up my rugs and move my lawn furniture under cover.

This will certainly be a new experience for me! 

When I lived in Ohio, if a snowstorm was predicted,
people ran to the stores and bought up all the milk, eggs and bread. 
Is that what they'll do here?? 

Should I????
I'll keep ya'll posted!

SS Palo Alto

SS Palo Alto was a concrete ship built as a tanker at the end of World War I.  It was built by the San Francisco Shipbuilding Company at the U.S. Naval Shipyard in Oakland, California. It was launched on 29 May 1919, too late to see service, so it was mothballed until 1929 when it was towed to Seacliff State Beach in Aptos, California.

My family stopped here in Dec 1976, and she's still in one piece! 



In 1930 the SS Palo Alto was towed to Seacliff State Beach by the Seacliff Amusement Corporation and sunk a few feet into the water. A dance floor, swimming pool, and a café were added transforming the SS Palo Alto into an amusement ship for two years until, with the help of the Great Depression, the company went bankrupt.

Seacliff State Beach bought the boat for $1.00   The foredeck of the ship was closed to the public in 1958, but the afterdeck is closest to the beach and remained open until at least the 1970s and possibly the mid-1980s, when access was completely closed off for safety reasons. Today she serves as an artificial reef for marine life.

In 2017,  there was a storm; the waves reached a record height: 34 feet, according to a National Weather Service buoy in the bay, more than a foot taller than the previous record set in 2008. With the tall waves came destruction. The pounding surf snapped a section of the Palo Alto nearest to shore from the rest of the ship.

This next photo was taken just before the storm hit, and the second photo was just after the roughest part of the storm (I borrowed them off the internet!)  There are plenty of videos and articles about this wonderful part of our local history.

Spring Cleaning!

Here in the Valley of the Sun, our seasons are backward from other places.  We just had our "winter" -- 3+ months of temps over 105 every single day.  We even had a streak of 22 days over 110!  Now that's some summer! 

But for us, that's winter.  We hunker down in our air conditioned houses.  We park our cars not closest to the entrance, but under the nearest tree for that little bit of shade!  We do outdoor activities either late at night or in the early morning hours, before the sun heats things up even more!

Which is why we do some kind of "spring cleaning" as soon as the temps start dropping.  Those days when you can air out with open windows are the best!  The AC doesn't run, and you can actually touch things, or walk outdoors, without feeling like a blast furnace bearing down on you. 

That's what I did today.  I opened up, Sadie and I spent some quality time in the morning sunshine.  After our walk, I disassembled my shower, taking the sliding doors outside for a good washing.  I soaped them up with CLR, brushed them with a stiff brush, then hosed them off.  It's amazing how much soap scum and what have you builds up and you don't realize it --until you give it a good cleaning!  And now, my shower sparkles again -- like a spring morning!

I also hooked up my Epson scanner, and have resumed scanning slides again.  I'm at that point in family history where Dad quit taking slides, and Mom was taking photos so at some point, I'll have to resort to digitizing the rest of things.... A little bit every day gets the job done eventually!  (But I have a *LOT* of photos!)

So we're resuming here, Family Photo, Easter 1977

I look at these old photos and ... wow, where has the time gone?  40+ years ago.  And some days, it feels as if we're all still this age.  I know we're not.  I'm older now than my parents were in this picture.   Time is a funny thing, it's not always linear, sometimes shifting.  Like, when I visit the home I grew up in, my Mom still lives there and 50 years have passed since we moved in.  And as soon as I arrive, I'm still that girl.  I look in the fridge, I peruse the photo frames to see what pictures have changed, and head back to my old room.  It's changed, but the memories haven't! 

Amateur Photography

I like photographs, but I like *taking* photographs even more!  And some days I'm torn.  Go somewhere special and just take photos?  Or ... making a photograph out of something ordinary?  It's never an easy choice.  Either one of them takes some kind of effort.  And it takes practice to engage yourself, and sometimes in many ways you're putting yourself into the photograph. 


With camera phones and all the other technology available these days, it's easy to take some pretty amazing photos, but it's an effort when you're trying to create a photo of something out of an ordinary thing.  Last weekend I stopped off at my local park and was just snapping photos. 


I was attempting to get a few things that were a little more eclectic than the usual of finding something to focus on and take a photo.  Like, if there's a bird on a pond, it's an obvious choice to take a photo. 

Here's an example of one that I might have tossed, but as I looked at it, I liked the whimsical angle of the cactus reaching for the sky - not as if they're standing tall, but as if they were ... perhaps, dancing in the wind?   Ok, maybe that's a stretch, or my fanciful imagination, but not all photos should look ... hmmm... staged.









And this second photo,
while there's nothing really
in the photo - no bird -
I was fascinated by the way
they sky and clouds were
reflected in the
(not so clean) water.





Another thing I like to do is make comparisons.  Take this old fence post.  You can see in the color photo that it has a little age, and some rusty barbed wire.  But convert it to black and white, it can take on a whole different look.  I'm not sure which is my favorite of these; I tend to favor black and white photos, but the soft green in the color photo gives it a nice look!

























So if you enjoy taking photos, try new things,
explore, even get a little edgy if you want. 
To me, it makes life just a little bit more interesting!

Beautifully Broken

Beautifully Broken:  have you heard this tune by Gov't Mule?  It was released around 2001, I believe, but I didn't discover it until after 2004.  The melody and lyrics are haunting and yet beautiful at the same time.  The guitar licks and riffs in the beginning and closer to the end draw you in.  The steady beat of the drum is like a heartbeat - not too fast, not too slow -- the sort of heartbeat you feel when you're about to have that first kiss with a new man. 

But I'm haunted by the lyrics.  Because I've always felt "broken".  There are things within me that are broken, but the flaws aren't usually visible.  I keep them closely hidden, waiting for the right man to draw them out and tell me it's ok, that I'm ok.   and yes, still waiting!  haha

To be a beautifully broken girl means to see our brokenness not as a punishment but as someone's misuse of our own empathy and kindness.  Someone who is beautifully broken doesn't really have much to give other than the broken pieces of their heart they hope is enough.




The Japanese have a word: kintsugi. Wikipedia describes it as the art and philosophy of repairing a broken object with elegance and grace using gold or silver, not hiding the imperfection but honoring and embracing it as part of the history of the object. This “golden joinery” turns the flaw into something unique and quite more beautiful than before because now, something precious shines through the cracks. 



I think that could apply to most of us.  We've all had mishaps, things go wrong, bad things happen.  Mostly through no fault of our own.  And yet when we repair the broken, we almost always want to  make it invisible.  Or, we can celebrate the brokenness with something beautiful, such as gold or silver. 

Life is what we make it.  We have to believe in ourselves, flaws and all. 
And sometimes, we just need to be a little more open to others
and not mind the flaws that are exaggerated in our own minds.
Just because we were broken in the past,
that doesn't mean we're still broken!

I'm so beautifully broken,
mysterious,
blown in with the night
all this beauty
captured in a frame
visibly shaken but never stirred

I Got Bobbed!

I don't know exactly when my life took a turn.  Was it gradual?  Or was it just something that went poof?  Some days, I have a hard time deciding which it was.  Maybe a little of both -- a little gradual slide, then a few giant steps and then more of a slide.  Seems about right because life is like that:  constantly changing, sometimes in little ways and sometimes in giant leaps.

I've become a little more housebound than I used to be.  I've tried to analyze it, work it through the ol' brain, but there's no easy answer.  Some of it started with having my gallbladder removed.  That was definitely the start of the process.  But the question is whether or not the anxiety comes from being afraid to be too far away from a bathroom?  Or does the anxiety begin, and brings on a bout of needing the bathroom in a hurry?


Luckily, I have meds to help out with it.  But it doesn't wipe it out entirely.  So I'm sensitive to what I eat, and where I spend my time.  Or is it a control thing?  As long as I'm on the move, know where I'm going and when, I seem to be able to keep things in control.  If I am stuck somewhere, or I have to wait, the anxiety type "attack" begins. 




Which brings me to getting bobbed!  I haven't had a haircut in a year's time.  I was going to the same wonderful hairdresser for seven years.  But I found that the anxiety of sitting in a chair for two hours was becoming too much for me.  I would start dreading it the day before.  I had to watch what I ate for the 12 hours preceeding my appointment, and make sure I took my meds.  It's not an easy way to live, but it's become how things are for me and I accept it.  Most of the time.  So on the spur of the moment, I went to a salon where you don't need an appointment.  I told her about my anxiety and she said "no problem, we'll just cut your hair dry, it'll take about 20 minutes."  She ended up cutting off eight inches of hair!!   It'll be more work than just pulling it into a ponytail, but that's ok. 

Sometimes, it's good to take a chance --- go get bobbed!

Annoying Work Week

What a frustrating week!  I've known for some time that this construction and remodeling of my BigBoxStore would make me crazy because of all the extra people inside, all the extra activity and all the changes taking place.  But for some reason, the past three days -- well, let's just say that it only takes the first five minutes of my day to find myself feeling totally annoyed and losing my patience.

Monday started the week off.  It's a day when two of our five-member team is off as scheduled.  But then a third person called in sick, so that meant me and my newest team member to handle all five jobs!  Yep, it can really be crunch time when that happens.  Luckily?  or is it UnLucky?  that I know all five positions - it either makes me a huge asset, or a real dummy!  Naw I'm mostly joking, I do what needs doing because there's no one else, and the job has to get done.  Somehow. 

But that doesn't mean I'm always happy about it!

Late in the day, after I'd been working for 7 hours straight without a lunch break, my boss saw me delivering some packages to other departments, and in his usual teasing, said "Smile!"  I flashed my teeth, but it wasn't a real smile.  I was just too tired to make the effort!!  That night, I was home and in the shower by 5:30pm, and stretched out in bed with "Sex and the City" dvd's by 6pm. lol  Yeah, I'm that old some days!


Tuesday wasn't much better.  The new "app" for doing my job was down for about six hours.  And it was truck day, so I was in a hurry to have things prepped and ready to go.  On top of that, a pool chemical vendor came in and started to prep a "buy back" of overstocked pool chemicals.  Mind you, now that the hot weather will be clearing out any day, our pool weather is just picking up again!  Most folks will be in their pools from September into November, depending on Mother Nature.  But back to the annoying:  this vendor created 11 shopping buggies full of the crap and then wanted *me* to box it up, palletize it, and make the claim.  With all the whining and such, I stuck it out and didn't get my lunch break until 12:30pm.  Boy was I starvin' by then!  I do a lot of walking on Tuesdays, and had already hit my 10k steps before lunch time!

And Wednesday didn't start off much better!  The "app" was iffy most of the morning.  A few of my co-workers were a little "needy" today (My printer doesn't work!), and I was backed up on paperwork.  At the same time, another task dropped into my email:  An entire drawer full of Environmental Records was being revamped.  There went nearly 3 hours of making new labels and resorting all this junk into the new way of filing:  Manila folders within each pendaflex folder. 

It's amazing how the little stuff can really irk a person when they least expect it.  I thought today would be one of the easier days.  I should never plan on it being easy! 

In keeping with the theme of the week, tomorrow's gonna suck too!

Monday Blues on Sunday

Sunday is my first day of the week, my actual "Monday" if we're tracking the work week.  As usual, there's a lot to do in the morning, and then very little to do because management schedules three of us on the same day.  Usually I can find things to keep myself busy, always plenty of paperwork to get done.  But I whipped right through it this morning, and this afternoon, I ended up washing down some dirty shelving.  Looks a lot better, and some days a mindless menial chore gets you through the day!

I had high hopes for getting to the gym during lunch, but I flaked out, it was 102 at 11am, and I just didn't have it in me to get into a hot car so that I can go get hotter and all sweaty for an hour.  So I spent my lunch hour reading a pretty engrossing story.  Sometimes I find I can lose myself and am able to ignore all of my surroundings.  I just need to learn to do it somewhere else, some place where I can eat a more nutritious, less calorie-filled lunch! 

A few months back, I started trying out this Pink Drink by Plexus.  I've seen many testimonials from people who are able to lose weight and feel better.  So far, I've had issues taking all three products in the "triplex" formula.  I've been able to work up to taking my Pro-biotic each night, and have tolerated it very well lately.  So I decided to try adding the Bio pills that most folks take during the day.  I've not been able to take them much because they have me running for the restroom too often.  And in my position, I'm not always able to just go when I feel the need.   So I've been pretty reluctant to even try it.  So I'm trying it out taking it as soon as I get home from work, an hour before dinner.  We'll see how that goes!  Maybe if I can get my tolerance levels up ......  I'm crossing my fingers!

Dreams are a common thing in my life, and many times I remember them.  Sometimes more details than most, other times, it's just a vague recollection.  Last night's dream:  A good friend of mine, his stock market purchases paid off and he became a bazillionaire overnight!  And three different women were stalking him, each of them chasing him down with ...... a putty knife!  I know, it sounds really weird!  It's the kind you'd use to spread spackle on drywall.   I have NO idea where this stuff comes from! 

If we dream during REM sleep, why are we so tired when we wake up?  Sometimes I find that I feel physically exhausted from some silly dream - especially the ones where you're trying to run away from something.  Although, many times in my case, I'm swimming away, but same concept.  haha I guess I'm just weird that way. 

Now back to your regularly scheduled work week......
Happy Monday to the rest of ya'll !!

Hot Weekend!

Here it is, my Saturday morning.  Yes, working retail can be a pain, so my "weekend" is Friday-Saturday, but at least they're both together!  And frankly, a day off during the work week makes running errands less of a chore.

I've cleaned my house top to bottom, walked the dog, washed the bedding, took out all the trash, and last up is the kitchen -- which always seems to need to be cleaned!!  All of this needs to be done  early in the morning because we're still in summer temperatures here!!

Yesterday, it was 109 at 4pm as I was driving home.  Oddly enough, I thought the temps were *great* when I got up this morning - only to discover that it was a warm 82 degrees!  I guess any relief is better than no relief!  Looking ahead, we should be closer to the 100 mark by next Weds because of clouds.  With clouds comes humidity though, and 98 can feel like 105! 

I didn't make it to the gym on Weds or on Thursday.  With a bunch of remodel construction going on, there have been regional management suits walking around for two days.  Because of my position over the hazardous waste station, etc, I didn't feel comfortable leaving the building in case I was needed on Thursday. 

On Wednesday, I caught a nail in my tire on the way to work.  I drove slow and steady, watching the pressure reading on the dash, praying it wouldn't drop until I made it to work where I could get this taken care of pronto.  Well, not so pronto, but I'm in the building all day, so no real hurry to get the job done!  I was happy to learn that it was a small nail and I could have it repaired for $10!  woot! and even happier to be able to report back that the tire didn't go flat overnight! hahaha


All that to say this Gal won't be doing much outdoors again on her weekend! 
Time for a good book, and a cool drink!

I Gym'd Out

Why do we put it off, instead of just "doing it"? 

For me, I've been waiting for the heat to leave the Valley - if not totally gone, at least getting below 100 again!  But that isn't going to happen.  At least not any time soon.  And I totally need to be at the gym and getting more exercise into my days.  And less foods that aren't good for me, as well! 

Today, I decided that in spite of the high temps, I was going to the gym.  No.  Matter.  What.  Sure, it was hot, but I survived!  I walked on a treadmill, with an incline level of "2" (each machine can vary differently!) My goal was 30 minutes, see how far I could go and ended with 1.52 miles in 30 minutes.  I increased my water intake by 34 oz, and decreased my Diet Coke addiction down to 2 cans:  one in the morning, and one with supper.  Yes, I know, it's bad for me.  But if I go cold turkey, the caffeine withdrawal could be painful.  And very poor for my work situation! haha


Not my best I've ever done, but pretty good for this ol' Gal!

I keep telling myself it's a process, it won't happen over night, but darn it! Why does it take so long to see results?  If I was trying to gain weight, I could easily put on 5-10 lbs on a 3-day weekend!  But this is my life, it is what it is.  I think it's easier to work at something when you admit that this isn't a diet, it isn't temporary, and it isn't a quick solution to losing a few pounds.  Instead, it's more about being healthy, rather than thin -- or in my case, just a chubby goal I haven't been able to reach. 

Another reason for the walking and water increase is because it's nearly time for a doctor's visit to check the blood levels and blood pressure.  Last time it was slightly elevated and of course given my age, the doc is all about medications to control whatever issues are on the horizon.  Me, I dislike taking any meds, and I'm terrible at it.  So whatever I can do to put that off into the future, that's what I need to keep as my goal.

After the gym, an awesome county song came on the radio, Kenny Chesney and David Lee Murphy:  Everything's Gonna Be Alright  

Come on an' sing it with me: Everything's gonna be alright

That.  Is going to be my theme for the rest of the week.
If you're down, don't worry, everything's gonna be alright!

Retail & Change

This is my second weekend in a row off work!   - ok, not really *on* the actual weekend, but having Friday and Saturday off is a pretty good thing.  In the retail sector, we work so many crazy days because there isn't ever a time when the stores are closed any longer, so we're expected to be available for the times when shoppers are there.  But if we went by that, most would have Tues/Weds off, because weekends are truly the busiest times.  Which is why I'm glad I'm off!  lol

I'm trying to come to terms with the new schedule, although my boss doesn't seem to like it much.  I'm training two new people in my area, and he thinks I should be there more to guide them.  But I've been working without weekends since March 11th (Elvis' D-Day!) and frankly, I'm old and need my recuperating time alone, away from work.  I'm just a phone call away *if* my girls need me. 


But what's in the future for retail?  It has me a little bit worried.  There are rumors (in every big corporation, not just retail!) that my position will be ending in one year.  That figure was pretty exact, and I'm mostly writing it down here so I can come back later -- and hopefully laugh at my fears!  Or cry because I won't know what my future holds after that.  In the past, when positions were eliminated, severance packages were offered.  Sadly, I'm not anywhere close to retiring, or I might consider it. 

In Jan 2018, the National Retail Federation claims the [retail] industry isn’t dead at all and in fact it’s on the verge of a turnaround with more jobs and innovation expected by 2020.  “I think there will be more jobs that will be opened than there are now,” Cristina Cersoli, NRF senior vice president for retail strategy told FOX Business on the future of industry. “We’re already seeing more jobs in advanced analytics and artificial intelligence.” 

“It will be a highly interactive and highly immersive from a technology perspective,” Cersoli adds. “So, whether it’s using augmented reality to test new makeup or if you’re one of the outdoor outfitters like Nike, where you can try on a pair of sneakers and then run on a treadmill or try on a coat and step into a giant refrigerator. These are things you can’t replicate on your couch in your jammies and it will draw more customers back into stores.”

Ok, so that's a bright spot on the bleak horizon being painted about all shopping being e-commerce, not actual retail stores.  So now it's just a matter of getting to know there's a different direction, and being willing to learn and anticipate some of those moves so that I can keep with my job for .. oh, 8 years, 6 months and 3 days --- but who's counting?????

So cross your fingers, or send me some good thoughts, good vibes! 
I'm going to need them in the upcoming weeks!

Retail news media seems to be stuck 

in a cycle of doom and gloom, 

with relentless headlines proclaiming the death of retail. 

Relax, already. Breathe.

Genealogy Huntress

I consider myself a genealogist, amateur, but I'm pretty good at being patient when hunting and searching the internet for anything and everything I might get my hands on for my family history.  

But what happens after that?

I'm still trying to come up with something that will work for all of my data, my documentation, and mostly for the stories that I do have, few that they are.  

I don't want them getting lost in a shuffle of papers after I'm gone.  So I guess going digital is the best way to handle it.  I have been putting my stories into one little blog blurb after another.  My sister was getting an email every time I posted, and she told me I needed to put these on Facebook.  Well, I spent all last summer posting a photo every day, putting what little I knew about each photo, or persons, in some kind of story.  But the family?  eh.  They looked but barely acknowledged the efforts.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not doing this for some kind of kudos or a thumbs up "like" from folks.  I just think it's information that needs to be recorded, to be shared.  Because I honestly believe that it's hard to know where you're going if you don't know where you come from.  

Or maybe I'm just some kind of "not your ordinary" person who thinks all of this is important.  Does it matter where the family came from?  Or who did what and when?  Maybe not.  But I'm very interested in trying to locate our history.  Maybe it became ... ok, I'll admit it ... an obsession when none of my grandparents were willing to discuss anything of the past.  At all.  Grandma Myrtle would always tell me "just let sleeping dogs lie".  Grandpa Pape, he never even got the name of this father's sister correct.  We always thought it was Anna.  Turns out it was Emma!   Or that they traveled here with their Uncle when then emigrated.  What's the big deal? And Great Grandpa's wife, no one truly knew her maiden name, and there wasn't any discussion as to why she was committed into Fergus Falls State Hospital -- back then it was because you weren't .... stable enough to live a complete life?

All these little oddities that come up -- I have always looked for answers.  Haven't gotten many, and some of the research has been difficult, because in many cases, farming families were too poor to even have a burial or a headstone, so that data just disappears as well.  

It always makes me wonder if somewhere down the line, some great grandchild of mine will inherit my genealogy bug.

I hope so.

Outta Whack

Something's not right.  We've all felt that way from time to time. 
I hate that feeling like there's ... another shoe about to drop.

Maybe I find myself feeling that way when too many things are going on.  Or maybe not enough things are going on!  Back in the day, I was raising six kids, and every day had plenty of things that needed doing on a regular basis.  Now that it's just me at home, I often feel .... bored.  Or that I'm waiting for "the next thing".  In the meantime, I use my days off to recuperate and rest.  But is that truly living?  I find myself wondering that often.  I'll admit, there are some days off where I feel like all I'm doing is prepping my life - ie doing laundry and clean up chores - so that I can make it through the next week of work.  Definitely not living.

Added to these feelings of being off, I've been plagued by dreams.  I've taken to writing down what I feel are key words when a dream wakes me up.  The latest I can recall is in the first dream image there's a male figure in my life, and I'm looking at my phone.  It's telling me "I don't have time to train you today."   The three words I wrote down for this is "train, bbq, and cement".   I don't have any recall on a bbq or any cement, other than a vague image of lots of cement in the backyard, with a built in bbq.  Was there a feeling a party or event was going to happen?  Does that explain why there's "no time to train"?    The second image I had was much more vivid.  There were two white horses who had just walked up a dirt road.  As I looked down the dirt road, I could see it curved to the right.  On the right side of the dirt road was grasses or meadow, on the left side, a small strip of meadow and then trees.  Not deep dark forest type, but more narrow trunks, leafy, letting a lot of sunlight through.   The two white horses stopped off to the left of me, one munching on grass, the other looking backward where it came from, watching a white buffalo coming up the road at a slow leisurely walk.  Behind it, another white horse.  As they came up the road, I began swimming down the road, toward the curve.  I was swimming with the current of the water, it felt like a river, but there were no rocks, only a clear tunnel of water. 

Of course, being me and trying to find meaning where maybe there truly isn't one, I checked out some dream interpretation sites, and chose these few sentences from them:

• White Horse – White horses in a dream indicates your spiritual awareness but you are down to earth in your outlook. They symbolize prosperity, good luck, and purity.
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• To dream of the sacred White Buffalo is the most coveted of dreams, as the appearance of the creature connotes abundance, prosperity and serves as a good omen for the dreamer.
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• Dirt road: following your instinct or your gut or repeating old patterns – can indicate the rekindling of an old relationship or someone from your past coming back into your life.
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• Water in dreams is a symbol of subconscious feelings and emotions. Maybe your dream about swimming is a sign of trying to manage some emotions and feelings, which are not comfortable for you.  Swimming in a river generally means that it is time for a new start in life. If the river current was flowing fast and pushing you along then this is a positive omen.

Most times, dreams leave me with a feeling of ... comfort.  I deal with it in my mind as if a good friend came to tell me things I need to know, using imagery instead of words.  Sometimes, I wish it was just words, so that I could read instead of trying to interpret!

The latest in the saga of Elvis, he has decided that it would be better for him if he worked in another store.  All of us totally agreed!   We shall see what happens, but I think the worst of it (for me) is over with for good.  HooRay!